DH work issue

[MaybeIABU]

Maybe I am being unreasonable, I'd like a straw poll to check if I need to give my head a wobble. I don't want to go into the details of what DH does work-wise, it would be too outing.

DH has a piece of work that he has to do for a couple of months on a Sunday. He says that do to this he has to have complete silence, as he is on and off calls to important people. He needs us all off the broadband so that he has the full bandwidth for his work use. So me and the DC (aged 12 & 14) have to disconnect from WiFi, any devices that use the WiFi around the house are disconnected (Alexas, TV etc) Our house is quite small, so basically this means that he is downstairs for the 3 hours this takes and we have to stay upstairs with no WiFi and aren't allowed downstairs and need to keep really quiet.

He could go to his office which is half an hour away. There, he would be completely alone with no threat of interruption or noise etc full use of the internet and phones and general peace & quiet. He insists that I'm being very unfair asking him to go to the office when he could easily do it from home, if we adhere to his conditions, saying "it's just 3 hours on a Sunday evening". My argument is that it's THREE HOURS ON A SUNDAY EVENING!! For 8 weeks in a row. It's such a complete pain the arse and I'm sick of it. Yes, I could take the kids out for the few hours but where to on a Sunday evening? I suppose I just don't think it's fair that 3 of us are completely inconvenienced for 3 hours every Sunday when it could just be one person slightly inconvenienced (by having to travel, everything else he'd still have to do anyway)

So, AIBU to ask/expect him to go and do this work in his office every Sunday?

Our internet is generally really good, but occasionally runs slow so he's gets really stressed beforehand that it will run slow whilst he's in the middle of working on this project that he insists everything that uses it is disconnected. I agree it's a bit OTT and this would not be an issue for him if he worked from the office. There is no other place in the house he can work from, his setup is downstairs and can't be moved. It is fine during the week, it's just these Sunday evenings that are causing me to lose my shit.

Totally ridiculous bit what on earth is he doing that you need to all get off broadband, or do you live somewhere that's totally shite? He upgrades the broadband or goes to the office.

Absolutely not. He has an office he can use just half an hour away. Sunday evenings disrupted for 8 weeks is not on.

If you and your kids can’t go for 3hrs a week without Internet you have bigger issues to worry about. Watch a film, read a book…

Once, sure. Weekly is ridiculous.

Quiet I can understand, but quiet and turning off most of the activities that people will want to reach for is not ok. I really don’t believe your Internet is that fragile.

If he is concerned about others using bandwidth: It's not 2005 anymore, the internet will cope fine.

If it's a security risk he needs everything else disconnected he is either lying, or it is completely inappropriate for him to be connecting to a home network and not a completely secure on.

Depends...

1. Is there an easy opportunity for the 3 of you to treat yourself during those 3 hours? Something fun and affordable that you all like doing? Out for dinner, out for a hobby, out to the cinema, bowling, whatever. Turn it into something lovely?

1. Is the money he earns from this really important for your family?

If 1 &/or 2 is a no, then he should go to the office

If all 4 of your favourite thing you could possibly be doing at this particular time on a Sunday is staying at home with WiFi, then clearly, 3 win over 1.

He claims that if the shoe was on the other foot he wouldn't even think of asking me to do it, let alone actually ask me to (I have asked him to).

How much you want to bet this is not true in the slightest. He's just putting forward a scenario that he thinks he'll never actually encounter so you can't argue otherwise. If he was in this scenario he'd probably twist it to make you look like the bad guy to get his way like he's doing now.

He’s ridiculous. Firstly he needs to speak to internet provider or swap provider there no need to kick everyone off wifi.
Secondly it’s your home, as a one off ok but presumably you have things to do, kids have homework etc.
I’d just say no more up to him what he does but you are living normal family life.
I wonder if he’s nervous about project and that’s translating to his weird behaviour.

Hell no. The Internet won't fall over if you use it too.

Yell him to get his own separated Internet. No way I'd be putting up with that. What happens during the week are you all banished then too or does he only work when you are all out!!

He should go into the office.

I WFH. I take myself off upstairs in the boxroom so everyone else can use their home as a home.

You also been better WiFi. We usually have two phones, two Nintendos and an xbox running off the WiFi while I'm working with absolutely no issues.

He is being completely unreasonable and he should go to the office so that you can all relax and enjoy your evening.

But if you want to keep the peace, could you compromise and agree that he will do 4 at home and 4 in the office?

Unless he's using dial up and it's 2003 I'm pretty sure the internet will be fine - he's defo being unreasonable!

That is the ridiculous. It's expecting everyone to tiptoe around him in a confined quarter of the house that would get to me even more than the Wi-Fi nonsense.

If you and your kids can’t go for 3hrs a week without Internet you have bigger issues to worry about. Watch a film, read a book…
I agree with this to an extent, but 3 hours is quite a long time and not being able to access the kitchen from 5:30pm to 8:30pm on a Sunday is a right pain to be honest. We can't watch a film, the only TV in the house is downstairs and we can't use it when he's working on this particular project! To be fair, we can use the data on our phones instead of the WiFi so we're not cut off or anything, but not being able to just be on a Sunday evening is crap. Or maybe I'm overreacting because I'm pissed off about it. Which is why I wanted the vote, to see if it's me.

It's expecting everyone to tiptoe around him in a confined quarter of the house that would get to me even more than the Wi-Fi nonsense

That's it in a nutshell.

Three hours is a huge chunk of your weekend for two months!

Does the sun also revolve around him?

Depends on set up but we need internet to watch a film or turn living room lights on.
It sounds like husband is in lounge.
Op might not have tvs upstairs (we don’t) obviously they can all lie in bed on their phones or read a book (just hope don’t finish it on my kindle need internet to download next one in series) but 3 hours every Sunday night is a huge imposition on family life.

With the Internet service you have wtf is he doing that will use it all up ? I don't usually support husband bashing but he is being a massive PITA. If he argues that its only 3 hours for 8 weeks , agree wholeheartedly and tell him that you're glad he sees it that way so it won't be such a sacrifice for him to spend it in his office

Which is why I wanted the vote, to see if it's me.

It's really, really not just you. He's being incredibly selfish.

Sunday night is busy time prepping for week ahead.
I’d tell him no more. He can have his work meetings where he wants but if you want a brew, watch tv, put washer on you will be.

YANBU.

One person being slightly inconvenienced for an hour with a commute vs 3 people being massively inconvenienced for 3 hours, it's a no brainer

If he needs super duper wifi he can get Starlink installed.

It's good to hear people's opinions. DH really doesn't think we are being massively inconvienced so I wasn't sure if I'm being a bitch expecting him to go to the office. I work full time and hate Sunday evenings anyway as the time seems to just go by so much quicker than other nights! I'd like to just be able to relax and get ready for the week ahead.