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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact the school about this tomorrow

405 replies

cornbeeflegs · 19/01/2022 22:02

My eldest DD (13) goes swimming with one of her friends on a Wednesday evening, has done since last August, at the local leisure centre. She goes straight from school to her friend's house, has dinner, does homework, etc and then they go to the pool for 8pm, spend an hour in the open swim session, then she gets dropped back here by one of friend's parents.
She came back very subdued this evening, thought maybe she'd had a fallout with friend or something, eventually she opened up and said she'd got into trouble with one of her teachers. Asked her which lesson it was in and what had happened, then she said it was at swimming.
Apparently DD and friend had been waiting for their lift home after swim session when one of their teachers had seen them, recognised them as being from her school because they were in uniform, and then proceeded to tell them off for not wearing it as per school rules, even though they weren't at school they were still "representing the school" by wearing it. She's asked them both to see her first thing tomorrow morning.
Usually I'm supportive of school and if my children transgress the rules then they face the consequences. But surely this is too harsh?

OP posts:
lisaandalan · 19/01/2022 23:29

I'd go in with her in the morning and see the teacher and ask her was this really necessary to upset these girls all night. Well behaved pupils ect.
Would you not be better off concentrating on the children whom don't behave. X

oviraptor21 · 19/01/2022 23:31

Ridiculous really.
The school really can't expect its pupils to be pristine still at 9pm. Nor can they expect them to change into something different - it's not always practicable as OP pointed out, and it just makes more work for whoever does the laundering.

RJnomore1 · 19/01/2022 23:36

Is this teacher from Malory Towers?

What a load of utter nonsense. Yes raise it.

Bagamoyo1 · 19/01/2022 23:39

I wouldn’t be happy about this either OP.

When I was 13, I was a scholarship kid at a private school. We were poor and I used to get the bus home while the other day girls (most were boarders) went home in nice cars. We finished school at 7pm and in the winter it was bloody cold at the bus stop, so I wore a huge sheepskin coat that had been my granddad’s. It was a bit scruffy but very warm. I remember being taken aside at school and told that I should get a nicer coat as I was letting the school down. I was a stroppy teen so I told the teacher that I needed that coat to be warm, and if she didn’t like it she was welcome to buy me a new one or give me a lift home! It was never mentioned again.

I hate this kind of crap. Everyone knows kids are kids, and that if they misbehave in school uniform it’s nothing to do with the school. All schools have kids who misbehave.

ThirdElephant · 19/01/2022 23:47

This was the rule way back when I was at school too. We weren't allowed to take our blazers off until inside our houses! If it's part of the rules, I wouldn't quibble, personally- the policy will have been made available to you at some point and you shouldn't wait until you fall foul of it to challenge it. Check and see what the rule is and then challenge it from there if you disagree with it, regardless of what happens tomorrow.

Silverswirl · 20/01/2022 00:03

Bonkers. If they were smoking or something in uniform fair enough but not for an untucked shirt at 9pm after swimming.
In fact I don’t care what that teacher says tomorrow- I would be livid that they had upset my child this evening and caused her stress.
I would be writing an email.

2YearsOfWastedTime · 20/01/2022 00:29

Those were the rules when i was at school more than 20 years ago

TooManyPJs · 20/01/2022 00:34

Utterly ridiculous. I would be fuming. It is no business of the school wha she is wearing out of school hours and off school premises. They need to wind their neck in. Cheeky fuckers.

Booklover3 · 20/01/2022 01:08

If she were wearing it as you’ve described it and just had her tie undone slightly and tshirt untucked then yes I would be having a word.

userusing · 20/01/2022 01:08

I find this depends on the school. I went to a strict catholic girls grammar school and the teachers used to walk about the local town to ensure we didn't have our thick wool blazers off outside school (no matter what the weather). Any uniform infringement top button on shirt open, skirt too short, blazer off, anything on that was not part of uniform resulted in detention whether in school or outside.

It was ridiculous but the school does have a reputation for being one of the best in the country.

musicviking1 · 20/01/2022 01:18

Jobsworth. I'd be calling the school.

ballsdeep · 20/01/2022 01:24

I'm a teacher and I agree with you.

JumperJump · 20/01/2022 01:37

Sounds like teacher was on a power trip because the kids were by themselves, so he/she felt comfortable about being (what really is unnecessarily) mean.

Bet if you’d been standing with her teacher would never had said anything.

madisonbridges · 20/01/2022 01:48

I remember getting disciplined for not wearing my school hat off the school premises. The school believed that we were identifiable to the public and so we had to look and behave appropriately outside school if in uniform. It never harmed me. It taught me the importance of presenting yourself well.
Why don't you just wait and see what's said before you go charging in there?

