Page 5 | To not want to DP a percentage of my business..

LuaDipa · 23/01/2022 12:56

He sounds awful if I’m honest. He plays down your contribution to his business while inflating his contribution to yours. His contribution is deserving of a commission while he doesn’t value yours enough to pay you your proper rates. He seems to begrudge you your success and this is not the foundation of an effective partnership.

The not paying anything when he’s with you for half a week is just stingy, particularly given you have a family to support. I couldn’t respect anyone who didn’t want to pay their fair share and I’m wondering why you put up with this.

If I was you I would find a mentor and get rid. He’s not kind and emotionally supportive, he’s a skinflint twat.

ChargingBuck · 23/01/2022 12:57

Then I guess he’s saved you from paying someone else??

Exactly the grateful tone I took with the man who mugged me in the street yesterday @Honeyroar.

I thanked him for his generosity in helping me not get mugged by someone else, & asked him his bank details so I could set up an ongoing commission from my future earnings.

Original poster

purpleroses100 · 23/01/2022 12:57

And I feel like he has brainwashed me slightly into his thinking that I should be paying him commissions!! I have two sides of me that are battling against each other as to whether it's right or not.....in my heart I know it isn't but I don't get what he doesn't see that when most of the time he is very understanding and considerate!

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TheHoptimist · 23/01/2022 12:58

Its not really a mentor- it specific professional advice on a job. You expect to pay heavily for that

TheHoptimist · 23/01/2022 12:59

You don't charge your partner for stuff! That's my thinking but he doesn't agree.

It isnt about being partners
It is a business to business relationship

Original poster

purpleroses100 · 23/01/2022 12:59

@emmah I think our consultancy to each other cancels out the cost for each of us but he doesn't!

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Branleuse · 23/01/2022 13:00

so he has taught you and youve listened and learned from him in order to take it somewhere, and youve also helped him improve his business, but most of the things youve tried to teach him, he hasnt actively tried to learn

100Cause0ftheSauce · 23/01/2022 13:01

Financially, it would be better if you put your profits into a pension and/or savings for your children

Do this now, if you aren't already

Then you will have no "spare money" to pay him commission any way

Bringsexyback · 23/01/2022 13:01

@purpleroses100 my darling you do not need a relationship counselling you need to go and get yourself a nice new haircut and some nice new clothes and ditch the dead weight holding ypu back. You’re proud of the fact that you’re not financially dependent on him and yet you’re providing him with bed-and-breakfast so he obviously doesn’t have the same high standards.

GabriellaMontez · 23/01/2022 13:03

Have you mentioned to him that you don't feel he contributes enough to the household? If not, why not?

Hankunamatata · 23/01/2022 13:03

I'm no type of business person buy wouldn't it be sensible for him to pay you to do his marketing?

EmmaH2022 · 23/01/2022 13:05

[quote purpleroses100]@emmah I think our consultancy to each other cancels out the cost for each of us but he doesn't![/quote]
I don't see how this can work unless you are both willing to draw a line under it

I must admit, if you are crediting him with you being in the business at all, then I think I'd give some money IF you break up. Or just give him a £100 gift card or something.

CoastalWave · 23/01/2022 13:05

@purpleroses100

Just to make sure I'm giving all background, if I didn't have him there, I wouldn't be doing this business as his support gives me confidence and his expertise.

I helped my ex DP set up his business. I did it with no strings attached because we were a couple.

We did end up splitting but I've never felt resentful. His business is incredibly successful now. I still don't go without - IF i needed money in an emergency he would 100% give me some.

You're either in this together - as a team - or you're not.

Sounds like you're not really that into him imo.

Why2why · 23/01/2022 13:08

@purpleroses100

This is a complicated one...been with DP for 2 and a half years. When I met him, I was new to a niche and exploring it. He was already in the field and that along with many other things was part of the attraction for both of us. He was teaching others how to do this niche but on a very small scale when he met me. I've got marketing and a lot of working history and was also a uni lecturer so have formalised the teaching and structured the curriculum and just made it better as well as built out marketing.

After a while, I started teaching too, it made sense. However, my business took off more as I do more to promote. I've guided him through this and supported but I can't do it for him and he hasn't met me halfway. He's a bit bitter because I'm getting more clients in and wants a commission out of every client I get as I'm 'competiton'. My view on this is that you don't charge your partner commission you are happy that they are able to pay their bills and care for their children - especially when they are also helping you with your business and helping it to scale. I also feel like if he's charging me for his help, I should then be able to charge him for my marketing/business support - he doesn't really agree with this but agrees that he does need help with that. I have to do a lot of work with these clients and his workload doesn't increase the more clients I get so why get a commission?

We are 100% financially separate. I live alone and he stays more than half the week but doesn't pay bills or anything. He will get food and contributes for food shop but I don't feel like this is enough.

