To not want to DP a percentage of my business..

[purpleroses100]

This is a complicated one...been with DP for 2 and a half years. When I met him, I was new to a niche and exploring it. He was already in the field and that along with many other things was part of the attraction for both of us. He was teaching others how to do this niche but on a very small scale when he met me. I've got marketing and a lot of working history and was also a uni lecturer so have formalised the teaching and structured the curriculum and just made it better as well as built out marketing.

After a while, I started teaching too, it made sense. However, my business took off more as I do more to promote. I've guided him through this and supported but I can't do it for him and he hasn't met me halfway. He's a bit bitter because I'm getting more clients in and wants a commission out of every client I get as I'm 'competiton'. My view on this is that you don't charge your partner commission you are happy that they are able to pay their bills and care for their children - especially when they are also helping you with your business and helping it to scale. I also feel like if he's charging me for his help, I should then be able to charge him for my marketing/business support - he doesn't really agree with this but agrees that he does need help with that. I have to do a lot of work with these clients and his workload doesn't increase the more clients I get so why get a commission?

We are 100% financially separate. I live alone and he stays more than half the week but doesn't pay bills or anything. He will get food and contributes for food shop but I don't feel like this is enough.

Because of that, I'm feeling resentful about commission thing I feel like as he is wayyyy better off than me with less outgoings, and wants to build a future with me, he shouldn't be charging me...I recognise the value he brings it don't feel like he recognises or values what I bring - because he hasn't engaged with it properly but has seen the results I get by doing what I've tried to get him to do.

I don't know what's right or wrong in this situation. I'm feeling more resentful everyday. He's a lovely guy in all other aspects but finances is a big deal for me. I was made redundant last year so this is what's allowing me to survive!

AIBU? Am I selfish?

@purpleroses100

Kids aren't his.

I could run it without him but I'd find a mentor instead or just a service to give me that support when I need it...

Would this person provide that for free? I doubt it. So it sounds like your partner does provide “something” that enables you to carry out your business and therefore you should work out a fee for that. In that case you should charge for your marketing services.

You need to take your personal relationship out of the picture due to tax implications and particularly if you are both running Ltd companies, you should work out what these charges should be on an arms length basis.

Bloody well done Purple.

If he continues to be arsey, produce a detailed invoice for the £000's your work would have cost him, end the romantic relationship & leave him to stew.

And congratulations on all your work in creating a business you love that supports you & DC.

He's put no more value into your biz (less, ahem) than you've put into his. Don't take any more crap.

So he’s fine to help you but as soon as you become successful, he wants your money. You didn’t become successful by accident. You put in lots of effort and skill and he wants the credit. And to live at yours half the time for free.

Also, given that he seems to be so commercially clueless, are you sure he even owns this much-vaunted IP?

Has he registered it, does he own copyright, patents & trade marks?

If he has, & he is concerned about "competition", why is he teaching other businesses to do it without licencing his 'portion' in some way, & why did he not get you to sign a waiver, or contract, or agreement to pay X%?

He's full of shit Purple.
I'm highlighting this because if you finish with him, he may get vengeful & try to exact more funds from you.
But from where I'm sitting, he doesn't have a legal to stand on.
In his arrogance, I imagine he reckons that the legals, like the marketing, aren't very important compared to his sheer brilliance.

ha ha. Serves the exploitative git right.

he doesn't have a legal to stand on

Sod it - doesn't have a legal leg to stand on.

Apologies - am so aghast, have started on the wine

If he picks the commission you have your answer as to how ‘kind’ he is.

However, I’d not be giving him any. And the last he would see of me is my arse as he picked up his things from the end of the path.

I think you should up your hourly rate OP to something that properly reflects your skills and then see how that offsets the 'commission' and no letting him up the commission afterwards.

It's incredibly valid that you have no motivation to work for him for £10ph when you can put that effort into your own business for better returns. If he want's to treat this as a business arrangement then it goes both ways.

I think its quite the red flag to be honest, I wouldn't want to end up dependent on this man for any reason.

[quote purpleroses100]@chargingbuck it's literally that. There was no educational resources at all. I wrote and researched everything and made it something that could benefit us both - just have to be rebranded - which I did for him too. It would cost him thousands to do what I did for him - built websites, branding, business coaching - list goes on.

I've told him to pick, me or the commission - and no further business help from me in the future. I feel a relief from this as now I feel like I can go 100% without feeling apologetic for my success.

[/quote]
Oh well done, I know it must be stressful but at least you will know sooner rather than later if he's worth investing any more time in!

Please do him an invoice for all the work you have put it. Ask him to do the same (at the same rate his does for his other clients). Tell him to produce the bit in the contact that you didn't sign that's the same as his other clients about commission and laugh hysterically.

