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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That DP wakes me up when he comes to bed?

153 replies

Spreadingtheword · 22/01/2022 23:50

Lighthearted - causes me no harm.

To cut a long story short sometimes I tend to go up to bed much Walker than DP, usually just to watch some tv or get away from watching the back of him play the PlayStation Grin

But sometimes I will have been doing something like folding some washing, pairing socks ect in the afternoon then got distracted or we’ve popped out and came home and there will still be a pile of washing or the ‘sock box’ out in the bed from where I’ve been doing it.

Then I fall asleep. But when DP comes up to bed late when he’s finished playing his game, he’ll wake me up to ask me to move the washing/sock box or anything else off of the bed. It wasn’t until now I’m pregnant, lacking sleep and grouchy that it’s started to bug me that instead of just washing it himself, he wakes me from my much wanted sleep to do it 😂 - this doesn’t happen often as I’ll usually tidy away before hopping into bed anyway, but on the odd occasion there will be something left on the end of the bed that he wants me to move.

Other times it can be something like “can I plug my phone in your side?” “I think we should get a new stair gate, ours squeaks” “I’m just going to jump in the shower”

Come to think of it.. he just wakes me up to tell me anything 😂 Why does he do this? Is he lonely, bored.. malicious?!

Does anyone else’s DP/DH do this? Would I BU to start waking him up to a random animal fact every time I get up to pee for the remainder of my pregnancy as revenge? Grin

OP posts:
MrsGhastlyCrumb · 22/01/2022 23:53

I would have laid myself a nice patio by now in your position, OP. unless I am misunderstanding something, is he seriously waking you up to move things off the bed he is capable of moving himself?

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 22/01/2022 23:53

What happens when you talk to him about it?

AsYouWishButtercup · 22/01/2022 23:54

Oh god mine does this too - or takes absolutely no care in being quiet so it’s like a baby elephant has come into the room to change into its PJs. Sometimes it’s to rearrange the duvet as apparently I “don’t look comfortable”. Which defeats the point as it’s far more uncomfortable being woken up during a deep sleep than having the duvet half hanging off. I’d find it sweet if it wasn’t so fucking inconsiderate

pastypirate · 22/01/2022 23:58

This kind of behaviour made me so angry with exp. He would get into bed and move whatever was on the onto my side. He insists on his bloody shower routine and would come back into the bedroom smashing the door open whatever time of night it was. It's lovely without him

randomchap · 22/01/2022 23:59

It's weird, if someone's asleep, leave them alone. Especially once you've had kids and uninterrupted sleep is a rarity.

It's just so inconsiderate.

Spreadingtheword · 22/01/2022 23:59

@MrsGhastlyCrumb yes seriously!😂 I have asked him why he doesn’t just move it himself and I can see clogs turning in his head and I’m usually met with “aw sorry, I dunno why I wake you I just don’t know where to put them I think”

@RussiasGreatestLoveMachine as above, a slight apology, he usually says something about not knowing where to put things.. although I could care less if he put them on the bloody floor until morning 😂

@AsYouWishButtercup I don’t mean to offend but thank gosh it’s not just me! - and yes to the duvet thing too. He’ll start shaking it over me letting all the cold in 😂

OP posts:
Suzanne999 · 23/01/2022 00:02

Wait until he’s asleep, nicely, deeply asleep. Then wake him up and start a conversation. Or give him a pile of sheets/towels/clothes to fold.

JustLyra · 23/01/2022 00:03

I have no idea how you are so calm. When I'm awake I'm a very placid person, almost too much so, but I'd be livid at being repeatedly woken like that.

I know where I'd suggest he stick the sock box if DH woke me to ask Grin

Spreadingtheword · 23/01/2022 00:04

Oh this ones gold too:
Needs context: we’ve had a rough patch of DD not sleeping through and comes into our bed halfway through the night.

DP sleeps with one pillow, I sleep with two. - he woke me up to ask me the other night if he could have my second pillow (I’m currently using a pregnancy pillow too so can go without and usually use it to prop my leg/hip up) - I thought nothing of it, thought maybe he wanted to start sleeping with two pillow again..

For him to put the pillow I’ve just given up for him.. on the floor! On the floor.

I asked him why the hell he took my pillow if he was just going to put it on the floor and he claimed it’s because when DD comes in he put her on his pillow and then uses another to sleep further down the bed.. makes sense I guess but I was still furious he woke me up to take my pillow and put it on the floor!😂

We now both have two pillows after thatGrin

OP posts:
RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 23/01/2022 00:05

If that is his actual response, then you have greater problems than being woken from sleep. I’m envisaging someone so incapable they still need to hold Mummy’s hand crossing the road.

DH came to bed and read once after if called asleep and woke me up. I asked him not to dos it again, and he hasn’t.

