‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

[Anon778833]

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

Not something I would agree too for a first meeting. Because:

• safety: I want to be in a set place where there are other people at all time (coffee shop) and the name/address can be given to a friend if needed. If you go on a walk with a perfect stranger, you don't know what the route will be and you might end up alone with a creep...

• I consider it cheap and lazy: it could be that this person can't be arse to pay for a coffee and is meeting up with several women every week so wants to keep spending low.

• Weather: don't want to do this when it is cold/raining and I have spent time getting a great outfit together.

I love walking and for me a date doing some outdoor activity will be great later on but never ever as the first meeting.

@ChargingBuck I took him on holidays and paid for absolutely everything!! I spent Thousands on him!! I stuck around because I'm an idiot

@Inthesameboatatmo

Im literally in an uber going to meet a first date for a walk.

If you have to Uber there I wouldn’t be going.

If you have to Uber there I wouldn’t be going.

I agree

[quote FreyaMaya]@ChargingBuck I took him on holidays and paid for absolutely everything!! I spent Thousands on him!! I stuck around because I'm an idiot [/quote]
Well at least you took charge of doing what you wanted to @FreyaMaya!

& you're not an idiot ... most of us made mistakes about men as younger women.

You say how about a drink. He says ok what about a walk. I’d take that as a walk and drink so suggest we meet at park and we can get a coffee at cafe after. Or we could get a drink at x pub and walk after. Don’t overthink it. Hope your walk is as successful as some have shared.
I do agree be careful I wouldn’t go anywhere remote with a stranger.

My partner and I just went on walks for our first few dates. It was lovely, got to know each other without any expectations. Two years on we live together and have a baby due soon, never been happier! Give a walking date a chance, certainly worked better for me than any other date I’ve been on!

safety: I want to be in a set place where there are other people at all time (coffee shop) and the name/address can be given to a friend if needed. If you go on a walk with a perfect stranger, you don't know what the route will be and you might end up alone with a creep...

You have agency over the route. You can actually suggest where you want to walk.

I consider it cheap and lazy: it could be that this person can't be arse to pay for a coffee and is meeting up with several women every week so wants to keep spending low.

Not wanting to splash cash to impress women he hasn't met yet is sensible to me. Why do so many women expect men they haven't met to be spending money on them? To prove what, exactly? You don't know each other yet. If he spent money on you it would say nothing about how he values you, it just means he has spare cash and thinks it'll impress women. I don't want a man like that. Also, what money are you spending on him again?

He is obviously someone who enjoys being active and outdoors. If you're not then you have already worked out you're not likely to be compatible.

This is a good point.

Not wanting to splash cash to impress women he hasn't met yet is sensible to me. Why do so many women expect men they haven't met to be spending money on them? To prove what, exactly? You don't know each other yet. If he spent money on you it would say nothing about how he values you, it just means he has spare cash and thinks it'll impress women. I don't want a man like that. Also, what money are you spending on him again?

Agree and unfortunately too many men think if they spend a certain amount of money on a woman, she owes them something afterwards.

Not wanting to splash cash to impress women he hasn't met yet is sensible to me. Why do so many women expect men they haven't met to be spending money on them? To prove what, exactly? You don't know each other yet. If he spent money on you it would say nothing about how he values you, it just means he has spare cash and thinks it'll impress women. I don't want a man like that. Also, what money are you spending on him again?

It's not about money though is it? It's dating etiquette and what suggests someone sensible / decent and what doesn't. It seems that most people are in favour of walks for dating. So I can assume he's not dodgy.

@gannett

safety: I want to be in a set place where there are other people at all time (coffee shop) and the name/address can be given to a friend if needed. If you go on a walk with a perfect stranger, you don't know what the route will be and you might end up alone with a creep...

You have agency over the route. You can actually suggest where you want to walk.

I consider it cheap and lazy: it could be that this person can't be arse to pay for a coffee and is meeting up with several women every week so wants to keep spending low.

