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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

437 replies

Anon778833 · 24/01/2022 11:35

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

OP posts:
BertramLacey · 24/01/2022 14:27

Don't complain about him being cheap and not making an effort from here on out. He just showed you his true colours.

First date with my DP was a walk. We knew each other through friends, so I wasn't worried about safety. What he showed me was:
He genuinely likes walks in the country, a big plus for me.
He was considerate of what I wanted - knowing that I don't really like a big fuss or lots of money spent on me.
He's not fussed about appearance. It didn't bother him that I was in walking gear, or me him. Yes, we're both concerned about physical attraction, but for both of us that's got little to do with what we're wearing.
He's not materialistic, again a plus for me. As I found out during the walk and later, he's actually very sensible and careful with money, he's just not interested in flashy stuff.

He has gone on to make a considerable effort in many ways and he's never been cheapskate. Sure, he showed me his true colours by opting for a walk on the first date, it's just those colours may be different from what some people expect.

Movingsoon21 · 24/01/2022 14:28

I think it’s ideal! For all the reasons already mentioned. As long as it’s not an intense hike you can still look nice - wear a chic coat, have a bit of make-up on etc. so what if your nose runs - take some tissues with you! Allows you both to see what each other actually looks like in real life without the beer goggles!

Back in my dating days I went for a few “walk along the south bank” dates and a couple in Hyde park/ Regent’s Park. First date with DH was a walk (second was a more traditional dinner date in a restaurant) but I found it really easy to talk to him whilst wandering around a park, seeing different things etc. we picked up a coffee and cake along the way

HelloFrostyMorning · 24/01/2022 14:30

@Itsnotover YANBU. I am going against the grain here. I think it's a lazy suggestion, from a man who clearly doesn't want to spend any money. Very off putting, I would not be going on this 'date' personally. What's the second date going to be? A walk around the garden centre ? And then the third one a walk around Aldi?

Where are you going to walk anyway? Confused

It would have to be somewhere 'public' because you don't know him, and you need to be around other people.

wifeyxx · 24/01/2022 14:31

I think a walk is a good idea! That was mine and my husband to be first date. Was nice and relaxed

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 24/01/2022 14:32

I think those who dated 10 or more years ago might not know though that most people online dating these days are dating more than one person, so for them, a cheap walk n talk date with everyone paying for their own coffee isn't speaking to their love of nature or their great consideration of your needs, it's about not paying out til they think they are getting somewhere (sexually or otherwise).

I am trying to stay positive in the online dating world, but it's so different to when I was last out there and there's a lot of very bad behaviour, unsafe, rude, ghosting, stingy behaviour. I have met some nice people in fairness and none except the worst one made me go for a walk.

Divebar2021 · 24/01/2022 14:32

Well it wouldn’t be ideal for me. I’m not interested in walking as a hobby so I don’t need them to prove their rambling credentials. I also don’t want to have to think about bad weather.. I’ve done enough rainy walks through lockdown thanks and it’s not a good look. I’d rather just meet in a coffee shop and maybe if the weathers nice have a mooch in a book shop or vintage market / Smithfield market.

Flyinggeese1234 · 24/01/2022 14:34

Maybe he doesn’t drink. I’d find sitting in a bar with a total stranger too intense. Absolutely love the idea of a walk, but if you don’t, just say.

Anyway, hope you have a great time whatever you do.

ShyAmy333 · 24/01/2022 14:34

My guy took me for a nice riverside walk on our first date, stopped for a coffee and I loved it. Just spent our first Christmas together

MrsBerthaRochester · 24/01/2022 14:35

Yanbu. It is lazy and I think a lot of men who are online dating have copped on to the fact that it means they dont have to spend money.
I had it on my dating profile that I had no interest in going for walks. It screams no effort to me and I value myself more than that.

thisplaceisweird · 24/01/2022 14:36

@OnwardsAndSideways1

I think those who dated 10 or more years ago might not know though that most people online dating these days are dating more than one person, so for them, a cheap walk n talk date with everyone paying for their own coffee isn't speaking to their love of nature or their great consideration of your needs, it's about not paying out til they think they are getting somewhere (sexually or otherwise).

I am trying to stay positive in the online dating world, but it's so different to when I was last out there and there's a lot of very bad behaviour, unsafe, rude, ghosting, stingy behaviour. I have met some nice people in fairness and none except the worst one made me go for a walk.

Yep second this - I wonder how many people here have been married for decades.

