To not want to DP a percentage of my business..

[purpleroses100]

This is a complicated one...been with DP for 2 and a half years. When I met him, I was new to a niche and exploring it. He was already in the field and that along with many other things was part of the attraction for both of us. He was teaching others how to do this niche but on a very small scale when he met me. I've got marketing and a lot of working history and was also a uni lecturer so have formalised the teaching and structured the curriculum and just made it better as well as built out marketing.

After a while, I started teaching too, it made sense. However, my business took off more as I do more to promote. I've guided him through this and supported but I can't do it for him and he hasn't met me halfway. He's a bit bitter because I'm getting more clients in and wants a commission out of every client I get as I'm 'competiton'. My view on this is that you don't charge your partner commission you are happy that they are able to pay their bills and care for their children - especially when they are also helping you with your business and helping it to scale. I also feel like if he's charging me for his help, I should then be able to charge him for my marketing/business support - he doesn't really agree with this but agrees that he does need help with that. I have to do a lot of work with these clients and his workload doesn't increase the more clients I get so why get a commission?

We are 100% financially separate. I live alone and he stays more than half the week but doesn't pay bills or anything. He will get food and contributes for food shop but I don't feel like this is enough.

Because of that, I'm feeling resentful about commission thing I feel like as he is wayyyy better off than me with less outgoings, and wants to build a future with me, he shouldn't be charging me...I recognise the value he brings it don't feel like he recognises or values what I bring - because he hasn't engaged with it properly but has seen the results I get by doing what I've tried to get him to do.

I don't know what's right or wrong in this situation. I'm feeling more resentful everyday. He's a lovely guy in all other aspects but finances is a big deal for me. I was made redundant last year so this is what's allowing me to survive!

AIBU? Am I selfish?

[purpleroses100]

It deffo is the unfairness which is bothering me.

Ideally we would be in business together however, my business is gender specific which means that it's me that has to head it and run it. The clients are buying into me...

[IncompleteSenten]

You could tell him if he wants paying for his contribution to you then you want paying for your contribution to him, so would he like you to exchange invoices or agree to pay one another in services instead.

I'd go with stopping using his services altogether tbh. You can do it on your own and his resentment is going to grow and grow until your relationship is unsustainable.

[WonderfulYou]

He seems to have helped you a lot to become successful - so in that sense you do owe him. And if I was him I’d be annoyed that I’ve basically taught you everything I know and now you’re taking my clients.

However charging a commission is odd and I wouldn’t be doing this.

Would it not be better to join forces and create one super team as you both have strengths in different areas?

[Penners99]

He is a greedy CF. Time to get rid of him.

[Luredbyapomegranate]

Obviously not, if he doesn’t intro you to clients, and you don’t use his IP, what are you giving him commission for?

It would be best to separate your businesses, as it seems clear that you are going to continue to do better than him, and it’s likely to become a running sore.

[Viviennemary]

This is a complete non starter. You are never going to agree. You both think what's mine is mine but whats yours is for sharing. No good.

[HollowTalk]

Can you clarify something? I know you want to be vague about the business but is it possible for you and him to have equally successful businesses, not taking clients off each other? Rather than charging each other is it possible for you to both agree to a couple of hours a week where are you give advice to each other and keep your businesses separate?

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

Maximum CF thats a big fat no from me.

[Totalwasteofpaper]

He's a bit bitter because I'm getting more clients in and wants a commission out of every client I get as I'm 'competiton'.

You say its gender (sex) specific so they wouldn't be his clients anyway.
I would laugh if my DH did this.

Stop any mentoring / whatever and keep your businesses totally separate unless you want to go in together (which I would be very apprehensive about)

If his business was making £200k pa amd you were making £20k do you think he'd still be insisting on a commission? He is looking to put his hand in your pocket because his business isn't thriving

[RandomMess]

Charge him £20 per hour and you pay him £20 per hour when you need his expertise for your clients.

[purpleroses100]

@whatwasIgoingtosay if we took out the romantic side, I would stay clear of this set up as a percentage of all my earnings is going down the mlm route. I don't agree that I should give a commission of all my earnings because I learnt something from them...

It's hard to separate out the business and relationship bit....he's so set on it and his reasoning is that he has spent years learning this... not as many years as I have spent learning my crafts tho....that goes unnoticed by him

[BatshitBanshee]

Is he acting as a consultant for you now on an ongoing basis? Or just in the beginning. Tbh I'd give him fuck all. If he felt that precious about it in the beginning he should have said, can we just do a flat fee for my consultation and advice or agree to nothing so this doesn't get messy.

