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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

437 replies

Anon778833 · 24/01/2022 11:35

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

OP posts:
RealBecca · 24/01/2022 19:53

Yabu.

A walk is more novel than a drink.

I say this kindly, it sounds like you've read too much Cosmo, setting the expectation that if a man doesnt pull off something spectacular on date one then it sets a precedent for a low effort relationship.

Seriously. A man who wants a walk and chat and doesnt care of you're all dolled up and something great to look at sounds like a guy that will be low key and easygoing, no bells and whistles, just straightforward and reliable.

RealBecca · 24/01/2022 19:55

FYI I know 3 male friends who are caring for elderly parents or vulnerable family members and arent keen to date with covid going around. Perhaps he is worried about that. Kind.

Superhanz · 24/01/2022 19:55

My sis and BILs first date was a walk. They are still together 19 years later so it worked for them 🤷‍♀️

Comedycook · 24/01/2022 19:56

It says that dating and getting to know someone isn't about money or free stuff

No woman actually cares about getting free stuff. Unless you're living in absolute abject poverty, most women can afford a coffee or a pizza or a glass of wine. Women really don't go on dates and think, "yes! Awesome, I got a free lasagna!".

HelloFrostyMorning · 24/01/2022 20:00

I REALLY wish the OP had put a poll!

@Itsnotover
I did, it's vastly in favour of a wall being an acceptable date.

SORRY Blush I was looking on my phone at the time, and the poll didn't show up! I see it now.

foxlover47 · 24/01/2022 20:03

I much prefer it , at a well known or frequented place , you can maybe grab a coffee whilst you're walking etc
Dinner dates for a first one are too much pressure for me and wine bars etc

Binfairy · 24/01/2022 20:16

My first date with my now fiance was a walk, at his suggestion. We visited Castle Howard which was lovely. He brought a picnic and also very kindly sent me my rail ticket (first class). We had a wonderful time, and couldn't wait to see each other again.

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 24/01/2022 20:40

While a walk is a pretty good first date in terms of activity and chat, I have to say I had a weird moment when I realised that I had agreed to go into an isolated wooded area with no phone coverage with a man I didn't know that I'd only met online. Imagine if a teen suggested that!

Itsnotover · 24/01/2022 21:06

I think I've managed to process why I don't like the idea of a walk. It's because it feels like maybe he's ashamed of being seen with me if it's obviously on a date. So if I was walking with him there could be many explanations.

I've really had enough of users in my life. Maybe I am overthinking it.

Itsnotover · 24/01/2022 21:07

@Binfairy

My first date with my now fiance was a walk, at his suggestion. We visited Castle Howard which was lovely. He brought a picnic and also very kindly sent me my rail ticket (first class). We had a wonderful time, and couldn't wait to see each other again.

Yeah, I mean that's lovely and shows a whole lot of effort on his part.

BertramLacey · 24/01/2022 21:45

I think I've managed to process why I don't like the idea of a walk. It's because it feels like maybe he's ashamed of being seen with me if it's obviously on a date. So if I was walking with him there could be many explanations.

Honestly, that would be the least of my worries. I think that shows that you're quite insecure. Why on earth would he be ashamed to be with you?

I'm not saying going for a walk is absolutely and definitely a good thing. Some of the concerns raised here are quite valid. But on the other hand he might be a great bloke who just wants a pressure-free way to meet up. So I would go, making sure it's safe, and just see how he is. He might be lovely, he might be okay but not for you, or he might be a stingy cheapskate. But you can't tell which from him wanting to go for a walk.

Itsnotover · 24/01/2022 21:46

I'm not insecure, I'm autistic and people often are unkind about my personality and call me weird.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 24/01/2022 21:49

Slightly off topic but why do people keep saying they 'grabbed' coffee??
I hate it...sounds so wrong....whats wrong with saying they stopped for coffee or bought a coffee.

CorsicaDreaming · 24/01/2022 21:57

@Itsnotover - I haven't read the whole thread so this may have been said – I think a walk can be a lovely idea because it is lower pressure than other activities, easier to talk and get to know each other - the only thing that would concern me is the safety angle depending on where you're going to walk and how well you know the other person in advance.

That said - My first date with my DH was a walk (bizarrely around Bradford's amazing Victorian Cemetery - My choice...) and we are still together 27 years later!

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 24/01/2022 22:08

OP, I would very much doubt that this man doesn't want to be seen with you, I am not sure why you think that, has he said anything like this?

The walk sounds like a good idea, if you are happy with this. I would let a friend know if you are going on the date, where and make contact afterwards, just to be on the safe side.

DrSbaitso · 24/01/2022 22:19

@Binfairy

My first date with my now fiance was a walk, at his suggestion. We visited Castle Howard which was lovely. He brought a picnic and also very kindly sent me my rail ticket (first class). We had a wonderful time, and couldn't wait to see each other again.
I'd be happy with that.
HelloFrostyMorning · 24/01/2022 23:02

@Itsnotover

I'm not insecure, I'm autistic and people often are unkind about my personality and call me weird.
Flowers
HelloFrostyMorning · 24/01/2022 23:03

@myusernamewastakenbyme

Slightly off topic but why do people keep saying they 'grabbed' coffee?? I hate it...sounds so wrong....whats wrong with saying they stopped for coffee or bought a coffee.
Can't see anything wrong with it tbh.
hivemindneeded · 24/01/2022 23:32

@Itsnotover

I think I've managed to process why I don't like the idea of a walk. It's because it feels like maybe he's ashamed of being seen with me if it's obviously on a date. So if I was walking with him there could be many explanations.

I've really had enough of users in my life. Maybe I am overthinking it.

I think you are mistaken here. Why would he choose to have a date with you if he felt embarrassed to be seen with you? It's more likely that he thinks it is a very informal, easy way to see if you have anything in common. Less forced than a coffee face to face. I'd rather look at ducks in a park and go for a wander with a new man than have a coffee and feel like it's an interview.
redbigbananafeet · 24/01/2022 23:49

From my experience a walk is great for getting gor know each other, the main thing for me was the lack of necessary eye contact which can be awkward. Also, if a lull in the conversation walking side by side in silence is normal and feels natural whereas sitting having a drink in a pub in silence feels awkward. Enjoy!

Lalliella · 24/01/2022 23:53

It’s perfect for a first date. Unless they’re a serial killer…

hotsouple · 25/01/2022 01:07

r/femaledatingstrategy

Low effort dates are lame. YANBU

SilverGlassHare · 25/01/2022 08:17

@Binfairy

My first date with my now fiance was a walk, at his suggestion. We visited Castle Howard which was lovely. He brought a picnic and also very kindly sent me my rail ticket (first class). We had a wonderful time, and couldn't wait to see each other again.
That does sound lovely - but actually that describes something more like a day trip than a walk in the local park/AONB. Which is what I think most people would picture if someone suggested a walk. Especially since some people don't like the idea of a walk because it's low effort/investment on the suggester's part - in contrast, your fiance obviously went to quite a lot of trouble to make it lovely.
PaperMonster · 25/01/2022 08:48

I would love a walk as a first date. I don’t need for someone to spend money on me.

StCharlotte · 25/01/2022 08:51

I used to make a jokey comment about being a bit sick of going for a walk now (implying because that was all we could do for so many months)

This was my first thought actually.