To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

@venusmay

About 20 years ago child free weddings were unheard of. I find the idea annoying, it's really hard finding childcare for most people. It would really annoy me if the wording of the invitation gave the impression they were doing me a favour by making it adults only.

My aunt had a child free wedding about 40 years ago. She was the last aunt or uncle to be married so I always feel sad that she didn’t want her nieces as flower girls which would have been my only chance to be one (albeit I was very hound and probably wouldn’t even remember much of it now). Can’t remember where I was while my parents attended it but I know they did

I've never been to a childfree wedding and am wondering, as pps have said, if it's a cultural and geographical thing.
I'm in the North, from a working class "rugby league" town. Weddings are big family events. Smaller weddings would tend to prioritise children of immediate family and friends before having extended mates there.

But YANBU, OP. The "we're doing you a favour" tone of the note would really irritate me. The couple are really lacking in self-awareness if they think that wording will go down well.

*young not hound

Couldn't get worked up about it.

At my first wedding we expressly invited children as I love my friends kids' and would have liked to have them there. Absolutely nobody brought them, the general attitude was 'hell no, we want to party'. The only kid there was my ex-husband's niece who was my flower girl.

I'm getting married again now some years down the line and haven't invited children except family teens but made it clear that if the parents want or need to bring them they'll be made very welcome.

OMG, they’ve ‘saved you any fuss’?!?!

Do they think their wedding is the Second Coming?

Do people never go out without their children? I had a wedding with lots of kids as we just had a hall and had 2kids of our own and it was very child friendly but I totally get why people with no kids don't invite all their friends kids
Many just keep it to family children only as if you have 20 friends with 2 kids each thats a lot of kids plus family kids etc
Just don't go of its too much hassle

You've had to arrange childcare you didn't want to faff around with for "uninhibited revelry" and they've saved you any fuss but suggesting you only have to give them money?

I'd decline the invite but I have a feeling that, despite the old Mumsnet adage, this one actually is a summons.

@worriedatthemoment

Do people never go out without their children? I had a wedding with lots of kids as we just had a hall and had 2kids of our own and it was very child friendly but I totally get why people with no kids don't invite all their friends kids Many just keep it to family children only as if you have 20 friends with 2 kids each thats a lot of kids plus family kids etc Just don't go of its too much hassle

Lots of people go out without their children but if you're pulling in favours for childcare you want to do it on your terms and not waste opportunities, surely?

Uninhibited revelry sounds like a boorish boozefest.

@girlmom21 well is on your terms if you don't want to go to the wedding don't go its that simple and would rather use childcare for a meal out then do that
People are being very over the top
Over their kids not being prioritised for a wedding

YANBU. Fine if they want a childfree wedding. As a guest it epuldnt be my preference but it's a request I'm happy to indulge. But I'd be irritated too about the fact they are making it more complicated for us to go and dressing it up as a favour.

It's the patronising element of it. If I wanted a day out without the children I could arrange that if I wanted. I don't have to bring them but dont male our you are facilitating that for me when what you are doing is making me do it.

@worriedatthemoment

Do people never go out without their children? I had a wedding with lots of kids as we just had a hall and had 2kids of our own and it was very child friendly but I totally get why people with no kids don't invite all their friends kids Many just keep it to family children only as if you have 20 friends with 2 kids each thats a lot of kids plus family kids etc Just don't go of its too much hassle

Just to remind people of what the OP said:

It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

I 100% want you to go to the first wedding and report back on any further awful poetry.

what’s the annoyance over money poems on mumsnet? Don’t get it. Isn’t it just a polite way to say they’d prefer money than a gift they likely won’t use? I’m happy when I get one, cash is much easier to give and more useful for them to use for a honeymoon or something they’ve been saving for surely.

I too much prefer child free weddings, and it is the B&G's choice who they invite, yeah the wording is a bit naff but it wouldn't bother me at all. I'd be more likely to accept an invitation if it was child free lol

I’d find the wording irritating, if I’m having to call in favours to get childcare I’d want it to be for something me and DH really want to do like a weekend away etc rather than a wedding (assuming it’s not a very close friend or family member of course!) so I’d rather them just own it rather than make out they are doing me a massive favour!

A good friend of mine (the only one who had a child-free wedding) is still embarassed and apologetic about all the trouble she and DH put us and other guests through to attend their child-free wedding. They realised as soon as they had kids themselves. Particularly as a couple of guests did bring their toddlers along on the day in the end. I kept going to our room to feed DD2 who was three months old and with my mum.

I wouldn’t go to either kids come first now

[quote worriedatthemoment]@girlmom21 well is on your terms if you don't want to go to the wedding don't go its that simple and would rather use childcare for a meal out then do that
People are being very over the top
Over their kids not being prioritised for a wedding [/quote]
Yeah but sometimes there's pressure to go to the wedding, isn't there. Like if it's your husbands best friend or your cousin you were close with growing up or whatever.

@ElftonWednesday

A good friend of mine (the only one who had a child-free wedding) is still embarassed and apologetic about all the trouble she and DH put us and other guests through to attend their child-free wedding. They realised as soon as they had kids themselves. Particularly as a couple of guests did bring their toddlers along on the day in the end. I kept going to our room to feed DD2 who was three months old and with my mum.

why didn’t you just not go?

Why is there so much angst over declining a wedding invasion? These threads appear all the time on Mumsnet, yes, the wording is twee ... but go if you want to and just decline if you don't want to go.

I mean the way they've written it might be annoying to you, but as someone who recently had a child free wedding it's hard to find a way to phrase it that makes it clear it's an adults only event, but also doesn't come across as too blunt! In the end we went for just telling people in person who had children they weren't invited as well, because we couldn't figure out how to word it clearly (and still have it look nice on the invites!).

I had over 30 kids at my wedding. It was chaos! I chose to, but not sure I would have such an open invite again. I am not a poem fan... but people just feel awkward about not inviting kids/asking for money not gifts when it is sensible.

Why is there so much angst over declining a wedding invasion?
Irritation, as expressed by the OP, is not angst.

@Fletchersromancing

I have 3 children but love a child free wedding and wouldn't bother me at all.

Glad to read this thought I was an awful parent!!!!

Got two child free weddings coming up in 2023 and I can’t wait to dance without two children attacking me (or pulling them off of others).