That DP wakes me up when he comes to bed?

[Spreadingtheword]

Lighthearted - causes me no harm.

To cut a long story short sometimes I tend to go up to bed much Walker than DP, usually just to watch some tv or get away from watching the back of him play the PlayStation

But sometimes I will have been doing something like folding some washing, pairing socks ect in the afternoon then got distracted or we’ve popped out and came home and there will still be a pile of washing or the ‘sock box’ out in the bed from where I’ve been doing it.

Then I fall asleep. But when DP comes up to bed late when he’s finished playing his game, he’ll wake me up to ask me to move the washing/sock box or anything else off of the bed. It wasn’t until now I’m pregnant, lacking sleep and grouchy that it’s started to bug me that instead of just washing it himself, he wakes me from my much wanted sleep to do it 😂 - this doesn’t happen often as I’ll usually tidy away before hopping into bed anyway, but on the odd occasion there will be something left on the end of the bed that he wants me to move.

Other times it can be something like “can I plug my phone in your side?” “I think we should get a new stair gate, ours squeaks” “I’m just going to jump in the shower”

Come to think of it.. he just wakes me up to tell me anything 😂 Why does he do this? Is he lonely, bored.. malicious?!

Does anyone else’s DP/DH do this? Would I BU to start waking him up to a random animal fact every time I get up to pee for the remainder of my pregnancy as revenge?

Too many people have tagged me, but my general reply to those comments is that OP says it's a regular occurrence that she leaves stuff on the bed. I'm sure she said she was sorting her own clothes, but I can't be bothered reading back.

If this thread was the other way around, my husband keeps leaving piles of stuff on my side of the bed, so when I come to bed, I have to move the clothes, people would be saying how unreasonable he is then.

To the person who said that OP is so tired that she has fallen asleep while sorting the washing... pretty sure she didn't.

Anyway yes, this husband is super abusive.

I don’t understand the numerous laughing emojis. None of this is funny. Your DP sounds very inconsiderate.
Sure mine wakes me up too sometimes when he gets in bed later so I might feel his side dip as he lies down or puts his hand over me, etc etc but to ask you to move stuff because he doesn’t know where to put them?! Come on!

This is awful. My DP wakes me up coming to bed sometimes but I know when he does it is because I am a very light sleeper and something like him running the tap in the bathroom next door can wake me up depending on where I am in my sleep cycle. He will get all his things ready out of the room before bed, creep into the bedroom, charge his phone elsewhere so it doesn’t have to be plugged in. I still sometimes wake up but I don’t mind because I know he is trying his utmost to respect my need to sleep. On occasional evenings where he has fallen asleep in the morning and woken up in the wee hours, he will take himself into the office and sleep on the sofa bed because he knows later in the night is when I am most likely to wake and not be able to get back to sleep.

Your partner is not respecting your sleep, he is actively trying to disrupt you and you should be angry, especially as you are pregnant and need more sleep than normal!

This is unacceptable. It’s either deliberate, in which case he is an absolute prick, or he has some kind of intellectual disability. No reasonable person would do this.

DH kept either rattling around the bedroom or getting into bed and cuddling me, which woke me up every time. I am a light sleeper and have horrendous insomnia so I would be angry about it, he would get angry because ‘most people love a cuddle’, then he would fall into the sleep of a comatose person and I would be awake for ages. Just to clarify, he wasn’t initiating sex - we are both asexual so that’s not part of our relationship. It was literally just a cuddle which could have waited until it wasn’t 2am. We now have our own rooms and we sleep so much better with no fighting. He has finally seen how badly his behaviour affected me as I now wake up and I’m a very nice, reasonable person all day. When my sleep was being disrupted, I was horrible to him at the time and I would wake up an absolute bitch because I was exhausted and resentful.

As I told my own DH, it shows a complete lack of respect for me and my needs. Last time he woke me up, it was 1:30am, I couldn’t get back to sleep until 5am and I was working the next morning. I just lay there for hours listening to him snoring and imagining painful acts of god befalling him. I’ve never been so close to losing my shit and walking out.

Not to be overly dramatic but there’s a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a torture technique. You need to sit your DH down and impress upon him how utterly unreasonable he is being. If there’s a washing basket on the bed, put it on the fucking floor and go to sleep it will still be there in the morning!

I can't get past the idea that this man comes to the bedroom, sees the stuff on the bed (which, I agree, shouldn't be there) and, instead of picking it up and putting it on the floor, he wakes up his heavily pregnant wife and stands there waiting, while she gets herself up and out of bed, so she can pick up it and put it on the floor.

It feels like a deliberate punishment.

Do married couples still share beds? 😂😂

OP, you said it was 'lighthearted' and used multiple laughing and grinning emojis. It's really back peddling to say you never said it was 'funny'.

Do you know how you feel about all this? Or are you still processing it.

