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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact the school about this tomorrow

405 replies

cornbeeflegs · 19/01/2022 22:02

My eldest DD (13) goes swimming with one of her friends on a Wednesday evening, has done since last August, at the local leisure centre. She goes straight from school to her friend's house, has dinner, does homework, etc and then they go to the pool for 8pm, spend an hour in the open swim session, then she gets dropped back here by one of friend's parents.
She came back very subdued this evening, thought maybe she'd had a fallout with friend or something, eventually she opened up and said she'd got into trouble with one of her teachers. Asked her which lesson it was in and what had happened, then she said it was at swimming.
Apparently DD and friend had been waiting for their lift home after swim session when one of their teachers had seen them, recognised them as being from her school because they were in uniform, and then proceeded to tell them off for not wearing it as per school rules, even though they weren't at school they were still "representing the school" by wearing it. She's asked them both to see her first thing tomorrow morning.
Usually I'm supportive of school and if my children transgress the rules then they face the consequences. But surely this is too harsh?

OP posts:
Snoozer11 · 25/01/2022 23:36

@Hankunamatata

If your kids is wearing school uniform and its identifiable which school then yes they need to wear it properly or get changed
Please come back and let us all know when you get a life.
Trilley · 26/01/2022 00:19

@RocketFire7

Tbh I think you’re being unreasonable. I think it’s perfectly fair for the school to expect uniform to be worn correctly outside school.

It reflects badly on the school if you have students walking about in public looking scruffy. The DCs’ school expect uniform to be worn smartly on any occasion- top buttons done up and blazers on.

Detention is fairly given to miscreants.

It really doesn't reflect anything on the school. The vast majority of adults seeing a child dressed like OP's daughter would barely notice, let alone draw any conclusions from it, because life is too bloody short to start bothering about what random children are wearing - let alone to start forming opinions about their schools as a result.

Schools really aren't as important in the neighbouring population's lives as some of their staff like to think. They really need to get over themselves. What children do in their own time with their own clothes is, quite simply, not the school's business. If they want to start dictating how uniform is worn they'll have to start paying for it.

erinaceus · 26/01/2022 04:15

The reply seems reasonable. People make mistakes. It sounds as if Mrs X might missed the mark with the execution of her "raising standards" remit. I would leave it for now.

Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 26/01/2022 07:23

@RocketFire7

Tbh I think you’re being unreasonable. I think it’s perfectly fair for the school to expect uniform to be worn correctly outside school.

It reflects badly on the school if you have students walking about in public looking scruffy. The DCs’ school expect uniform to be worn smartly on any occasion- top buttons done up and blazers on.

Detention is fairly given to miscreants.

I disagree. I think it's more of an issue if the students are in school looking scruffy.
OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 26/01/2022 07:34

Very common for private school, if this is what it is.

LookItsMeAgain · 26/01/2022 09:03

I would agree with @Aderyn21 but I honestly think that the teacher needs to apologise to the students involved, not you. They were the ones caught up in her power drive to improve standards. They were the ones that were punished harshly. They need the apology, in my opinion. I wonder if that teacher will actually apologise to your daughter and her friend for the way she treated them.

Aderyn21 · 26/01/2022 09:51

The school's response is minimising what happened. They know this teacher was way ott and they are hoping you will just drop it and the complaint will go away.
I'm not advocating being aggressive in your response but you do need to be firm, so that they take you seriously and actually take steps to ensure this doesn't happen again to other children. It's really important for children to know their parents will advocate for them and not just allow these things to happen.

AKASammyScrounge · 27/01/2022 00:54

They snigger in the staffroom too. Sometimes Mums are far more ridiculous than they say we are.
But really, why don't these people take their children out of uniform schools and put them into non-uniform schools? They clearly have issues with how teachers run
schools and cannot cope with authority in action. They would be much happier with a school which has a more relaxed
attitude to uniforms and behaviour in general.

Kennykenkencat · 27/01/2022 01:28

@AKASammyScrounge

They snigger in the staffroom too. Sometimes Mums are far more ridiculous than they say we are. But really, why don't these people take their children out of uniform schools and put them into non-uniform schools? They clearly have issues with how teachers run schools and cannot cope with authority in action. They would be much happier with a school which has a more relaxed attitude to uniforms and behaviour in general.
Where are these non inform schools? I would have loved to send my 2 to one but there weren’t any in my area

Do people really judge a school on how neatly a pupil wears a uniform?