Cherrysoup · 23/01/2022 00:05

I’d go nuts. My dh creeps in. I wouldn’t leave anything on the bed because that’s odd, of course he’s going to want to move that.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 23/01/2022 00:05

Gawd, typos…

Spreadingtheword · 23/01/2022 00:08

@Cherrysoup yes, to be fair.. if I just took two minutes to put it away before I collapse into bed then I might not get woken, so more fool me for being lazy really. I think that’s why I’m not particularly mad; because I’m not helping myself by giving him reason to wake me.

But even so, bloody annoying in the moment.

OP posts:
LunaNova · 23/01/2022 00:11

This made me think OP, me and DH either go to bed at the same time or he will come up after me. On the rare, very rare, occasion that I have gone out and he's messaged me to say he's going to bed early I've begged him to wait up until I've got in, there's just something that makes me feel it isn't right to go to bed without speaking to him first Blush.

I'd never dream of waking him up though, that's just asking for trouble Grin, is it possible your DP just likes to talk to you before getting in bed himself? It must be annoying to be woken up all the time, I'm surprised you're so calm!

MostlyHappyMummy · 23/01/2022 00:22

Cannot comprehend your response.
My brain is truly fried at the thought that you think being woken most nights is not divorce worthy behaviour.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/01/2022 00:23

I would kill him.

heyitsthistle · 23/01/2022 00:26

Haha! I can relate. My DH woke me up two years ago, when I had struggled through the nights with our four month old baby to tell me that the personal trainer in the park was being so loud and that we should call the police on him for being antisocial so early in the morning.

It was 8:15am! I don't think I'll ever forgive him.

BrocolliHamster · 23/01/2022 00:30

Wait until he's in a deep deep sleep

Then pluck out one of his armpit hairs

Graphista · 23/01/2022 00:36

You say lighthearted - this is actually abusive behaviour.

He isn't liking being "inconvenienced" by your perceived "laziness" so instead of doing the task himself he is waking you to make you do it to his schedule.

As you're pregnant come late stages you'll be struggling to sleep anyway - wake him at 90 min intervals to fetch you something or "keep me company" see how he likes them apples!

Dick!

because I’m not helping myself by giving him reason to wake me.

Cut that crap out right now! You're doing nothing wrong he is a grown ass man! He can move whatever needs moving to a temporary home so he can get to sleep, the questions can wait until you're awake and pretty much everything else you've mentioned can too!

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 23/01/2022 00:39

My ex used to do this and talk about random shit so when the alarm went off for me to go to work at 4.45am l woke him up and started asking him questions about the random shit.
Put a stop to that fairly quickly!

SpacePotato · 23/01/2022 00:43

I do not understand why you haven't just told him not to wake you up.

Seriously, he's either thick as mince or he does it on purpose whilst putting the dozy harmless fool act on.

Roaringlogfire · 23/01/2022 00:50

I would be very very stroppy if my DH ever did this. He would never do it. It's really bizarre behaviour and very childish. Nip it in the bud don't enable it by saying it's your fault. It's ridiculous that he can't think for himself unless there is a back story of you being stroppy about stuff like this and thinks you would actually prefer to be asked rather than him putting it on the floor.

TurquoiseDragon · 23/01/2022 00:58

My ex used to be a cunt about this sort of thing. Didn't ever think of trying to be quiet if I was asleep.

Ex for this and many other reasons.

AlphaJura · 23/01/2022 01:01

Mine does this. I used to think it was sweet 😆. Give him his dues, I am a light sleeper, so he probably knows I'm awake anyway, but he says 'you alright hun?!' 😂. 'Or hi, how are you?'. I say, 'tired'. That's not so bad, but if he proceeds to talk about politics or current affairs then I get a bit mad.

JustLyra · 23/01/2022 01:07

@Spreadingtheword

Oh this ones gold too: Needs context: we’ve had a rough patch of DD not sleeping through and comes into our bed halfway through the night.

DP sleeps with one pillow, I sleep with two. - he woke me up to ask me the other night if he could have my second pillow (I’m currently using a pregnancy pillow too so can go without and usually use it to prop my leg/hip up) - I thought nothing of it, thought maybe he wanted to start sleeping with two pillow again..

For him to put the pillow I’ve just given up for him.. on the floor! On the floor.

I asked him why the hell he took my pillow if he was just going to put it on the floor and he claimed it’s because when DD comes in he put her on his pillow and then uses another to sleep further down the bed.. makes sense I guess but I was still furious he woke me up to take my pillow and put it on the floor!😂

We now both have two pillows after thatGrin

I really don’t understand why you are amused by that.

That’s actually nasty. He’s deliberately finding ways to disturb your sleep.

Are there any other things he does and badges it as silly or thoughtless because he actually sounds like he’s being deliberately disturbing, and that’s not a good thing. Especially when abuse very commonly starts, or increases, during pregnancy.