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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That DP wakes me up when he comes to bed?

153 replies

Spreadingtheword · 22/01/2022 23:50

Lighthearted - causes me no harm.

To cut a long story short sometimes I tend to go up to bed much Walker than DP, usually just to watch some tv or get away from watching the back of him play the PlayStation Grin

But sometimes I will have been doing something like folding some washing, pairing socks ect in the afternoon then got distracted or we’ve popped out and came home and there will still be a pile of washing or the ‘sock box’ out in the bed from where I’ve been doing it.

Then I fall asleep. But when DP comes up to bed late when he’s finished playing his game, he’ll wake me up to ask me to move the washing/sock box or anything else off of the bed. It wasn’t until now I’m pregnant, lacking sleep and grouchy that it’s started to bug me that instead of just washing it himself, he wakes me from my much wanted sleep to do it 😂 - this doesn’t happen often as I’ll usually tidy away before hopping into bed anyway, but on the odd occasion there will be something left on the end of the bed that he wants me to move.

Other times it can be something like “can I plug my phone in your side?” “I think we should get a new stair gate, ours squeaks” “I’m just going to jump in the shower”

Come to think of it.. he just wakes me up to tell me anything 😂 Why does he do this? Is he lonely, bored.. malicious?!

Does anyone else’s DP/DH do this? Would I BU to start waking him up to a random animal fact every time I get up to pee for the remainder of my pregnancy as revenge? Grin

OP posts:
Fiddlersgreen · 23/01/2022 01:17

I’m confused as to why you would get into bed yourself with stuff/washing on it??

He shouldn’t be waking you to move it I agree. If he doesn’t know where to put it then put it on the bloody floor but I don’t understand how you expect him to put it away in the dark without waking you anyway?

Earlyflash · 23/01/2022 01:19

My partner does this too, I’m super quiet and careful when they are asleep, but they are much much nosier when they come to bed!

I got woken up the other day by a phone being lobbed at the bed from a distance. It wasn’t malicious, just inconsiderate!

We also have massively different tolerance for noise, they are a much heavier sleeper than me.

That said I’m always happy to see their face, so I don’t mind :)

RevolvingPivot · 23/01/2022 01:23

@LunaNova

This made me think OP, me and DH either go to bed at the same time or he will come up after me. On the rare, very rare, occasion that I have gone out and he's messaged me to say he's going to bed early I've begged him to wait up until I've got in, there's just something that makes me feel it isn't right to go to bed without speaking to him first Blush.

I'd never dream of waking him up though, that's just asking for trouble Grin, is it possible your DP just likes to talk to you before getting in bed himself? It must be annoying to be woken up all the time, I'm surprised you're so calm!

You've begged your husband to wait up because you have to see him before you go to bed?
Theunamedcat · 23/01/2022 01:27

ex tried waking me up to move as I was on "his side" of the bed unfortunately I wake up mean and told him to fuck off even my kids think twice before waking me honestly I don't KNOW I'm being nasty I'm actually not awake I'm a nice person usually 🙃

Spreadingtheword · 23/01/2022 03:06

@JustLyra
It did cross my mind at the time, I can’t say I wasn’t really irritated and I did ask him if he was taking the piss and waking me up deliberately as it wasn’t that long ago he woke me the last time and I said “stop waking me up for no reason, if you see I’m asleep, let me sleep” - he promised he wasn’t doing it on purpose and just said he does actually need the pillow for when DD comes in, he just doesn’t need it until then.

To be fair to him he really does struggle with logical thinking. For example we made hot chocs the other day and I just stuck some milk in a mug, microwaved it, out powder into hot milk and stirred.
While his thought process was get clean mug, pour in milk, then pour that milk into plastic jug, realise plastic jug isn’t microwaveable, poured milk into another clean mug?! Then microwaved that.. poured that into first mug, add powder and stir. I couldn’t believe the amount of utensils and cups he had to get out to make one drink. When I asked about it he gets a bit flustered and doesn’t know why he does it that way but he also didn’t see the issue.

