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AIBU?

To not ask for money from scratchcard win

160 replies

Geauxtigers · 23/01/2022 01:15

OK this is pretty simple.

I always buy a £1 scratchcard to put in people's birthday cards. I've been doing this for over a decade. Last month a good friend won a decent 4 figure sum on the scratchcard I put in their card.
My husband thinks I should ask for half of it because I bought it for them.
But in my opinion I bought the scratchcard as a gift and in doing so was opening myself up to the possibility of them winning a lot of money.

If I hadn't been buying it as a gift I wouldn't habe bought the scratchcard so it's not like I bought a roll of 5 and gave them the winning one. My husband and I never argue but he's really pushing me to ask on this one. We aren't rich but we also aren't struggling so I don't know why he's so insistent that I ask for some of it.

If it was me I would offer half to the person who bought me the card, but this is because I'm fairly financially stable and I don't know the financial status of this friend but I'd suspect its not as good as ours.

So am I being unreasonable to just celebrate the win with my friend and not ask her for some of the money?

*she did say when she told me she'd won "We'll have to go put for a meal, babysitter and dinner on us" which I personally thought was lovely

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1324 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
3%
You are NOT being unreasonable
97%
IncompleteSenten · 23/01/2022 07:14

Also, if you go for that meal - go alone.

Your husband will likely ruin the evening taking pot shots at them.

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Mumrey · 23/01/2022 07:14

No way, nothing to do with him! If I was in your friend's position, I would arrange a meal out in a nice restaurant as a thank you.

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CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 23/01/2022 07:15

I'm with you OP. No way would I ask for anything - it was a gift! Your DH is being presumptuous and grabby and would ruin the friendship.

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Iwonderwhatsnext · 23/01/2022 07:19

Sorry this is awkward op.
If I was in this situation I would set a clear boundary with my hubby and explain that as he didn’t buy the scratch card actually it’s my choice on how to proceed.
His reaction would give me questions. To me it sounds like he’s worrying about money. Best of luck x

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DockOTheBay · 23/01/2022 07:23

What about if someone won £5, should they pay you back £2.50?
Should the people who won nothing, be claiming back £1 for the present they didn't get.

His logic is flawed, you're definitely right.

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Tubs11 · 23/01/2022 07:32

Your friendship will be over if you ask for half

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Flocon · 23/01/2022 07:35

The whole point is you've given them the scratch card. If you'd kept it it would be yours. Your DH is an idiot.

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erinaceus · 23/01/2022 07:57

The suggestion that they give you half the money is bonkers.

Congratulations to your friends on their lucky win! If they do indeed take you for dinner and so on, that is kind and generous of them.

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1AngelicFruitCake · 23/01/2022 08:37

I personally wouldn’t give a scratch card for this reason and also because id worry I could be introducing someone to gambling (maybe I’m weird).

If I’d won I would have offered the person who bought it some money or at least given them a gift card with money on it.

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Ipadflowers · 23/01/2022 08:41

This made me cringe so hard my toes curled. You can’t ask her for money. I don’t know what’s wrong with your husband, he sounds jealous and grabby but you simply can’t ask her for her money. That’s just so bad.

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Biker47 · 23/01/2022 08:55

If you're going to ask for half of any winnings from a gifted scratchcard, you may as well just scratch it yourself and give them half of any winnings than actually gift them the card.

Your husband is being unreasonable and grabby, you gave the scratchcards as a gift, he sounds like the type of person who'd expect to be gifted a massive amounts from a lottery win of some distant relative or friend, and then seethe and be angry when he's not given anything or what he's given he deems as "not enough".

I usually get my granddad scratchcards for Christmas, I'd want and expect nothing back if he won a decent amount on the cards I gave him.

I also agree with him probably ending up making a passive aggressive comment about it if you go out for dinner with you friend.

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Ipadflowers · 23/01/2022 08:59

I can’t even imagine the conversation, what would you even say, thanks for the meal, can you also give me a couple of grand, here’s my bank account details?

