To think he was rude, disrespectful and plain bad mannered

[flamers]

I thought about writing this as a reverse but to be straight up is easier and less confusing!
I am a busy single mum of three. I commute 70 miles per day and work full time. I'm in a relationship of 18 months. We live 40 mins apart and see each other each week normally at weekends and spend the whole or eow together.
I suggested yesterday evening that we meet and have dinner. I literally had three free hours. He was fairly relaxed and said why not.
We met twenty mins away and I offered to treat him to dinner.
From when we met he was tired( persistently tired at 50) moody, irritated and just not in any way warm or excited to see me. This man has no
Responsibility to anyone except for getting
Himself up every day and going to work.
We ate,I paid. I found myself tensing up and feeling that old friend, dread and discomfort.
We went for a walk. He spent that ten minutes trying to fix some app on his phone.
At that stage, I thought fuck this, I'm off.
I left. He text to say thanks when we each got to our respective homes. I was so Fucked off at that stage, that I didn't bother to reply.
He always tests to say goodnight but text this morning to say he fell
Asleep straight away.
I'm really fucking annoyed. Normally he is loving, supportive and caring.
Now I feel that he expects this of me and is not appreciative of my efforts. I am
Very giving but so is he normally.
Am I blowing this up or rightly fucked off.
Atm I told him I want time to work out exactly what I want as I found his behaviour last night rude, unmannerly and nonchalant.

You can dump anyone at any time for any reason or no reason at all.

It sounds like you're done and you're looking for a reason/excuse to end it.
Just end it and move on.

@flamers

44

To be fair OP, I’m your age and I’m always tired and everything hurts.

There’s nothing the doctors can do. It is what it is.

Enjoy your energy while you have it 🤣 you might go another 20 years before feeling like we do but it will come (I remember having energy. Sigh)

Me and DH are mid 50s and we aren’t tired all the time with aches and pains! He needs to see a GP.
He’s not old! He’s far too young to be behaving like a grumpy old man.

Well, you are lucky.
We are in our 50s and I definitely don't have the energy I had when I was younger. Nor the drive or 'oomph' to be doing things.
I wouldn't waste my GP's time telling him I feel older than I used to

I know, for sure I could improve by myself if I got off my backside and chose to - before COVID I had started going to the gym and doing some yoga for the first time in my life and a year in, it had made a massive difference - you don't need a GP to tell you you would have more energy if you got yourself eating better and exercising more and sleeping better. You just need the incentive to do it. At the moment, maybe this chap is actually quite happy with his life and doesn't feel incentivised to make those changes.

Gp could organise an xray of the achey bits.
Prescribe some painkillers.
Do a blood test to check all is well.
That's the idea of seeing your gp, surely, if something is impacting your life negatively.

I think he is gradually showing you, more and more, who he really is. Do you REALLY want to be with someone you need to chivy along to go for a walk or even just get out of bed? Someone who does nothing about keeping well? If he's like this now it's just going to continue like this.

Unfortunately tiredness, moodiness, irritability and feeling below par with a series of vague ailments can be fairly typical for 50s+ men. Even if he went to his GP it wouldn't necessarily be a magic cure as there may (hopefully) be nothing really wrong with him. You may have to decide if his other good points are enough to balance your irritability with him over this, as odds are it won't change.

To be honest, OP, you don’t sound very nice.

@RobertSmithsLipstick

Gp could organise an xray of the achey bits. Prescribe some painkillers. Do a blood test to check all is well. That's the idea of seeing your gp, surely, if something is impacting your life negatively.

Good luck with getting X-rays of the achey bits. Waiting lists for everything are endless.

I know.
I'm at the bottom of some of those lists!

Still seems a shot reason to finish with someone, though, if they're not normally so reluctant to do much.
I was having a whale of a time in my early 50s. Not tired at all.

I don’t think the GP can do a lot for age related aches and pains, but if the fatigue is new and impacting on functioning I think blood work would be indicated.

Exactly this. I don’t understand everyone piling on saying he can be ‘fixed’. Maybe he can and maybe he can’t or the comments of ‘no way I felt like that at 50yo, it’s not normal’.

The fact is people age differently and there is an extraordinary level of variation between individuals. Just like some 90yo’s are whizzing about their kitchen and mentally sharp as a tack and others bedridden and senile in a nursing home, it’s the same for people on their 50’s. It would be common sense for routine blood work to ensure nothing underlying but it may well be that’s just where his body is at. Things like testosterone start to change which has impacts and just like menopause in women this can happen over a variable period in men. Everyone’s bodies just age at different rates along a different course.

At 50yo I felt completely done in, like a car that was due for a trade in, and likely how some women felt at 70yo. Still went to work each day, still did long shifts, still did all the crap at home but nothing in the tank and felt like shit. Was absolutely nothing physically wrong with me, nothing to be ‘fixed’ (was a working HCP and well know this), and it just plateaued out like that as the normal going forward. I have friends who were spritely 50yo’s who have now caught up along the way either descending in sudden spurts or gradually, we are all different.

If OP and this gentleman are at different points at this stage then instead of ranting and raving about it, the best thing to do is cordially end it and find someone better matched, surely.

Sorry, in/on etc, fat fingers.

@HoppingPavlova

I don’t think the GP can do a lot for age related aches and pains, but if the fatigue is new and impacting on functioning I think blood work would be indicated.

Exactly this. I don’t understand everyone piling on saying he can be ‘fixed’. Maybe he can and maybe he can’t or the comments of ‘no way I felt like that at 50yo, it’s not normal’.

The fact is people age differently and there is an extraordinary level of variation between individuals. Just like some 90yo’s are whizzing about their kitchen and mentally sharp as a tack and others bedridden and senile in a nursing home, it’s the same for people on their 50’s. It would be common sense for routine blood work to ensure nothing underlying but it may well be that’s just where his body is at. Things like testosterone start to change which has impacts and just like menopause in women this can happen over a variable period in men. Everyone’s bodies just age at different rates along a different course.

At 50yo I felt completely done in, like a car that was due for a trade in, and likely how some women felt at 70yo. Still went to work each day, still did long shifts, still did all the crap at home but nothing in the tank and felt like shit. Was absolutely nothing physically wrong with me, nothing to be ‘fixed’ (was a working HCP and well know this), and it just plateaued out like that as the normal going forward. I have friends who were spritely 50yo’s who have now caught up along the way either descending in sudden spurts or gradually, we are all different.

If OP and this gentleman are at different points at this stage then instead of ranting and raving about it, the best thing to do is cordially end it and find someone better matched, surely.

Exactly. For women it can be hugely influenced by menopause. Some women are hit badly and others aren’t. Some have an earlier menopause than others. Some people have a lot of responsibilities and worries, demanding jobs. Others have less pressure on them. Money also plays a large part. One size does not fit all.