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Original poster

Think my husband has a lovechild

507 replies

Claire14467 · 20/01/2022 13:37

I am in shock and I don’t know what to do. I have just been contacted by a young man who has done an ancestry.com DNA test. He says the site indicates that there is a parental match to my husband. I know we have done these so they have our DNA on the system but I must say my husband was not keen on it at all at the time.
I am absolutely in shock. He is at work right now and I don’t know how I will face him later. Could this be wrong? Could this man be lying to get money?
Has anyone had a similar experience and got to the bottom of this?! I’m literally shaking with worry and anger.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 20/01/2022 14:26

My other concern is, OP, that if your DH showed as a match, your DH would've been notified too and hasn't told you.

Backtomyoldname · 20/01/2022 14:26

The post mentions a match. How close a match?

Has your OH got any brothers?

What about his Dad?

Lots of unknowns here.

knittingaddict · 20/01/2022 14:27

You can get someone’s name and address off ancestry. After that it’s not hard to find anything else online

No you can't. Someone could look at a tree and after research they could guess which one you might be, but it's not easy. Living people or those under 100 years old are kept private.

NatashaBedwouldbenice · 20/01/2022 14:28

Please don't be angry with this young man. He is not at fault and this is likely to be a very confusing, scary and upsetting experience for him. I think he has been very brave in contacting you first.

Presumably you can see that he matches your husband's DNA? How many centimorgans is the match?

IsolaPribby · 20/01/2022 14:28

@2022success

Why has he contacted you rather than your DH? Confused
This is what I was wondering 🤔
knittingaddict · 20/01/2022 14:28

@Backtomyoldname

The post mentions a match. How close a match?

Has your OH got any brothers?

What about his Dad?

Lots of unknowns here.

It said parental, but the op hasn't been back to give any more info, so who knows exactly what the details are.
GrimDamnFanjo · 20/01/2022 14:29

Genealogy is not an exact science. It's not like doing a proper dna test. As others have said he could well have misunderstood his results.

MarshmallowFondant · 20/01/2022 14:30

@IsolaPribby perhaps because the OP has access to her DH's account. I am the main account holder on Ancestry, I'm the one who's interested in genealogy and family history.

DH did a DNA test just before Christmas, I am set up on his account as a manager so that all the emails he gets about matches, I get too.

knittingaddict · 20/01/2022 14:30

This is what I was wondering 🤔

Because the op could be the account holder. We have only one paid account and that's mine because we wouldnt pay for two unnecessarily. I will manage my husband's DNA results when I get around to it.

TurtleBackUp · 20/01/2022 14:30

How did he contact you - has he already contacted your DH ?

FrankGrillosWrist · 20/01/2022 14:30

It’s a normal response OP, God knows why people are even asking why you would be angry & worrying. If it ain’t happening to them they don’t care, this is just a bit of entertainment for them.

As for the “Why has he phoned you?”. Er hello, landline you dozy berks.

MananaTomorrow · 20/01/2022 14:30

@elelel

I'm sorry OP my comment was misjudged.
Because when the OP said love child, this is not what came to your mid? Come on….
AgathaX · 20/01/2022 14:32

*How is your DNA in the public domain???

That's very odd? No?

Isnt' that sort of thing private?*

You can opt out of having it public if you do an Ancestry type DNA, but mostly they are public and if anyone else testing has a familial link it will be flagged up to them.

4pmwinetimebebeh · 20/01/2022 14:33

Keep us updated OP! Try to stay calm until you know all the facts.

iklboo · 20/01/2022 14:33

There's so many variables. Glad you're going to wait to speak to your husband.

HippyMoon · 20/01/2022 14:34

Is there a possibility that he donated sperm when in university and then forgot about it? They keep sperm for often up to 10 years... if not that then I'm so sorry.

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 20/01/2022 14:35

I know from tracing my own family tree and managing DNA results for both myself and DH, that you can send a message thru Ancestry to somebody else that has started to create a 'tree'; that message then auto-forwards a copy of the registered email address. I have done that on a couple of occasions to request access to a 'private tree' that might have information I am trying to match.

So I'm guessing that the OP has the Ancestry account; she has managed both her and her husband's DNA results; and this individual has 'matched' against her husband so has messaged the account owner. She should be able to see the corresponding match if she views her husband's DNA record in Ancestry.

And no, no addresses are shared, even email addresses are hidden; it is just that Ancestry auto-forwards messages from within the site/app to the registed email address.

MarshmallowFondant · 20/01/2022 14:36

I think the other thing this thread shows is that there is a lot of myth around how Ancestry works or doesn't work.

If this man is as confused about it as half the posters here, it's perfectly possible that he has misinterpreted his results entirely and that the OP's husband is a second cousin but his "best" match, and he's leapt to conclusions.

givememykeys · 20/01/2022 14:37

@maddy68

This sounds like a con. How would he find the address out? There would be data protection issues.

Don't jump to conclusions

I see the oh so clever scam spotters are out in force

Where does the OP say she was contacted by letter? I've read her posts twice and I can't see it.

One of the purposes of the DNA sites is so that people can contact those they have a match with. How exactly would a con man get money by contacting random men and pretending to be their child? How do they even know who has used the DNA site in the first place?

IMissSunnyDays · 20/01/2022 14:37

34 years might predate when this became a thing but are you sure he didn't donate sperm at somepoint? I have a feeling this is going to happen an awful lot in future the number of sperm donor babies. I know when we were at uni 20 years ago some lads got paid to donate, I actually asked my husband if he ever had before we had children. Or it could quite easily be mistaken identity if he's contacted you through some other means (I don't know exactly how the dna thing on ancestry sites works), but I wouldn't jump straight to the conclusion he had an affair.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 20/01/2022 14:39

The explanation is that he cheated on you, didn’t want to do the Ancestry DNA as he knew about this child and now he’s been busted.

MarshmallowFondant · 20/01/2022 14:39

Where does the OP say she was contacted by letter? I've read her posts twice and I can't see it.

Me either. Or the people questioning whether he phoned her on a landline when all the OP says is that she was contacted.

Reading comprehension is a dying art.

OVienna · 20/01/2022 14:40

I have PM'd you @Claire14467

emeraldjones · 20/01/2022 14:41

As a pp said this is not the same as a laboratory DNA test to establish relationships, but more an indication of where your ancestors may have come from.

I have done some research into Ancestry's DNA matching and it is by no means exact. There are a lot of variables - 50% likelihood of (a) or could be 50% likelihood of (b) and so on. To be honest I think it's a waste of money but harmless unless something like this happens and people leap to conclusions.

To establish an accurate DNA match you would have to go to a designated lab and probably pay quite a lot.

EezyOozy · 20/01/2022 14:41

Did the young man purporting to be your husbands child give any context eg who the mother is / that he never knew his dad ? What a crap situation op, sorry x