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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think my husband has a lovechild

507 replies

Claire14467 · 20/01/2022 13:37

I am in shock and I don’t know what to do. I have just been contacted by a young man who has done an ancestry.com DNA test. He says the site indicates that there is a parental match to my husband. I know we have done these so they have our DNA on the system but I must say my husband was not keen on it at all at the time.
I am absolutely in shock. He is at work right now and I don’t know how I will face him later. Could this be wrong? Could this man be lying to get money?
Has anyone had a similar experience and got to the bottom of this?! I’m literally shaking with worry and anger.

OP posts:
TeenPlusCat · 20/01/2022 13:40

Why anger?
Is the young man younger than your marriage?
Worry I understand.

Original poster
Claire14467 · 20/01/2022 13:41

Sorry yes I should give context. We have been married for 34 years.

OP posts:
elelel · 20/01/2022 13:42

A love child?

You mean 'a child' ?

thinking123 · 20/01/2022 13:42

Did the young man give you anything information, his age, his mothers name. It could be a massive mix up

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 20/01/2022 13:42

As were often told on here if he’s had sex then there is a risk of pregnancy. So it could be true. If so your husband may have no knowledge about it. Is it the shock as to why you’re angry? Or do the dates suggest that he cheated on you?
With anything there is also a risk that you’re being conned so it would be important to verify what he’s said - independent dna test.

driftcompatible · 20/01/2022 13:43

@elelel

A love child?

You mean 'a child' ?

You know full well what she means. She's obviously distressed don't add to it by being pedantic.
3peassuit · 20/01/2022 13:43

My grandchild’s father attempted to make my daughter sign a NDA stating she would never name him as the father. There are men who completely and deliberately deny their child’s existence.

Dontknownow86 · 20/01/2022 13:43

He might not know anything about it? What are you worried about? I have recently submitted my DNA to ancestry and my bio dad has no idea that I exist. I'm not sure what I'll do of it flags a match tbh but it's nobodies fault (other than my mum's for not telling him at the time). If he's anything like me he'll just want to know where he comes from and not much more. To be honest I'd be happy with just a photo.

CorrBlimeyGG · 20/01/2022 13:43

Login to your husband's account (if you're able). If there is a match it will show up on there too.

Excited101 · 20/01/2022 13:43

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2022success · 20/01/2022 13:43

Why has he contacted you rather than your DH? Confused

elelel · 20/01/2022 13:43

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elelel · 20/01/2022 13:44

This reply has been deleted

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CorrBlimeyGG · 20/01/2022 13:45

How has he contacted you? Why has he not contacted your husband?

CheshireChat · 20/01/2022 13:46

I'd save the message and details for now so your DH can't delete them. Obviously, he might not, but just so he can't remove the option.

Original poster
Claire14467 · 20/01/2022 13:46

The man is 25 so would’ve been nine years into our marriage. I was pregnant with our third child too at the time! I am so angry because of the potential that he has had an affair.

OP posts:
PinkWaferBiscuit · 20/01/2022 13:46

@CorrBlimeyGG

How has he contacted you? Why has he not contacted your husband?
This was my first thought too. It seems very odd that he got in touch with you. How did he make contact?
CagneyNYPD1 · 20/01/2022 13:47

I'm so sorry that you have been put in his situation. I would tread very carefully for now so that you can get to the facts.

Your head must be absolutely reeling. But you do need to discuss this with your husband. Tonight.

Do you know anything else about this young man? Where he grew up, his mother's name etc. These details may help you to start unravelling the story. But whatever you do, please do take care of yourself. Do you have someone in real life that you trust who you can confide in?

Echobelly · 20/01/2022 13:47

I can understand being shocked - if this man is younger than your marriage I would also understand being angry, but also wouldn't jump to too many conclusions until you have found out more. It could be a con, but if it is that will probably come out pretty quickly if you talk to husband.

A few years ago a friend, who up until that point believed he was childless, was contacted by a young man who said he was his son. It was pretty undeniable when they met as he looked just like him and friend had had a relationship with the mum nearly two decades before - and had never been told he had a son. So it does happen that some fathers never get told.

elelel · 20/01/2022 13:48

I'm sorry OP my comment was misjudged.

Amandasummers · 20/01/2022 13:48

I am presuming the child is younger than your marriage. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling op ☹️

emsmar · 20/01/2022 13:49

Christ! I'm waiting on mine throwing up some family links but nothing like that! Fuck!

Pedalpushers · 20/01/2022 13:49

I don't understand how matches work on ancestry.com, but I would have thought contact could only be made through the app and (hope) that personal information about matches isn't just given out willy nilly, I don't see how this young man has enough information to identify you and get in touch?

Winniemarysarah · 20/01/2022 13:50

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user1486915549 · 20/01/2022 13:50

I don’t understand how he was able to contact you , rather than your husband.
The young man’s DNA wouldn’t show any links to you