What does MN have against money poems?

[ThanksIGotItInMorrisons]

Reading another post this morning where OP mentioned a wedding invite had a money poem in it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, given that now days many couples live together and have kids before they wed. I totally get that they maybe don’t want to make a wedding list at a store , and don’t want to end up with 5 toasters and 6 kettles etc. It’s hard to think of a gift for a couple who already have a home and everything in it... it’s much easier to give them £10, £20, whatever you can afford surely than buy something they probably already have? Personally I think it’s a nice polite way of saying this, IF you want to get them a gift. So what’s the reason that a lot of us on here think it’s the worst thing you can do? I honestly don’t understand ...
YABU it’s rude and cheeky
YANBU it makes perfect sense to me

Oh, so you have the partner of your dreams, but that’s not enough, I have to pay you on top of that to make it special enough?

This is such a strange way of viewing gift giving on special occasions.

@Pedalpushers

Anyone having to go to a wedding these days will already have spent a considerable amount on outfits, travel, accommodation and probably childcare

Presumably noone going to a MN wedding, which all take place immediately outside all of the guest's houses, who are all allowed to bring their 7 children.

Damn, need more Mumsnet friends, I seem to keep missing the invites to those ones!!

All the weddings I’ve been to involved lots of personal cost (including the one when I was at college and I gave them £50, a fortune for me at the time, and never even got a thank you!!)

@Pedalpushers

Anyone having to go to a wedding these days will already have spent a considerable amount on outfits, travel, accommodation and probably childcare

Presumably noone going to a MN wedding, which all take place immediately outside all of the guest's houses, who are all allowed to bring their 7 children.

MY wedding took place in an underpass. I wore a stained bedsheet and served the guests twigs and canal water. I also got the best man to punch everyone in the face on the way in, so they knew just what a miserable occasion it was supposed to be.

Hey, is this why nobody wants to buy me anything?

@DrSbaitso

Oh, so you have the partner of your dreams, but that’s not enough, I have to pay you on top of that to make it special enough?

This is such a strange way of viewing gift giving on special occasions.

Is it strange though? I remember very well having just broken up with a much loved partner when a very good friend was getting married and telling me how stressful and awful it was, (plus I messed up her table plans apparently - and this was a really good person prior to wedding madness). You only need to look on the wedding boards to see people freaking out about wedding schedules and entertainment, when all I could think was - the man you love, loves you. How is this something to complain about? And why should anyone be forced to give money or stuff to people who are already so fortunate in life to have found the one? Celebrate by all means, and your friends will want to mark the occasion with something chosen and meaningful for you. But demand cash with a twee poem, when you already have so much? Or have a list of things you want, like an oversized toddler at Christmas? No, I don’t think it is right at all.

Is this a British thing?

People from other cultures, do you find people get angry and offended at the concept of gift giving for a wedding?

Is it strange though? I remember very well having just broken up with a much loved partner when a very good friend was getting married and telling me how stressful and awful it was, (plus I messed up her table plans apparently - and this was a really good person prior to wedding madness). You only need to look on the wedding boards to see people freaking out about wedding schedules and entertainment, when all I could think was - the man you love, loves you. How is this something to complain about? And why should anyone be forced to give money or stuff to people who are already so fortunate in life to have found the one? Celebrate by all means, and your friends will want to mark the occasion with something chosen and meaningful for you. But demand cash with a twee poem, when you already have so much? Or have a list of things you want, like an oversized toddler at Christmas? No, I don’t think it is right at all.

I think it is very strange. The idea that I shouldn't bring a gift to a friend's wedding because she should be happy to have found her life partner misses the point of gift giving so much that I don't know where to start. I don't conflate this with the separate issue of wedding stress.

It's a gesture of love and goodwill on someone's celebration. Presumably you like each other at least a bit if you're invited and you've accepted. The idea that I shouldn't do anything to express my pleasure about the occasion, or should deny myself the pleasure of gift giving because it should be happy enough without me is just...strange.

@DrSbaitso I wish you’d invited me after that save the date card. I had my shroud all ready, it was very expensive. . .

It’s understandable that people might not want presents, so the way to deal with that is to say ‘no presents please’. Actually asking for money is hideously grabby.

....this.