He is otherwise a very good person, he’s a fantastic father, he does his share and often more of the housework, works hard and is generally (when he’s not waking me) a very kind person. I’ve been in some horrible relationships so I’m grateful that in the grand scheme of things we have very little issues in our relationship.

OP posts:
LunaNova · 23/01/2022 03:34

I mean in the initial lighthearted tone of the thread I have said to my DH "awh stay up an extra 15 mins I'm on my way home" in the past. Like I say this has probably happened max 3 times in the 15 years we've been together.

Like I said I'd never dream of waking him if he said no or was asleep when I got in, it just feels strange not speaking to him before bed if we're both in the house (probably because he never goes to bed before I do). Just trying to offer a perspective that isn't the OPs DP being malicious in his nightly ramblings but perhaps just not thinking that she doesn't like it if she's never outright said to him to stop.

LunaNova · 23/01/2022 03:36

Sorry my last post was a response to @revolvingpilot but my phone has decided to act up Confused

violetbunny · 23/01/2022 03:42

He's either incredibly thick or he has very little respect for you.

I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms that if he wakes you again, it had better be because the house is on fire, otherwise he can expect that next time he's having a lovely sleep you'll kick him hard in the shins.

JustLyra · 23/01/2022 04:04

[quote Spreadingtheword]@JustLyra
It did cross my mind at the time, I can’t say I wasn’t really irritated and I did ask him if he was taking the piss and waking me up deliberately as it wasn’t that long ago he woke me the last time and I said “stop waking me up for no reason, if you see I’m asleep, let me sleep” - he promised he wasn’t doing it on purpose and just said he does actually need the pillow for when DD comes in, he just doesn’t need it until then.

To be fair to him he really does struggle with logical thinking. For example we made hot chocs the other day and I just stuck some milk in a mug, microwaved it, out powder into hot milk and stirred.
While his thought process was get clean mug, pour in milk, then pour that milk into plastic jug, realise plastic jug isn’t microwaveable, poured milk into another clean mug?! Then microwaved that.. poured that into first mug, add powder and stir. I couldn’t believe the amount of utensils and cups he had to get out to make one drink. When I asked about it he gets a bit flustered and doesn’t know why he does it that way but he also didn’t see the issue.

He is otherwise a very good person, he’s a fantastic father, he does his share and often more of the housework, works hard and is generally (when he’s not waking me) a very kind person. I’ve been in some horrible relationships so I’m grateful that in the grand scheme of things we have very little issues in our relationship.[/quote]
He doesn’t need your pillow though. He wanted a pillow. Now given you both now have two pillows, and presumably your DD has a pillow, there are obviously pillows elsewhere in your house so he could easily have got a pillow elsewhere. Or taken your pillow when your DD woke you both up. There was absolutely zero reason to wake you just to take your pillow to put on the floor.

Don’t let the fact that it’s not hideous blind you to this - repeatedly disturbing someone’s sleep is a nasty thing to do.

Repeatedly disturbing your pregnant wife’s sleep when she’s asked you not to is extremely questionable behaviour.

Ivyonafence · 23/01/2022 04:18

I can't believe what I read. Do you really think this is cute or funny or have you been conditioned into thinking so?

What the actual fuck.

All his 'reasons' for waking you are complete bullshit.

This is already outrageous to me, and then we add the fact that you are pregnant on top of it. What a fuckwit.

Sorry for all the swearing, I am so angry for you.

It's time to get mad OP. Make your boundaries very clear. Don't laugh this off.

RobertsYourFathersBrother · 23/01/2022 04:24

Holy shit OP! I just realised.... I do this to my DH (on the rare ocassion we get into bed at different times). I don't ask him to move stuff off the bed, but I have said random things to him. I do it because I love him and he's my best friend and I like talking to him! Haha hope that helps.....?

TulipsGarden · 23/01/2022 04:26

You need to stop this now, because if he does it when you have a newborn baby you will unfortunately kill him.

