To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

@MrsBaublesDylan I do wish I wrote this on our invite! Funny thing is those who bought their kids didn't cover their seats or that of their kids. Luckily DH and I could afford to fund our wedding but I do find it funny that those who married younger and didn't have the cost of funding others DC now have the audacity to complain that their DC aren't invited.

We've been invited to 2 weddings this year (both abroad). I'll be breastfeeding so would need to bring my babe (in arms) in order to attend. I asked both brides- one said yes the other said no. I've not found the need to start a MN thread on this. Instead, told DH I won't be attending the one we can't bring our child and he agreed that he won't either. We told the couple. End of story.

I do find it funny that those who married younger and didn't have the cost of funding others DC now have the audacity to complain that their DC aren't invited.

God this is so true! I’m trying to think… and I am pretty sure that of my friends who now have kids, NONE of them had any children at their own weddings, except maybe nieces and nephews. Including the one friend who got very slightly funny with me when I said we weren’t inviting children to ours (she didn’t start a MN thread though, as far as I know, just said something like ‘ah that’s a shame’). If you didn’t have two dozen kids at your own wedding then you have no right to expect me to have them at mine!

[quote wannabeamummysobad]@MrsBaublesDylan I do wish I wrote this on our invite! Funny thing is those who bought their kids didn't cover their seats or that of their kids. Luckily DH and I could afford to fund our wedding but I do find it funny that those who married younger and didn't have the cost of funding others DC now have the audacity to complain that their DC aren't invited.

We've been invited to 2 weddings this year (both abroad). I'll be breastfeeding so would need to bring my babe (in arms) in order to attend. I asked both brides- one said yes the other said no. I've not found the need to start a MN thread on this. Instead, told DH I won't be attending the one we can't bring our child and he agreed that he won't either. We told the couple. End of story.[/quote]
@wannabeamummysobad Why would babies be included? I never get why people think 'babe in arms' are ok. Babies scream and cry. A few people in this thread alone have said they had a wedding/went to one where a newborn was screaming during the vows, one said they were drowned out by the baby. Babies scream and cry. That's a fact. It's too risky.

@MrsBaublesDylan

I would think it is a money thing - weddings are extortionate and not inviting kids is a way of keeping costs down.

I wouldn't be offended.

How else could they word it?

"Our wedding has cost us a fuck tonne,
Please tell your children to do one"

If I ever get married again, I'm going to start the wedding invitations with the sentence THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOUR CHILDREN

@Migrainesbythedozen did you read my message properly? I said we were invited, I asked the brides if my baby could come as I'll be breastfeeding by their wedding days. One said no and I said I couldn't come. End of story.

Your comment was completely unnecessary.

We've been invited to 2 weddings this year (both abroad). I'll be breastfeeding so would need to bring my babe (in arms) in order to attend. I asked both brides- one said yes the other said no. I've not found the need to start a MN thread on this. Instead, told DH I won't be attending the one we can't bring our child and he agreed that he won't either. We told the couple. End of story.*
@wannabeamummysobad Why would babies be included? I never get why people think 'babe in arms' are ok. Babies scream and cry. A few people in this thread alone have said they had a wedding/went to one where a newborn was screaming during the vows, one said they were drowned out by the baby. Babies scream and cry. That's a fact. It's too risky.*

@wannabeamummysobad Yes, I did read your post? Did you read mine? I was saying why would you ask that your baby be invited. Babies cry and scream. Did you not even read my post?

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]@wannabeamummysobad Yes, I did read your post? Did you read mine? I was saying why would you ask that your baby be invited. Babies cry and scream. Did you not even read my post?[/quote]
A lot of people do make an exception for very young breastfed babies because their mother can't leave them. It's not a matter of convenience or preference, it's a simple matter of nope, can't come, and many couples decide they would rather have that particular guest with baby than not have her. Plus, babies don't take up a seat or require any food or drink.

If you know you wouldn't want a baby at your wedding then that's absolutely fine, but it's not unreasonable to ask the question, since many people do make exceptions. As the person you were replying to clearly demonstrates.

@rookiemere - if DH and I were staying at the wedding venue sans DS, we'd sneak off pretty early in the evening proceedings and enjoy a nice evening together in the hotel room.

Why would you waste a place at the wedding just so you could go off an shag your DH all evening. Just use your own imagination book your own weekend away and let someone who actually wants to celebrate with the Bride and Groom have that place
MN is another world sometimes

@LittleMissUnreasonable we didn't have a lot of childcare options when DS was young and hotel rooms are expensive.

If we've been to the ceremony, meal, speeches and first dance then we've definitely shown an interest. I'm not sure why we'd be required to shout at people we hardly know over a too loud disco for an evening.

