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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That DP wakes me up when he comes to bed?

153 replies

Spreadingtheword · 22/01/2022 23:50

Lighthearted - causes me no harm.

To cut a long story short sometimes I tend to go up to bed much Walker than DP, usually just to watch some tv or get away from watching the back of him play the PlayStation Grin

But sometimes I will have been doing something like folding some washing, pairing socks ect in the afternoon then got distracted or we’ve popped out and came home and there will still be a pile of washing or the ‘sock box’ out in the bed from where I’ve been doing it.

Then I fall asleep. But when DP comes up to bed late when he’s finished playing his game, he’ll wake me up to ask me to move the washing/sock box or anything else off of the bed. It wasn’t until now I’m pregnant, lacking sleep and grouchy that it’s started to bug me that instead of just washing it himself, he wakes me from my much wanted sleep to do it 😂 - this doesn’t happen often as I’ll usually tidy away before hopping into bed anyway, but on the odd occasion there will be something left on the end of the bed that he wants me to move.

Other times it can be something like “can I plug my phone in your side?” “I think we should get a new stair gate, ours squeaks” “I’m just going to jump in the shower”

Come to think of it.. he just wakes me up to tell me anything 😂 Why does he do this? Is he lonely, bored.. malicious?!

Does anyone else’s DP/DH do this? Would I BU to start waking him up to a random animal fact every time I get up to pee for the remainder of my pregnancy as revenge? Grin

OP posts:
diamondpony80 · 23/01/2022 06:25

Yep, DH used to do this and it drove me crazy. I just found it really selfish and inconsiderate that he would put his need for attention over my need for sleep. I work from home and I like to get up at around 5am to work before the kids are up. I can only do that if I get an early bedtime with undisturbed sleep. He works late and likes to watch TV when he gets in, so goes to bed late. To be fair once I explained it to him he understood and stopped doing it. You’d think a grown man would work something like this out for himself, but clearly not.

isthismylifenow · 23/01/2022 06:26

I agree with the others. This is not cute, funny or lighthearted at all.

This isn't normal behaviour OP. I really am hoping this is a wind up.

tara66 · 23/01/2022 06:46

Yes - under the patio he goes!

southlondoner02 · 23/01/2022 06:51

So you have a daughter who doesn't sleep well and you're currently pregnant? I can't imagine a time in life when you need sleep more, yet he thinks it's ok to randomly wake you up?

This is awful behaviour from him, can't see what is lighthearted about it at all.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 23/01/2022 06:58

I'd kill him!

bcc89 · 23/01/2022 07:02

I wouldn't be best pleased if I got to bed and my husband had left shit all over my side of the bed that he couldn't be arsed putting away and had just fallen asleep next to it, leaving me to clear it away before I can get into bed Confused

RobertsYourFathersBrother · 23/01/2022 07:07

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timeisnotaline · 23/01/2022 07:12

@Blinkingheckythump

It's not cute or funny at all. It's down right nasty of him. At best he sounds thick as two short planks, at worst he sounds like a bully.

In regards to the hot chocolate if he was making it for your daughter it makes sense to heat it in a different cup to the one you give it to her in so it's not too hot for her to hold. If it was for an adult then it's just messy and pointless

@RobertsYourFathersBrother you don't wake someone up because you love them, jez, you let them sleep because you love them!

Yes very much so- it’s not cute funny or lighthearted and he does sound thick as two planks. Oh sorry honey I just can’t remember not to wake you up when it’s nighttime and you’re fast asleep, my entire brain function is taken up trying to work out how I could move a small pile of washing on my side of the bed, before i give up as it’s just too hard and wake my pregnant wife to do it for me. I mean, seriously? Does he dress himself?
RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 23/01/2022 07:19

[quote RobertsYourFathersBrother]@DrSbaitso you don't know our relationship or dynamic. And dumb dumb, read my next post immediately after "I'm going to be more mindful of it" and not do it any more. Ffs, think before you type Dr dick bag.[/quote]
Calm down, she clearly cross-posted with your second post.

TBH, it is pretty shocking that you actually had to be told that it’s not OK to wake a sleeping person.

