Child safeguarding- who is right?

[sparkycats]

Who is right in this situation?

My DH is one of the coaches for a children's sports team which DS attends. The coaches are all volunteers giving up there own time to coach the teams which all their dcs attend along with other dcs. It's busy up at the venue with lots of other teams playing of all different ages with matches against away teams too with other parents and dcs.

On the coaches group they get a message from a disgruntled parent saying that her DH arrived to pick her child up at the venue afterwards and no-one was there, they were worried about where their dc was and when they went home they found their dc9 had walked home alone. The dc had said everyone left and he was all alone so decided to walk home.

Discussions happen on the group and it turns out several of the coaches were still there 20 minutes after pick up time, and had not seen this child. More coaches comment that they saw this child on their way out at the end when coaches etc were all still around. They stopped him and asked if he was ok, he said he was, they assumed he was allowed to walk home alone. Turns out he had been dropped off unattended and the parents were late to collect.

The club is very lax on safeguarding, parents aren't told implicitly that they have to stay but all other parents do. There is no sign in/sign out procedure. Coaches keep an eye out for the kids during/after the matches as much as they can. But it's not an official club, it's run totally by volunteers and payment for membership is paid annually.

This parent/ child has form.

Who is right?

Parents are totally in the wrong.
They should take some responsibility for their own child, or make arrangements for another parent to be in charge.
My kids play football - large club, big pitch, lots of matches going on at the same time. After the match they have a brief team talk then the kids all walk off to their parents and go home. If parents can’t make it they arrange for other parents to bring their kids home.
Meanwhile the coaches are putting the balls away, taking the barriers down, moving the goals back into position etc. They can’t possibly keep a track of all 14 kids going off in different directions.
If people can’t collect their own kids or make reasonable arrangements for someone else to do it, then they shouldn’t send their kids to the clubs.
I can’t stand parents like this. They can’t be arsed to do a proper job themselves but they’re very quick to blame anyone else.

@CrapDrawer

OP: But they didn't. They thought he had left with a parent. No way would they have let him walk home alone if they had known that's what he was doing.

Also OP, in opening post: they assumed he was allowed to walk home alone.

Which was it?

My understanding is the coaches didn't see him slip away, they thought he'd gone with parents. They wouldn't have let him walk home alone or knowingly go off alone.

Then two parents of children in the same team saw him walking home alone on there own way out. They questioned it and assumed he had permission to walk alone. I think if a coach had seen him the story would have been different. I hope so anyway. But the initial message on the coaches WhatsApp did read like they didn't know anything about it until the parent complained which is not good.

Once again, I am not blaming the child. I know the club have responsibilities to safeguard and that's why I am concerned enough to be the only one seemingly doing anything about it. I will push for something to change, not just for my dc but for all of them. I said to DH if one of them went to the toilet and the parent wasn't there and they didn't come back no one would know. I will never leave my dc there unattended.

Something does need to be tightened up. This is a wake up call. The child and the parents are troublesome but 100% that doesn't mean I would want anything to happen to this child or he shouldn't be safeguarded.

@Bagamoyo1

Parents are totally in the wrong. They should take some responsibility for their own child, or make arrangements for another parent to be in charge. My kids play football - large club, big pitch, lots of matches going on at the same time. After the match they have a brief team talk then the kids all walk off to their parents and go home. If parents can’t make it they arrange for other parents to bring their kids home. Meanwhile the coaches are putting the balls away, taking the barriers down, moving the goals back into position etc. They can’t possibly keep a track of all 14 kids going off in different directions. If people can’t collect their own kids or make reasonable arrangements for someone else to do it, then they shouldn’t send their kids to the clubs. I can’t stand parents like this. They can’t be arsed to do a proper job themselves but they’re very quick to blame anyone else.

That sounds like our set up. So no sign in/ out sheet? No one checking visually all kids have gone to the right parent and none left?

We don’t have a sign in or sign out sheet. It’s a voluntary club, not school. As far as I’m concerned, while my child is on the pitch, the coaches have some responsibility, so for example if another kid thumped him then they’d get involved. But after the game then it’s over to the parents.

The levels of checking and supervision that some people seem to want here would require way more staff, who would all need to be paid. Subs would be astronomical to cover the costs.

I expect the coaches to be DBS checked and to ensure the kids are safe for the duration of training/matches. The immediate time before and after is the parents responsibility.
The parents you’re describing sound like those slack parents who basically try and get free child care then moan about it.

@Bagamoyo1

We don’t have a sign in or sign out sheet. It’s a voluntary club, not school. As far as I’m concerned, while my child is on the pitch, the coaches have some responsibility, so for example if another kid thumped him then they’d get involved. But after the game then it’s over to the parents. The levels of checking and supervision that some people seem to want here would require way more staff, who would all need to be paid. Subs would be astronomical to cover the costs. I expect the coaches to be DBS checked and to ensure the kids are safe for the duration of training/matches. The immediate time before and after is the parents responsibility. The parents you’re describing sound like those slack parents who basically try and get free child care then moan about it.

They don't need to be paid to carry out basic safeguarding.

If people don't want to run an activity properly they've no right running it at all. It's absolutely basic to check that children get back to their parents safely and that every child has an adult waiting.

The FA have policies for clubs for a reason.

