To not ask for money from scratchcard win

[Geauxtigers]

OK this is pretty simple.

I always buy a £1 scratchcard to put in people's birthday cards. I've been doing this for over a decade. Last month a good friend won a decent 4 figure sum on the scratchcard I put in their card.
My husband thinks I should ask for half of it because I bought it for them.
But in my opinion I bought the scratchcard as a gift and in doing so was opening myself up to the possibility of them winning a lot of money.

If I hadn't been buying it as a gift I wouldn't habe bought the scratchcard so it's not like I bought a roll of 5 and gave them the winning one. My husband and I never argue but he's really pushing me to ask on this one. We aren't rich but we also aren't struggling so I don't know why he's so insistent that I ask for some of it.

If it was me I would offer half to the person who bought me the card, but this is because I'm fairly financially stable and I don't know the financial status of this friend but I'd suspect its not as good as ours.

So am I being unreasonable to just celebrate the win with my friend and not ask her for some of the money?

*she did say when she told me she'd won "We'll have to go put for a meal, babysitter and dinner on us" which I personally thought was lovely

[TheBeesKnee]

He sounds grabby to me, but was the prize £1k or £9,000? I can understand feeling like wanting a share of the winnings but I would never ask.

I think you need to talk to him about what's going on with him if this behaviour is out of character.

[Flutterflybutterby]

Oh my goodness!!! The idea of asking for half of the money literally made me do this face 😲 please don't ask! That would be absolutely outrageous! I can't believe he suggested it. 😂

[UniversalAunt]

As pps have rightly stated you gave the gift of a stake or potential prize to your friend. Nice that they offered you dinner to celebrate their birthday windfall. So yahboo to your husband.

So why his stinge, why now?
Is he more concerned about money than he may say?
The past two years have wrecked many people’s finances & revealed how marginal their income or financial security may be. Now topped with the promise of fuel price hikes & a steady rise of inflation.

Might he accumulated some debt that previously would have been easy to manage, but is now difficult to manage or he fears this to be so ?

I suggest that now is a good time to have a chat about money in general & see where that conversation goes.

Here at Chateau Auntie, anticipating how stretched our income will be has brought on prioritisation of spendings & forms of frugality we knew as children in the 1970s. We’re not yet chewing odd lengths of string for sustenance, but with food prices galloping away, some everyday scoffs are becoming weekly treats, & it is jumpers on rather than whopping up the central heating.
We have a gung-ho approach to austerity but for some it may induce anxiety & feelings of inadequacy particularly if there has been uncertainty or conflict about monies coming in. Maybe the grandparents paying his schooolfees was more than generosity, maybe a lifeline they provided if the family finances were rocky. Your OH may have residual anxieties from this time that are expressed as envy or jealousy of other’s good fortune.

BTW, if I give a lottery ticket as a gift, I buy my own ticket with the same numbers…just in case 😉

[violetbunny]

I heard a finance expert on the radio once, talking about this very topic, I.e. why it's not a good idea to buy scratchcards or lottery tickets as gifts for others. Imagine if you gave someone a lottery ticket and they ended up winning a life changing amount of money!

Anyway the point was that it can open up all sorts of issues for people's relationships if a prize is won. Some people just can't let go of the idea that they're entitled to the winnings, even though it was a gift. The advice was, don't give these kinds of gifts unless you can deal with the idea the recipient may not share their winnings!

[DramaAlpaca]

It was a gift, of course you can't ask for half the money!

[StrangerThanSpring]

I agree that a scratch card might seem a fun present to give but money really does cause a lot of problems. What if she had won millions? It would cause so many issues.

[LimeSegment]

He is being greedy and very weird. I'd say don't bring him out to the dinner with your friend that she offered, as he will just make some awkward comment and ruin the night/your friendship.

[WhenTheyComeForYou]

You absolutely can't ask for money from their win.

That would be incredibly cringy. You gifted them the card, therefore at the time they scratch it, it's entirely theirs. I'm shocked your partner could think otherwise!

[ApolloandDaphne]

A meal out with her is a perfectly generous offer. Your DH is being a knob.

[SueblueNZ]

@LimeSegment
My thoughts precisely. Definitely don't take him to the dinner unless you can be 100 percent gracious.

[SueblueNZ]

Sorry, 100 percent certain he will be gracious.

[buddythemum]

I'd think if it was my friend it would be split between us, same if my friend gave me a scratch card it would be a joint win for us.

[BasiliskStare]

@UniversalAunt I know you can't do it with scratchcards ( my DB at his wedding gave everyone one by their place at the wedding breakfast ) but your idea " BTW, if I give a lottery ticket as a gift, I buy my own ticket with the same numbers…just in case 😉 " is utterly brilliant and charming in equal degree - no one gets pissed off in the miniscule chance someone wins a great deal of money.

I have no idea what you can win on a scratch card - must google.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

This is why scratchcards as presents are a terrible idea. If you lose, it's worthless, and if you win, it's divisive.

