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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not ask for money from scratchcard win

160 replies

Geauxtigers · 23/01/2022 01:15

OK this is pretty simple.

I always buy a £1 scratchcard to put in people's birthday cards. I've been doing this for over a decade. Last month a good friend won a decent 4 figure sum on the scratchcard I put in their card.
My husband thinks I should ask for half of it because I bought it for them.
But in my opinion I bought the scratchcard as a gift and in doing so was opening myself up to the possibility of them winning a lot of money.

If I hadn't been buying it as a gift I wouldn't habe bought the scratchcard so it's not like I bought a roll of 5 and gave them the winning one. My husband and I never argue but he's really pushing me to ask on this one. We aren't rich but we also aren't struggling so I don't know why he's so insistent that I ask for some of it.

If it was me I would offer half to the person who bought me the card, but this is because I'm fairly financially stable and I don't know the financial status of this friend but I'd suspect its not as good as ours.

So am I being unreasonable to just celebrate the win with my friend and not ask her for some of the money?

*she did say when she told me she'd won "We'll have to go put for a meal, babysitter and dinner on us" which I personally thought was lovely

OP posts:
perimenofertility · 23/01/2022 01:41

You are correct, for the reasons you've already written. Your friend has offered a night out including babysitter so is generously sharing the win in that way. Anything else will sour the win and the friendship.
Imagine giving someone a box of chocolates as a gift and then eating half of them Confused

NoCaffeine · 23/01/2022 01:42

Nah, she doesn't owe you anything.

I have a friend who also puts scratchcards in cards and this post is a good reminder that if I ever win a significant amount of money on one I should just keep it entirely to myself!

NoCaffeine · 23/01/2022 01:42

@NoCaffeine

Nah, she doesn't owe you anything.

I have a friend who also puts scratchcards in cards and this post is a good reminder that if I ever win a significant amount of money on one I should just keep it entirely to myself!

And by that, I mean not tell anyone!
Hawkins001 · 23/01/2022 01:43

@Geauxtigers

I thought the offer of taking us out for dinner and shouting both it and the babysitter was lovely and still leaves them with a lovely decent amount. I'm mostly just a bit shocked that hubby has brought it up as money is never something that's been a big thing in our relationship
What about showing this thread to your partner, so he can understand and be educated on some good manners ?
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 23/01/2022 01:44

Of course, you are right. A gift of a scratchcard is 99% (or similar) likely to be worthless or worth very little. The only value in it as a gift is the tiny chance that it could win a decent prize. If it's the case that, if you lose, you lose, but if you win, you're expected to share it, it's hardly an actual gift, is it?

Supposing you gave somebody a nice but inexpensive writing set and they used it to write the next blockbuster bestselling novel, would you expect them to share their royalties with you?!

CommonSenseIsRare · 23/01/2022 01:48

If she’d won £10 would he be asking for half?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 23/01/2022 01:48

I think, if she'd won ridiculous money - tens of millions - you would probably expect her to share the good fortune around; but then you'd probably expect a good friend to do that even if they'd bought it themselves.

Not so much four figures, which is a nice windfall but hardly more money than you could ever possibly hope to spend yourself.

Hawkins001 · 23/01/2022 01:53

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Of course, you are right. A gift of a scratchcard is 99% (or similar) likely to be worthless or worth very little. The only value in it as a gift is the tiny chance that it could win a decent prize. If it's the case that, if you lose, you lose, but if you win, you're expected to share it, it's hardly an actual gift, is it?

Supposing you gave somebody a nice but inexpensive writing set and they used it to write the next blockbuster bestselling novel, would you expect them to share their royalties with you?!

Some people would,
Cheeserton · 23/01/2022 01:55

What a ridiculous response from him. No way should you ask for money from this gift. It was a gift.

If it was a million then I'd consider dinner a pretty mean offer, but it's clearly not that level and even then she'd have to offer.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/01/2022 01:59

YANBU at all. And of course your DH would definitely offer to share ..... until he worked out that "they dont need the money" or "we need the money more than they do" etc.

I would be revisiting why/whether you love this man.

BlankTimes · 23/01/2022 02:06

If your friend had put a scratchcard in your DH's birthday card and he'd won a four figure sum on it, would his first reaction be to give your friend half of his winnings ?

Flickflak · 23/01/2022 02:08

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

NumberTheory · 23/01/2022 02:09

Your DH really knows how to sour a friendship doesn't he?

FingersCrossed223 · 23/01/2022 02:10

Your DH is being unreasonable.

No dont ask your friend, if she offered then that's one thing even then I'd decline. It's your gift to her so let her enjoy it plus she offered to take you out and babysitter. It would make your friendship awkward

nalabae · 23/01/2022 02:13

4 figures isn’t a lot of money, your husband is greedy don’t ask for any money it’s wrong

MildlyMiserable · 23/01/2022 02:17

Ask him if you’d bought her chocolates does he think you should have eaten half?

NYnewstart · 23/01/2022 02:38

Absolutely dh is being unreasonable

Sparklesocks · 23/01/2022 02:39

You’re right, he’s wrong.
And a 4 figure sum is a decent amount of money to win on a scratch card, but certainly not enough to worth risking a decent friendship for.

Wafflesnsniffles · 23/01/2022 02:42

It was a gift to her! Your Dh is being ridiculous. If it was me winning the money.....Id buy you a drink, box of chocolate to say thankyou but no...... I wouldnt do more than that........ because it was a gift!

GiantHaystacks2021 · 23/01/2022 02:55

This is why I would never buy anyone a scratchcard.

Your DH is being a greedy twat.
He sounds not nice, to be honest.
Of course you can't ask for money. It was a gift.

AliveAndSleeping · 23/01/2022 03:03

Wow you definitely can't ask for any of that money. The win is the gift.

WorstXmasEver · 23/01/2022 03:05

Dont ask.

Returnoftheowl · 23/01/2022 03:07

You have it as a gift, you're not entitled to half of it. Your friend has already made a generous offer of dinner on then. Your DH is being very miserly/greedy here and is at risk of souring your friendship.

StrangerThanSpring · 23/01/2022 03:12

I wouldn't expect anything back. The whole point of the present is that they get any winnings. But, it does seem like a few posters think she should have offered so maybe your husbands point of view is understandable. I would actually say no to the meal. They're her winnings to enjoy and she doesn't owe you anything.

SD1978 · 23/01/2022 03:19

You're right and he's wrong. It was a gift and you don't have any claim to it. Hence why I will never, ever buy a lottery ticket or scratch card for someone- I k ow the right thing is to be happy but I'd be a little jealous! If you bought her an item which suddenly shot up in value- would he demand half of that too?