To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

Yeah, I agree. A lot of wedding arrangements are very narcissistic (not specifically referring to child free weddings here). The wording in the first one was naff. Not everyone actually wants a night away from their small children either and certainly not at someone else's behest.

I mean I agree with the OP.

I am from a country where I have never heard of or been to a childfree wedding. Children are accepted as part of life and families.

You know what! I wonder if this is a peculiarly British thing?

It's not how I was raised either. I was raised weddings are a FAMILY occasion and that includes the kids!

I've never been to or even known of anyone in my circle have a child free wedding - and there's been all variety of styles of weddings!

I've worked in the industry too, left that job around 11 years ago and very very few couples were having kid free weddings then and quite frankly they were a certain "type" anyway.

I think parents need to put their foot down on this and refuse to attend!

My dd is now 20 but like hell would I have sacrificed a weekend with her or paid a fortune for childcare to attend someone's sodding wedding!

These brides and grooms need to stop being so bloody precious!

I find it particularly odd when they're having a religious ceremony as most religions regard weddings as family events and most churches/synagogues/mosques etc are very welcoming of children generally and certainly at these rites of passage.

The kids were the best guests at my wedding!

You know what if I were invited to a child free wedding even at the stage I am where I don't have a young daughter I'd still refuse to go on principle. Not even kidding!

I'm finding Britain - actually no I'm gonna say it ENGLAND is getting increasingly anti children on pretty much everything it's ridiculous!

I noticed this to some degree when I returned from living in non uk Europe as an adult, non uk Europe in so many aspects was far more welcoming of children. I have friends and family that have emigrated and those with young dc REALLY notice it when they come back for visits. One friend has started keeping a note of all the companies that are really shitty towards her or dh as parents or to their dc or who don't provide decent basic facilities (eg decent changing rooms in restaurants) and she refuses to give them her business and is quite vocal about it. Good for her!

It's ludicrous! Kids are part of society too it's about time this nonsense stopped!

As for the dinner and the ceremony I couldn't give a damn about children interrupting, that is a part of life, you can't control everything and it's better to go with the flow.

Damn straight!

My little nephew after my new fil had made a little speech which he was v nervous about and had practised a lot, called out as he finished "well done grandad nailed it" one of the best parts of the wedding!

Baby niece was thoroughly spoilt by tons of cuddles, the older kids were teaching mine and exes grannies how to do the latest dances...

We had an awesome time at the wedding! I've been divorced nearly 20 years and I still get people saying how much fun our wedding was

I think the problem with certain couples now is they want their wedding day to be "perfect" as in nothing unexpected or a bit questionable happening - where's the fun in that?

Are you sure the first one is child free? Our wedding invite said something similar to the first except children were allowed - we just said we'd prefer people not to bring them if that's an option. Otherwise there would have been around 50 children at the wedding. Fortunately most people left them at home and for those who brought them we provided a games room for during the ceremony and there was lots of outdoor space.

But then our wedding broke most of the golden Mumsnet wedding rules.

@JukEki

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

You’re Being ridiculous

I'd have loved to have children at our wedding, I'd rather have cut of days cousins and invited children of other people but unfortunately dh is close to his cousins. Our venue only held 100 total and if we'd tried to invite kids there would have been something like 45 to invite

Some guests get incredibly worked up about not being able to bring their children. I can’t understand it. I don’t have anyone to babysit for me, if kids aren’t invited only one of us will go. No drama needed.

YANBU OP, I’ve seen this before and it’s totally patronising. If you don’t want to invite my kids that’s fine, but don’t tell me how to feel about it.
I actually resent using up a childcare request from the grandparents on someone’s wedding when I would much rather use that time for something just for me and DH. I’ll do it, but don’t act like you’re doing me some great favour.

I reckon they’re guilty about doing it (it’s ultimately selfish) and are pretending to themselves they’re doing you a favour.

Same thing with the “we’ve saved you any fuss” line in the poem.

Fine to be selfish on your wedding day, but better to own it!

Money poem? Is this a thing now? Wow. A friend of mine turned into a right bridezilla in the lead up to her wedding. As a gift to her my husband provided a service for the wedding that would have saved her thousands of dollars and also meant he was more of an unpaid employee that day than a guest. They still requested we chip in for their honeymoon. We didn’t.

@CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory

Are you sure the first one is child free? Our wedding invite said something similar to the first except children were allowed - we just said we'd prefer people not to bring them if that's an option. Otherwise there would have been around 50 children at the wedding. Fortunately most people left them at home and for those who brought them we provided a games room for during the ceremony and there was lots of outdoor space.

But then our wedding broke most of the golden Mumsnet wedding rules.

Just seen this post and hope it’s this. It might be, having looked again at the wording. Worth asking maybe?

I also find the child free thing v weird. But I too live in an eu country and this is not a thing. Kids are always invited to weddings.

@Graphista

I am from a country where I have never heard of or been to a childfree wedding. Children are accepted as part of life and families.

You know what! I wonder if this is a peculiarly British thing?

It's not how I was raised either. I was raised weddings are a FAMILY occasion and that includes the kids!