Now he's trying to claim it retrospectively.

Because you're doing very well.

Cut him loose. If his skills that you need aren't exclusive to him then get rid and find someone else or another service that can do the same. I don't like the fact he's getting arsey now when you're doing well with your business. What did he think in the beginning? That you were just doing a "little woman business'?

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Then have that conversation. He doesn't get to be your boss. You don't have to let him.

And MLM? Really?

Please, by the beginning of the new tax year, restructure your business, and maybe your relationship too!

[Oblomov22]

I'm confused too as to how much you still need him, business wise? What if you split up tomorrow, what would happen to your business?

You should probably hire a mentor anyway. And if he saw you do that, I suspect he wouldn't like it.

[HollowTalk]

He needs to factor in the fact he's living with you rent three for half the week. Your bills will be higher as a result and this will be much lower.

[purpleroses100]

Batshitbanshee - lol at the last comment! My business is gender specific but his isn't.....

I'd love to find a way for us to work together on something but my audience is so niche that it just wouldn't work with this....

[purpleroses100]

@randommess - I think that could work. £20 p/h for each of us...

[ExtraOnion]

Mixing Business and pleasure can be a dangerous thing.

You have three choices - as the current situation is not sustainable.

1. You create a formal Business partnership, a legal entity, and you both work through that.
   

1. You keep your businesses separate, but with a formal agreement around paid consultancy and IP (in that you can’t “just ask” for help, and vice versa - you have an hourly rate … this would include a back payment for any IP materials you used)
   

1. You stay desperate, and split up

[purpleroses100]

@randommess - if he agrees to it of course! He won't be happy but I'd be happier.

This issue is always in the back of my head and I've woken up yesterday and today just feeling anger and sadness about this.

If I was caking it in, then I would maybe get it more but I'm not...I'm just about keeping my head above water. As soon as client money comes in, it goes out again on bills!

[purpleroses100]

@extraonion

I think option 2 is the way we can hopefully go......

Just want to say, he is the best partner I've had, kind. Emotionally supportive etc, just when it comes to finance and business, we clash in our opinions.

[GabriellaMontez]

@Penners99

He is a greedy CF. Time to get rid of him.

This.

A commission or payment system has to cut both ways. That he thinks you should pay him only speaks volumes. Reality is that you've worked harder, done better and he's annoyed and a bit jealous.

We all help out our partners/friends here and there. If he wants to formalise your arrangement make sure you do the same.

[LtJudyHopps]

By the sounds of it he shouldn’t be getting commission from your clients! But it does sound like you should be paying consultancy fees if you’re getting support from him. If you’re doing that, charge him full rates for support you give him!

[TheHoptimist]

Sound slick you cant do it on your own- you need him or a mentor (which you would pay for)

Pay him a consultancy fee when you need to consult him
£75 an hour (minimum 1 hour) sounds about right.

[purpleroses100]

@Oblomov22 if we split tomorrow it wouldn't actually affect me as I'm very soon changing my business format to a one-off educational product.

[ChargingBuck]

@purpleroses100

Just to make sure I'm giving all background, if I didn't have him there, I wouldn't be doing this business as his support gives me confidence and his expertise.

Yeah, I think this is actually more important for you to explore than the commission element, frankly.

He doesn't deserve a % from you. He hasn't earned it. You don't charge him for your expertise. It's worrying that he sets himself up as more deserving than you, undervalues your contribution, & is badgering you for a share of your business.

It speaks volumes that he's also tight about contributing to your domestic costs, but is happy to take advantage of your hospitality half the week.

Listen up OP - your business has now exceeded his, but you are buying into some bullshit notion that he is somehow a superior operator to you, & that you wouldn't feel confident without him.

I think this is rubbish. You know it too, when you set aside the idea he's sold you that he is somehow your business better & you need his mentorship.
However, my business took off more as I do more to promote. I've guided him through this and supported but I can't do it for him and he hasn't met me halfway.

In a previous life, I was a big-ticket sales manager OP.
If I was managing you 2 as a team, & your b/f came to me whinging that he wanted a cut of your commission because ... "'snot fair, Purple works smarter than me, is more active in getting leads, follows up emails, so she's winning more clients so she gets paid more & I should get some of it"
... I would be performance reviewing the fuck out of him with an eye to letting him go.

I believe YOU should do the same Purple.
This dynamic is a classic. Woman does more work, is smarter, produces more business - man gets territorial, claims woman's effort is his own, & demands credit for it.

Fuck him.