What does MN have against money poems?

[ThanksIGotItInMorrisons]

Reading another post this morning where OP mentioned a wedding invite had a money poem in it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, given that now days many couples live together and have kids before they wed. I totally get that they maybe don’t want to make a wedding list at a store , and don’t want to end up with 5 toasters and 6 kettles etc. It’s hard to think of a gift for a couple who already have a home and everything in it... it’s much easier to give them £10, £20, whatever you can afford surely than buy something they probably already have? Personally I think it’s a nice polite way of saying this, IF you want to get them a gift. So what’s the reason that a lot of us on here think it’s the worst thing you can do? I honestly don’t understand ...
YABU it’s rude and cheeky
YANBU it makes perfect sense to me

@Firstruleofsoupover

I wished I had not asked for money or vouchers when I got married, it does seem a bit grabby looking back, as we were already living together and both working full time on good salaries. One wedding I went to, though, we were "invited" to give a donation to a specific charity. The morning after, everyone who had not yet donated was blanket emailed by the groom, with "I notice you have not yet done it! Please do it asap and be generous as this is a very worthy cause" type message. He had checked overnight!! I thought that was well off.

Bloody hell. I'd be tempted to tell him I'd contributed separately, or that I'd sent hundreds of pounds to an even worthier cause.

I think it’s so cringey and quite rude to ask for money. Surely if you are invited to someone’s wedding you have an idea of their circumstances?! The days of people receiving 2 toasters, 4 electric carving knives and a teas made are long gone. We didn’t do a gift list/make any mention of gifts at all and in fact the majority of people I know didn’t either. Pretty much everyone gave John Lewis vouchers or money. If people want to give something that’s kind but if they don’t, I couldn’t care less, I still want them to come to the wedding and I’m not going to guilt trip them with a tacky poem. Would you do the same if it was a birthday?!

I have never received a money poem.

I remember my parents being invited to a wedding, some years ago, the couple lived abroad, but were getting married at home.

They managed to put in something straightforward about preferring money as a gift, in the invitation. Not a poem though.

I have an issue with asking for gifts but doing it with godawful poems is just unforgivable. Why is yoda syntax acceptable just to force a rhyme?

On this day, our special day
We do not know how to say
We have a house and contents too
So presents really wouldn’t do
But if a gift you’d like to bring
Then money would be just the thing
We hope this does not cause offence
In our case it makes more sense.

I hate the money poem! In fact I hate wedding invites with any request for a gift, find them all very grabby - you don't get married to recieve gifts, if people would like to get you something they will without any instruction or guidance on an invitation. I find them so rude, they give me the rage!

@ShinyPikachu

Most people will give money now if there isn't a gift list mentioned. A naff poem is unnecessary.

We didn't include anything about gifts in our wedding invitations and only two people messaged me to ask if we had a gift list anywhere.

The majority of what we received was money plus some really beautiful keepsake gifts such as etched champagne flutes, picture frames and a vase, all of which we have displayed in different places in our home. Some people gave us some lovely champagne, some we had on honeymoon and some we kept for our first anniversary. Not a toaster in sight.

This exactly.

If you genuinely want no gifts, then I think it is ok to state that - or perhaps leave it blank. I think it is disingenuous to state no gifts if what you really want is money though!

I actually don't think it is appropriate to ask for anything on a wedding invitation - why it is ok for wedding invitations but not for, say, a child's birthday invitation!? If someone wants to buy you a gift they'll either ask what you want (in which case it's fine to answer accordingly or direct them to a giftlist) or they'll buy something they think suitable or, most likely nowadays, they'll give cash.

When I got married to EXH 10 years ago we said nothing about gifts. I don't recall anyone asking us specifically but we got 95% cash and a few token other bits and pieces such as champagne/photo frame/thoughtful gifts which were all well received.

Money poems make me cringe so much - it just feels so tacky and unnecessary to dress up a request for cash in a poem!

The morning after, everyone who had not yet donated was blanket emailed by the groom, with "I notice you have not yet done it! Please do it asap and be generous as this is a very worthy cause" type message. He had checked overnight!! I thought that was well off.

Honestly, the fact that he was checking this on his wedding night disturbs me more than anything else.

People getting married should definitely specify what gifts they'd like people to buy, be that nothing; something from a John Lewis wedding list; cash/vouchers ['travel vouchers' which can be remeeded against the cost of a honeymoon work for me]; contributions to build a well in the DRC; etc etc etc. Anything else and you end up with duplicates/other unwanted crap.

Requests for cash aren't my very favourite thing but OK but they're OK if done tastefully. My top tips would be:

(a) do NOT use a poem, ever, even if you or your intended is the poet laureate, just no;
(b) specify what it is you'll be using the money for/putting it towards. in my subjective opinion something like 'honeymoon' or 'house deposit' sounds a lot better than 'breast implants', 'divorce settlement' or 'feeding my fixed odds betting terminal addiction', something like 'IVF' would be reasonable but too personal;
(c) a good way to make the process less uncomfortable is to say your wish is that all donations without exception will be made via an online platform [set up by you] where all donations have to be anonymous.

