What does MN have against money poems?

[ThanksIGotItInMorrisons]

Reading another post this morning where OP mentioned a wedding invite had a money poem in it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, given that now days many couples live together and have kids before they wed. I totally get that they maybe don’t want to make a wedding list at a store , and don’t want to end up with 5 toasters and 6 kettles etc. It’s hard to think of a gift for a couple who already have a home and everything in it... it’s much easier to give them £10, £20, whatever you can afford surely than buy something they probably already have? Personally I think it’s a nice polite way of saying this, IF you want to get them a gift. So what’s the reason that a lot of us on here think it’s the worst thing you can do? I honestly don’t understand ...
YABU it’s rude and cheeky
YANBU it makes perfect sense to me

Can I see an example of a poem please?

Last wedding I went to they put that for presents they would like help with funding a trip, which I thought seemed reasonable

Most people will give money now if there isn't a gift list mentioned. A naff poem is unnecessary.

We didn't include anything about gifts in our wedding invitations and only two people messaged me to ask if we had a gift list anywhere.

The majority of what we received was money plus some really beautiful keepsake gifts such as etched champagne flutes, picture frames and a vase, all of which we have displayed in different places in our home. Some people gave us some lovely champagne, some we had on honeymoon and some we kept for our first anniversary. Not a toaster in sight.

I'm not contributing for a house deposit for someone who has blown cash on a wedding. Maybe if theyd gone to the register office and got married in clothes they already own.

It’s the poem.

I haven’t voted because I don’t think it’s rude or cheeky. I have no problem with giving cash. I really loathe the twee poems.

Just include your bank details. Cut to the chase.

@OneTC

Can I see an example of a poem please?

Last wedding I went to they put that for presents they would like help with funding a trip, which I thought seemed reasonable

Google is your friend here - just search wedding invite money poem, the image & shopping tabs will serve up an absolute cringefest

The issue I have is that you send an invitation to a wedding and you get your response.

To include a request for money (in whatever form) or gift list with the wedding invitation is - to me - ignorant. It's like saying come to my wedding, and here's what you can give/buy me.

Send your wedding invitations, and wait for people to ask if you have a list or would prefer the money, and respond accordingly. Don't tell them what to get you before they've indicated they're getting you anything!

Basic manners.

If they're asking for money towards their honeymoon or home renovations, fine. But just asking for money is grabby.

No one really buys random gifts anymore do they?! It's always just vouchers or money or contribution to honeymoon etc.

The poems are awful and make me not want to give anything!

[quote Merryoldgoat]@T00Ts

That’s exactly what we did. Free bar, food plus buffet and local so cost nothing for guests on the day and no accommodation except for 3/4 people less local.

Invitation said no gifts expected but if you want to then money is greatly appreciated.[/quote]
I was surprised but lots of people opted to camp, even local ones, and even though the travelling ones probably could easily have afforded hotels.

Free bar + rarely-erected tents led to some fantastic photos of people erupting from nylon caves still dressed in crumpled wedding finery the following morning

For me is 80% the poem...just so cringe.
And 20% the asking for money.

They don't illicit enough of an emotional response in me to be outraged, offended or mad about them, lot's of people do use them, but I do find them really cringey and a bit condescending. The style of those poems are really immature and read like it's aimed at a child not a grown up. Just blehg. It's good to know what gifts people want as I'd never go to a wedding without a gift, when I get an invite like that I just go along with it but internally I'll definitely give a bit of an eyeroll / mind vomit. DH and I didn't have any mention of gifts at all on our invites.

The poems are twee and grabby
I also hate the suggestion above. If you need people to give you money towards your honeymoon or your house deposit maybe have a cheaper fucking wedding in the 1st place.

@stuntbubbles

The poems are very, very, very bad.

This. I have no issue with money presents rather than wedding lists or ending up with seventeen toasters, but the poems are inexcusably twee and weirdly coy — these people seem unable to say ‘Please give us money’ in plain prose.

They’re like those weird, passive-aggressive little signs people used to have in their bathrooms that said

If you sprinkle when you tinkle
Please be neat and wipe the seat

rather than ‘Aim straight, for God’s sake.’

@girlmom21

If they're asking for money towards their honeymoon or home renovations, fine. But just asking for money is grabby.