I've never been to or even known of anyone in my circle have a child free wedding - and there's been all variety of styles of weddings!

I've worked in the industry too, left that job around 11 years ago and very very few couples were having kid free weddings then and quite frankly they were a certain "type" anyway.

I think parents need to put their foot down on this and refuse to attend!

My dd is now 20 but like hell would I have sacrificed a weekend with her or paid a fortune for childcare to attend someone's sodding wedding!

These brides and grooms need to stop being so bloody precious!

I find it particularly odd when they're having a religious ceremony as most religions regard weddings as family events and most churches/synagogues/mosques etc are very welcoming of children generally and certainly at these rites of passage.

The kids were the best guests at my wedding!

You know what if I were invited to a child free wedding even at the stage I am where I don't have a young daughter I'd still refuse to go on principle. Not even kidding!

I'm finding Britain - actually no I'm gonna say it ENGLAND is getting increasingly anti children on pretty much everything it's ridiculous!

I noticed this to some degree when I returned from living in non uk Europe as an adult, non uk Europe in so many aspects was far more welcoming of children. I have friends and family that have emigrated and those with young dc REALLY notice it when they come back for visits. One friend has started keeping a note of all the companies that are really shitty towards her or dh as parents or to their dc or who don't provide decent basic facilities (eg decent changing rooms in restaurants) and she refuses to give them her business and is quite vocal about it. Good for her!

It's ludicrous! Kids are part of society too it's about time this nonsense stopped!

As for the dinner and the ceremony I couldn't give a damn about children interrupting, that is a part of life, you can't control everything and it's better to go with the flow.

Damn straight!

My little nephew after my new fil had made a little speech which he was v nervous about and had practised a lot, called out as he finished "well done grandad nailed it" one of the best parts of the wedding!

Baby niece was thoroughly spoilt by tons of cuddles, the older kids were teaching mine and exes grannies how to do the latest dances...

We had an awesome time at the wedding! I've been divorced nearly 20 years and I still get people saying how much fun our wedding was

I think the problem with certain couples now is they want their wedding day to be "perfect" as in nothing unexpected or a bit questionable happening - where's the fun in that?

'Certain type'. So who would that be then?

Everyone has a right to have a wedding (that is costing them far more than you) of their choosing. No one has to accept an invite. Most people find other people's children irritating. I know I do and love and prefer child free weddings.

I have no problem with childfree weddings. I'm in my early 30's so am in the phase of life where I get invited to a ton of weddings and it's always assumed that the only kids invited are close family. I totally agree that they've struck the wrong note between that and the money poem although they probably meant no harm. The poem is probably the worst part tbh.

It bugs me when they make out that it’s a huge favour to the parents when it’s actually really inconvenient!

Mumsnet is so odd sometimes! It's obviously written to be funny. Your friends just want you to enjoy a night away from your kids. And guess what, most parents would love an opportunity to let their hair down and party with old friends as they would pre-kids.
It's it's too much hassle or if you want to be miserable about it, don't go.

And guess what, most parents would love an opportunity to let their hair down and party with old friends as they would pre-kids.

But it isn’t an opportunity. If you want to let your hair down without children you don’t need to wait for a wedding, you just need somebody to look after your children.

Also, the OP isn’t throwing a tantrum or refusing to go, they are just a bit irritated.

I worked in the wedding industry for a while. The actual reason not to invite kids was usually money and space (especially now people get married older and even after having had their own kids). Its either invite all your friends with kids, or just some of them.

Money poems were popular even 12 years ago. They aren't new. No one needs toasters these days.

Yes that would irritate me, if you want a child free wedding that’s fine but don’t pretend you’re doing us a favour. We went to a wedding abroad where the couple tried to suggest that they were doing us a favour when they told us it was child free and I just didn’t know what to say as actually it was a real pain and I’d never been away from my DC for so long so was not feeling very good about it.

personally i would be more than happy to turn down invites to child free weddings on the basis that i had no childcare ,

i can understand people getting cross about them ,but really its the perfect excuse not to go , i really cant understand why people feel obligated to turn themselves out to arrange childcare ,when it would probably easier not to attend what is likely to be an event more boring than watching paint dry

So, what is the acceptable wording for a sprogfree invite?

We had loads of children at our wedding ranging from toddler to 6, including our own 4 year old. They were all so well-behaved and ran as a group the whole time. There was a room upstairs with some games and activities for them to do which entertained them all for hours and DH’s and my siblings took it in turn to sit up there for a bit with them.

When DH and I did our first dance, we danced together for about 10 seconds and then encouraged DD to join us and dance too. Then all the kids came on the dance floor and danced with us too. It was lovely and completely took the focus off DH and I which we were grateful for.

We love children and the sort of wedding that wouldn’t be appropriate for them is probably not the sort of wedding we’d enjoy anyway so we would decline.

I’d use the child free thing as an excuse to turn both down! Weddings are tedious and expensive.

Poem is terrible.

YANBU. I respect couple 2's honesty.

@SpiderinaWingMirror

So, what is the acceptable wording for a sprogfree invite?

Unfortunately, we cannot invite children to this event.