And perhaps they should turn up on time, or better still actually watch their kids play.
This whole thing is basically an example of shit parents being found out and shifting the blame.
I’m a single parent with 2 kids who play football, often at the same time in different places. Never once have my kids been left without a lift home. I start planning the weekend’s fixtures mid week, talking to other parents to sort lifts. It’s not rocket science, it’s called parenting.

It’s funny how it’s almost always the negligent parents who blame others for their kids not being looked after!

justlyra most teams have 2 coaches. How can they watch 14 kids walk-in across a field and check each goes to the correct parent?
We’re not talking about 4 year olds. This kid is 9!

@Bagamoyo1

justlyra most teams have 2 coaches. How can they watch 14 kids walk-in across a field and check each goes to the correct parent? We’re not talking about 4 year olds. This kid is 9!

Quite easily. You go with them, or you send them a few at a time. If you can't then you don't run - that's a decision we've had to make several times with playscheme or afterschool club. If you don't have enough adults then you don't run. Cutting corners with safety isn't an acceptable option.

And exactly. They are 9. Not 14 or 15. They're 9. 9-year-olds are not known for good decision making skills, that's why robust policies are needed.

My son is nearby 17 and we have to be at training and matches or allocate a parent to be responsible (rugby)

@Bagamoyo1

It’s funny how it’s almost always the negligent parents who blame others for their kids not being looked after!

Clubs have to protect themselves, and the children in their care, from that though.

That's the point.

No-one is saying the parents are right. They're not.

But the club need robust policies, clearly written down and communicated, and a clear outline of what happens when things go wrong - because people do take the piss, people do have accidents, people do turn up late, pop off to the shops etc.

The main reason the coaches need to put the policies in is to protect them. So that if the worst ever happens they can clearly show they had everything in place to do things properly.

That does appear a bit off considering the age of the child. My DS is nearly 15 and was forwarded by the school an event being run by a local environmental change group. It wasn't a school event and was in a local church hall- it was for 14+ and was running 5-7. It stated that if they came along teenagers under 16 would have to be collected by a parent or carer. I mean that is quite strict so I don't think it is too much to ask for a 9 year old.

@worriedatthemoment are you op?

I know it from a schools perspective but not necessarily for an out of school club like this one.

Duty of care remains the same legally

@JustLyra you're right and as I've said too LOADS of reasons to have a sign in sheet beyond the drop off/collection stuff

Safeguarding is vital yes - but parents have a part to play in safeguarding their own child

Definitely - but this thread is about the coaches/club responsibility

Both, the parents should be back on time if they are leaving him unattended. But a coach volunteer or not should make sure each child has a appropriate adult that collects them.

@Graphista Yep. You’d have to hope none of the volunteers work with kids in their day jobs taking risks and cutting corners like that!

Op it’s seems like you are implying that how much someone is paid dictates how well a child is looked after by said someone.

It's not only being legally liable. I once met someone who made a decision that resulted in a horrific crime. One of those ones we all know the names in.

That person was totally exonerated by the subsequent enquiry. I doubt a day goes by that they don't think about what they might have done differently.

That's what I think about when I think about safeguarding.

@JustLyra if true it's astoundingly badly run!

@RepentMotherfucker well quite! That tends to be my fear in addition to concern for the children/vulnerable adults it's "how the HELL would I live with myself if something TERRIBLE did happen" you have to live with it the rest of your life.

All the scandals where paedos and other dodgy types were found out I often think how the people around them in those roles working with them must feel! The shock, the guilt? I can't imagine!

@Graphista I don’t doubt it tbh. There are several shockingly poorly run football groups round here. There seems to be something about it that just makes people cut corners. I think because so many have been running for donkeys years.

And also because I do think, possibly wrongly, people often take more risks/short cuts with safeguarding of boys because they don’t think they’re at risk as much as girls.

I think your right on complacency around safeguarding of boys in general terms.

Pretty sure the FA daren't risk that with the history there!

My son is nearby 17 and we have to be at training and matches or allocate a parent to be responsible (rugby)

That is just insane!

Graphista

Safeguarding is vital yes - but parents have a part to play in safeguarding their own child

Definitely - but this thread is about the coaches/club responsibility

I think the thread was to try and establish who had responsibility. We clearly disagree. So we'll have to agree to disagree. Maybe you're the parent in question?

bagamoyo1 I agree with everything you have put. It's just the right thing to do as a parent - to stay at the session and make sure you're there at the end. Not difficult.

Graphista JustLyra

I used to actually attend training and matches when DS was younger even though DH was coaching as I wasn't 100% sure how he would manage if something happened to DS such as a broken arm. He wouldn't be able to just disappear off and concentrate on his own child. I would never have considered just leaving him on his own with no parent present. I didn't consider DH as a 'present' parent as he was so busy concentrating on all the other kids.

Maybe you're the parent in question?

I think she's a person who understands safeguarding and thinks the OP's husband and the club should protect themselves. Not sure why that makes her the bad guy here

Repent

Obviously we disagree. The parents were ridiculously late to pick up & should have stayed anyway. I feel that they are at fault. It's not how I parent. I'm fairly laid back but it wouldn't occur to me to drop & go. Clearly people on this thread think this is ok which I find more worrying.