Also, it's gambling which people could have an undisclosed addiction to.

[BasiliskStare]

@MrsTerryPratchett I think ( ref point above re DB's wedding) it was something of "a thing" - so a bit of amusement for a relatively low cost. Personally I would not have done it but I think it was fashionable at one point.

Where , more seriously I agree with you - I hate the TV adverts re gambling . I did once know a chap who became addicted. A tagline saying please gamble responsibly would not have stopped him & to some extent I do lose some respect for famous people who advertise these sites. It's not their money .

Enough. I do remember that lovely comedian ( sadly dead now ) who said I don't buy lottery tickets so I have about the same chance as the rest of you of winning. Also Steven Hawking ( I believe once said about the lottery ) I don't think most people realise how big a number 14,000,000 is . Anecdotes only.

[cookiemonster2468]

Very unpleasant behaviour from your husband.

If you bought someone a box of chocolates you wouldn't go round their house and ask them for your share. It's nice if they crack them open whilst you're there, but you're not entitled.

This is no different!

[UnsuitableHat]

No she definitely doesn’t need to give you anything. As you’ve said, giving a scratch card as a gift opens up the possibility that they’ll win a large amount of money. If she’d won £10 would your husband want you to be asking for £5? The principle’s no different.
By the way could you buy me a birthday scratchcard please? 😀

[HomeTheatreSystem]

Urgh, I honestly can't understand the level of entitlement that gets people thinking they should share in the gift. I would start some persistent and pointed ribbing to ram the point home that he's being an arse: "I've bought a box of 12 craft beers for X's birthday, ohhh ... I guess I should break it open first and give you a couple. I'm sure X won't mind. I'll just let him know you struggle with not sharing in other people's gifts." If the kids go to a party, give your husband a party bag so he doesn't feel left out. Hopefully the penny will drop.

[PaddleBoardingMomma]

@UniversalAunt

As pps have rightly stated you gave the gift of a stake or potential prize to your friend. Nice that they offered you dinner to celebrate their birthday windfall. So yahboo to your husband.

So why his stinge, why now?
Is he more concerned about money than he may say?
The past two years have wrecked many people’s finances & revealed how marginal their income or financial security may be. Now topped with the promise of fuel price hikes & a steady rise of inflation.

Might he accumulated some debt that previously would have been easy to manage, but is now difficult to manage or he fears this to be so ?

I suggest that now is a good time to have a chat about money in general & see where that conversation goes.

Here at Chateau Auntie, anticipating how stretched our income will be has brought on prioritisation of spendings & forms of frugality we knew as children in the 1970s. We’re not yet chewing odd lengths of string for sustenance, but with food prices galloping away, some everyday scoffs are becoming weekly treats, & it is jumpers on rather than whopping up the central heating.
We have a gung-ho approach to austerity but for some it may induce anxiety & feelings of inadequacy particularly if there has been uncertainty or conflict about monies coming in. Maybe the grandparents paying his schooolfees was more than generosity, maybe a lifeline they provided if the family finances were rocky. Your OH may have residual anxieties from this time that are expressed as envy or jealousy of other’s good fortune.

BTW, if I give a lottery ticket as a gift, I buy my own ticket with the same numbers…just in case 😉

You need to start a thread asking people to share their problems so you can give advice, I love how you write x

[MimiDaisy11]

I agree with others that scratch cards can cause these issues and the reason I wouldn’t give them as if they won such a sum I’d be annoyed at not keeping the card. Also if someone gave me one I’d be unsure about telling them I’d won or whether I should share money.

I do like the idea of buying lottery tickets with the same numbers so you share prize if you win.

But it’s a gift so you can’t ask for it back. I think the dinner is a good gesture of thanks.

[trickytimes]

Legally if you went in front of a judge you wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. You gave away the card. It’s not owned by you anymore. Your husband is being very weird. “She should offer” if you ever have marriage counselling the first thing they will tell you is to never say “should” it’s a bad word. It leads to negativity and resentment. It also implies an obligation that the other person is not obliged to meet. He can rephrase it to say “it would be nice” sure it would have been nice if she’d offered half just as it would be nice if Chris Hemsworth made me a cup of tea in the morning wearing nothing but a smile. I’m as much entitled to Chris hemsworth as you are to half that money.

[Powertoyou]

I think your friend is being very kind and thoughtful. I hope you have a lovely time.

Your husband on the other hand is being selfish and grabby.

If he won on a gifted scratch card, I wonder if his first thought would be I must share 50% of my winnings with the giver?

[autienotnaughty]

You are right your oh is being greedy. It's not your card. If I had lots of money and the friend who gifted it to me was less well off I'd absolutely offer some or all back but otherwise I'd probably go down the gift/dinner route. I'd graciously accept the offer of dinner.

[IncompleteSenten]

Your husband is ridiculous.

[ElftonWednesday]

Celebrate with your friend and tell DH to shut the fuck up or fuck off.