Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he was rude, disrespectful and plain bad mannered

137 replies

flamers · 20/01/2022 19:17

I thought about writing this as a reverse but to be straight up is easier and less confusing!
I am a busy single mum of three. I commute 70 miles per day and work full time. I'm in a relationship of 18 months. We live 40 mins apart and see each other each week normally at weekends and spend the whole or eow together.
I suggested yesterday evening that we meet and have dinner. I literally had three free hours. He was fairly relaxed and said why not.
We met twenty mins away and I offered to treat him to dinner.
From when we met he was tired( persistently tired at 50) moody, irritated and just not in any way warm or excited to see me. This man has no
Responsibility to anyone except for getting
Himself up every day and going to work.
We ate,I paid. I found myself tensing up and feeling that old friend, dread and discomfort.
We went for a walk. He spent that ten minutes trying to fix some app on his phone.
At that stage, I thought fuck this, I'm off.
I left. He text to say thanks when we each got to our respective homes. I was so Fucked off at that stage, that I didn't bother to reply.
He always tests to say goodnight but text this morning to say he fell
Asleep straight away.
I'm really fucking annoyed. Normally he is loving, supportive and caring.
Now I feel that he expects this of me and is not appreciative of my efforts. I am
Very giving but so is he normally.
Am I blowing this up or rightly fucked off.
Atm I told him I want time to work out exactly what I want as I found his behaviour last night rude, unmannerly and nonchalant.

OP posts:
TooMuchPaper · 20/01/2022 19:21

Normally he is loving, supportive and caring.

So last night was unusual?

Original poster
flamers · 20/01/2022 19:22

It was. He was very tired but lately he is ALWAYS tired. Low energy, full of complaints and aches and pains but does nothing about it.
I love to cook and love to treat those closest to me. Now it's becoming a given and while he appreciates it , it's almost expected I think.

OP posts:
JDaytona · 20/01/2022 19:24

What does he add to your life?

Tickledtrout · 20/01/2022 19:26

Why did you offer to treat him to dinner? Does he reciprocate or do you feel you have to cook or offer dinner to bribe him to spend time with you?

museumum · 20/01/2022 19:28

Only you can decide. It’s not fair to expect a boyfriend to be always cheerful and not have a bad day or to hide their real feelings. But equally there’s no need to be with a person who does not enhance your life. You’re not tied to him, you can decide whether to stay or go.
The only mistake would be trying to change him. You can’t change people.

Original poster
flamers · 20/01/2022 19:29

What does he bring to my life ?
He is supportive, chatty, funny, kind, generous, loving, affectionate.
I always cook now. I love it but it's def expected. Having said that he cleans up after and does other chores in my home where we spend our free time,

OP posts:
Pikaso · 20/01/2022 19:30

He sounds a total bore. I’d get rid of him.

The trying to fix an app whilst walking irritated me so god knows how you felt

Original poster
flamers · 20/01/2022 19:30

Offered to rest him as it was my turn to treat.

OP posts:
Original poster
flamers · 20/01/2022 19:30

Treat

OP posts:
Flocon · 20/01/2022 19:31

18 months in you can't expect him to be cheerfully every time you see him tbh. I am a busy single mum of three. I commute 70 miles per day and work full time just because this is your life doesn't mean he owes you any more gratitude than if you too lived alone.

But if he's dragging you down then leave him, you don't need an excuse.

Flocon · 20/01/2022 19:32

We went for a walk. He spent that ten minutes trying to fix some app on his phone. does sound a bit like he's lost interest in you tbh

Original poster
flamers · 20/01/2022 19:32

Im starting to feel drained.
Low energy, lack of motivation, lower energy in bed lately.

OP posts:
Original poster
flamers · 20/01/2022 19:34

I thinks so too@Flocon . We won't see one another for another few days and he wants to fix an app????? Fuck that

OP posts:
an0ther0ther · 20/01/2022 19:37

Hmm - I mean, this is a 50 year old man with no children / responsibilities? Most men (of that age anyway) would insist on paying, tbh.

Re- the low energy levels snd moaning - could he have Covid / long Covid?

user1471530109 · 20/01/2022 19:37

He fell asleep? I'd be worried he's ill. Especially if this is a recent change in behaviour.

I have your life minus the dp. I'm impressed you have the time and energy Grin. I think he needs to be treating you if this is not a medical issue.

DropYourSword · 20/01/2022 19:38

You say it was unusual and it was a one off.
We all have bad days sometimes.

Original poster
flamers · 20/01/2022 19:39

Oh no . Treating me isn't the issue. He is very generous. I just wanted to treat him for a change. But by virtue of inviting him for dinner and offering to meet in view of the craziness of my life, I expect more interaction and care.

OP posts:
Original poster
flamers · 20/01/2022 19:39

He's always tired, always in pain somewhere yet will do nothing about it.

OP posts:
Kuachui · 20/01/2022 19:40

so hes 50 without kids and your the one buying his meals? you looking for another kid?

Flocon · 20/01/2022 19:41

@flamers

He's always tired, always in pain somewhere yet will do nothing about it.
Well if he won't see a Dr there's nothing you can do to help. Some people do just ache all the time though.
Flocon · 20/01/2022 19:41

@Kuachui

so hes 50 without kids and your the one buying his meals? you looking for another kid?
Oh come off it OP has said they take it in turns
Kuachui · 20/01/2022 19:41

ah x post, in that case id maybe try again for a few more dates and see, but in all honesty some people do just age quicker than others and this may just be him aging/ becoming boring and less interested in things

Pegasushaswings · 20/01/2022 19:41

Don’t make a rash decision based on that nights bad date. Everyone can be moody or feeling low sometimes. Have you asked him what’s on his mind?

Original poster
flamers · 20/01/2022 19:43

He has children but sees them eow and mid week. His maintenance that he pays for his is exactly what i receive for my children.
Money isn't an issue here

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 20/01/2022 19:43

I wouldn’t have been impressed with that. He could have fixed his app any time.

Swipe left for the next trending thread