DH work issue

[MaybeIABU]

Maybe I am being unreasonable, I'd like a straw poll to check if I need to give my head a wobble. I don't want to go into the details of what DH does work-wise, it would be too outing.

DH has a piece of work that he has to do for a couple of months on a Sunday. He says that do to this he has to have complete silence, as he is on and off calls to important people. He needs us all off the broadband so that he has the full bandwidth for his work use. So me and the DC (aged 12 & 14) have to disconnect from WiFi, any devices that use the WiFi around the house are disconnected (Alexas, TV etc) Our house is quite small, so basically this means that he is downstairs for the 3 hours this takes and we have to stay upstairs with no WiFi and aren't allowed downstairs and need to keep really quiet.

He could go to his office which is half an hour away. There, he would be completely alone with no threat of interruption or noise etc full use of the internet and phones and general peace & quiet. He insists that I'm being very unfair asking him to go to the office when he could easily do it from home, if we adhere to his conditions, saying "it's just 3 hours on a Sunday evening". My argument is that it's THREE HOURS ON A SUNDAY EVENING!! For 8 weeks in a row. It's such a complete pain the arse and I'm sick of it. Yes, I could take the kids out for the few hours but where to on a Sunday evening? I suppose I just don't think it's fair that 3 of us are completely inconvenienced for 3 hours every Sunday when it could just be one person slightly inconvenienced (by having to travel, everything else he'd still have to do anyway)

So, AIBU to ask/expect him to go and do this work in his office every Sunday?

If it was just the Wifi it would be fine, surely people can manage without internet access for a few hours once a week
Why should they have to 'manage', in their own home, when he has an office half an hour away?

He is being totally unreasonable. Family life can’t come to a halt to accommodate him.
If he won’t go to the office to do the work, take yourself and DC’s out for dinner, visit family, cinema etc

@MaybeIABU

Him going to the office every other Sunday hasn't been discussed, but is probably a good compromise. However, him telling me that he doesn't see any problem with it and acting all offended that I expect him to go to the office makes my blood boil and makes me less inclined to bend at all! Which isn't really very grown-up is it

Unless he is literally saving lives with this project (and even then I’d tell him he should probably fuck off to the office) he is being the self-involved and unbelievably precious.

The bandwidth panic is bad enough, but actually expecting you to all sit silently upstairs is just ludicrous.

Tell him you won’t jump through his daft hoops any longer and he can either deal with the kids watching some Sunday night tv while they have dinner, or he can make use of his workspace.

If he won’t go to the office to do the work, take yourself and DC’s out for dinner, visit family, cinema etc
This would wear thin if it was not a nice treat, but an obligation, for eight weeks. Plus it'd get expensive if you were eating out, going to the cinema etc that much.

My teens are almost always doing homework at the time which does require the internet. You can't confine 3/4 of the household upstairs for 3 hours on a Sunday evening with no access to the kitchen.

If he is so stressed about this work that he needs absolute silence and faultless Wifi then the answer is 30 mins away in his office.

The thing that is leaping out at me is that he has two options.

1.) work at home, disconnect every device force entire family to sit in silent exile upstairs, preventing them from accessing the kitchen or the television.

2.) drive to the office and work in silence and with vast quantities of stable internet.

Yet he’s choosing the one that massively impacts upon his family. Selfish. Twat.

Fuck that.

Is he a higher earner? If yes and you have access to his $ and can't make him go into office then I'd take the kids out for a meal and activity of their choice every Sunday. It could become quite a nice ritual and he can sort out his own dinner

Of course he should go to his office. He is being ridiculous, selfish and unreasonable.

I can't believe some people think he's being reasonable! He absolutely is not!
And it's nothing to do with WiFi or electronics etc. Yes, I'd be quite happy with a book, a bath, a quiet night etc. But why should your entire family be inconvenienced on a Sunday evening (which should be relaxing and stress free) just so ONE person in the house avoids a 30 minute drive?!
There is no way I would be doing this. He can go to work. End of. Im boggling at the fact that he thinks he is being inconvenienced by you asking that!

@nanbread

Fuck that.

Is he a higher earner? If yes and you have access to his $ and can't make him go into office then I'd take the kids out for a meal and activity of their choice every Sunday. It could become quite a nice ritual and he can sort out his own dinner

I'm attracted to this option if it neither disrupts their bedtimes nor preparation for school.

