What does MN have against money poems?

[ThanksIGotItInMorrisons]

Reading another post this morning where OP mentioned a wedding invite had a money poem in it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, given that now days many couples live together and have kids before they wed. I totally get that they maybe don’t want to make a wedding list at a store , and don’t want to end up with 5 toasters and 6 kettles etc. It’s hard to think of a gift for a couple who already have a home and everything in it... it’s much easier to give them £10, £20, whatever you can afford surely than buy something they probably already have? Personally I think it’s a nice polite way of saying this, IF you want to get them a gift. So what’s the reason that a lot of us on here think it’s the worst thing you can do? I honestly don’t understand ...
YABU it’s rude and cheeky
YANBU it makes perfect sense to me

@MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake

I have no problem with a couple suggesting they'd prefer money to a gift, but the jolly little money poems make my sphincter's sphincter pucker in second hand embarrassment for them.

This!! It's the second hand embarrassment. I just can't deal with it!!

I do love the description of it as “asking for money via poetry”.

Maybe we can all do it, not just in a wedding situation?

Inflation’s running so high now
My boiler’s gone kaput
I know we’re only Facebook friends
But how about some loot?

@HaggisBurger you've got a gift for this, are you the one writing the poems that people find on the internet?

My kettle is broken, how can I best ask my loved ones to contribute to a new one?

It’s just so grabby - it’s not polite in any circumstance to ask for money. A gift is the usual gesture for weddings / birthdays / whatever life event is happening. Gifting is a thoughtful process that involves the gifter choosing something they think the recipient will like / they want to give. There’s much more to it than just handing over cash. If you don’t want a gift, don’t ask for an alternative! The poems just make it a vile cutesy way to cover
up the rudeness.

Saying something slightly awkward through verse just makes it bloody worse.
Yes, and nothing else on the invitation is in a poem so it really highlights it as the bit that they’re feeling “Shit, can we say this?” about. Like using a funny voice or doing poor jokes when talking about something difficult. You never see:

Our caterers need to know what kind of dish
Do you like meat or would you prefer fish?
Let us know if you’re nut-free, gluten-free or worse,
We’d hate for our repast to cause a stomach curse!
If you’re vegetarian we hope vegan’s OK,
We don’t want too many options on our special day!

Just write “No gifts, please” and secretly hope you get given wads of cash.

I wished I had not asked for money or vouchers when I got married, it does seem a bit grabby looking back, as we were already living together and both working full time on good salaries. One wedding I went to, though, we were "invited" to give a donation to a specific charity. The morning after, everyone who had not yet donated was blanket emailed by the groom, with "I notice you have not yet done it! Please do it asap and be generous as this is a very worthy cause" type message. He had checked overnight!! I thought that was well off.

a) because loads of people are going to give you cash anyway, you really are unlikely to get snowed under with toasters when you’re both 37 and have two kids and a joint mortgage already, you don’t need to chivvy the rest to maximise your uptake;

b) because they are so, so bad. Behold:

“We’ll be husband and wife for the rest of our life,
In our little home made for two.
But instead of a vase or a new kitchen knife,
We’d love to fly off to somewhere new.
A week on a beach would suffice and be ideal,
So instead of a gift, your contribution would help to buy us a hotel room or a romantic meal!”

@Fairyliz

I actually think it’s tacky to ask for anything at all. Surely the polite thing to do is wait until your guests ask if there is a gift list then say you would prefer money. Eg last week it was my birthday. I’ve got a friend who has bought me a gift for the last 46 years. However I didn't presume she would buy me a gift this year just waited until she asked.

I mean, I get this is the Engligh etiquette/dance/ritual so you are probably right that it's the accepted/polite thing to do, but it doesn't really make any sense. If you are having say 100 guests, are you not then having to have 50-75 polite 'dance' conversations where people have to call you up (at a time where you are having to arrange a wedding so other things) for you to eventually reluctantly tell them what you want is cash... would it not logically make more sense and be much easier for everyone to say that upfront? I mean I think the PPs saying in this day and age the vast majority of people do want cash so actually people probably just do give cash unless told otherwise so maybe in that sense you are right but personally I would still try and find out directly from the couple and would massively prefer to just be told at the outset. Birthdays are different IMO as adults quite often don't buy one another birthday presents unless you are particularly close and/or it's a 'special' birthday so I'd agree on a birthday party invite it would be tacky to mention gifts, but given a wedding is meant to be a one-off most people do want and expect to give a gift so you might as well politely say what you'd like...?

We have all that we need so give us your cash
It’s sort of a fee to come to our bash
We have stuff for our house but would love some more dosh
Which is why we are writing this embarrassing tosh
Its not that we’re shameless, grabby or needy
We just want more money as we’re incredibly greedy,

I’ve got an invitation to a wedding abroad this summer. It’s their second marriages (no judgement on that score, just FYI) and they have a wedding list chock full of luxury household items. I can’t actually afford/justify anything on there because….it’s for their fourth home. Yes, fourth.