SuspiciousHumanoid · 20/01/2022 01:55

Christ, we used to go to the pub after school in uniform. Not that I’m condoning it, of course.

DdraigGoch · 20/01/2022 02:12

What does your union rep say? I'd let them try terminating you. Any lawyer would make mincemeat of them.

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 20/01/2022 02:28

Maybe they had a blunt on.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/01/2022 02:38

So it's not just the UK - my son is at high school in NSW, and they have a very strict uniform policy, including the whole "uniform representing the school" thing.
BUT - they'd only get into trouble if they were doing something they shouldn't be doing while wearing the uniform off-site (like vaping - fucking endemic over here! Heaps of suspensions if caught vaping in uniform off school premises)

I too am impressed they put their ties back on - whatever for?! - and think the teacher was being waaaay OTT for getting at them because it wasn't pristine. If they were pristine in uniform at that time after school and swimming, I'd be more worried that the school rules were too draconian and petty, which I'm sure is not what the school is after as being how they are represented. Or maybe it is... but it would put me OFF a school to see that sort of militancy about uniform.

I'd be interested to see if the school take it further, and then if you do contact them, what they say.

containsnuts · 20/01/2022 03:04

YABU. There are many occupations where 'codes of conduct' or behavioural expectations apply outside the workplace. A colleague of mine was disciplined for something he did while wearing a workplace lanyard thus bringing the organisation into disrepute. I think being mindful about 'representing the school' when in uniform is a good habit to get into for later life.

romdowa · 20/01/2022 03:21

I'm irish and it's common to be 18 in your last year of secondary school. We had a half day from school one warm May day and our principle caught me having a pint in my uniform 🤣 nothing ever happened despite it having that rubbish about representing the school even outside of school hours. Wasn't much she could do , I was 3 weeks from finishing up before exams, it would have been pointless to punish me.

rrhuth · 20/01/2022 04:25

@BashStreetKid

This sort of pettiness is why school uniforms need to be abolished.
Totally agree. I lose a lot of respect for teachers who are petty about uniform.
rrhuth · 20/01/2022 04:27

@containsnuts

YABU. There are many occupations where 'codes of conduct' or behavioural expectations apply outside the workplace. A colleague of mine was disciplined for something he did while wearing a workplace lanyard thus bringing the organisation into disrepute. I think being mindful about 'representing the school' when in uniform is a good habit to get into for later life.
Yes but that is different - I bet he wasn't disciplined for having his shirt untucked!

The child went swimming, they weren't brawling in public.

sashh · 20/01/2022 04:54

We had this when I was at a school. Also you were not allowed to change to walk to / from school - skirts are not fun in snow.

BUT, big but I also started at guides, before you got the guide uniform you were asked to wear blue.

As my school uniform was blue that's what I wore to guides.

The guide leader was my domestic science teacher. But she had common sense, so she didn't pull up the 2 or 3 of us wearing school uniform without a tie.

Ikeptgoing · 20/01/2022 07:18

That teacher is being ridiculous. If DD was behaving anti socially-shouting smoking or drinking -in uniform fair enough but waiting quietly for a lift inside a leisure centre foyer not doing up a tie at 9pm when you are damp from swimming lesson? Na-ah

She has no business being draconian nor thinking it's ok to approach the girls so late at night entirely outside of school to 'tell them off' . A quick hi girls, would have been fine, but not a talking to.

I'd tell DD she doesn't have to attend this meeting with this teacher. And if teacher approaches her, she's to hand over the letter below.

"Thurs 20/1
Dear teacher,
DD said you approached her at 9pm last night as she was waiting for lift home by her friends dad from her swimming lesson. And that you asked her to meet with you today. This has raised concerns for both parents.

It would be helpful if you can contact me today to explain purpose of this or any meeting, arising from your approaching my daughter late at night outside school hours.

I would appreciate you arranging with me to arrange a time I can attend this meeting with my DD to hear this discussion, as it must be terribly important for you to have approached them outside school . Thankyou"

Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 20/01/2022 07:19

Thank you for all of your thoughts and replies. Yes I am going to wait until what happens in school this morning before doing anything else. I do only have my DD's version of events, but tbh I don't really have any reason to disbelieve her.They've been doing the same routine since last summer and this is the first time there's been an issue.

As to why her friend was in uniform, I don't know, I guess that her parents are similarly lax in enforcing getting changed after school. It's never really crossed my mind that I should be bothered about that, I never did when I was at school and I've always just assumed that if my DD's were uncomfortable then they would. Oh and with regards putting the tie back on, that's so that she know's she's got it - she's very good at leaving things behind in changing rooms so if she's wearing it then she know's she's hasn't lost it!

OP posts:
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