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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think my husband has a lovechild

507 replies

Claire14467 · 20/01/2022 13:37

I am in shock and I don’t know what to do. I have just been contacted by a young man who has done an ancestry.com DNA test. He says the site indicates that there is a parental match to my husband. I know we have done these so they have our DNA on the system but I must say my husband was not keen on it at all at the time.
I am absolutely in shock. He is at work right now and I don’t know how I will face him later. Could this be wrong? Could this man be lying to get money?
Has anyone had a similar experience and got to the bottom of this?! I’m literally shaking with worry and anger.

OP posts:
Kassalah · 20/01/2022 21:19

Search online for Ancestry DNA scams

OVienna · 20/01/2022 21:21

[quote Mundra]@OVienna am I right in saying you're a man? Did someone turn up on your doorstep then? What a shock Thanks[/quote]

Wut? No. I found my biological father on Ancestry. Right there, top of the relatives list. It was quite a shock. 50% shared DNA (as you'd expect.)

Booklover3 · 20/01/2022 21:27

Hope you are okay OP 💐

Callingallskeletons · 20/01/2022 21:34

Really hope you are ok OP 💐

XelaM · 20/01/2022 21:42

Good luck OP

Mundra · 20/01/2022 21:44

Ah! Right @OVienna. Sorry, I've seen you posting for years, no idea why I got the impression you were a man Confused

I hope you were in a place where you could deal with that knowledge without too much heartache Thanks

Hertsgirl10 · 20/01/2022 21:44

17 pages of people asking the same questions over and over again. Literally read the 1st few pages and you will all see it’s all been said, questions have been answered and someone’s apologised about 500 times and people are still coming at them 💆🏼‍♀️ I’m sure OP has a hard enough evening without reading the same thing over and over.

tkwal · 20/01/2022 22:01

Communication and calmness are essential in this. You need to tell your husband immediately. There's every chance that this is a scam given how he has approached you . If it turns out to be true, I hope you and your husband find the strength to get through together, 3 children and 25 years since would be a lot to give up on

TeamBlondie · 20/01/2022 22:04

Wow. I hope not, how horrendous if so!

mcmooberry · 20/01/2022 22:06

Oh Lord what a nightmare, hope it's not true.

BigYellowHat · 20/01/2022 22:08

@2022success

Why has he contacted you rather than your DH? Confused
I wonder if he’s already tried the husband 🤔
NoEffingWay · 20/01/2022 22:11

Hoping the conversation has gone okay?

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 20/01/2022 22:13

@Glitterspy

People pretending not to understand how or why OP is angry and upset are really not being very empathetic.
I am gobsmacked by all those comments. Would these posters not be angry and worried if it seemed their DH had had an affair?
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 20/01/2022 22:17

Yeah I'd be angry too I'd I was the op. Not sure why some people think it's more likely to be a scam either and you'd think if he had donated sperms he'd have mentioned it in the 34 years they've been married

Original poster
Claire14467 · 20/01/2022 22:17

Hi everyone,
I am absolutely blown away by this response. Sorry for being so quiet on this - I’m sure you can imagine it has been quite a stressful evening!
I haven’t had time to read everything but thank you all for your support Flowers.
We have logged into ancestry and had a look at the data and it seems as if it isn’t as clear cut as the man made it out to be. It turns out that there is a link in the paternal line and we are not sure where, but clearly there has been a misunderstanding somewhere here. I am so relieved.
I am going to go to bed now and tackle this all tomorrow but I didn’t want to ghost the thread. Thank you all so much.

OP posts:
Pyewhacket · 20/01/2022 22:17

@Kassalah

Search online for Ancestry DNA scams
I thought that too.
MarshmallowFondant · 20/01/2022 22:19

@Claire14467 if you want to message me privately I am happy to help where I can.

GorgonzolaSouffle · 20/01/2022 22:20

🥺🥺🥺

TracyMosby · 20/01/2022 22:20

I dont get it. Ive looked at ancestry
And it is £14 a month. What is there to gain from paying that?

BeenHereForAges · 20/01/2022 22:22

Thanks for the update OP.
Relieved for you, what a day that must have been! I hope you get some answers tomorrow.

MrsGinnyM · 20/01/2022 22:23

Yes, parental v paternal link is a common misunderstanding. What a relief.

tintodeverano2 · 20/01/2022 22:30

@Claire14467 if you post the amount of centimorgans that are shared then maybe I or one of the other posters can give you more of an idea how closely they are related.

For example:

I share 3,455 cM with my dad.

964 cM with a full cousin

And between 509 cM and 322 cM with half cousins.

BatshitBanshee · 20/01/2022 22:30

@Claire14467

Hi everyone, I am absolutely blown away by this response. Sorry for being so quiet on this - I’m sure you can imagine it has been quite a stressful evening! I haven’t had time to read everything but thank you all for your support Flowers. We have logged into ancestry and had a look at the data and it seems as if it isn’t as clear cut as the man made it out to be. It turns out that there is a link in the paternal line and we are not sure where, but clearly there has been a misunderstanding somewhere here. I am so relieved. I am going to go to bed now and tackle this all tomorrow but I didn’t want to ghost the thread. Thank you all so much.
Hi @Claire14467, this happened in my family. A woman contacted a family member believing she was contacting her father because of Ancestry DNA. He wasn't the father (wasn't even in the country at the time she was conceived) but his brother was & my male relative knew this woman's mother because she was seeing his brother at the time. All solved fairly quickly so hopefully you can get to the bottom of it.
cherish123 · 20/01/2022 22:36

Glad it's a good outcome.

NatashaBedwouldbenice · 20/01/2022 22:40

Have you spoken to him about it yet? There's no point asking a bunch of strangers on the internet if you can't talk to your husband about it.

Especially a bunch of strangers who won't read even the OP's posts, let alone everyone elses, eh?

@Claire14467 Well done tonight, this was worrying news. It would be great to hear what the centimorgans match was, if you don't mind sharing.