Not wanting to splash cash to impress women he hasn't met yet is sensible to me. Why do so many women expect men they haven't met to be spending money on them? To prove what, exactly? You don't know each other yet. If he spent money on you it would say nothing about how he values you, it just means he has spare cash and thinks it'll impress women. I don't want a man like that. Also, what money are you spending on him again?

This.

I am not a woman that needs paying for my time. If I'm going on a date it's because I want to meet that man, not because I want money spending on me. I don't care if we go for a walk or to a museum or a gallery (all free) or if we go to a bar for cocktails. I'm offering to pay half regardless.

@gannett

safety: I want to be in a set place where there are other people at all time (coffee shop) and the name/address can be given to a friend if needed. If you go on a walk with a perfect stranger, you don't know what the route will be and you might end up alone with a creep...

You have agency over the route. You can actually suggest where you want to walk.

I consider it cheap and lazy: it could be that this person can't be arse to pay for a coffee and is meeting up with several women every week so wants to keep spending low.

Not wanting to splash cash to impress women he hasn't met yet is sensible to me. Why do so many women expect men they haven't met to be spending money on them? To prove what, exactly? You don't know each other yet. If he spent money on you it would say nothing about how he values you, it just means he has spare cash and thinks it'll impress women. I don't want a man like that. Also, what money are you spending on him again?

It's not that I would want him to spend lots of money on me, but if he's trying to avoid spending £3 on buying himself a coffee then he's likely tight and I find that really unattractive.

I wouldn't expect a man I've never met to pay for my drink or food, especially when the likelihood is that we'll never meet again.

But I'd be put off by a man who, on the prospect of meeting me one time to see if we would hit it off, is so terrified of the prospect of potentially buying me a drink that he'd rather we walked around outside in winter in heavy coats.

@Itsnotover hi OP, me and my partner did this for our first date a walk along a beach and... now he's stuck with me and we live together and are TTC so I'm all for it it's good to get a sense of what they are like. X

@azimuth299

It's not that I would want him to spend lots of money on me, but if he's trying to avoid spending £3 on buying himself a coffee then he's likely tight and I find that really unattractive.

This ^ in spades.

Tightness is a really unattractive trait in a man. These kind of men are always selfish in bed too. Also, you often find these men who are so insistent on women paying for themselves 'because equality,' are not so keen on equality when it comes to sharing the housework and childcare.

@DrSbaitso

I'd be put off by a man who, on the prospect of meeting me one time to see if we would hit it off, is so terrified of the prospect of potentially buying me a drink that he'd rather we walked around outside in winter in heavy coats.

This too. ^ The women on here who would be happy to 'just go for a walk' on HIS suggestion, need to raise their bar. These men are trying you out, and seeing how much low grade shit you will tolerate, so they know they don't need to make much effort in the future.

And you can bet this type of man, will be a man who watches you tip your last few pennies out of your purse to pay for your drink in a pub because you're a bit broke, whilst he has a wallet full of 20 pound notes. And when you're out for a meal, he will make sure you pay for your own food exactly, right down to the last penny.

Like I said, raise your bar!

Tightness is a really unattractive trait in a man. These kind of men are always selfish in bed too.

Does that go for women too?

The women on here who would be happy to 'just go for a walk' on HIS suggestion, need to raise their bar. These men are trying you out, and seeing how much low grade shit you will tolerate, so they know they don't need to make much effort in the future.

Dear god - what a load of utter nonsense! Stop insulting other women and writing off huge swathes of men with this kind of shit.

One problem is that if one of you is late, the other one is stuck waiting outside in the cold.

[quote HelloFrostyMorning]@azimuth299

It's not that I would want him to spend lots of money on me, but if he's trying to avoid spending £3 on buying himself a coffee then he's likely tight and I find that really unattractive.

This ^ in spades.

