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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not ask for money from scratchcard win

160 replies

Geauxtigers · 23/01/2022 01:15

OK this is pretty simple.

I always buy a £1 scratchcard to put in people's birthday cards. I've been doing this for over a decade. Last month a good friend won a decent 4 figure sum on the scratchcard I put in their card.
My husband thinks I should ask for half of it because I bought it for them.
But in my opinion I bought the scratchcard as a gift and in doing so was opening myself up to the possibility of them winning a lot of money.

If I hadn't been buying it as a gift I wouldn't habe bought the scratchcard so it's not like I bought a roll of 5 and gave them the winning one. My husband and I never argue but he's really pushing me to ask on this one. We aren't rich but we also aren't struggling so I don't know why he's so insistent that I ask for some of it.

If it was me I would offer half to the person who bought me the card, but this is because I'm fairly financially stable and I don't know the financial status of this friend but I'd suspect its not as good as ours.

So am I being unreasonable to just celebrate the win with my friend and not ask her for some of the money?

*she did say when she told me she'd won "We'll have to go put for a meal, babysitter and dinner on us" which I personally thought was lovely

OP posts:
givemepiece · 23/01/2022 12:00

Show your husband this thread

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/01/2022 12:03

Your DH is completely wrong. As pps have said, it was a gift ! You don’t ask for half of a gift back.

Frozenlikeablockofmarble · 23/01/2022 12:13

One thing - why does your husband even know what you gave your friend? DH and I were out yesterday buying a small gift as part of our shopping, but he wouldn’t normally even know, think to enquire, remember or be fussed by what I gave to my family or friends unless I’m stumped or we’re out together. We do discuss gifts, yes, especially to immediate family and mutual friends, but we don’t drill down to the level of detail whereby we keep tabs on each other’s gifts to relevant folk with exactitude - that seems to me a deeply unattractive trait. We might share - oh so-and-so was delighted, or is still wearing that thing we gave them 10 years ago. If it was a scratchcard we’d both be pleased that the gift had had benefits to the recipient beyond what we’d spent on them. And neither of us would ever think to recall the gift in whole or in part, as that’s effectively what your DP is doing. Offering your friend a loan as a gift, to be repaid at an exorbitant rate of interest, is effectively how he’s seeing it.

Ipadflowers · 23/01/2022 12:57

@Toanewstart22

I would lose all respect for my dh if he ever made a suggestion like this
Me too, I actually said to my husband about this thread, just the synopsis to see his reaction on what he’d do and he immediately said what, no way, they can’t ask them for money, how embarrassing for them, it was a gift.

Thankfully. I’d have lost respect if he said he’d put his hand out.

It’s just so entitled grabby and full of jealousy. I’d go out for dinner with them to celebrate but I’d pay my half and certainly not take cash to pay for my babysitter. It was a gift, you don’t put your hand out try to snatch some of it back.

JackieWeaversZoomAc · 23/01/2022 13:30

Surely the who idea of giving someone a small piece of cardboard as a gift is the idea that they might actually win something- otherwise why would you put it in a card?

Your DH is being a dick.

Original poster
Geauxtigers · 23/01/2022 18:22

@StrangerThanSpring

I agree that a scratch card might seem a fun present to give but money really does cause a lot of problems. What if she had won millions? It would cause so many issues.
It was a scratchcard with a £100,000 top prize so no millions could have been won.
OP posts:
Original poster
Geauxtigers · 23/01/2022 18:31

Thanks for all the messages and reassuring me that I'm not completely losing the plot!

We've had another chat about it and I've said I won't put scratchcards in cards anymore. I asked why he was so insistent I ask for the money and he just kept saying "well if it was the other way around you would have given her half" which is probably true but not the point at all.
I asked if he was having secret money trouble and he showed me his bank account, very healthy and all our money is still in our joint account so I don't think it's that.

I don't think he will mention it again, but I now have to dread him saying something at said meal if it ever happens. Think I might just make it a girls night one weekend he's working nights

OP posts:
RoseSays · 23/01/2022 18:39

Yes, I wouldn't want your dh to be at the dinner either - can you suggest to your friend dinner for 2 and leave the husbands looking after the dc?

GrannytoaUnicorn · 23/01/2022 18:43

I hope she's not a Mumsnetter!

@Geauxtigers Show your DH this thread & the unanimous verdict!

Bobonelove · 23/01/2022 18:45

You sound lovely as your friend offering meal ect , i wouldnt want to take your husband on the night out , how akward!! See if she fances a girlie night instead 😊

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 23/01/2022 18:53

Glad he’s finally come to terms with his unreasonable reaction, OP.

If you're going to ask for half of any winnings from a gifted scratchcard, you may as well just scratch it yourself and give them half of any winnings than actually gift them the card.

That would seem ‘logical’ – but people don’t do that because they know the overwhelming odds are that they’ve given somebody a worthless bit of paper – or one likely only worth a pound or two. Telling them “I was going to give you half of a scratchcard, but it was a loser, thus I haven’t given you anything at all!” is complete rubbish. Plus, there’s always the friend thinking: if it had been £100, you would have given me £50; but if it had been a biggie, you would have just kept it and designated another one as ‘my’ card!

If a friend gave me a scratchcard and I won would I give them half?
If it was £10 or £25 then definitely no. But if it was £5000 then yes I definitely would give them half. I still have a huge amount more than a ‘normal’ birthday present and it is all because my friend bought me a card. So no work or effort on my part.

It’s very little work or effort on the part of the giver either. A gifted scratchcard is almost always going to be a worthless gift – its only actual value as a gift is the possibility of it being a big win. Conversely, would you ask for another present in the highly likely event of it being worth nothing or maybe £1?

