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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share a room with my inlaws

156 replies

nestinginnl · 20/01/2022 19:05

Myself, my husband and our 6 month old son are going on holiday to Hawaii in two weeks. He's from Southern California so we're tying the trip in with seeing his family. On the night we get back from Hawaii he's booked us a hotel room by the airport as the flight gets in late. This happened months ago. I just found out it's for all of us, his mother included, in one room. Not only that but a week later when we fly home there's another hotel booked to split the journey, this time for the three of us, his mother, and his sister (who is a perfectly well meaning person but I don't get on with her and find her very uncomfortable to be around due to multiple past-events).

I wasn't asked about any of this, it was just organised behind my back.

We are not broke. We do not have to save $100 on a room. This is our first holiday in years. It's a replacement for our covid-cancelled honeymoon.

AIBU to be feel upset and want separate rooms?

Yes - YABU, rooms are expensive, it's just two nights

No - YANBU, he's in the wrong, spend the money and have your own space

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 21/01/2022 10:08

OMG imagine everyone traipsing into the en-suite one after the other for their morning poo. Hideous.

AnotherEmma · 21/01/2022 10:58

@nestinginnl

I politely requested to book separate rooms.

Now he's walked off and isn't talking to me.

This is going well.

What a twat. Hope you've sorted it.
Drunkpanda · 21/01/2022 11:00

The Walton parents didn't sleep with either their dc or the grandparents.
Hence all the shouting goodnight across rooms.

Cantfindausernamethatsnottaken · 21/01/2022 11:03

YANBU!

ihateliningup · 21/01/2022 11:04

I mean his mum going to Hawaii kind of ruins the mood anyway. Definitely wouldn't want to share a room with her or anyone else.

Anonymous48 · 21/01/2022 12:24

@Branleuse

Id say to my husband, "you can strop and give me the silent treatment all you like but im not budging. I want either a seperate room or im not coming. This is my holiday too and I wont sleep a wink with everyone in the same room."

Its absolutely normal and common to not like sharing rooms, and its also pretty common for people to be fine with it. Neither is wrong, but I would absolutely insist on having at least two rooms between you all

But it's not for the holiday! It's for one night after a late arriving flight.
Bonheurdupasse · 21/01/2022 12:25

[quote nestinginnl]@IncompleteSenten this is exactly my thought! I think I'll ask to see the hotel reservation and make myself a nice single room booking for me and the baby.[/quote]
OP

Absolutely do that.

Make that your hill to die on.

Drunkpanda · 21/01/2022 12:52

I'm surprised that the adults (mil and sil) aren't equally dismayed at sharing a room with another woman and the children!
It's not even the room, it's the bathroom angle.

Anonymous48 · 21/01/2022 14:35

@Drunkpanda

I'm surprised that the adults (mil and sil) aren't equally dismayed at sharing a room with another woman and the children! It's not even the room, it's the bathroom angle.
But it's just for one night! Just a place to crash while breaking up a long journey.
Drunkpanda · 21/01/2022 14:51

When I share with my own family I end up using other toilets some of the time to avoid feeling embarrassed, I'm not going to feel ok with two other adults just because it's for a limited time. I used to share rooms with friends happily enough but now would always try to get two separate ones.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 21/01/2022 17:26

I would ask your DH what will you do if you want sex?.............................................

Anonymous48 · 21/01/2022 18:40

@Strictlyfanoftenyears

I would ask your DH what will you do if you want sex?.............................................
I would ask why you and your husband couldn't refrain for just one night when no doubt tired after a long journey?

Have you never shared a room with your kids and therefore been forced to not sleep naked and not have sex? It's not the end of the world. I'm pretty sure they'll survive.

Pixxie7 · 21/01/2022 18:53

I think it is a unanimous yanbu, in your DH defence he probably doesn’t realise how wrong this is particularly as it’s his family. I would explain how you feel and tell him even if it’s just for you, you want a separate room.

BessMarvin · 21/01/2022 19:00

Anonymous48 op has said it's 3 bookings

NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 21/01/2022 20:11

I wouldn't care about it being 'just a place to crash' as part of the travelling, there is no way I could relax or sleep in that situation. I need personal space! I wouldn't share a room with anyone that isn't my husband or young children - my privacy is worth the cost of another room, always. It just sounds hideous. I can't understand why anyone in that scenario thinks it's a good idea at all!

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/01/2022 20:58

@Strictlyfanoftenyears

I would ask your DH what will you do if you want sex?.............................................
I’m assuming she will be too tired as it’s a light flight

4 adults and baby in one room sounds hell

Def own rooms

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/01/2022 20:58

Ffs night

Blossomtoes · 21/01/2022 21:00

Four people and a baby in one room? The man’s off his head.

StoneofDestiny · 21/01/2022 21:36

Just change the booking - sorted.

Anonymous48 · 24/01/2022 15:41

@BessMarvin

Anonymous48 op has said it's 3 bookings
No she hasn't. She said it's for one night on the way there and one night on the way home.
Anonymous48 · 24/01/2022 15:42

@NoOtherShadeOfBlue

I wouldn't care about it being 'just a place to crash' as part of the travelling, there is no way I could relax or sleep in that situation. I need personal space! I wouldn't share a room with anyone that isn't my husband or young children - my privacy is worth the cost of another room, always. It just sounds hideous. I can't understand why anyone in that scenario thinks it's a good idea at all!
Really? I like my own space too. But have you never shared a room with girlfriends on a weekend away, for example? Or anyone in your family who's not your husband or children?
StillWalking · 24/01/2022 15:47

Ask the name of the hotel and book an alternative space for yourself and the baby. Problem solved. Definitely don't agree tot his type of share arrangement.

NoOtherShadeOfBlue · 24/01/2022 15:47

@Anonymous48 no, I don't share rooms! In-laws are a worse proposition than friends but I'm not happy with either scenario. It's always worth the money to me to have privacy.

knitnerd90 · 24/01/2022 15:52

@MrsTerryPratchett

It's a North American thing. The Canadians are the same. I worked away there and they wanted me to share a room. With a colleague. Bugger that for a game of soldiers.
To a point yes, but a typical American room is 2 queens or a king--sometmes you get a pullout too. Most wouldn't let you book 4 adults. You could do it in a pinch, I suppose, but absolutely not what I would do.

Cramming parents + kids in one room (definitely done in North America) is just not the same as two adult couples and a baby.

Anonymous48 · 24/01/2022 15:57

[quote NoOtherShadeOfBlue]@Anonymous48 no, I don't share rooms! In-laws are a worse proposition than friends but I'm not happy with either scenario. It's always worth the money to me to have privacy.[/quote]
OK, fair enough. Even though I can afford my own room I do occasionally share with friends if we are away for a weekend. It's fun! I definitely prefer my own bed, but I've shared with a good friend before.