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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to share a room with my inlaws

156 replies

nestinginnl · 20/01/2022 19:05

Myself, my husband and our 6 month old son are going on holiday to Hawaii in two weeks. He's from Southern California so we're tying the trip in with seeing his family. On the night we get back from Hawaii he's booked us a hotel room by the airport as the flight gets in late. This happened months ago. I just found out it's for all of us, his mother included, in one room. Not only that but a week later when we fly home there's another hotel booked to split the journey, this time for the three of us, his mother, and his sister (who is a perfectly well meaning person but I don't get on with her and find her very uncomfortable to be around due to multiple past-events).

I wasn't asked about any of this, it was just organised behind my back.

We are not broke. We do not have to save $100 on a room. This is our first holiday in years. It's a replacement for our covid-cancelled honeymoon.

AIBU to be feel upset and want separate rooms?

Yes - YABU, rooms are expensive, it's just two nights

No - YANBU, he's in the wrong, spend the money and have your own space

OP posts:
cherrytreecottage · 20/01/2022 21:33

Omg no way! The only way this would ever (and I mean ever) be reasonable is if the "room" was actually a suite with separate bedrooms and living space. Doesn't sound like it is so I'd be putting my foot down and insisting on booking another room!

RightOnTheEdge · 20/01/2022 21:41

WHAT?? No, absolutely no way!
I wouldn't do this with my own family never mind in laws.
YA so NBU!

Anonymous48 · 20/01/2022 22:42

I'm surprised by most of the responses here. Yes, maybe your husband should have run it past you first, but he probably thought there was no reason to. It's not like you're sharing a room with your mother in law on your holiday. This is one night, and the hotel is just a place to sleep after a late flight. It doesn't make any sense to book two rooms when you just need a place to crash. You and your husband will have a bed, and your mother in law will have a bed. You'll sleep, get up the next morning and continue your journey.

SEOeieio · 20/01/2022 23:17

Ime, it's common for entire families to share a room in the US, including families with teens, but not nearly as common for a married "child" and their husband/wife/partner to share a room with his/her parent(s)/siblings.

If money and room availability are not a problem, I'd prefer some space, particularly when there's a baby in the group. I don't think it's completely bonkers to share a room, but it's less than ideal! I wouldn't book a room just for myself and the baby, though, as some have suggested, unless you want to insult his family.

imoutofhere · 21/01/2022 01:04

[quote nestinginnl]@IncompleteSenten this is exactly my thought! I think I'll ask to see the hotel reservation and make myself a nice single room booking for me and the baby.[/quote]

Seriously, do it! Or let him and his family have the baby for the night and you can relax in your own room!

Rtmhwales · 21/01/2022 01:30

@Madcats

Did you say your husband is American?

Based on my very limited experience a lot of hotel rooms in the US have several beds - it seems to be the norm that everyone all crams in together. I blame The Waltons!

I'm annoyed enough at having to share a big holiday rental with extended family, let alone one bedroom and bathroom!

I agree. As an American I don't think I'd bat an eye at this, but I've learned quickly it made my British in laws think I was crazy. And if OP isn't comfortable then he should consider her feelings.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 21/01/2022 04:10

He's a twat, your DH, isn't he?

THEDEACON · 21/01/2022 04:15

Nope no never over my cold dead body YANBU

SquarePeggyLeggy · 21/01/2022 04:17

Book a room for you and the baby.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/01/2022 04:20

If money and room availability are not a problem, I'd prefer some space, particularly when there's a baby in the group. I don't think it's completely bonkers to share a room, but it's less than ideal! I wouldn't book a room just for myself and the baby, though, as some have suggested, unless you want to insult his family.

Why would it insult them?

Namenic · 21/01/2022 04:43

I am personally fine with this. I grew up having to share with various relatives who stayed at our house. I also shared a 1 bed flat (additional sofa bed in living room) with my English in laws (non en-suite), husband and 2 kids.

But I understand if you are not used to it. Your DH should just make the excuse that the baby wakes a lot and get another room for him, you and baby.

Happyhappyday · 21/01/2022 04:48

It is NOT an American thing!! We shared (DB & I) with my parents only! Never with grandparents too. I would sleep outside in a tent before I’d share with DC, I can’t sleep with them in the room! I don’t have any friends who do this either.

ThinWomansBrain · 21/01/2022 04:50

book a room
given that they're all so keen on sharing, leave the baby with them & get some decent sleep.

HoppingPavlova · 21/01/2022 05:04

Just book yourself your own room. Spread out in the middle of the bed and watch some pay movies.

Crazykatie · 21/01/2022 05:56

Typical man thinking,

Holidays with relatives or friends can be stressful enough without sharing rooms/suites

Book your own separately.

speakout · 21/01/2022 06:17

Just change the booking.
Tell your OH that you are contacting the hotel to book another room for either his mother or for you and your baby- does he have a preference- then just go ahead and do it.

User8721643839 · 21/01/2022 07:00

@IncompleteSenten

Yanbu.

I'd be tempted to book myself a nice single room and leave them to enjoy their family sleepover while I get room service and some great sleep

This
rookiemere · 21/01/2022 07:17

I think this is more common in US than it is here, why else would they have rooms with two double beds as standard.

My US cousin got a bit upset when I wouldn't share a bed with her when at a hotel- managed to get a rollaway bed for her in the end - and retold a jolly story of how when she was away in Vegas with some female friends, there were 3 in a bed and she was in the middle, personally I'd rather sleep in the bath.

BashStreetKid · 21/01/2022 07:36

Hell would freeze over before I'd volunteer for this. Has anyone thought through the implications of a crying baby in a bedroom with several adults?

SisterAgatha · 21/01/2022 07:44

If he/MIL/SIL questions this, the thing that will cut any argument down surely is - I want to shit in peace.

No one can argue with that.

Iamnotamermaid · 21/01/2022 08:31

Book your own room - use the baby as an excuse.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/01/2022 08:37

Wait a moment.

You said this is, in part, a replacement honeymoon - and his mum is coming with you to Hawaii! On your replacement honeymoon?

I hope she offers to babysit a lot for you!

autienotnaughty · 21/01/2022 08:48

The extra room is a great idea I'd say due to baby waking in the night.

Branleuse · 21/01/2022 08:54

Id say to my husband, "you can strop and give me the silent treatment all you like but im not budging. I want either a seperate room or im not coming. This is my holiday too and I wont sleep a wink with everyone in the same room."

Its absolutely normal and common to not like sharing rooms, and its also pretty common for people to be fine with it. Neither is wrong, but I would absolutely insist on having at least two rooms between you all

LaurenKelsey · 21/01/2022 09:35

@Madcats

Did you say your husband is American?

Based on my very limited experience a lot of hotel rooms in the US have several beds - it seems to be the norm that everyone all crams in together. I blame The Waltons!

I'm annoyed enough at having to share a big holiday rental with extended family, let alone one bedroom and bathroom!

I’m American and I’ve never heard of this kind of “sharing”. I wouldn’t be going anywhere if it meant sharing a room with in-laws. 😒