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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think my husband has a lovechild

507 replies

Claire14467 · 20/01/2022 13:37

I am in shock and I don’t know what to do. I have just been contacted by a young man who has done an ancestry.com DNA test. He says the site indicates that there is a parental match to my husband. I know we have done these so they have our DNA on the system but I must say my husband was not keen on it at all at the time.
I am absolutely in shock. He is at work right now and I don’t know how I will face him later. Could this be wrong? Could this man be lying to get money?
Has anyone had a similar experience and got to the bottom of this?! I’m literally shaking with worry and anger.

OP posts:
Diditreallylookawful · 20/01/2022 13:50

I think you need to sit down with your DH as soon as he's home and try to get to the bottom of this. I'm another one that finds it strange the young man didn't contact your DH directly.

CaMePlaitPas · 20/01/2022 13:51

This reply has been deleted

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ABCeasyasdohrayme · 20/01/2022 13:51

Use the time your husband is at work to research this young man. Can you find his mother's name photos online? Facebook? See if you know his mum, or have heard of her what he looks like. Get as much information as you can.

Sorry op, you must be in shock, but the more informed you are, the better you'll be able to handle this Flowers

thisplaceisweird · 20/01/2022 13:51

@Claire14467

The man is 25 so would’ve been nine years into our marriage. I was pregnant with our third child too at the time! I am so angry because of the potential that he has had an affair.
Maybe the babies got switched at birth by the hospital...
LagunaBubbles · 20/01/2022 13:52

I dont know how these sites work but why would someone contact you about your DHs DNA, you dont share DNA?

thisplaceisweird · 20/01/2022 13:52

@user1486915549

I don’t understand how he was able to contact you , rather than your husband. The young man’s DNA wouldn’t show any links to you
It's obviously set up on her email, or they have a linked account.
TopCatsTopHat · 20/01/2022 13:52

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AryaStarkWolf · 20/01/2022 13:53

My mom did one of these recently and there was a lot of wrong information sent back to her so it's not necessarily fact that he has another child but I'd certainly want to check it out

steff13 · 20/01/2022 13:53

I would be very skeptical of this. I can see my matches in the app, but I can only contact them via the app. And living relatives are hidden, so if they have spouses, children, etc, I can't see their names.

Pedalpushers · 20/01/2022 13:54

Or it's a con and they contact the wife because the husband will know it's not true?

Winniemarysarah · 20/01/2022 13:54

@Pedalpushers

I don't understand how matches work on ancestry.com, but I would have thought contact could only be made through the app and (hope) that personal information about matches isn't just given out willy nilly, I don't see how this young man has enough information to identify you and get in touch?
Anything that’s public record can be shown to anyone who asks. I looked up my grandfather who I was told went missing before I was born. Within about 5 minutes I had his birth, marriage and death certificates. A list of his known addresses, his criminal record, plus the family secret that he was sectioned and spent most of his adult life in a mental hospital where he died a few years ago.
Iwonder08 · 20/01/2022 13:54

I bet its bullshit. He would contact DH, rather than you either way.

Winniemarysarah · 20/01/2022 13:55

@steff13

I would be very skeptical of this. I can see my matches in the app, but I can only contact them via the app. And living relatives are hidden, so if they have spouses, children, etc, I can't see their names.
You can get someone’s name and address off ancestry. After that it’s not hard to find anything else online
Mistyplanet · 20/01/2022 13:55

Very worrying for you OP. I think as your husband seemed awkward about doing your tests previously it does ring alot of alarm bells. All you can do is gather yourself together and either try and find out more or ask your husband directly. I can see why you're worried. Can't believe some of the previous posts on here downplaying it. Hugs xx

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 20/01/2022 13:56

Is it possible there's a DNA connection but less direct e.g. your DH is the uncle or cousin? I know your OP says 'parental' but just wondering about other possibilities.

Winniemarysarah · 20/01/2022 13:56

@LagunaBubbles

I dont know how these sites work but why would someone contact you about your DHs DNA, you dont share DNA?
It would have linked his dna to his fathers. And if the op is married to his father then it would have shown their wedding certificate with her name etc on
DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 20/01/2022 13:56

This happened to our family, but it was a genealogy family tree thing. We found out after my dad had died, that he was married previous to meeting my mum and had a son.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 20/01/2022 13:58

Oh god, no advise, I didn't even know they could match you via DNA on there! Hope there is a logical explanation and not an affair!

girlmom21 · 20/01/2022 13:59

@Dontknownow86

He might not know anything about it? What are you worried about? I have recently submitted my DNA to ancestry and my bio dad has no idea that I exist. I'm not sure what I'll do of it flags a match tbh but it's nobodies fault (other than my mum's for not telling him at the time). If he's anything like me he'll just want to know where he comes from and not much more. To be honest I'd be happy with just a photo.
Well OP's worried that her husband had a child as the result of an affair...
steff13 · 20/01/2022 13:59

You can get someone’s name and address off ancestry. After that it’s not hard to find anything else online.

Addresses are not listed on ancestry. And living relatives names are hidden. Marriage certificates, etc., are only available in ancestry if they're uploaded as public.

eejervis · 20/01/2022 14:00

When you look at the ancestry matches OP what does it say? How many cm does your DH share with him?

sidesplittinglol · 20/01/2022 14:01

I would probably try seem out more information from this person before confronting your DH. Just so you can cross reference responses and know if your DH is telling the truth or not. So for example, did his mother tell him who his father is, did she tell the father she was pregnant at the time? She might not have. Where did they grow up? Etc etc.

girlmom21 · 20/01/2022 14:02

OP could your DH have been a sperm donor as a student for extra cash? I can't imagine they'd keep it for 9 years but there may be another explanation

Scrabblecrabapple · 20/01/2022 14:02

I would take a breath first. It does seem odd that he contacted you, unless there is a specific reason? It could potentially be a scam and not your husband having an affair. The only thing you can do is sit down and talk to him.
I do know of someone who was contacted about an affair and it was a scam, it nearly ended their marriage.
Either way it must be such a worry for you.

Vapeyvapevape · 20/01/2022 14:03

Let's hope there's been a mix up Op , I would dig deeper before you speak to your husband.