To be irritated by this wedding invite?

[JukEki]

We have been invited to two child free weddings, both in June. We are going to attend both and are pulling in favours for childcare. However I can’t pretend that I’m not mildly irritated by the wording in one of the invites!

One invite said “Unfortunately bearing in mind we have limited guest numbers we cannot accommodate everyone’s children however this is a golden opportunity for parents to enjoy a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry!”

The second simply said ‘ Whilst we love your children please note this is an adult only occasion’

The first annoyed me as actually it’s not going to be relaxing for me in the slightest, it’s quite inconvenient and expensive to not be able to bring the children and I’m more likely to be hand expressing in the toilets than dancing on a table.
It is absolutely the couple’s prerogative to have the wedding they want including making a decision to have no children- just own it and say so instead of dancing around it and pretending it’s a night off for me.

Happy to be told I’m unreasonable- first also contained a money poem which may be biasing me 😂

[DaisyMum40]

@Tam20779

I don’t know why people feel a need to dress up the wording. Just say “sorry, no children” and be done with it. My own wedding was not child free and I would have looked like a hypocrite if it was as my own DS was 2 and he was also my page boy. We had my DH’s cousin’s DD as flower girl plus we had 2 babies (our nephew and flower girl’s baby brother)
The children were wonderfully well behaved, even during the ceremony. I think people should give kids a bit more credit. They understand when they have to be quiet and serious even as toddlers.

Why on earth would it have looked hypocritical?! If I went to a wedding where my kids weren't invited, I certainly wouldn't think the couple were hypocritical for having their own kids there! I don't get why people don't understand that the bride and groom can pick and choose who they invite?! Just because they have their own children there or nieces and nephews doesn't mean they under some sort of obligation to invite the child of every single other person. Anyone arranging their own wedding can invite whoever they want to, all kids, no kids, some kids... anyone taking offence at this needs to get a grip.

[Wexone]

"Neither have I, but I have never been invited to a child free wedding."
I have been to about 50 weddings in my life ( one was invited to 10 in one year) count on one hand how many had children at them and they were the bride and grooms children

[MabelsApron]

@hardbackwriter I have done that, over the past decade or so. For various reasons, my friendships with those with children have drifted and I no longer consider them 'immediate' friends (i.e. ones I'd invite to my wedding - we keep in touch via Xmas cards and the like).

The reason why we lost our closeness is that I became infertile in my early 30s. Having a lot of friends with kids was extremely difficult for me (and for them, I imagine, as we already had quite different lives by that point and then suddenly I had trauma on top of it). I now have a different, much smaller 'tribe' of people who would be invited, but who don't have children.

I hope that answers your question, detective.

[EarringsandLipstick]

This thread made Irish radio this morning 😂 (Ryan Tubridy on Radio 1, as part of his news round up).

[WhatNoRaisins]

I'm just gutted to have never been invited to a wedding so sexy it's not suitable for children.

[worriedatthemoment]

@Migrainesbythedozen We already had 2 kids by time we got married so what was ours about
I think you must of been to some weird weddings

[Ragwort]

I don't really care either way and have fortunately got to the age where we rarely get wedding invitations... but just don't do what happened at the last 'child free' wedding we were invited to, we dutifully arranged childcare and then arrived at the reception to be sat on a table with the brides neices and nephews ... I was not impressed, having looked forward to catching up with friends etc ... and I am sure the neices and nephews had no interest in making polite conversation to my DH and I for three boring hours.

[RampantIvy]

@Wexone

"Neither have I, but I have never been invited to a child free wedding."
I have been to about 50 weddings in my life ( one was invited to 10 in one year) count on one hand how many had children at them and they were the bride and grooms children

That's a lot of weddings. I don't think I know that many people. I'm 63 and have been to one wedding and one evening wedding do in the last 12 years. All my friends are either already married or have no intention of getting married again, and there are no weddings in the horizon the next generation in both of our families.

[EezyOozy]

Just don't go.

[Michellelovesizzy]

Do they have children themselves? This 4 me makes a big difference because people that don’t have kids don’t truly understand what it really is like to have kids. So I am willing to let them off if they don’t because they probably do believe that they r doing u a favour and this would be a lovely night off 4 u but in reality it a massive inconvenience. X

[Margerine78]

Single childless person here on Mumsnet! I find people that have kids - and I include my mates in this - stop seeing it from the other kidless person's point of view. How would you have felt if the invite said "kids ruin weddings by crying and we don't have money to feed them all". Of course they're going to put it diplomatically and also, from my experience of friends with kids, they talk about not having time out to let hair down - so the bride/groom probably felt it was a selling point!

[Wexone]

@RampantIvy i live in Ireland before Covid weddings were about on average 300 people, been to one wedding which was 500 people (again no children only the bride and grooms) between big families, work and college you get invited to alot - even more so if you part of GAA. Am 40 and this year we have 3 plus my own and next year i know of at least 3 that will have too. And i know you can say no to the invite but they are good

[RampantIvy]

@Margerine78

Single childless person here on Mumsnet! I find people that have kids - and I include my mates in this - stop seeing it from the other kidless person's point of view. How would you have felt if the invite said "kids ruin weddings by crying and we don't have money to feed them all". Of course they're going to put it diplomatically and also, from my experience of friends with kids, they talk about not having time out to let hair down - so the bride/groom probably felt it was a selling point!

I agree with you, but the bride has no right to get pissy when some of their guests can't get childcare or are still breastfeeding. That is the main argument that goes back and forth on these boards.

What is GAA @Wexone?