What kind of a dickhead insists on working on a Sunday evening; and what on earth is it that he does that demands total control of the house internet connection? Is he the air traffic controller for Cambridge airport, or what?

And who are these 'important' people?

If he is so senior and important he can take a small heater to the office with him, and a flask/snacks. Who is going to stop him?

"it's just 3 hours on a Sunday evening" is just 24 hours altogether, which is excessive at any time, particularly when it's the weekend evening of three other people you are totally buggering up. Your husband is being ridiculous.

Is this piece of work going to bring in a lot of money for your family? If so, I would order a takeaway every sunday night and watch a DVD with the kids and just suck it up for the good of the family coffers. If not though and it will just help him further his career/prestige or whatever then he should go to his office.

Oh tell the big baby to sod off to his office; use their electricity, wi-fi and heating as he is doing work for THEM and his schedule is disrupting you all.

If he won't, then just crack on as normal, make noise, watch TV and use your own wifi.

@Dixiechickonhols

It’s not just broadband though it the hiding upstairs. 2 teens have a shower normally op would wash & dry towels but she can’t get to washer. She wants to make soup for work tomorrow but soup maker is noisy. 12 year old pipes up he needs home ex ingredients for tomorrow - he can’t go rummaging in cupboards. 14 year old realises it’s rugby match tomorrow and boots are muddy - polish is in kitchen. Op is knackered and just fancies watching tv at 7.30pm lying on sofa eating biscuits. Packed lunches to be made. Yes you can plan and do earlier but that’s encroaching further into family sunday.

This. OP Yanbu he needs to go the office.

It's not fair on you or your dcs

Have a think - is this the only time he has ever behaved as though he is the Most Important Person in the house and you and DC merely his support system? If he's normally nice, fair, pulls his weight etc he might be getting unecessarily anxious over this additional work. But if it's part of a regular pattern of expecting you all to prioritize him at all times, don't stand for any more of it. Tell him he can WFH if he likes but you and DC will not be silent and confined to your rooms, you will wander into the kitchen whenever you feel like it, wave at whoever he is Zooming to, etc.

I don't want to go into the details of what DH does work-wise, it would be too outing.

Cycling?

You have fibre, it will eb fine with other bits of equipment using the wifi.

I have teams on, about 4 alexa's plugged in, the HIVE heating thingy, my ipad and computer on all while my son is on his playstation, the tele and his phone. All of this is over wifi, including our tele. He's being bloody ridiculous. I suggest you go about your day and if it doesn't work for him then he can go to his office.

@MaybeIABU

I might agree not to use the internet but there's no way I'd be banished upstairs for 3 hours for 8 Sundays in a row with no access to the downstairs space.

He is being a massive twat. Tell him to either go to the office or work round you all being downstairs doing your usual Sunday activities.

And tell him you and your children are Very Important People too!

OP YANBU he’s a selfish twat.
If it’s not an inconvenience - lock yourself in your room on a Saturday for 3 hours, same no broadband, leave him with the kids.
See how he likes it.

It’s not the issue of being WiFi reliant is that he thinks he has a BIG JOB and expects everyone else to work around him. Why isn’t he the one coming up with activities for the kids, getting cinema tickets/excursions etc?

Nope, all dumped onto you.

I’d be bloody fuming , the sheer disrespect

Him telling you that he'd have no problem with it would piss me off.

So selfish.

DH really doesn't think we are being massively inconvienced

Well if he doesn't think you're being massively inconvenienced then of course you're not, even though the rest of you can't actually do anything else while he takes over all the useful bits of the house. I would be starting my tantrum with "how dare you!" And I might add that if ever I was planning to take over most of the house for some important activity of mine that couldn't be disturbed, I would offer to do it elsewhere in return for him doing that now. Fair is only fair.

@Wreath21

Have a think - is this the only time he has ever behaved as though he is the Most Important Person in the house and you and DC merely his support system? If he's normally nice, fair, pulls his weight etc he might be getting unecessarily anxious over this additional work. But if it's part of a regular pattern of expecting you all to prioritize him at all times, don't stand for any more of it. Tell him he can WFH if he likes but you and DC will not be silent and confined to your rooms, you will wander into the kitchen whenever you feel like it, wave at whoever he is Zooming to, etc.

THIs THIS

He should shack up with marathon training man