To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

[pictish]

@SpiderinaWingMirror

So, what is the acceptable wording for a sprogfree invite?

That’s what I’m wondering.

The invite seems friendly and clear enough to me.

[LetHimHaveIt]

'But it isn’t an opportunity. If you want to let your hair down without children you don’t need to wait for a wedding, you just need somebody to look after your children.

Also, the OP isn’t throwing a tantrum or refusing to go, they are just a bit irritated.'

Absolutely. What do they think they're doing - providing a bit of quasi-plausible deniability missing from other child-free nights out? 'If it were up to Mummy and Daddy you'd be coming, but unfortunately Auntie X and Uncle Y are saying no . . . '

I suppose they might be dressing it up like this because a less cutesy message would sound terse, and people would be equally pissed off with that. I dunno. I still think it's shit.

And we know there's nothing new about money poems. No-one has suggested they're new. They're still naff as fuck.

[malificent7]

I'm getting married next year...i would feel really sad if there weren't any kids there. My family includes kids...why exclude them? Each to their own i guess.

[RampantIvy]

It would be tempting to send an RSVP with a poem saying that they have saved the hosts a lot of fuss by using the money they would have given as a gift on expensive childcare

I'm always amazed at the number of mumsnetters who seem to have hundreds of friends and huge families. I don't think I have been to a child free wedding. Certainly, none of the family weddings I have been to have been child free.

[DecentPleasant]

I went to childfree three years ago by myself as it was long distance and we’ve no one to have DC locally and it would have crossed into a Monday.
It was no kids due to numbers. Fine. But now they’ve got their own two and one on the way you can guarantee they’d never plan it that way now they know. Photos at least once a day of each child being ‘their world’.

[surreygirl1987]

I think you're being unreasonable about the child free comments.

The money poem though... argh.

[fenulla]

@JukEki

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

YANBU

[Forfamily123]

@halloweenie13

I completely agree with you, when I get married I want every family and friend to feel included, I would happily help the parents fund and find a baby sitter for the night to enjoy themselves as much as they can within a room provided by ourselves. As for the dinner and the ceremony I couldn't give a damn about children interrupting, that is a part of life, you can't control everything and it's better to go with the flow. The invites are just rude why not just word it as 'in our personal opinion we don't want children there as the events for the evening will be quite adult themed and we don't want unexpected noises disrupting the event' but like I said if you are going to expect the parents to not bring their children at least offer any support in accommodating them at the hotel etc if they are that important to be invited to the wedding.

Do you have children? Would they have been happy to be left with a strange at a young age?

[feelsobadfeltsogood]

We just don't go to child free weddings - far too much messing about
Why put yourself out especially if your expressing and they don't pay per head for a baby anyway so why would it matter??

Some people are so precious aren't they? Wait til they have kids!!

I'd seriously save your money and not go x

[venusmay]

About 20 years ago child free weddings were unheard of. I find the idea annoying, it's really hard finding childcare for most people. It would really annoy me if the wording of the invitation gave the impression they were doing me a favour by making it adults only.

[wannabeamummysobad]

@JukEki 🤮 🤢 I hate the money poem- my friend did this a few years back. Obviously I gave the money but I still cringe 6 years later.

As to kids at weddings before being pregnant I completely understood them. Especially when planning a wedding- why should the couple have to nearly double the size of a venue to accommodate people's kids? Weddings aren't a crèche.
However, we've been invited to 2 weddings this summer both internationally - I'll have a 4 month old. We'll attend the wedding that will accommodate our child. We'll decline the other.

[AutumnIsHere21]

I can’t remember how we worded it but it was something along the lines of ‘Family guests under 5 only’ (it was definitely better worded as I copied it from a very posh friends wedding invitation!) Essentially, it meant anyone with older children who were able to sit and be quiet when it was important were welcome to bring them. It meant our younger nieces and nephews could come. We obviously allowed babes in arms too. It also prevented 25% of our guests from being pre-schoolers.

However, we got married in the town where about 75% of the guests live so very few over night stays required by anyone. Only had one guest not come. Would do it again in a heartbeat.

[venusmay]

@feelsobadfeltsogood I totally agree. We don't attend events where we can't take our dcs.

[Darbs76]

Weddings are expensive and many couples chose not to invite children due to the cost, not because they hate kids etc. Better to spend that money on adults who will appreciate and enjoy the occasion. If I had a very young baby and they weren’t invited I’d decline - good excuse isn’t it not to go!!

[daisychain01]

There was a time when getting a wedding invitation was a positive thing. Something to look forward to.

Nowadays it's how can you pick holes in every aspect of the B+Gs arrangements, from how they word the invitation, to the venue, to the gift list or request for money because they don't need 6 toasters.

Just decline if it gets on your nerves that much is probably the best decision.

[burnthur5t]

As said many, many times before, a wedding invite is just that, an invite, not a summons

[ivykaty44]

You don’t have to attend and if it’s going to be that miserable for you I’d suggest not going

[Yogity]

YANBU to be irritated but I think couple 2 wording was fine if a bit blunt.

We are missing a wedding this coming weekend because it was made clear on the invite that even 2 month old EBF DD could not be accommodated. I was slightly irked because there's no cost attached but presumably its a numbers thing, especially with some venues in the area still having covid numbers restrictions so I completely understand. We just declined.

We invited children to our wedding but the vast majority didn't bring them. I think sometimes it's as much hassle bringing them and all of the uncomfortable clothes, missing naps, boredom that comes with weddings for small children

[MumWithYOPD]

[quote JukEki]@BadLad

Our life together has already begun,
We have almost everything under the sun.
If you should wish to buy us a gift,
A little extra money would give us a lift.
But most importantly, we request,
You share our day as our wedding guest.
Now that we’ve saved you any fuss,
We can’t wait for you to celebrate with us![/quote]
This would bother me more than not bringing the children.
I don’t mind giving £££ if they say it’s for a honeymoon for example but if it’s just give us cash I’ll buy a gift after making some enquiries to see what they would like.

[MrsDThomas]

If you’re that fucked off, why are you going?
Stay home with the kids, or even better, take them away.

[switswoo81]

Yanbu about the poem and maybe the wording of the first is try hard but I can't ever imagine a wedding where children were invited. ( Except immediate family) . You could end up with 100 kids!
As a parent there are lots of places I go without my children and a wedding is definitely one of them.

[EdithStourton]

@malificent7

I'm getting married next year...i would feel really sad if there weren't any kids there. My family includes kids...why exclude them? Each to their own i guess.

My feelings exactly.

[Rewis]

YANBU. Last wedding I went to the invite said something about no parents so kids can have a good time. When we were hanging out the bride was talking about this and seemed to genuinely think that they were doing parents a favour. I gently tried to say that while childfrere weddings are totally fine, but it might be more inconvenient to some so not necessarily a favour. The bride and groom at the time had kids aged 4 months and 1y7mo and I had (and still have) no kids. So I'm pretty sure it went to category off a childless person not understanding.
But I agree that childfree weddings are fine but I find the framing of the first invite very annoying. But I guess it is accepted as a polite form of "no kids" similarly when you don't want to meet a friend and say "I thought you would be too busy" or some other crap.

[ClariceQuiff]

They were trying to be tactful and got it wrong - it doesn't seem worth making a fuss over. Would you have preferred them to say 'We don't want our wedding overrun by annoying children' or similar?

[Ceramide]

The self-congratulation is the annoying part in both invitations. 'We've saved you any fuss - be grateful!' and 'Don't bring your children - be grateful!'