[quote Bambooshoot]@DrSbaitso I wish you’d invited me after that save the date card. I had my shroud all ready, it was very expensive. . .[/quote]
I hired a courier to post all the invitations by hand in envelopes of dog shit.

It’s not the gift itself - it’s the prescription that it must be cash or this thing we want. It’s not personal in a lot of cases, which seems grabby. Obviously your experience may be very different.

Tacky and twee.

Just ask outright. No gifts; we would prefer the money if you would like to give us something.

I really hate those stupid poems. When a guests asks what do you want as a wedding gift just say euros or dollars for honeymoon or whatever. My nephew asked for B&Q vouchers towards central heating as he bought a doer upper with no heating. Easy to give, no wrapping and no stupid poems needed. Just wait until the guests asks. If you send out stupid poems they always sound like you are demanding money.

@DrSbaitso "It's a gesture of love and goodwill on someone's celebration. Presumably you like each other at least a bit if you're invited and you've accepted. The idea that I shouldn't do anything to express my pleasure about the occasion, or should deny myself the pleasure of gift giving because it should be happy enough without me is just...strange."

I agree, i have zero issue with giving a gift. And find the idea of just because they're happy, that should be enough for them, weird too. I buy friends gifts all the time, be it something small when I'm calling round for a cup of tea (everyone loves an extra pack of buns!), or a baby gift, or flowers for a new job etc. A wedding is a happy day, and I don't begrudge giving a gift to show I'm happy for them and to treat them, and also as a thanks for having me at their special day! But I do resent being told what that gift should be. Which is funny, cause I will always give money as a wedding gift anyway so it's no odds to me really. I just don't think anyone should ever dictate what people should give. Giving a gift is lovely, and should be at the discretion of the gift giver!

So unique! Always lovely to get a family pet truly involved in the special day. Hope you got some lovely photos of the process for the wedding album!!

Perhaps the only acceptable wedding invitation poem then is:

Since we are British
Please don’t give me dishes
In fact don’t even attend
You drive me round the bend
Fuck you

@Bambooshoot

So unique! Always lovely to get a family pet truly involved in the special day. Hope you got some lovely photos of the process for the wedding album!!

By the way, I’m not trying to be nasty here, I very much enjoyed your humour even if you were taking the p somewhat so I’m adding a caveat here that this is all meant to be in good faith as MN can sometimes be a bit odd and my sense of humour is often way off.

I have no issues with a straight request for money OR a gift list (as long as it's realistic).

Just no poems.

@stuntbubbles

Perhaps the only acceptable wedding invitation poem then is:

Since we are British
Please don’t give me dishes
In fact don’t even attend
You drive me round the bend
Fuck you

🤣

@Bambooshoot

So unique! Always lovely to get a family pet truly involved in the special day. Hope you got some lovely photos of the process for the wedding album!!

😆

Don't worry, I'm laughing and I'm glad you are too.

I much prefer giving money, much easier, I don't personally take any offence / care how its worded but I think asking for money can seem crass - doing it by way of cutesy poem makes it worse. For my own wedding I wrote something along lines of "we really appreciate you making effort to come to our wedding and do not expect gifts of any kind, however if you do want to make a gift, we'd prefer money". About 50% attendees gave us some money, one gave us a very personalised gift, the rest gave nothing. This was prefect.

We just sent out invites. Those that wanted to give us a present asked us what we wanted and we said we didn't need gifts/ money. I like the "your presence is enough" idea and leave it at that. If a couple can afford the cost of a wedding at £10,000+ or whatever they cost these days they're not short of cash. I couldn't tell you now who did/didn't give a gift/money/vouchers (some will always insist). It's not what weddings are about and the idea that they have to give you something because you've spent all that money on food, drink, venue etc is horrible.

It's not the not needing physical gifts that's the issue.

It's not really polite to ask for or expect gifts, even when gift giving is the norm. A list shouldn't be added to invitations. People ought to wait until someone asks about gifts, then they respond accordingly.

And the bigger issue is the poems. There just a bit tacky tbh.

@stuntbubbles

Perhaps the only acceptable wedding invitation poem then is:

Since we are British
Please don’t give me dishes
In fact don’t even attend
You drive me round the bend
Fuck you

I approve of this. I'd send money.

'No boxed gifts' is often on a wedding invitation.

It's easier to give some money too.