[Wexone]

@ RampantIvy Sorry - GAA - the Gaelic Athletic Association- Its Hurling, Camogie and Gaelic Football. So you would have local teams, county teams here in Ireland - if your part of it its huge and it would alos include your grandparents, parents and relations too - So if you have a team of 30 lads and they all around getting married age - the whole teams would be invited

[Margerine78]

@RampantIvy, I am 100% with you on that. I am always sympathetic to how much responsibility my friends with kids have (and the expense of babysitters), I would want a kidless wedding but I wouldn't be a twat if a friend couldn't attend or had to being their baby at the last minute.

[Dogmummy999]

@AffIt

Yeah, I agree.

We don't have kids by choice, and if the Manpanion and I ever get round to getting married (after nigh-on 20 years), we will have a childfree-wedding.

However, I absolutely promise that I will not be using twee wordery like Example 1 or be in the slightest bit offended if parents say 'nah, you're good, thanks'.

Why u on u mumsnet if you don't want kids lol

[ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff]

@Dogmummy999 waaay mumsnet bingo! You do realise there are many, many topics here that have absolutely nothing to do with children or being a mother? 'Lol' 🙄

[AnneWeber]

I really like the word manpanion. Never heard it before.
Before you have kids you don't really get that it's not always easy giving small kids to a babysitter. I invited a friend and her dh and didn't mention her small child on the invite, she contacted me and said she was still bfing and could she bring her. I was fine with that and very pleased she asked rather than not come. Her dd was a hit with the people on their table

[Hathertonhariden]

@WhatNoRaisins

I'm just gutted to have never been invited to a wedding so sexy it's not suitable for children.

Nor me. The only childfree wedding I've been to featured a lot of inappropriate eyerolling and suppressed sniggering at the B&Gs declarations of fidelity (they had a very messy affair leading to the breakup of their previous marriages). Nothing to justify an adult status sadly.

[Fluff3]

I have 3 young kids, and I wouldnt be offended at all if I was invited to a wedding where no kids were allowed. I see the benefits of having no kids at such events, kids can be noisy espically when they are running around screaming and the parents are just sitting there letting them. I personally would enjoy myself more without having to worry about what my kids were up to. However, they should of just stated no kids allowed and not give some story as to the reason behind it, after all it is their wedding and shouldnt habe to justify their reasons. The poem was not needed.

[FirewomanSam]

I find all this talk of how weddings used to be a family occasion and that child-free weddings are a new thing really baffling.

I’m almost 40 and my parents had me young so loads of their friends got married after I was born. I only went to two weddings as a child and they were both very very close friends of my parents where I was a flower girl or bridesmaid. My parents must have gone to dozens of other weddings without me, where I wasn’t invited. I didn’t even go to my uncle’s wedding because he got married overseas and it wasn’t practical for my parents to take us kids.

So I don’t think it’s at all true that kids always used to go to weddings and that it’s just selfish self-absorbed couples nowadays who don’t invite kids.

I also think there’s a big difference between inviting a few niblings and godchildren, and inviting the kids of every single couple there. It’s not selfish or self obsessed to say that you don’t want 30 of the guests at your 120-person wedding to be children!

[Migrainesbythedozen]

[quote skippink]@Migrainesbythedozen I’ve always thought weddings were family occasions!
All those things you have listed I do not do,I go out once or twice a year with my husband and that’s it. Not everyone has your lifestyle so please don’t judge people by what you do. Not everyone can have easy access to childcare so if I’m invited to a wedding by someone who knows we have children and there not invited then I won’t go because in all honesty if I can only get a baby sitter once or twice a year then I would prefer to keep that to something that me and my husband would like to do. Were all entitled to our own opinion based on our own circumstances!![/quote]
@skippink One would think neighbourhood babysitters or teenagers looking to earn money for 4 hours don't exist in 2022! They certainly existed in abundance when I was a child! Every second high schooler was looking to make money for something they were saving up for. When did all these babysitters disappear? They were raining from the sky in my day.

[Migrainesbythedozen]

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Migrainesbythedozen We already had 2 kids by time we got married so what was ours about
I think you must of been to some weird weddings [/quote]
@worriedatthemoment I don't understand what your point is/what you are trying to say there? What does you having 2 kids have anything to do with it? How does that mean you couldn't have a childfree wedding? Even at childfree weddings often the parents children are there, that's a given. We're talking about guests here.

[Migrainesbythedozen]

@Fluff3

I have 3 young kids, and I wouldnt be offended at all if I was invited to a wedding where no kids were allowed. I see the benefits of having no kids at such events, kids can be noisy espically when they are running around screaming and the parents are just sitting there letting them. I personally would enjoy myself more without having to worry about what my kids were up to. However, they should of just stated no kids allowed and not give some story as to the reason behind it, after all it is their wedding and shouldnt habe to justify their reasons. The poem was not needed.

Yes, even the posts from those who are anti childfree weddings are so self-absorbed and show how they lack parenting skills. A few were bragging about children running around the dance floor basically tripping adults up and thought that was hilarious! Like wtf? Also another laughed about a child cheering a grandfather on after his speech. What hope have these kids got, with their parents attitude that this is ok? These parents don't parent and see nothing wrong at all with unruly kids. They're the type to smile as their darling trips an elderly aunt or screams during the vows. The people who want children at the weddings, as this thread proves, are the type to not parent their children or care if their child trips someone up. There is a 'type' of parent who doesn't watch their kids or shush them, those parents are on this thread.

[namechangedforthisoneok]

I think they've both been worded well