Can you go for the dinner without it being a disaster ? Is he going to be able to be gracious or sit there seething with resentment and jealousy snd wanting their money?

Be on your guard for him having a colossal blow-out: ordering the lobster and several bottles of fine wine – not asking for the money per se, but basically getting it anyway.

Freecuthbert · 23/01/2022 19:03

Wow, your husband is being extremely unreasonable! If I won 4 figures on a scratchcard bought for me as a gift, I wouldn't share half of that with whoever bought it. That amount of money would really help me and my family out. I would probably offer the same, paying for a lovely meal out or something along those lines. If they asked me for half, I'd be gobsmacked! How rude and entitled. I hope your husband stops making such an issue of this! He is being incredibly grabby!

Hawkins001 · 23/01/2022 21:15

@Geauxtigers

Thanks for all the messages and reassuring me that I'm not completely losing the plot!

We've had another chat about it and I've said I won't put scratchcards in cards anymore. I asked why he was so insistent I ask for the money and he just kept saying "well if it was the other way around you would have given her half" which is probably true but not the point at all.
I asked if he was having secret money trouble and he showed me his bank account, very healthy and all our money is still in our joint account so I don't think it's that.

I don't think he will mention it again, but I now have to dread him saying something at said meal if it ever happens. Think I might just make it a girls night one weekend he's working nights

It sounds like possibly he wanted to buy,.something but without using his own finances and saw his chance with the winning card.
Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 23/01/2022 21:26

No way! You gave it as a gift. You don't get half of a gift voucher or a box of chocolates when you gift them. He's being jealous and greedy.

Fairylightsongs · 23/01/2022 21:42

Think I might just make it a girls night one weekend he's working nights

I would, it’s never nice to realise you got with that bloke, the one no other woman wants, all you can do is damage limitation. Go with alone, deal wfh the fact you’ve got what no one else wants as the next step.

GrandRapids · 23/01/2022 21:55

Your husband needs to pipe down. I'm cringing just thinking about you asking for a slice of her winnings Grin

I also buy people scratch cards. If someone had a big win, there might be a little part of me that would love them to share it but I'd never stoop so low as to ask!

caringcarer · 23/01/2022 21:57

You can't ask for part of a gift back. It was lovely.of her to suggest going put for treat with money.

SallyGoLucky · 23/01/2022 21:58

Oh my, please do not ask for the money. How cringe!!!

Money really does bring out the worst in some people, unfortunately in this case it's your husband! How greedy of him.

HaggisBurger · 23/01/2022 22:01

Why just half? Why not all? Or 39% - of course you’re DH is being a dick. I’d be mortified to ask and she’s played it v nicely and graciously

SunshineCake1 · 23/01/2022 22:02

I'm not sure I'd go for the meal as I'd be worried he'd start tantruming about the money in the restaurant and/or ordering far too much to make up for them not sharing their winnings Hmm.

SunshineCake1 · 23/01/2022 22:07

Why are you letting him dictate what you buy for your friends ? Don't give in to his stupid behaviour.

HaggisBurger · 23/01/2022 22:31

@Frozenlikeablockofmarble

One thing - why does your husband even know what you gave your friend? DH and I were out yesterday buying a small gift as part of our shopping, but he wouldn’t normally even know, think to enquire, remember or be fussed by what I gave to my family or friends unless I’m stumped or we’re out together. We do discuss gifts, yes, especially to immediate family and mutual friends, but we don’t drill down to the level of detail whereby we keep tabs on each other’s gifts to relevant folk with exactitude - that seems to me a deeply unattractive trait. We might share - oh so-and-so was delighted, or is still wearing that thing we gave them 10 years ago. If it was a scratchcard we’d both be pleased that the gift had had benefits to the recipient beyond what we’d spent on them. And neither of us would ever think to recall the gift in whole or in part, as that’s effectively what your DP is doing. Offering your friend a loan as a gift, to be repaid at an exorbitant rate of interest, is effectively how he’s seeing it.
Errrr … well I imagine the OP might have mentioned it retrospectively when her friend had a big win!! Newsworthy in most households. What an odd comment.
Ploppy1322 · 23/01/2022 22:48

She probably should have offered to share a bit with you but you absolutely can't ask, that conversation cannot go well, if she wanted to share she would have so she can only refuse 🙄

FortniteBoysMum · 23/01/2022 23:03

If you had put the pound in the card and they purchased the scratch card themselves would he expect you to ask for half? A gift is a gift. Is he the type of person who would give half if it had been him receiving it? Your friend sounds nice having offered to take you out. Totally siding with you here. His being ridiculous.

Original poster
Geauxtigers · 24/01/2022 07:59

@Fairylightsongs

Think I might just make it a girls night one weekend he's working nights

I would, it’s never nice to realise you got with that bloke, the one no other woman wants, all you can do is damage limitation. Go with alone, deal wfh the fact you’ve got what no one else wants as the next step.

Wow... He's not that bad!

I actually came on to post on here as it was so out of character for him. So he definitely won't be thrown in the bin over this!

And for the other poster wondering why he knew what I gifted her. I'd think it was a bit odd if he didn't know. We spend a lot of time together and we both always sign all the birthday cards that go out of this house. I can't imagine a scenario in our house where I wouldn't mention "oh it's x's birthday I was going to give them y"

I think he was probably just a bit annoyed for me, as he knows I would have given her some money if it was the other way around, and he feels disappointed he won't see some free cash. But he hasn't mentioned it again now and there's no weird atmosphere so I think he's dropped it.

I'll definitely be suggesting a girlie night out though!

OP posts: