What does MN have against money poems?

[ThanksIGotItInMorrisons]

Reading another post this morning where OP mentioned a wedding invite had a money poem in it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, given that now days many couples live together and have kids before they wed. I totally get that they maybe don’t want to make a wedding list at a store , and don’t want to end up with 5 toasters and 6 kettles etc. It’s hard to think of a gift for a couple who already have a home and everything in it... it’s much easier to give them £10, £20, whatever you can afford surely than buy something they probably already have? Personally I think it’s a nice polite way of saying this, IF you want to get them a gift. So what’s the reason that a lot of us on here think it’s the worst thing you can do? I honestly don’t understand ...
YABU it’s rude and cheeky
YANBU it makes perfect sense to me

But a couple choosing to get married, no.

Most people like to give a gift to mark the occasion of people getting married. Just like they like to give their close friends /family birthday and Christmas presents. It's not even slightly unusual, it's a cultural norm in every country ive ever been to.

@RiverLola

it's not wanting money, its the bloody poem!

DH and I asked for money but what we wrote was 'We have most of what we need for our home. If you would like to give a gift, a contribution towards our house deposit would be wonderful. If you prefer we also have a gift list at XX'

about 75% of the guests gave money. I do think you should have a gift list as an option too though.

This.

It's more about the cheesy poem.

Nothing wrong with saying you would rather money than a gift, but just say it.

Couples getting married aren’t just starting out, it’s not 1950. They’ve usually got a house, cars, both work, sometimes have kids already, they’ve been on holidays before

Arguably young couples have it harder now in financial terms than they have in a very, very long time!

Most people like to give a gift to mark the occasion of people getting married. Just like they like to give their close friends /family birthday and Christmas presents. It's not even slightly unusual, it's a cultural norm in every country ive ever been to.

I think some people feel they should, I wouldn’t say they like to.

It’s a wedding, on a day of they choose to a person of they choose. It’s totally different from a birthday, the actual day they were born.

We don’t agree and that’s ok. It really doesn’t matter.

I think much of the awkwardness arises from changing social expectations around a wedding no longer being the first step in setting up a joint home, with all the household stuff that implies.

Still, no excuse to rhyme “living in sin” with “toaster or bin” though.

Arguably young couples have it harder now in financial terms than they have in a very, very long time!

If things are hard and they’re struggling for money, they shouldn’t waste money on a wedding or honeymoon then and concentrate on paying their bills. A cheap registry office marriage will do if they feel it’s important. If you can’t afford it, you don’t get it.

@OperationRinka No babe, I mean that people are worse off than ever financially speaking; lots of people experiencing food poverty, fuel poverty, instability at work...

But lucky you for not even having to consider that!

It's just another reason why I find weddings ridiculously and hopelessly self indulgent.

I'm not married so maybe I'm just bitter!

@HomeIsDogs

Arguably young couples have it harder now in financial terms than they have in a very, very long time!

If things are hard and they’re struggling for money, they shouldn’t waste money on a wedding or honeymoon then and concentrate on paying their bills. A cheap registry office marriage will do if they feel it’s important. If you can’t afford it, you don’t get it.

Why would that make any difference as to whether or not people give them gifts to celebrate getting married?

Why would that make any difference as to whether or not people give them gifts to celebrate getting married?

Others can do whatever the fuck they want or more likely feel pressured into. I don’t give gifts or cash to people who have chosen to get married and my friends and family think they same do it’s never been an issue. We’ve been invited to weddings where cash and gifts are expected but we’ve never attended as they’re not people close to us. They really wouldn’t be people were friends with as well don’t think alike.

I think some people feel they should, I wouldn’t say they like to.

I honestly don't know anyone like this in RL, though it seems common on here. I'm Irish though, maybe it's cultural differences at play.

I'll never understand why people look to MN for advice on socialising and social norms when every thread is about someone falling out with their friends, family, neighbours, milkman etc.

The vast majority of people in real life might roll their eyes at a rubbish poem and just give the couple a cash gift like normal people who like their friends and don't like to create drama and fall out with everyone over stupid unimportant things like a poem. On MN it means they decline the whole wedding and go permanently NC.

The polite thing to do is invite people and say you have everything you need here for your only ask is for people to attend.

It's the presumption that any old tosser can write a poem. Plus it's naff, vulgar, grabby and desperate.

YABVVU, therefore.

It's a bit like inviting someone to your birthday and saying you have everything you need so you just want money.

It's a social thing. You dont ask for not but you know if someone doesnt have a wishlist (which is fine because it was typically to help set up home) then you infer they want cash. They shouldn't ask.

You cant take a tradition of gifting things to set up home and say youd rather the cash equivalent, it's not in the spirit of things.

@RealBecca

The polite thing to do is invite people and say you have everything you need here for your only ask is for people to attend.

THIS!!!

It's the poem mainly. They're awful. And some people think asking for money is grabby. And if you're skint, the amount of money you can afford isn't always comfortable.

Anyone having to go to a wedding these days will already have spent a considerable amount on outfits, travel, accommodation and probably childcare - to ask for anything at all when the couple have no doubt been living together for years and have everything they need is grabby and nasty. Oh, so you have the partner of your dreams, but that’s not enough, I have to pay you on top of that to make it special enough? No, asking for cash in a twee poem or an outright request is tacky and thoughtless. Gifts should be optional. We are far from the days when people left their family homes to set up together with nothing at all, when contributions were actually needed.

@ClariceQuiff

If not you might end up with five toasters - carefully removed from their packaging so they can't be returned or sold on.

What I don't understand is that it's socially acceptable/expected to have a gift list but less acceptable to ask for money.

The poems make me feel really uncomfortable though.

We don't have
a wedding list
Just shove some cash
into my fist.

There is no need
To be coy
Just write a cheque
Which we'll bank with joy.

Save yourselves
The job of choosing
Bring hard cash notes
And we'll spend them boozing

Why not try
The modern touch
Direct bank transfer
Thanks very much.

Bring some cash
to our wedding bash
nuptial dash

[Haiku an unforgiving scheme for the talentless]

My intention is to say
We are collecting food for the local food bank. no presents please any cash gifts will be donated to x charity (who helped dsd)

@HomeIsDogs

Why would that make any difference as to whether or not people give them gifts to celebrate getting married?

Others can do whatever the fuck they want or more likely feel pressured into. I don’t give gifts or cash to people who have chosen to get married and my friends and family think they same do it’s never been an issue. We’ve been invited to weddings where cash and gifts are expected but we’ve never attended as they’re not people close to us. They really wouldn’t be people were friends with as well don’t think alike.

None of you get any pleasure from buying gifts for people you care about to celebrate their life milestones?

Anyone having to go to a wedding these days will already have spent a considerable amount on outfits, travel, accommodation and probably childcare

Presumably noone going to a MN wedding, which all take place immediately outside all of the guest's houses, who are all allowed to bring their 7 children.