Not getting at you here at all girlmom as I think this is a common view, but I find this such a weird approach!

You could say the money was for honeymoon/renovations and spend it all on wheels of cheese and bouncy castles just the same as you could if you asked for money more generally! The money is presumably just going into the couple's accounts and getting spent somewhere - there's no way of knowing* your specific pounds have been put into the thing they said, so it doesn't make much difference (to me anyway).

*I know a couple who had a cool thing where you could buy specific experiences for their honeymoon (afternoon tea, snorkelling class, etc) for different amounts and it was on a website run by their travel agent who sorted their honeymoon, so it went direct to adding those things to their package, which I thought was quite cool and avoids the issue above. But generally that money is just going into a bank account somewhere

Poems are awful. So cringy and twee.

Most people I know ask for currency for honeymoon (we did this, we had some very fancy meals) or don't put anything so we either give cash or a JL voucher. I don't think anyone just buys unsolicited toasters anymore.

In England, asking for what you want is rude.

There is a specific ritual people are supposed to follow.

You ask what the person wants.

They say they don't want anything.

You insist you want to give them something.

They insist there really is no need.

You come close to blows.

You plead to be allowed to give them something.

They suggest a 50p fork from Amazon but only if it's not too much trouble.

You show up with a £100 crystal bowl that sits in its wrapped box on the table with 20 other identical crystal bowls, ten toasters and a teapot

They write thank you letters then store the gifts for 6 years before bunging the lot on eBay and using the cash to get something they actually want.

The poems are cringey as fuck.

All twee and beating about the bush just to say "gimme gimme"

'The weather is sunny
Give me some money'

@broccolibush

Have you read the poems that most people who do this use? I think I could manage to not hoik my judgy pants up to my earlobes if they were decent poetry or even original, but they’re generally googled shite that would embarrass a vogon. It’s just so naff.

If you don’t want 5 kettles or 6 toasters just say “no presents please”. If you want cash ask for cash in a direct way (though this would still raise eyebrows it would do so without making your guests vomit).

Embarrass a Vogon

I’d love to know what all those who don’t want to give money have bought as wedding gifts (when there isn’t a wedding list.)

@housemaus you are right but I think people like the idea of gifted money being used for something 'proper'. I like to think most people would probably use the money for the reason they told you.

It's like when people ask teens what they used their birthday money for when it probably went on a bottle of vodka and some lemonade for a friends house party

@Eloraa

It’s understandable that people might not want presents, so the way to deal with that is to say ‘no presents please’.

Actually asking for money is hideously grabby. And the poems make it worse - it’s like the senders know they’re being cheeky but somehow think that making the request rhyme means it’s ok. It doesn’t.

Naff as fuck.

All of this ^

So crass.

I'm not a fan of asking for money. It just makes me cringe. I get that they're saying IF you want to get us a present, we'd prefer this... but I just personally wouldn't do it.

We mentioned nothing about gifts on our invites. A few people asked, we said honestly we don't need anything but thank you very much, very kind of you. A few more people insisted, and we said feel free to make a donation to a charity for us if you'd like!

In the end, we got charity donations in our name, mostly money & a couple of bits and pieces like a wine glass set, maybe 1 photo frame & a few bottles of champagne and chocolates etc. some vouchers for lovely restaurants/hotels. Nothing offensive.

I personally just don't think anyone goes out and buys toasters, and kettles anymore. So I don't think there's any need to say the poem. Chances are you'll get money or vouchers anyway. It's up to whoever is buying the present to decide what they give you, it's not their decision.

I'm also massively against the idea that guests should essentially cover themselves with their gift. No. Do not plan a wedding you cannot afford.

Wedding presents were originally given to set up a young couple who would never have had their own home before. IMHO couples who've been living together for years and have a home together or are combining two separate homes, don't need wedding gifts since they are not setting up from scratch! So I think guests should just be buying presents they've chosen for themselves, as a token of good wishes towards the couple. The couple shouldn't be asking for specific things/money. It feels grabby and rude to me.
Idk, maybe I'm bitter - I didn't have a honeymoon and am not inclined to pay for someone else's when that someone else likely has more money than me! Different for young people setting out for the first time.