RobertsYourFathersBrother · 23/01/2022 04:27

Also, now I'm going to be mindful of it! But your DH asking you to move stuff is U. It's nuts!

DrSbaitso · 23/01/2022 04:28

Why are you pretending this is lighthearted and totally not really an issue when it so clearly is?

DrSbaitso · 23/01/2022 04:29

@RobertsYourFathersBrother

Holy shit OP! I just realised.... I do this to my DH (on the rare ocassion we get into bed at different times). I don't ask him to move stuff off the bed, but I have said random things to him. I do it because I love him and he's my best friend and I like talking to him! Haha hope that helps.....?
If you love him so much, let him sleep ffs. It's not cute.
RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 23/01/2022 04:30

Nothing like coming on MN to make me appreciate the f@ck out of my own DH….

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 23/01/2022 04:31

@RobertsYourFathersBrother

Holy shit OP! I just realised.... I do this to my DH (on the rare ocassion we get into bed at different times). I don't ask him to move stuff off the bed, but I have said random things to him. I do it because I love him and he's my best friend and I like talking to him! Haha hope that helps.....?
You annoy him because you love him?

Makes sense. Confused

timeisnotaline · 23/01/2022 04:36

You need to start replying much more sharply, and warn him during daylight that if he ever wakes the baby with these seriously stupid questions he is on baby duty for the next hour minimum, so you are genuinely doing him a favour if you help him stop doing this by telling him to fuck off every time. If you can’t bring yourself to say that think of an equivalently non sweary arsey response. ‘I don’t know but thanks for waking me shall you go wake dd now and we all have a party?’

JustLyra · 23/01/2022 04:46

@RobertsYourFathersBrother

Holy shit OP! I just realised.... I do this to my DH (on the rare ocassion we get into bed at different times). I don't ask him to move stuff off the bed, but I have said random things to him. I do it because I love him and he's my best friend and I like talking to him! Haha hope that helps.....?
So the way you treat your best friend and someone you love is to disturb their sleep on the rare occasions he’s tired enough to go to bed before you?

How on Earth is that something you do to someone because you love them? Confused

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/01/2022 05:27

How have you not screamed at him yet? Separate bedrooms would be sensible to me!

Blinkingheckythump · 23/01/2022 05:53

It's not cute or funny at all. It's down right nasty of him. At best he sounds thick as two short planks, at worst he sounds like a bully.

In regards to the hot chocolate if he was making it for your daughter it makes sense to heat it in a different cup to the one you give it to her in so it's not too hot for her to hold. If it was for an adult then it's just messy and pointless

@RobertsYourFathersBrother you don't wake someone up because you love them, jez, you let them sleep because you love them!

7yo7yo · 23/01/2022 06:04

Sad thing is OP can’t see what a horrible twat he actually is.
He has no reason to wake you up.
He did it once, shame on him, he did it twice shame on you.
Maybe a short sharp “fuck of” would work wonders.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 23/01/2022 06:16

He did it once, shame on him, he did it twice shame on you.

This is exactly it. As I said upthread, when my DH woke me coming to bed one time, I asked him not to do it again. And he didn’t.

That’s normal human interaction between two people who care about each other, and like each other.

Totalwasteofpaper · 23/01/2022 06:16

I find nothing lighthearted about this. Confused

Geniunely: Does he have learning difficulties / brain damage/ is he special needs?

Because even then I would be seeking to correct and stop this idiotic and selfish behaviour rather than roll my eyes and say "cor blimey! What is he like?"

I'd challenge him every time and start waking him up at random intervals to ask ridiculous non urgent questions or tell him random pointless statements
"I just clipped my toe nails"
"What do you fancy for tea next Thursday?"
"I am thinking about going vegan"
And see how he reacts. Hint: we won't be chuckling softly saying "cor blimey! What is she like?" Envy

MinnieMountain · 23/01/2022 06:20

I’d have murdered him by now.

I have sleep issues due to peri-menopause. DH showers downstairs when he gets in late from hockey practice.