@Firstruleofsoupover

I wished I had not asked for money or vouchers when I got married, it does seem a bit grabby looking back, as we were already living together and both working full time on good salaries. One wedding I went to, though, we were "invited" to give a donation to a specific charity. The morning after, everyone who had not yet donated was blanket emailed by the groom, with "I notice you have not yet done it! Please do it asap and be generous as this is a very worthy cause" type message. He had checked overnight!! I thought that was well off.

Hahaha omg what!!

I look forward to the day when I open up a wedding invitation and it plays a song:

🎵 the best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and bees, I want money 🎵

Now that would be owning it.

“Embarrass a Vogon”

. I’ll remember that one.

It would be so much easier if we had a tradition - as they do in many countries - of giving the bride and groom money, or pinning it to their clothes or whatever.

Unfortunately we seem to be creating a tradition of asking for money via doggerel. It is insane and I have no idea how it started.
Imagine if everyone who had to say something slightly uncomfortable or difficult felt the need to put it in verse? You'd have solicitors letters, doctors diagnoses, teachers comments etc in rhyme.

'He's disruptive in class
he's a pain in the arse
Sorry if it hurts a bit
Your offspring is a little shit'

And so forth ....

There’s quite often a line about wanting your presence rather than presents and I do wonder whether after the wedding the couple works out if anyone didn’t give anything.

[quote BowerOfBramble]@HaggisBurger you've got a gift for this, are you the one writing the poems that people find on the internet?

My kettle is broken, how can I best ask my loved ones to contribute to a new one?[/quote]
Yes thank you @bowerofbramble I write mostly for Hallmark and NetHuns …

My kettles gone right off the boil
It really is quite broken
I’m too tight to get one new
Now send an Amazon token

@NormanStangerson

I’ve got an invitation to a wedding abroad this summer. It’s their second marriages (no judgement on that score, just FYI) and they have a wedding list chock full of luxury household items. I can’t actually afford/justify anything on there because….it’s for their fourth home. Yes, fourth.

You surely can't give a guest list for a destination wedding?!

Saying we don’t want presents just your presence please. But knowing that this won’t stop people being insistent , and not wanting to outright say give me your money ( it feels wrong wrong wrong) then perhaps a little poem can say it in a nicer less grabbier way than you are able to word in a nice way?

Seriously, there is never any need for a poem, little or otherwise. If you can't word it nicely, putting it into a naff rhyme definitely won't make it any better and people will despise you.

One of the best weddings I went to, the B&G had been living together for some time and had a child, and said they really didn't need any presents but if people wanted to they could contribute to the cost of drinks at the reception. It worked very well indeed (and it was a very good reception).

I don't care whether there is a poem or not but if someone prefers cash then it a relief as I don't need to buy a present.

The people who don't want to give cash don't care if the recipient wants to the present or not.

A former work colleague invited about 200 people to her wedding. a lot from work that barely even knew her outside of the office.
Specified on the invite a minimum gift value of £50 or the cash equivalent...

Didn't go...

@maxelly I don't think everyone asks. I certainly don't when it's not mentioned on the invite, I just know I'll give cash anyway.

I was bridesmaid for a friend a few weeks ago, she never mentioned gifts at all on the invite. I've just asked her if anyone asked her about gifts, and she said she got 4 messages. All from people over the age of 60 so perhaps a generational thing. She had 145 at her wedding. So wasn't any hassle at all replying to them to say they had no need to get anything but thank you!

She said all those who asked gave her money anyway, she thinks 1 maybe gave a hotel voucher instead.

She did get one very random gift of a personalised potted plant but other than that all money!

YANBU. I agree that it's enough to specify "no gifts". I've been to a wedding where a fundraiser for a charity important to the couple and their family had been set up. That way if people wanted to give something they could, if not, no-one minded. I liked that idea.

I think there’s also a cultural element at play. It’s highly unlikely that asking for money would be considered grabby or rude in America. They would see it as practical.

It's tacky and nasty. You don't ask for wedding gifts. You invite family, friends, those you want to share your special day with. That's what it's about. Not stuff that people should give you. I hate wedding lists etc. We didn't have one as we'd lived together for several years so no need for anything. They're old fashioned and grabby. Don't bother.

@ThanksIGotItInMorrisons

Reading another post this morning where OP mentioned a wedding invite had a money poem in it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, given that now days many couples live together and have kids before they wed. I totally get that they maybe don’t want to make a wedding list at a store , and don’t want to end up with 5 toasters and 6 kettles etc. It’s hard to think of a gift for a couple who already have a home and everything in it... it’s much easier to give them £10, £20, whatever you can afford surely than buy something they probably already have? Personally I think it’s a nice polite way of saying this, IF you want to get them a gift. So what’s the reason that a lot of us on here think it’s the worst thing you can do? I honestly don’t understand ... YABU it’s rude and cheeky YANBU it makes perfect sense to me

Dictating what people should give is always in bad taste.

I really can't get worked up about this, it lets you know their preference, saves you having to ask or them getting a houseful of clutter they don't need and I'm happy giving cash.