To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee

I agree. I get that they don't want kids there, but don't pretend its not a pain in the arse.

Weve been invited to a wedding in a few weeks, Ds2 will be 12 weeks and isn't invited, so DH us staying home with him and our older toddler and I'm going to the ceremony, the meal, popping home to feed him, then back for the evening do for as long as I can hold off, probably about 9pm at the very latest. I'll have to express in the bathroom in that time too.

I'm regretting accepting the invitation now tbh!

I'm assuming others have said but you can pull out you know..

Now the OP has written about it on Mn she probably won’t be invited anymore to this or other weddings.

I’m in Canada, and child-free weddings have been a thing for at least 20 years.

Makes sense to me. Weddings are expensive, stressful events. Why pay for kids that the bride or groom may not even be able to pick out if a crowd vs inviting guests that they know and want to attend? Especially now, when larger events are often being canceled?

As for the money poem, meh. I get the motivation; they’ve set up their home, so traditional wedding gifts would end up with the headache of returns, or worse, people simply wasting their money on things that can’t be returned and won’t be used.

Kids at weddings are a pain in the arse tbh
I agree with the poem but would never send it and worded ours much better.

You’re reading too much into it. They are probably just trying to think of a nice way to say ‘we don’t want other peoples kids running around the place’.
It’s part and parcel of going to weddings when you have small kids, they’re your responsibility not theirs, you’re kids aren’t owed an invite to everything you go to and if you don’t want to arrange childcare don’t go.

However, the money poem thing is crass!

I don’t think the OP is reading anything into it other than ‘that’s a bit irritating’.

And the irritating thing isn’t whether or not they invite children.

Blimey, what a lot of moaning! How very dare the couple not spend thousands on kids they don’t really know rather than friends they want to party with. One poster describes them as selfish! Yes, why the hell not. Just don’t go if it doesn’t suit you, I’m sure the couple don’t want people sat there seething all day.

@Grasping in what ways are kids at weddings pains in the arse? Examples? I had kids at mine when I was childless and they were fine I didn’t even notice them really. It’s such a strange mostly British attitude that children are a pain when it’s unheard of in Europe to have an adult only event.

@MoppaSprings

Some guests get incredibly worked up about not being able to bring their children. I can’t understand it. I don’t have anyone to babysit for me, if kids aren’t invited only one of us will go. No drama needed.

The problem with that is that some couples get ridiculously offended if you can’t go.

One of my cousins, who I was very close to growing up to the point (same class at school, same friendship group), hasn’t spoken to me for years because I couldn’t go to her wedding as I had no childcare.

@KellyJonesLeatherTrousers

Blimey, what a lot of moaning! How very dare the couple not spend thousands on kids they don’t really know rather than friends they want to party with. One poster describes them as selfish! Yes, why the hell not. Just don’t go if it doesn’t suit you, I’m sure the couple don’t want people sat there seething all day.

I agree. Parents with their children at weddings never really seem to relax and enjoy it. Well, sometimes the DH does whilst his long suffering DW tries to cope with tired, bored DC’s and a drunken DH.

……… and then has to drive them all home

Mildly irritating but I wouldn’t dwell on it- they’re just trying to make it sound positive because they’re excited about their wedding and want you to be too [shrug]

I think there is a cultural clash over this, even within the Uk. Some people find it odd not to invite children to a wedding so the financial reason doesn’t make sense. A bit like if someone said we won’t have food at the wedding because it is too expensive. Most of my friends had child free weddings. I had children a little earlier than they did, so I haven’t been any weddings of my closest friends. It did piss some of them off a bit as they thought I was being needlessly difficult for not wanting to leave my baby overnight or express when breastfeeding etc.

I think the first ones been written by people who don’t have kids and don’t understand people want to be around their kids even though it’s exhausting, it also makes it sound like you’ll all be off your faces on coke with your tits out and would put me right off going.

There used to be a company that did boxes of toys/activities for kids called event smiles, I had 8 kids at my wedding and they each had one. Not one tantrum all day from 1pm till midnight & the little ones were doing the activities with the grans helping because they remembered how to do things like cats cradle etc. I decided it was less stressful to cater for kids and keep them happy than say “please find childcare for your three kids, by the way your usual childcare is also invited to my wedding”. I even had a box in the ladies with calpol incase anyone needed it.

I’m getting married for the second time, just a small 25 person wedding and haven’t invited kids as we would have had to find a larger venue and there are 14 plus some have partners- kids range from 8 to 21. We are only having our niece and granddaughter. We worded it - as we are only having a small gathering it’s couples only other than 2 family children, love to see you however if this doesn’t work for you we totally understand. We also said please don’t buy us gifts, we have everything we need, save your pennies for the bar. Everyone seems ok! I did ask my best friend who is like a sister if she wanted to bring her 2 and she said hell no lol!

They're just trying to put a positive spin on it, you generally do have a more relaxed time without kids, it's not like its even weekend, enjoy yourself!

*every weekend

I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.

I assume that you have a babe in arms rather than a toddler? Is the wedding local? If not then I’d ask again if you can take the baby as you breastfeed or use this as an excuse not to attend.

I wouldn't be offended its just someone trying to make light of it and justify why as so many people expect to take kids
You have a choice you don't have to go
People also need to remember whilst out kids are our worlds etc they are not that to others

YANBU. Even without the awful "gimme" poem its simply rude to position an additional challenge for some guests as a favour.

The second invite was more appropriate.

I would not go to a child free wedding if I had a babe-in-arms I was breastfeeding

I’d politely decline

We didn't have many DCs at our wedding because of the numbers and cost. I can't remember if we said anything on the invite, the only non twee thing to say is "I'm so sorry, but due to numbers we're having a childfree wedding. I understand if that means you're not able to be here, but I do hope you can make it" or something like that.

Trying to make it into a favour that they're doing you is ineffably bad taste. We once got an invite to a child free wedding in NY, thank goodness we'd already declined as goodness knows what we were supposed to do with our 9 year old.

@Grasping

Kids at weddings are a pain in the arse tbh I agree with the poem but would never send it and worded ours much better.

This 🤣

I think if I was getting married I wouldn’t want kids their either, not to the main event anyway.

I think nowadays kids are not always invited as there could be loads and weddings are expensive
Years ago people hired a hall and had a party
Some of the weddings I have been to lately they have been £50 a head upwards for meal then more for evening
Also a lot of kids aren't so well behaved now as people seem to not be concerned there kid is crying during the ceremony or running around during speeches etc as heaven forbid they stop them as there only a child and expressing themselves