The kind of dates you arrange when you are online dating need to be cheap and easily exitable. It's not the same as meeting someone you really like and wanting to show them an amazing time and spoil them, it's about vetting them (whilst you are also talking to 5+ other people at the same time).

azimuth299 · 24/01/2022 14:36

I don't think I'd like a walk for a first date for a few reasons:

  • I'd be worried that they're tight and don't want to spend any money.
  • I wouldn't want to be in the middle of nowhere with a stranger.
  • It's not well-defined enough, I would prefer to know exactly the route, plans for food, how long it will take etc and a walking date isn't conducive to that.
crochetmonkey74 · 24/01/2022 14:37

@OnwardsAndSideways1

I think those who dated 10 or more years ago might not know though that most people online dating these days are dating more than one person, so for them, a cheap walk n talk date with everyone paying for their own coffee isn't speaking to their love of nature or their great consideration of your needs, it's about not paying out til they think they are getting somewhere (sexually or otherwise).

I am trying to stay positive in the online dating world, but it's so different to when I was last out there and there's a lot of very bad behaviour, unsafe, rude, ghosting, stingy behaviour. I have met some nice people in fairness and none except the worst one made me go for a walk.

I agree with this- I think people have really outdated views of what a date is- with OLD now, it's often quick day time meets
Itsnotover · 24/01/2022 14:37

At the moment, I don’t drink either. I’d be happy to meet in a coffee shop. I live near the country, so thinking about it I wouldn’t be that safe.

If people think I sound unduly naive then you’d be right. I’m autistic. So I tend to seek other opinions instead of ignoring things that might suggest I should forget further interaction with someone. The last relationship I was in, the man spent the whole time running between me and another woman. Leaving the two of us both hurt and angry. I had no idea this was going on.

Itsnotover · 24/01/2022 14:39

It's not well-defined enough, I would prefer to know exactly the route, plans for food, how long it will take etc and a walking date isn't conducive to that.

Thank you. These are the sort of things I don’t think about.

jedessine · 24/01/2022 14:40

My husband and I went on a walk around the city on our first date, we stopped at the parc and the beach. We also grabbed takeaway coffee and fish and chips
It was lovely

MrsHGWells · 24/01/2022 14:41

This is a perfect casual date and prelude to anything can happen thereafter. You have already decided the how they date Will turn out by this question.

DisforDarkChocolate · 24/01/2022 14:41

I'd like it but only if it was someone I already knew. I'd worry about being somewhere isolated if I didn't already know them

Traumdeuter · 24/01/2022 14:41

Sounds pretty obvious, but couldn't you do a walk somewhere there's an opportunity for a coffee/drink first or after?

This. Very confused about the binary walk OR coffee/drink scenario but I suppose I’m just thinking of my local area - lots of lovely parks, a waterfront and plenty of food and drink options. I forget a lot of Mumsnet lives in villages!

HopefulProcrastinator · 24/01/2022 14:49

My husband and I went for a walk for our first date...25 years on and we're still together.

It wasn't a sign of cheapness or laziness, he just thought chatting away would be easier side by side rather than over a table with other noise around us. Worked for us so I can see why someone might suggest this as a first date, especially if there's somewhere decent to walk around that's pretty public.

phishy · 24/01/2022 14:52

I suppose it is a bit miserable walking if it’s cold or wet.

What time is the walk?

I’m guessing he either finds the first date a bit awkward, or he’s been stung paying for dates too many times and is trying to enforce boundaries.

ChargingBuck · 24/01/2022 14:52

@FreyaMaya

My ex and I went on a walk for our first "date" he then never took me anywhere (not even for a coffee) for three years. He thought that I'd put up with it forever!! He was wrong
This is what I just don't understand - all this passive waiting for the man to offer something you haven't even specified you want.

Where did you take him in that 3 years @FreyaMaya?

Did you suggest dates?
If not - there's your lesson in personal agency!
If you did, & he still couldn't be arsed - why did you stick around for 3 years?

PaperPet · 24/01/2022 14:54

@Itsnotover

At the moment, I don’t drink either. I’d be happy to meet in a coffee shop. I live near the country, so thinking about it I wouldn’t be that safe.

If people think I sound unduly naive then you’d be right. I’m autistic. So I tend to seek other opinions instead of ignoring things that might suggest I should forget further interaction with someone. The last relationship I was in, the man spent the whole time running between me and another woman. Leaving the two of us both hurt and angry. I had no idea this was going on.

A coffee shop sounds much better. A a walk in a very nice and busy city park is ok in combination with a coffee but a walk in the country side, no chance. Don't do it OP. This potential date has already cost you more energy than it should. State you preference to this potential love match and see how he reacts. If he goes with your idea and is easy going, he may be a keeper. If he is complicated or insistent, well... just don't meet with him and ignore.
fruitbrewhaha · 24/01/2022 14:57

He is obviously someone who enjoys being active and outdoors. If you're not then you have already worked out you're not likely to be compatible.

3scape · 24/01/2022 14:58

Low effort,low investment but a chance to meet and talk. Ideal for me.

3scape · 24/01/2022 15:02

Safety concerns aren't different to an indoor date though - go somewhere public (a park for eg), meet there not at your home, tell someone what your plans are timings etc, plan ahead. A walk is easy to decide to keep short or make longer (start near a café, if you want more time to talk get a drink when you get back to the start).