My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To not ask for money from scratchcard win

160 replies

Geauxtigers · 23/01/2022 01:15

OK this is pretty simple.

I always buy a £1 scratchcard to put in people's birthday cards. I've been doing this for over a decade. Last month a good friend won a decent 4 figure sum on the scratchcard I put in their card.
My husband thinks I should ask for half of it because I bought it for them.
But in my opinion I bought the scratchcard as a gift and in doing so was opening myself up to the possibility of them winning a lot of money.

If I hadn't been buying it as a gift I wouldn't habe bought the scratchcard so it's not like I bought a roll of 5 and gave them the winning one. My husband and I never argue but he's really pushing me to ask on this one. We aren't rich but we also aren't struggling so I don't know why he's so insistent that I ask for some of it.

If it was me I would offer half to the person who bought me the card, but this is because I'm fairly financially stable and I don't know the financial status of this friend but I'd suspect its not as good as ours.

So am I being unreasonable to just celebrate the win with my friend and not ask her for some of the money?

*she did say when she told me she'd won "We'll have to go put for a meal, babysitter and dinner on us" which I personally thought was lovely

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

1324 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
3%
You are NOT being unreasonable
97%
WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 10:32

Your husband sounds like a dick - don’t but people scratch cards if you’re going to get jealous and want the money for yourselves.

They don’t even need to take you for a meal. Most people would think that’s beyond generous.
I would be very upset with my DH if he was being this selfish.

Report
WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 23/01/2022 10:35

I think the shame of it is if your DH can’t change his mindset it will spur the friendship anyway. Will be able to go out for the meal and be gracious or us he going to sit there and give off a vibe because he really thinks they should be giving you half.

Report
MargosKaftan · 23/01/2022 10:35

If you have spent the same amount on chocolate, would he expect half? It was a gift. If you dont have a habit/culture of sharing gifts with the giver, then just because this won is no different.

Report
RadioSixMusicLover · 23/01/2022 10:38

Well you bought it hoping it would win her a good prize, maybe remind your dh of that?

Report
Lolamento · 23/01/2022 10:40

Knowing me I would offer half to you if I were the winner. However, I think is crazy to ask for half if not offered. Your husband is just mad because he is jealous of the win. Probably he does not like your friend that much and feels she does not deserve it.

Report
BliainNua · 23/01/2022 10:43

I agree you don't ask for money from a winning lottery ticket. It was very nice of your friend to offer an all expenses paid night out, but she didn't even have to do that. If it's a very large sum maybe she'll offer some to you but definitely don't expect it.
I would also be worried about how your DH would behave on the night out, unless he's willing to be appreciative and thankful to you friend I'd leave him at home!

Report
Toanewstart22 · 23/01/2022 10:43

I would lose all respect for my dh if he ever made a suggestion like this

Report
PeakyBlender · 23/01/2022 10:44

No, you can't ask for anything

I don't give them as I'd be annoyed if someone won a million Grin

Report
Bumply · 23/01/2022 10:45

My lame ass ex bought DS some scratch cards as his 16th birthday present.
My main thought was what a cheap skate, but I'm now wondering if he'd have asked for half if any of them had won.

Report
Newmumatlast · 23/01/2022 10:50

@TakemedowntoPotatoCity

I think the friend should offer, but money is a strange thing so she is probably thinking she should to but doesn't want to! You shouldn't ask, no.It

Interested to know why you think she should offer when it was an unconditional gift? And what is the threshold for expecting money back? Anything she wins? Three figures? Four figures and over? How is she supposed to know the unwritten made up rule?

I am asking as I genuinely don't understand this point of view and like to understand opinions
Report
Notajogger · 23/01/2022 10:56

He sounds barmy. Of course you can't ask! Even if she offered, I would decline - it would be very strange to accept back half of a gift, I think.
It's nice of her to take you out for a meal but if it were me I'd make sure it was a "girly" meal or some such- I.e. he doesn't come. He'll make it super awkward otherwise and that could sour things somewhat.

Report
grapewine · 23/01/2022 10:58

I don't understand why she should offer, either. I wouldn’t, although I'd do what she has done and pay for a meal.