@HaggisBurger

I do love the description of it as “asking for money via poetry”.

Maybe we can all do it, not just in a wedding situation?

Inflation’s running so high now
My boiler’s gone kaput
I know we’re only Facebook friends
But how about some loot?

this made me laugh. Love it

I just think it’s cheeky. A couple I know did this, they have a house and kids and their poem was asking for money for a honeymoon. Fuck off. Why should I pay for your holiday when you both earn a lot more than me? And have been on numerous holidays in the 10+ years you’ve been together.

It’s almost as bad as people who try and crowdfund for holidays.

I'm not a fan of being indirect with poetry, but I'm super happy if someone just says, they'd prefer gifts of money instead of things. It's no more grabby than sending a gift list, and it's so much easier than having to shop for a gift.

The reality is that like a birthday party or visiting a new baby, you should bring a gift to a wedding as it's a kind way to honour a special day in someone's life. But I wouldn't want to give someone a gift they didn't want or need (I still roll my eyes at a friend's request for a silver dog bowl on her gift list!). Dh and I genuinely needed household stuff as we moved from abroad before our wedding and literally had no sofa and about 2 forks and 4 bowls to eat with and that was it. But most people live independently for many years together before marriage now, so don't need a teapot or towels. It's perfectly okay to say that and I think it's weird that anyone is offended. No one has to give a gift, but I'd like to know my gift is something that will be needed and appreciated.

Wtf is a 'money poem'

It's rude and tacky and just cringe. Just say you don't want gifts.

I think the function of buying gifts is from when young couple were just starting out. For a well established couple living together with kids I'd expect something meaningful or useful from close family (e.g. parents), wouldn't expect a gift from others, definitely would not expect cash!

I have not been to a wedding where the couple have asked for money, and if invited, would decline as it is extremely tacky and bad taste.
Have a wedding list or ask for charity donations.

It’s hard to think of a gift for a couple who already have a home and everything in it

Absolutely - which is no doubt why the vast majority give money/vouchers now

So even leaving aside my own view that requesting gifts is vulgar, I'm not sure why there's any point when most will be giving what's wanted anyway?

@ChrissyPlummer

I just think it’s cheeky. A couple I know did this, they have a house and kids and their poem was asking for money for a honeymoon. Fuck off. Why should I pay for your holiday when you both earn a lot more than me? And have been on numerous holidays in the 10+ years you’ve been together.

It’s almost as bad as people who try and crowdfund for holidays.

This, 100%!

Because it’s naff and cringe. In addition I just see it as very transactional-we’ll spend on your wedding meal but give us money in return. We had what we needed so we specified no gifts but if people really wanted to give something, a nice bottle of wine would be appreciated.

@justanoldhack

Wtf is a 'money poem'

bullshit like the following:

We don’t want to offend but we have it all,
All household goods and so much more.
To save you shopping, sit back and rest,
A gift of currency is our request.
Don’t go overboard or rob any banks,
Any little thing will make us smile with thanks.

I always halve the amount I was going to give if the request comes via poetry.

Sorry to my sister,
I didn't mean to diss ya,
But nevermind, because...
You now have another mister.

Oy to whoever mentioned Pam Ayres, leave her out of it, some of her poetry is genius (well, very good anyway).

Inflation’s running so high now
My boiler’s gone kaput
I know we’re only Facebook friends
But how about some loot?

I like this as an idea, you could start a business providing this service for people.

For a person I'm dealing with at work at the moment

You're a nosey old bat
With anger management issues
You've upset so many
I've bought shares in Kleenex tissues

Does that make the message more palatable?

Because they are crass and rude. That's why. Even small children are told wait to be asked before you tell aunty x what you want for your birthday.

@Bofthebang

I genuinely CANNOT comprehend how anyone can claim that requests for money (yes, even via a poem!) for a wedding present are grabby! It’s insane to me - every wedding I’ve been to for probably the last 15 years has asked for money and of course I’m more than happy to do so.

It’s like people get invitations from people they hate?? I get invited by people I like/love so whatever they ask for is fine by me - and it makes life so much easier!

There is nothing “grabby” or “mucky” about it at all and I would bet good money that most people who moan about it on here wouldn’t dream of saying anything in real life.

Of course most people who moan about it on here wouldn't dream of saying something in real life*. Because that would cause embarrassment to the person who has put that in their invitation and it would basically be rather rude and bad mannered. As is the money poem/request in the invitation..!

*(unless asked - I have indeed had discussions about this and answered honestly with friends)

And the OP was asking for opinions here, hence them being given

The poem element is twee, I don’t care about the asking for cash. Its common in many cultures to give cash and I don’t think it’s grabby. Just say no presents or if they’d like to contribute to your honeymoon etc then it would be appreciated.

It's the poem that's grabby and snide - basically it's asking for money but in a kind of underhand way.

If you want money, come out and say it, don't sugar coat it in a stupid poem which sort of hints at 'we don't need money anyway but...'