Think my husband has a lovechild

[Claire14467]

I am in shock and I don’t know what to do. I have just been contacted by a young man who has done an ancestry.com DNA test. He says the site indicates that there is a parental match to my husband. I know we have done these so they have our DNA on the system but I must say my husband was not keen on it at all at the time.
I am absolutely in shock. He is at work right now and I don’t know how I will face him later. Could this be wrong? Could this man be lying to get money?
Has anyone had a similar experience and got to the bottom of this?! I’m literally shaking with worry and anger.

Hope you get some answers OP, this must have come as such a shock. I

Hello Heyuppits. I am not going to engage in a flame war with you. I am giving well meaning advice about how to behave on the internet in the future, not asking anyone to apologise. People can take it in the spirit it was intended or get mad. That is all, enjoy your evening x

Has he ever indicated that there may be a reason someone may have his sperm? Donations etc. Or what was going on in your lives at that time? Working away with work etc.

@CascaChan

With respect, your comment isn’t cool elelel. This poor lady is hurt and in shock. Your comment adds nothing and it’s not the time or place to add to her distress with a comment that quite frankly makes you sound a bit unpleasant. Please try and show the compassion to others that you would rightly expect if you were in her position. Thanks

And remember to cancel the cheque

Oh gosh! I would be skeptical too tbh

@steff13

You can get someone’s name and address off ancestry. After that it’s not hard to find anything else online.

Addresses are not listed on ancestry. And living relatives names are hidden. Marriage certificates, etc., are only available in ancestry if they're uploaded as public.

I'm pretty sure I could see living relatives' names when I went on on Ancestry.

AFAIK you have the choice on Ancestry to mark living people as just "living" with no details, or put their details in. User preference.

"@irishfarmer - he could be an identical twin"

An identical twin who is 25 of a man who has been married for 34 years?

@CascaChan

Hello Heyuppits. I am not going to engage in a flame war with you. I am giving well meaning advice about how to behave on the internet in the future, not asking anyone to apologise. People can take it in the spirit it was intended or get mad. That is all, enjoy your evening x

I'm not sure why you think I need your 'advice' considering I apologised for my comment hours ago.

"@Claire14467 I do hope this is as simple as the person contacting you confusing paternal and parental "

How would that change anything? A male parent is a father.

dear god this thread is a mess

It changes everything!

A match on the paternal side could be a descendant of her father's father (a cousin, second cousin) or a descendant on that side further back - anyone who is related through their father's side rather than their mother's side.

But OP hasn't come back with the cM number so we don't know.

@OVienna am I right in saying you're a man? Did someone turn up on your doorstep then? What a shock

[quote Gwenhwyfar]"@Claire14467 I do hope this is as simple as the person contacting you confusing paternal and parental "

How would that change anything? A male parent is a father.[/quote]
Im happy to be corrected but as I understand it:

Your direct paternal lineage is the line thatfollows your father's paternal ancestry. This line consists entirely of men. ... Your Y-chromosome DNA (Y-DNA) can trace your father, his father, his father's father, and so forth. It offers a clear path from you to a known, or likely, direct paternal ancestor.

Paternal DNA might mean that the link is somewhere along the paternal line, so might be an uncle, cousin etc.

Parental DNA would be a more significant match.

Family tree and genealogy is still very new to me - I'm only just getting into it, so I might be wrong

(apologies if that's the case)

You are given a list of all your matches and your likely relationship to them.

Some people have alias type names but others their ordinary name - it tends to be the name Ancestry has from your email address.

On the other hand, no email addresses are given out with the match. You can only contact the match via Ancestry’s messaging. At that point people can give each other their ex private email addresses.

‘Ex’ is a mistake.

Sort of, @HeyUpits2022.

If you start building your family tree, you obviously start with you and your two parents.

ANY matches you have on your mother's side are your maternal relatives. Because you are linked to them through your mum.

Ditto your paternal matches, you are linked to them through your dad.

Paternal grandmother - your dad's mum. Maternal grandfather - your mum's dad.

The Y-DNA is a very specific type of testing which goes way back into the middle ages as the Y chromosome does not mutate much between generations. Women cannot take Y-DNA tests, just men. It's often used for research into origins of surnames. Ancestry do not offer Y-DNA testing any more - you'd have to go to Family Tree DNA and get a male relative to test. I've just tested my brother to find out more about where the male line comes from.

But yeah, a "paternal match" could be a woman or a man, it just means related through your dad not your mum.

I really hope for your sake that there's been a mistake. I can't imagine the shock of receiving that phone call.
I'll keep my fingers crossed that there's a reasonable explanation.

I agree, @Mydogmylife and let's hope that post you quote is deleted.

I seriously think thanks is due to @MarshmallowFondant and a few other people who are giving good advice and info among the carnage.

But the OP says the match is parental, not paternal.
Unless I have missed something.

Nothing shocks or surprises me anymore when it comes to family. I'm steering well clear of Ancestry DNA as my once small family circle is now the size of a small town - and that's without throwing DNA tracing into the mix. And sadly, it hasn't been like an episode of Long Lost Family. More like Get Lost, Family.

I really hope it's a mix up or something similar OP. What a very stressful situation.

Don't panic, it could well be a scam.

Have you checked your Ancestry account? Log in, go to your husbands matches and see what it’s says. Is there a parent/child match? If there is they should share about 3,400 centimorgans.

Ethnicity on Ancestry is a bit rubbish, but the family matches are spot on. Make sure the young man hasn’t misread it.