Tightness is a really unattractive trait in a man. These kind of men are always selfish in bed too. Also, you often find these men who are so insistent on women paying for themselves 'because equality,' are not so keen on equality when it comes to sharing the housework and childcare.

@DrSbaitso

I'd be put off by a man who, on the prospect of meeting me one time to see if we would hit it off, is so terrified of the prospect of potentially buying me a drink that he'd rather we walked around outside in winter in heavy coats.

This too. ^ The women on here who would be happy to 'just go for a walk' on HIS suggestion, need to raise their bar. These men are trying you out, and seeing how much low grade shit you will tolerate, so they know they don't need to make much effort in the future.

And you can bet this type of man, will be a man who watches you tip your last few pennies out of your purse to pay for your drink in a pub because you're a bit broke, whilst he has a wallet full of 20 pound notes. And when you're out for a meal, he will make sure you pay for your own food exactly, right down to the last penny.

Like I said, raise your bar![/quote]
What a load of horseshit, all your is someone to spend all their money on you, not a good look

The women on here who would be happy to 'just go for a walk' on HIS suggestion, need to raise their bar. These men are trying you out, and seeing how much low grade shit you will tolerate, so they know they don't need to make much effort in the future.

Well DP and I went for a walk for the first few dates, on his suggestion. Three years later, he makes quite a lot of effort and puts himself out for me in all sorts of ways. I mean I suppose he could be playing the long game and I may find that he's about to start a campaign of low grade shit, but if so it's a very long game and I've had a good few years with him.

And you can bet this type of man, will be a man who watches you tip your last few pennies out of your purse to pay for your drink in a pub because you're a bit broke, whilst he has a wallet full of 20 pound notes. And when you're out for a meal, he will make sure you pay for your own food exactly, right down to the last penny.

No. He's very good about paying, when I allow him to. He realises it's tricky ground to tread because he has more spare cash than me but I'm independent and don't like things being unequal. Now we've been together for years we've come up with an amicable system where he pays a bit more than I do, especially if the meal out or whatever has been his suggestion. I pay what I can afford to contribute and if I can't afford to contribute to something I tell him upfront. We then either don't go, or we go and he pays and I'll buy something cheaper later. E.g. he'll pay for dinner out, but I'll buy the coffees next time round.

Honestly, it's a bloody walk. It's a nice, congenial activity that requires little effort on either side, meaning it's less stressful and you can spend your energy on what actually counts - getting to know one another.

I'm not sure why so many of you are focusing on the money thing. Most of my first dates have been pay for ourselves.
Coffee meets went like this.. I got there slightly early and just got my own , or I just said in the queue , 'you go ahead , I'll get mine as I might get a cake as well'
If it went well and a second drink was suggested, it allows one of you to pay and the other to smoothly say'you can get it next time'

Couldn't agree more with @HelloFrostyMorning
Some of these 'dates' sound more like a job interview...a quick walk round the block to see if you're worth the effort...yuk.

@Comedycook

Couldn't agree more with *@HelloFrostyMorning* Some of these 'dates' sound more like a job interview...a quick walk round the block to see if you're worth the effort...yuk.

I wonder if this is part of the problem on this thread, a walk can be different things to different people so maybe we’re all picturing something different!

A walk round the block would be awful!

A walk in a park or round a National Trust garden for example (which is what I’m picturing!) would be very much ok!

I REALLY wish the OP had put a poll!

@Comedycook

Couldn't agree more with *@HelloFrostyMorning* Some of these 'dates' sound more like a job interview...a quick walk round the block to see if you're worth the effort...yuk.

Grim isn't it?

These women genuinely think it's OK for men to treat them this way too. How depressing.......

There's no telling them though, so let them get on with it. Bet men LOVE this wave of women who take any kind of crap they deal out. A man would have to work a lot harder to get ME to date him, than 'let's go for a walk for our first date...'

Jeeeeez, the bar is so low with some women here, that it's scraping on the floor! Have some respect and pride women!