Because of that, I'm feeling resentful about commission thing I feel like as he is wayyyy better off than me with less outgoings, and wants to build a future with me, he shouldn't be charging me...I recognise the value he brings it don't feel like he recognises or values what I bring - because he hasn't engaged with it properly but has seen the results I get by doing what I've tried to get him to do.

I don't know what's right or wrong in this situation. I'm feeling more resentful everyday. He's a lovely guy in all other aspects but finances is a big deal for me. I was made redundant last year so this is what's allowing me to survive!

AIBU? Am I selfish?

This relationship is going nowhere. Money is coming between the two of you. Bitterness, resentment and jealousy. The two of you should part ways.

ChargingBuck · 23/01/2022 13:08

To PP that said I've ripped off his business and IP - I used to freelance helping people start and grow businesses...he's had me in-house for two years...he had 2 clients when I met him and well over 50 now. I've rebranded him and he has learnt from how I deliver sessions. I definitely bring value whether he credits me or not! He encouraged me to do this, it made sense based on my history and I was stuck in my career. When I started to do well, his resentment came in....

JFC it gets worse ...

You'll be raising an invoice for a commission on those 48 new clients of his then will you Purple?

Of course you won't. Because you're not a venal self-serving arse.
So stop allowing him to do it to you.

I think the counselling is going to be fruitless btw.
A counsellor isn't going to make him see how unfair (& typically sexist) he is being.

Essentially - you don't need him.
But he needs you. He wants to profit from your expertise, but sees your expertise as lesser.
The fucking gall of the £10/hour set-up! - Purple, he thinks your hard-won experience is worth minimum wage. And that you should pay him ad infinitum for work he does not do.

He's a leech & a headfucker.
AS PP astutely observed upthread - does he charge ongoing commission to the other businesses he initially consulted to/taught? Does he fuck.
See @C8H10N4O2's pithy summary:
What I'm actually seeing is the well trodden pattern of a man dismissing the woman's contribution and overstating his own.

Just like he does when he takes advantage of your domestic hospitality & doesn't believe he should contribute. He's used the romantic relationship to manipulate you into capitulation.

LemonSwan · 23/01/2022 13:09

It sounds quite complicated.

The sensible thing to do from a business point of view would be to merge the companies into 1.

Obviously thats probably not the best idea because you have only been together 2.5 years, and you dont see yourself as one unit (otherwise you wouldnt be having these arguments).

Original poster

purpleroses100 · 23/01/2022 13:09

@hakunamata

The amount I'd have to charge him to make it worthwhile for me, he wouldn't pay. I haven't been able to find him someone who can do it as a reasonable price and where I wouldn't have to spend hours teaching them the basics.

His business/marketing skills aren't that great tbh..he has great ideas but can't implement them whereas I can...

We've actually had an idea for a joint business that ties in with what we are doing but I'm hesitant to actually start the business as I think he will want more % than me or half but I'll be doing most the work....

I want him to win and do well....but this commission he wants from he really uninspires me to go out of my way for him anymore

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7eleven · 23/01/2022 13:09

Why don’t you pool your talents and go into business together? Formally, with contracts and everything.

QuestionsorComments · 23/01/2022 13:10

Oh dear, this would be making me question the whole relationship. It's so one sided and all take from him.

If you could divide things up so you each played to your own strengths that might work, but it sounds like the strengths are all yours.

EmmaH2022 · 23/01/2022 13:11

Oh sorry
I somehow missed 2 clients to 50

No, this is mad. I think parting ways sounds best. If you stay together, you need to keep work away from it.

WorriedGiraffe · 23/01/2022 13:11

@purpleroses100

Kids aren't his.

I could run it without him but I'd find a mentor instead or just a service to give me that support when I need it...

But then you’d pay them surely? Do you still pay him for the services he provides to you? Im having a little trouble understanding wether you do or don’t sorry

LemonSwan · 23/01/2022 13:11

We've actually had an idea for a joint business that ties in with what we are doing but I'm hesitant to actually start the business as I think he will want more % than me or half but I'll be doing most the work....

An other alternative is that both of your businesses stay as they are but you both become 50% shareholders of each others.

Original poster

purpleroses100 · 23/01/2022 13:12

@lemonswan we aren't one unit...he didn't want that...I gave him the chance to move in with me when I moved house and he didn't want to as he didn't want to pay half for stuff in case we split up down the line...he's been scorned before....

I haven't let go of that comment and it plays in my head like the commission thing!

I feel like I need the counsellor to break down how I feel or just someone who is neutral to show him I'm not being unreasonable!

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SpeedRunParent · 23/01/2022 13:13

If he wants commission, charge him consultancy fees for your input. You still win.

Original poster

purpleroses100 · 23/01/2022 13:13

@lemonswan he wouldn't give me half of his as he started this before I did and wouldn't deem that as fair..

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