Imabouttoexplode · 23/01/2022 07:21

@bcc89

I wouldn't be best pleased if I got to bed and my husband had left shit all over my side of the bed that he couldn't be arsed putting away and had just fallen asleep next to it, leaving me to clear it away before I can get into bed Confused
Quite. I'm not for one minute suggesting it's your job to do the domestic work but don't give him an excuse to wake you up. Just make sure there's nothing on the bed if you go up first. How is he meant to get in to bed if there's stuff on his side. That said, he absolutely shouldn't be waking you up to ask you to move it. That's just not on. Why the laughing emojs though? What he's doing isn't funny. If all this is a regular occurance, you both need to sort your shit out. Nothing on the bed, right amount of pillows each, separate duvet each and prep ready for your child if you don't mind them wandering in in the night to sleep with you, plus a very clear rule that he is not to disturb you when he comes to bed.
DrSbaitso · 23/01/2022 07:37

Calm down, she clearly cross-posted with your second post.

I did, but a) you're right that it's telling that this poster ever needed telling and b) the more recent update doesn't really make her look any more cute, clever or worth being woken up for than the first post did.

girafferafferaffe · 23/01/2022 07:40

Let me guess, he does none of the washing, nor folding or putting away ?

Spreadingtheword · 23/01/2022 07:44

Ok perhaps I do need to be more firm. I guess I’ve just seen it as an annoying habit or trait (hence trying to keep it lighthearted as where it is irritating I didn’t think it was this big of an issue) rather than him actually being nasty but gathering from the responses to this post I need to let him know it’s really not normal and not to do it.
I’ll be more stubborn from now on!

OP posts:
Spreadingtheword · 23/01/2022 07:46

@girafferafferaffe quite the opposite! He’s very on top of housework so I can’t fault him there at all.

OP posts:
girafferafferaffe · 23/01/2022 07:47

In which case he knows perfectly well what to do with the bits on the bed and is waking you up deliberately. I'd go mental if someone did that to me constantly.

sandgrown · 23/01/2022 07:50

When my ex went to bed if there was anything on the bed he would just shove it onto my side and get in bed. Even if it was his clothes he would not dream of moving them. If he came to bed after me he would turn on the light and TV and bounce into the bed . He moaned if I tried to read with a tiny reading light but he could sleep though an earthquake! So glad he has gone.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 23/01/2022 07:54

[quote Spreadingtheword]@girafferafferaffe quite the opposite! He’s very on top of housework so I can’t fault him there at all.[/quote]
Then why on earth does he need to wake you to ask you where to put stuff……?

You’re painting a picture of a man who’s, at best, mind-numbingly stupid. I’m being kind.

BruceAndNosh · 23/01/2022 07:59

"do not wake me unless the house is on fire"

Ihaveaskedyouthrice · 23/01/2022 08:05

I often go to bed before my DH and he knows to tiptoe into bed and not to wake me. Honestly I would be absolutely furious if he woke me for any of the reasons you've mentioned.

Briony123 · 23/01/2022 08:08

Mine did this once. He didn't do it twice.
People are quiet around sleeping babies because babies go mental if they are woken up prematurely.
Be like a sleeping baby.

nopenottodaysatan · 23/01/2022 08:11

This is a form of abuse. Its to keep you on your toes and tired too. Its deeply disturbing to me that you find this behaviour funny/cute....its anything but.

Shamoo · 23/01/2022 08:13

Oh honestly this would be a relationship dealbreaker for me! Would happen once and then never again, either DP would learn not to do it or I’d be off 😂
Sleep is so precious. Time to sort this out Op!

Spreadingtheword · 23/01/2022 08:15

I don’t know where I’ve said it’s funny or cute? I think other people have used those words and now people are RTFT and assume I’ve said that.

The laughing emojis are to keep the thread light, not because the actual situation is funny.

I’ve not even used the word ‘cute’ once in any of my posts Blush

I’ve consistently said that the behaviour is annoying or irritating. I just didn’t realise to what extent until you’ve all come along and enlightened me to how mad I should actually be about itSmile

OP posts:
couldhavenotcouldof22 · 23/01/2022 08:18

What are you doing? I would divorce someone who constantly woke me up.

ASkyPaintedGold · 23/01/2022 08:18

I always go to bed before DH and he never wakes me up when he comes in - he wouldn't dream of it.
It's very selfish and reflects very badly on your DH.
Oh, and the duvet wafting you mention? Also extremely selfish - my advice is get yourself a single duvet, it's heavenly and you won't go back (but after seeing your post about the pillow, I wonder how long it would be before he finds he 'needs' that too?)

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