Thank you @appleturnovers you explained that to @Migrainesbythedozen far more eloquently than I was able to

@rookiemere
I do agree with the loud shouty discos being a pain for trying to chat to people, especially when it's the only time you're not either listening to the ceremony/speeches, or in designated seats for a meal.

The best things in life are free
But you can give them to the birds and bees
I need money (That's what I want)
That's what I want (That's what I want)
That's what I want (That's what I want)
That's what I want (That's what I want)
Your love give me such a thrill
But your love don't pay my bills

@appleturnovers I know all that. I know babies don't take up a seat. It still doesn't answer my question to @wannabeamummysobad that babies scream and cry, so why would you take a baby to the wedding knowing you could ruin the ceremony for the couple? It's a selfish request imo. Again, babies scream and cry. It is not just about taking up a seat and taking a meal. Babies scream and cry, and as has been shown by other commenters on the thread, drown out the vows.

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]**@appleturnovers* I know all that. I know babies don't take up a seat. It still doesn't answer my question to @wannabeamummysobad* that babies scream and cry, so why would you take a baby to the wedding knowing you could ruin the ceremony for the couple? It's a selfish request imo. Again, babies scream and cry. It is not just about taking up a seat and taking a meal. Babies scream and cry, and as has been shown by other commenters on the thread, drown out the vows.[/quote]
Newborn babies for the most part sleep and eat. It's toddlers that are more likely to kick up a fuss.
But to answer your question
a) you don't just "bring" someone to any event without asking the host, you ask and they say yes or no
b) you ask to bring a breast feeding newborn to an international wedding so that said newborn doesn't die from starvation away from their source of nutrients and because you know that your DH is a DF to the couple who want him there but he as a FTD whose not an arsehole won't leave a FTM at home by herself with a newborn whilst he goes away for a weekend
c) you ask because some couples don't mind (from my OP you can see that in my lived experience 50% don't mind - they'd prefer to have you there than not at all).

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]**@appleturnovers* I know all that. I know babies don't take up a seat. It still doesn't answer my question to @wannabeamummysobad* that babies scream and cry, so why would you take a baby to the wedding knowing you could ruin the ceremony for the couple? It's a selfish request imo. Again, babies scream and cry. It is not just about taking up a seat and taking a meal. Babies scream and cry, and as has been shown by other commenters on the thread, drown out the vows.[/quote]
The people who allow babies at their weddings obviously aren't that bothered, so why are you so bothered on their behalf? This is getting really weird now. You've got a real bee in your bonnet over something that doesn't seem to actually affect you personally in any way.

And yes, like @wannabeamummysobad, babies don't generally scream and cry much unless they've got colic or are unwell something. Mine didn't even cry when she was hungry, just made the tiniest of noises (quieter than, say, an adult coughing) and my boob was in her mouth pretty much instantly. And if the baby does kick off during the ceremony, you whisk them out. Now I know you're going to say that some people don't take their crying babies out even if it's during the vows (because I think it was you who mentioned it earlier in the thread), and that's a problem with individuals, not a reason for every couple ever to ban every baby ever from their weddings even if the couple doesn't mind and the parents intend to be considerate.

@appleturnovers you obviously lack comprehension skills or have decided that you want an internet squabble.

I implore you to filter on my username and read my comments on this thread. If you did you'd clearly see a) I agreed that the couple have the right to decide on their guest list b) when my circumstances changed between invite and wedding date I informed the brides so they could decide if they were happy with us bringing a newborn c) when they gave the response- I was fine with it.

At which point did I sound aggrieved at not being able to attend? Once you've re-read you'll see you misunderstood but I expect you won't then be as fast to apologise for jumping on me as you were to jump in the 1st instance.

I think more people would invite young children to weddings if the parents, ya know, parented them.

I’ve been to too many weddings where children have played up or non stop chatted through the service and instead of taking them out or telling them to be quiet they just allow it as they obviously see nothing wrong with it. It’s so inconsiderate.

@Mollysocks

I think more people would invite young children to weddings if the parents, ya know, parented them.

I’ve been to too many weddings where children have played up or non stop chatted through the service and instead of taking them out or telling them to be quiet they just allow it as they obviously see nothing wrong with it. It’s so inconsiderate.

Agree. I went to a wedding where one of the parents stood up with their crying child and bounced him in the aisle, loudly shushing him and humming and making an absolute spectacle of it all - whilst ten feet away the couple were trying to get married.

I also went to another wedding where some of the children were running around the reception taking food from people's plates.

This is in addition to the milder incidences of children chattering/crying etc. that others have shared. A lot of parents really don't give a monkeys, and if you only know the couple rather than their kids, then you don't always know what kind of parent you're going to get.