When he can produce a contact that you signed about giving him commission (and that I'd the same as his other clients - that's important) you will pay his bill and give him commission. He in turn will pay the much higher one for all the work you have done for him.

Then leave him. Please please leave him.

Don't pay him any commission, your work is not affiliated marketing or the client did not sign up via his direct referrals. They signed up via your Marketing efforts.

Commissions are discussed and agreed upon before any business, not after success.

Invoice him for all your work.

Stop helping him.

Take back all the materials, samples and your work.

Don't share any of your business news, secrets or plans.

Don't give him the power to make a decision. You need to be strong and make a decision if you want to stay with him.

& please stop underpricing yourself & sorting out his materials.
Use your time & resourses on your own company to keep your family secure.
You clearly are a better business person than him 😎

I'd fucking show him competition with his shitty attitude. He has an ego issue and is a cheeky cunt!

Seconding the poster who warned that he might get arsey and try to "get his IP back". Clearly, the course syllabus is YOUR IP. He could have charged you for consultancy, had you not been his girlfriend, sure. But he didn't. Same as you didn't charge him to share the training syllabus.

As far as I understand he doesn't own any of your work but in your situation I would be looking up the relevant definitions, and thinking through yours respective contributions to get it straight in your mind.

That's a very good point,, @candycane222.

Purple - you are clearly a competent, smart operator.
How about getting onto the IPO to protect the the copyright around your branding, etc?

If I were you I'd break your business down into components and assign a value.

Example

1. IP from partner
2. Consulting from partner
3. Your development work - curriculum, marketing, branding
4. What you've provided him with

He owes you as much as you owe him (figuratively speaking, not $$).

I would come up with a figure you think is fair for the support he's given you. Offset what you've given him and commissions already paid and then offer him a lump sum for the balance. Get him out all together. You don't want to be paying him commission for ever and a day.

Moving forward, if either of you want help from the other, you do so at reasonable commercial rates or a commercial rate with a discount applied.

At the moment he needs to do little work as he's getting $$ from you for something that sounds like it's losing it's relevance for you.

Offset what you've given him and commissions already paid and then offer him a lump sum for the balance.
Why are you assuming that the lump sum would be in his favour, @k1233?
She's brought in 48 or his 50 clients - he brought her 0 clients.

Get him out all together. You don't want to be paying him commission for ever and a day.?
There is no legal obligation for OP to pay this commission.
She's just been browbeaten into it, to the point she thought it was acceptable or normal.
It isn't.
He's taught/consulted to many businesses in the same manner. He isn't chasing them for (unearned) commission.
You know why? - because he's not shagging them, so he can't manipulate them into thinking they owe him ...

OF his 50 clients. Sorry.

OP,

You are getting great advice above.

You owe him nothing.

He is a mean CF who is half living off you, whilst you try and provide for your children.

He is not a good man.

Well done for deciding to step back.
Keep yourself separate from him financially.

You owe him nothing.

Counselling would be good for you, to strengthen your boundaries.

He's a lazy waster trying to live off you.

You deserve better.

Op he's a wanker. A cocklodging wanker at that.

@ChargingBuck I'm not assuming she owes him anything. Once she works out the figures he may owe her. I was stepping out the process and option if his contributions were more than hers. If she has done more, I'd be drawing a line under the whole thing.

At the moment OP is going to keep paying the commission. She's said "he can keep the commission" and "it's her or the commission". IMO she needs to stop paying it altogether. I gave her a way to quantify the value of his input into her business and her input into his and finalise the matter once and for all.

I agree @k1233.

Just didn't want OP to see offer him a lump sum for the balance as playing into his narrative that of course she owes him, because his contribution is so much more valid.

As per my point above, about who actually brought in all the clients ... I'd love to see the figures on that presented to him, with a request for a lump sum for the balance

Probably make him angry enough to flounce, & leave OP in peace forevermore, hurrah!

What does IP stand for?

@JamieNorthlife

Don't pay him any commission, your work is not affiliated marketing or the client did not sign up via his direct referrals. They signed up via your Marketing efforts.

Commissions are discussed and agreed upon before any business, not after success.

Invoice him for all your work.

Stop helping him.

Take back all the materials, samples and your work.

Don't share any of your business news, secrets or plans.

Don't give him the power to make a decision. You need to be strong and make a decision if you want to stay with him.

I agree with this 100% Also dump him and don't give him another penny. He's showing you who he is.

@Muchmorethan

What does IP stand for?

Intellectual property ,

At a guess

Did you sign a contract to pay commission at the time he taught you?