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Fairyliz · 23/01/2022 09:10

Ok going against the grain here I can sort of see where your husband is coming from although I would never ask.
If a friend gave me a scratchcard and I won would I give them half? Hmm
If it was £10 or £25 then definitely no. But if it was £5000 then yes I definitely would give them half. I still have a huge amount more than a ‘normal’ birthday present and it is all because my friend bought me a card. So no work or effort on my part.
Fingers crossed your friend thinks the same.

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Beautiful3 · 23/01/2022 09:25

No it was a gift. Yo can only claim half, if you told her before hand, you want half of the winnings.

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Pretzel1 · 23/01/2022 09:32

Do not ask. Hes probably a bit jealous as essentially its free money and hes probably thinking although you are comfortable half of a nice 4 figure sum would be nice which of course it would be for all of us. However you got this scratch card as a present knowing full well she could win (very rare its usual to win £1 at most) it would be wrong of you to ask for it back and im glad you see the reasoning in it OP. Tell him to start buying his own scratch cards and wish him luck. I think the gesture of buying you dinner is a nice idea though

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mrsbitaly · 23/01/2022 09:34

If someone gave me a scratch card and I won I most certainly would give them a portion of the money.

If I gave it to someone I couldn't ask for it though its the risk you take when buying a scratchcard for someone

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Itsalmostanaccessory · 23/01/2022 09:35

Your husband is behaving like a spoilt child. It wasnt his present. He cant have any of it. I cant believe a grown man needs to be told that.

I dont think I've ever said this before because it iis usually such a bad idea, but maybe show him the opinions on this thread.

I'm not really sure that you should accept the dinner invitation, or at least put it off for a few months. If you go now or the newer future, your husband is going to be buffy and behave like a twit. You know he'll he making snide digs at them about the money or strongly hinting that it should be shared etc. It will end up being an embarrassing and awkward evening for everyone.

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Ipadflowers · 23/01/2022 09:38

Can you go for the dinner without it being a disaster ? Is he going to be able to be gracious or sit there seething with resentment and jealousy snd wanting their money? Because they are likely going to talk about it and their plans for it.

I do think you can’t give scratchcards any more if he can’t cope with people winning and it causes you both issues if they do because he will then want their money,

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Inmypjsagain · 23/01/2022 09:39

www.national-lottery.com/amp/news/national-lottery-tickets-as-gifts you might find this interesting OP.

I wouldn’t ask, you have the gift of the scratch card and your friend owns the money now!

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Schoolchoicesucks · 23/01/2022 09:50

You are definitely right here, OP. It's lovely of your friend to want to treat you to a meal. Your DH's expectation is embarrassing. A gift is a gift, you don't get to ask for it back if it turns out to be worth more than you thought. (Scratchcards are usually worthless! Occasionally worth a about £10 and very very rarely worth thousands!).

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grapewine · 23/01/2022 09:54

You can't ask! How ridiculous of him. It was a gift. She's buying dinner etc. If he can't not bring it up, then you shouldn't go. It will be so embarrassing.

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LimeSegment · 23/01/2022 09:59

Oh god this has reminded me of something an ex bf did. He gave a scratch card to his friend in a birthday card, but he scratched it first, "in case it's a winner". I was ShockConfused and tried to explain it doesn't work like that. He said his friend wouldn't mind Confused. Maybe if his friend was OPs DH he was right!

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Itsalmostanaccessory · 23/01/2022 10:04

@LimeSegment

Oh god this has reminded me of something an ex bf did. He gave a scratch card to his friend in a birthday card, but he scratched it first, "in case it's a winner". I was ShockConfused and tried to explain it doesn't work like that. He said his friend wouldn't mind Confused. Maybe if his friend was OPs DH he was right!

So he have his friend an already scratched losing scratchcard?
What was the gift then? The gift if s scrarchcard is the 3 seconds they have of, "oooh, I might win" until they scratch and see that they (ususlly) haven't. So his friend just got to look at a card and see it was a loser and put it in the bin?

How did the friend react. The guy sounds deeply stupid.
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Mommabear20 · 23/01/2022 10:09

If it was reversed would DH give someone half of his winnings?

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CityMumma78 · 23/01/2022 10:23

Your husband is way off the mark and being extremely unreasonable. A gift is a gift. Of course you cannot ask/expect half of her winnings. Her offer for a night out is lovely and should be accepted gratefully.

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