‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

[Anon778833]

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

@Comedycook

Couldn't agree more with *@HelloFrostyMorning* Some of these 'dates' sound more like a job interview...a quick walk round the block to see if you're worth the effort...yuk.

But it’s not a ‘date’ is it, it’s more of a ‘do I want to date this person’, and it should be the for both parties.

[quote HelloFrostyMorning]@azimuth299

It's not that I would want him to spend lots of money on me, but if he's trying to avoid spending £3 on buying himself a coffee then he's likely tight and I find that really unattractive.

This ^ in spades.

Tightness is a really unattractive trait in a man. These kind of men are always selfish in bed too. Also, you often find these men who are so insistent on women paying for themselves 'because equality,' are not so keen on equality when it comes to sharing the housework and childcare.

@DrSbaitso

I'd be put off by a man who, on the prospect of meeting me one time to see if we would hit it off, is so terrified of the prospect of potentially buying me a drink that he'd rather we walked around outside in winter in heavy coats.

This too. ^ The women on here who would be happy to 'just go for a walk' on HIS suggestion, need to raise their bar. These men are trying you out, and seeing how much low grade shit you will tolerate, so they know they don't need to make much effort in the future.

And you can bet this type of man, will be a man who watches you tip your last few pennies out of your purse to pay for your drink in a pub because you're a bit broke, whilst he has a wallet full of 20 pound notes. And when you're out for a meal, he will make sure you pay for your own food exactly, right down to the last penny.

Like I said, raise your bar![/quote]
This isn't my experience at all. We're trying each other out, that's the point of a date. I'm not a passive product that needs taking for a test drive, nor am I someone who charges by the hour for my company.

Treat your date as your equal, not a meal ticket, and you'll have more fun.

Have some respect and pride women!

I'm not sure being a woman who makes men pay for her company is something to be proud of...

There's no telling them though, so let them get on with it. Bet men LOVE this wave of women who take any kind of crap they deal out. A man would have to work a lot harder to get ME to date him, than 'let's go for a walk for our first date...'

But Surely this is self filtering ( for both parties), as you wouldn’t go on a walk with someone who offered that, and someone who was offering a walking date probably wouldn’t be trying to date you ?
So I don’t see the issue here really

@Lockheart

This isn't my experience at all. We're trying each other out, that's the point of a date. I'm not a passive product that needs taking for a test drive, nor am I someone who charges by the hour for my company.

That's a heck of an oxymoron there.

You say you are 'trying each other out...' (urgh!)

But then in the next breath you say you are 'not a product that needs taking for a test drive.'

Those two statements contradict each other spectacularly.

"Jeeeeez, the bar is so low with some women here, that it's scraping on the floor! Have some respect and pride women!"

FFS. The point of meeting up like this is to get to know the other person. Going for a walk and a chat is a great way to do that.

I suspect by respect and pride you mean you expect a free meal out of a man in exchange for your precious time.

[quote HelloFrostyMorning]@Lockheart

This isn't my experience at all. We're trying each other out, that's the point of a date. I'm not a passive product that needs taking for a test drive, nor am I someone who charges by the hour for my company.

That's a heck of an oxymoron there.

You say you are 'trying each other out...' (urgh!)

But then in the next breath you say you are 'not a product that needs taking for a test drive.'

Those two statements contradict each other spectacularly.[/quote]
If dating isn't "trying each other out" then what is it? The point of dating is to get to know someone.

And it's not contradictory at all. Your posts are making out like the woman is just along for the ride and the man gets to call all the shots.

I'm saying both need to be active partners in dating.

@HelloFrostyMorning

I REALLY wish the OP had put a poll!

I did, it's vastly in favour of a wall being an acceptable date.

I suspect by respect and pride you mean you expect a free meal out of a man in exchange for your precious time

This comment says more about you than anyone else. What a lot of people don't understand is that vast majority of women who want a proper date don't actually care about the 'free meal'...most don't actually think, oh goodie a free pizza and a glass of pinot grigio, yay...it's what it represents.

@Comedycook

I suspect by respect and pride you mean you expect a free meal out of a man in exchange for your precious time

This comment says more about you than anyone else. What a lot of people don't understand is that vast majority of women who want a proper date don't actually care about the 'free meal'...most don't actually think, oh goodie a free pizza and a glass of pinot grigio, yay...it's what it represents.

What it represents is "I expect you to pay for me".

Once you're established then yeah, treat each other and take each other out. But on first dates I'll always insist on splitting the date one way or another.

But we're not even talking about him necessarily paying, that's a whole other thread . These men aren't even prepared to pay for themselves in order to have a date with a woman!

First dates should be cheap and relaxed.
Why spend who load of money in someone you dont actually click with - sounds a great way to go broke fast.

Second dates is where I'd expect us both to spend money

@Comedycook

But we're not even talking about him necessarily paying, that's a whole other thread . These men aren't even prepared to pay for themselves in order to have a date with a woman!

Or maybe they just think a walk is a nice date?

I've organised some pretty good free dates in my time, am I a conniving cheap git too?

A good friend of mine had a walk as first date a few years ago - they're now married and expecting a child.

I think a walk is good as you're not committed to sit through coffee/a drink/dinner, and can make the walk as short or as long as you like. Also something about walking alongside someone just facilitates easy conversation I find.

It's weird. I'm happy to pay for myself on a date. I'd expect to when meeting a man for the first time. He's never met me and will probably never see me again. No reason on earth he should have to pay for me.

But I'm put off by a man who would rather go for a walk in January than enter a situation where there's a chance he might end up spending a couple of quid on a drink for me. I'm not bothered about paying for myself, but I'm not keen to meet a man whose priority for the date is ensuring he won't have to spend anything.

I would like this, low effort and easy to keep the conversation flowing.

My first date with my dh was a walk, we wandered round the grounds of a stately home and grabbed a coffee in the cafe, then went onto a pub. I thought it was great, I could bail after the coffee if I hadn't liked him.

@HelloFrostyMorning, it sounds like you play the outdated game of being hard to get. How hard a man will try to date you isn't connected to how well they would treat you long term, or how much respect they have for women. We've moved on from that and as said, it's more equal. There's no need to be coy, or play the gatekeeper of sex. Those days are gone.

@DrSbaitso

It's weird. I'm happy to pay for myself on a date. I'd expect to when meeting a man for the first time. He's never met me and will probably never see me again. No reason on earth he should have to pay for me.

But I'm put off by a man who would rather go for a walk in January than enter a situation where there's a chance he might end up spending a couple of quid on a drink for me. I'm not bothered about paying for myself, but I'm not keen to meet a man whose priority for the date is ensuring he won't have to spend anything.

I love walking so much, it genuinely hadn't occurred to me that he might suggest it as a way to avoid buying a round. It could be that he has to be careful about catching Covid and if he is having dates with a few strangers (why not) then it makes sense for them and him to stay out in the fresh air.

But OP, I agree with PPs who say a bit of effort would help. A walk in a beautiful park or stately home grounds or arboretum is romantic. Just ambling through the city unless it's an attractive part of it, isnt.

@Comedycook

I suspect by respect and pride you mean you expect a free meal out of a man in exchange for your precious time

This comment says more about you than anyone else. What a lot of people don't understand is that vast majority of women who want a proper date don't actually care about the 'free meal'...most don't actually think, oh goodie a free pizza and a glass of pinot grigio, yay...it's what it represents.

Does it fuck.

It says that dating and getting to know someone isn't about money or free stuff, it's about actually engaging with the person and y'know, finding stuff out about them.

Which you can do perfectly well going for a walk.

I’m looking forward to meeting for 1st date walk on Sunday. My idea. We both think it’s perfect way to chat, be a bit active. We are both travelling equally to a lovely north London green space.
If it was dinner there is more expectation.
And if he does stand me up well I’ll just do the walk & coffee myself. Win win 🤷‍♀️🤣

I think a walk is a perfect first meeting which I would differentiate from an actual date - if you've not met before then it is the perfect way to get to know someone and decide whether this is someone you want to actually start dating. I might just be lucky in that I live in a town on the coast, right on the edge of the Lakes so there are lots of local nature reserves/beaches/parks/National Trust type places to go walking rather than just doing laps of the streets so it still feels like an activity.

In the past I have met up with someone that I have chatted to online etc and thought we were well matched but when we met I knew almost immediately that we just weren't compatible irl. Fortunately because we were just going for a walk I could naturally keep the conversation very light and superficial and when we finished our walk it came to a natural end and we could both walk away ... if we had hit it off then we could have done a longer walk, talked more indepth or extended the day by going for coffee/dinner etc

But Surely this is self filtering ( for both parties), as you wouldn’t go on a walk with someone who offered that, and someone who was offering a walking date probably wouldn’t be trying to date you ?

Indeed. My DP and I both thought a walk was great for a first date. We live in an area with many beautiful, varied and spectacular walks. We also had the advantage of friends in common who could reassure us about any safety concerns. We freed up the non-walkers for each other and we're very happy together. Win-win.

A walk and a coffee would be my ideal first date. So much less pressure than a restaurant etc.

• Non-threatening. Pretty safe - both in terms of personal safety and Covid.*

Exactly this.