Report
buckeejit · 23/01/2022 11:07

So rude to ask for their money. Your dh is well wrong. Nice they offered to shout you a meal, would only take your dh if he promised to behave & not mention the money

Report
TheNoodlesIncident · 23/01/2022 11:07

I bet you're regretting telling him about your friend's win now... His behaviour is appalling. There is no expectation for your friend to share any of it if she doesn't want to, although I can understand the bigger the sum the stronger the feeling that some should be shared with the person who enabled it.

When you give something away, you are no longer entitled to it, come what may. If your DH can't grasp that, I'd consider leaving him at home for any get-together with the lucky friend, in case he says something you'll regret.

I'd be so pleased if I bought something that went on to bring positive things to a friend, it's a win in itself!

Report
Faevern · 23/01/2022 11:11

Genuinely wondering how many scratch cards have bought over the decade and how many have won? I would be interested to know what the win ratio is.

I can see how it’s a bit of fun putting one in a card, until someone wins Grin

Report
MegaClutterSlut · 23/01/2022 11:13

No I wouldn't ask for half the money Shock that's the chance you take when buying someone a scratch card. Your friend taking you out for a meal as a thanks is more than enough imo

Report
DishwashDogsDickens · 23/01/2022 11:16

It is lovely of your friend to ask Offer to take you out

Would your husband behave ? Or would he spoil it ?

I hope not
Please tell him it was a gift YOU gave and it is up to YOU what happens now and you don’t appreciate his attitude
I would also tell him how hard up they are and how generous with others - so he sees the bigger picture

Report
InvalidCrumb · 23/01/2022 11:21

@LimeSegment

Oh god this has reminded me of something an ex bf did. He gave a scratch card to his friend in a birthday card, but he scratched it first, "in case it's a winner". I was ShockConfused and tried to explain it doesn't work like that. He said his friend wouldn't mind Confused. Maybe if his friend was OPs DH he was right!

This is one of the funniest things I've read on MN!
Imagine getting a used losing scratchcard in your card!
Report
Luredbyapomegranate · 23/01/2022 11:21

Of course!
It was a gift
Tell your husband he’s being appalling

Report
amusedbush · 23/01/2022 11:24

I will admit that I can understand the jealousy. I'm not massively well-off (I'm not skint, but I'm not well-off) and I feel that pang when I hear people winning thousands of pounds on the radio or similar. A "decent 4-figure sum" would be a massive deal to me. If I had given a winning scratch card as a gift I would definitely be envious and wish that I had kept it. Hindsight is a bitch in that sense!

BUT I would not voice that to anyone and I certainly wouldn't feel entitled to a share! As you said, OP, you wouldn't have bought the scratch card had you not been giving it as a gift so it's not like you missed out. The money was never yours (or rather his) either way.

Report
DoctorManhattan · 23/01/2022 11:24

Not often that Mn threads are fairly unanimous but it appears on this occasion that your hubby needs to have a moment of clarity

Report
ChargingBuck · 23/01/2022 11:26

My husband and I never argue but he's really pushing me to ask on this one.

Sorry he is being so unattractively venal.
I would find this very hard. Not the friend bit - of course she should keep her winnings! - but the uncomfortable realisation that not only was my DH being a twat, he was urging me to do his dirty work for him ...

If he refuses to STFU about it OP, tell him he can do his own dirty work, go round your mate's house & demand her money himself. Won't that make him a big man in everyone's eyes?
That should cool his jets.

(Obviously, if he was blind & stupid enough to take it seriously, I'd stop him, tell the pal etc).

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

ChargingBuck · 23/01/2022 11:33

I really don't know what he is thinking I've tried to ask why he's so upset about it, but he just keeps saying "she should at least offer"

He says that OP, but he doesn't mean it.
He's just covering his arse & making out your pal is committing the social faux pas, rather than himself with his embarrassing entitlement.

Because if friend DID offer, he wouldn't turn it down, would he?
Manipulative bullshit.

Report
TreeLawney · 23/01/2022 11:46

I really don’t understand those people saying she could give half back. When I give a gift to someone, I don’t expect them to give me half of it back. This was a gift.

The meal sounds like a lovely offer.

Report
Agapornis · 23/01/2022 11:57

If your husband feels friendship is only worth £1-5k, I bet he doesn't have many friends!

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.