Don't suggest posters have reacted to something that wasn't there- read your own Op.

@Didioverstep

Yes my dh does it. Either randomly starts talking. So I either don't respond so he thinks I'm in a deep sleep and he stops or he dramatically gets into bed. Over exaggerated stretch plus noise and loud yawn. A declaration of how tired he is. He then might try to have sex. If I'm passed off enough or tired enough I just pretend to be asleep and then he will just go to sleep.

When we go to bed together he has to watch some crap on his phone quite loudly after declaring how exhausted he is

Yet still watches it for at least half an hour. I heard his brother used to do this too from my SIL and also my fil

This is really quite horrible. Have you spoken to him about it? Asked him to stop? What’s his response, if so?

@PuntasticUsername Your husband sounds awful. I’m so sorry.

I'm not sure why you're laughing about it? I'm not sure if you're trying to make light of this but it's very inconsiderate and shows he doesn't care.

He wouldn't be breathing if he did that more than once if he lived with me.

Respond to everything with "I'm asleep." Or "why would you wake me up to ask me that?"

Dh says I'm like a demon from the abyss when he wakes me so he doesnt 😬. Embrace your dark side op when he wakes you.

I voted YABU, purely for you saying this light heartedly. Your DP is either a lazy, spiteful fucker, or a clueless man child. Neither of which is attractive. Why are you putting up with this behaviour?

When I was pregnant, the overwhelming tiredness of the first trimester had me napping in the afternoon after work (I worked 8am-2pm). I'm not a day napper by nature. Twice, DH came home from work at approx 5.30pm and I was still asleep. The first time he woke me - to tell me the time - I was OK about it, and it was unusual for me, so he just wanted to check I was OK. Fair enough. The second time though? I could've buried him, and he was told to NEVER wake me again. So he didn't. Why on earth do you tolerate this?

I mean I think it's a bit odd that you're getting in to bed and going to sleep with stuff stored on top of it but he definitely doesn't need to wake you. He can just put it on the floor if he's really so perplexed as to where it goes

Why is this lighthearted, he sounds like a twat. I'd sleep in another room.

@Saysama we are of a different culture so maybe we think this behaviour is normal....? I havementioend it and he looked at me like I was crazy. It's just become normal now. I don't think much of it. He's alright. Bit of a grump but it doesn't bother me too much. He has his good points too. I'm sure I have my own faults

@PuntasticUsername

Thankyou *@billy1966 and @nopenottodaysatan*. I think like many people here, I've posted because I know this isn't right and I need to gather strength to change things. I really appreciate your posts.

When, and if you feel like it, consider starting a thread to help you work through and support you as find the energy to listen to your gut.

It can be a great journaling tool to aid clarity.

There are SO many wonderful posters here who will have your back.👍

....in your own time. We are here, you are not alone.

I honestly don’t understand why you aren’t clearing the bed before u turn off the light. It would completely piss me off, trying to sneak into bed in the pitch black to find a box of socks on my side. For this reason If Dp is going to bed later than me I make sure his side of the bed is clear and I leave his pjs on the landing so he can put them in and sneak in quietly.

Yeah in ten years time OP you'll be heartily sick of this behaviour and wanting out.
It actually makes my head hurt the reach that some women do to excuse the small shitty behaviours their partners do to make them cope with it.
Fucking hell.
Really.
Fucking hell.

@MrsGhastlyCrumb

I would have laid myself a nice patio by now in your position, OP. unless I am misunderstanding something, is he seriously waking you up to move things off the bed he is capable of moving himself?

Ha! Amazing response.

Indeed.

@Shmithecat2

When I was pregnant, the overwhelming tiredness of the first trimester had me napping in the afternoon after work (I worked 8am-2pm). I'm not a day napper by nature. Twice, DH came home from work at approx 5.30pm and I was still asleep. The first time he woke me - to tell me the time - I was OK about it, and it was unusual for me, so he just wanted to check I was OK. Fair enough. The second time though? I could've buried him, and he was told to NEVER wake me again. So he didn't. Why on earth do you tolerate this?

This reminds me of something Michael Mckintyre said once like " you only ever wake a woman for one of two reasons, that it's snowing, or that a major celebrity has died" not my favourite comedian but absolutely spot on there 😂

I’d flip my lid if a manchild behaved like this towards me. Then I would kick him in the balls and into the spare room for the night.

I say take off and nuke him from space, it’s the only way to be sure!

You know this is wrong & soon you’re going to need your sleep when you’re able to grab it even more

Tell him in no uncertain terms not to do it

@ladygindiva

This reminds me of something Michael Mckintyre said once like " you only ever wake a woman for one of two reasons, that it's snowing, or that a major celebrity has died" not my favourite comedian but absolutely spot on there 😂

That's hilarious 😂 and quite true.