It is how the children behave is the fundamental impression. The uniform is just window dressing

Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 27/01/2022 08:25

@AKASammyScrounge

They snigger in the staffroom too. Sometimes Mums are far more ridiculous than they say we are. But really, why don't these people take their children out of uniform schools and put them into non-uniform schools? They clearly have issues with how teachers run schools and cannot cope with authority in action. They would be much happier with a school which has a more relaxed attitude to uniforms and behaviour in general.
I don't have an issue with how the school is run in general, just how this one particular teacher dealt with an isolated out of school situation. Tbh there isn't a large choice of schools in the area anyway, but if I really felt that the school wasn't a 'good' school then I would be prepared to move my eldest to a different one. I've tried to be supportive of the school throughout
OP posts:
DePfeffoff · 27/01/2022 09:37

But really, why don't these people take their children out of uniform schools and put them into non-uniform schools?

Exactly how easy do you imagine this is? How many areas have an equal number of uniform and non-uniform schools?

Aderyn21 · 27/01/2022 11:27

Sammy are you saying that you are a teacher in the UK? If so, how can you come out with such twaddle as to tell parents to move their dc to a non uniform school? There are none where I (and the majority of UK parents) live.

It isn't the uniform which is the problem, but the attitude of the teacher. If uniform didn't exist, she'd kick off about something else because that's just how some people are!

AnneWeber · 27/01/2022 11:38

@surreygirl1987

Yeh, I also think that's a fair response and if you follow up further now you're being unreasonable.
Agree
TorringtonDean · 27/01/2022 18:02

Two well-behaved girls in uniform after going for a healthy swim are in fact an advert for the school! Most of us would realise they might not be entirely neat and tidy at that time of day.

BringYourOwnBoris · 27/01/2022 20:40

Well I do hope that Miss X always maintains her impeccable standards outside of school as well, and doesn't swear or post pictures of herself in a bikini all over her FB. Wink

me109f · 28/01/2022 00:57

Some teachers should just grow up ...

Snoozer11 · 28/01/2022 16:01

@AKASammyScrounge
I think it's really pathetic when you have adults like yourself, who are completely incapable of independent thought and who have no sense of autonomy.

People don't have to do anything just because teacher says so.

It's perfectly possible for a person to respect authority, but not blindly agree with that authority at every moment.

Kennykenkencat · 28/01/2022 16:31

AKASammyScrounge

Where are these non uniform schools

Kennykenkencat · 28/01/2022 16:41

The only state secondary school I know that is non uniform and that is in Camden and has an outstanding OFSTED rating.

Maybe the teachers use their energy in teaching and not on uniform inspections

honeyrider · 29/01/2022 01:13

It's a shame so many schools and teachers don't put as much effort into dealing with bullying as they do on school uniforms. Then they wonder why so many people have lost respect for them.

I feel sorry for the decent hardworking teachers who have to work with such unreasonable jobsworths because they all get tarred with the one brush.

AKASammyScrounge · 29/01/2022 01:58

@Aderyn21

Sammy are you saying that you are a teacher in the UK? If so, how can you come out with such twaddle as to tell parents to move their dc to a non uniform school? There are none where I (and the majority of UK parents) live.

It isn't the uniform which is the problem, but the attitude of the teacher. If uniform didn't exist, she'd kick off about something else because that's just how some people are!

I'm in Scotland and uniform rules are more relaxed from what I see on here. It's easy enough to find schools which do not enforce uniform wearing as well as ones that do.
containsnuts · 29/01/2022 06:41

AKASammyScrounge

"I'm in Scotland and uniform rules are more relaxed from what I see on here. It's easy enough to find schools which do not enforce uniform wearing as well as ones that do."

Yes, I've noticed this too although I can't see the point in wearing half a uniform eg, black trousers but with any old jumper, trainers and jacket. Defeats the purpose. Why not just let them wear their own clothes?

SartresSoul · 29/01/2022 07:54

I think the usual argument against own clothes is bullying, plain and simple. If everyone has to wear the exact same thing then there’s a lot less reason for people to get bullied. If people were to wear their own clothes it would open up children from impoverished backgrounds in particular to all manner of bullying. There’s no reason to create that sort of division as far as I can see.

Anyway, I think this teacher took things too far. I can understand when a child is misbehaving in their school uniform (I remember some boys from my school snowballing houses after school for example) but they were just standing there so yeah, maybe she was on a weird power trip?

Kennykenkencat · 29/01/2022 08:29

I don’t get the thing about having a uniform to stop bullying poorer pupils.

I did go to a primary school without a uniform policy and I was one of the poorer pupils and don’t ever remember getting bullied because of my clothes or for anything else and I can honestly say my clothes were the worst.
Yet at my super strict uniform adhering secondary bullying was rife and I don’t think I spoke to anyone unless I had to for definitely the last 2 or 3 years I was there

Having a uniform doesn’t stop bullying I think it just makes it worse

containsnuts · 29/01/2022 09:00

I can't see how uniform stops bullying. Even if everyone was made the wear the exact same thing from the school shop you can still tell disadvantage by the fading or poor fit of clothes etc. Uniform might require "black shoes" but kids can tell who has Prada from who has Poundland (I don't know if either of these places sell school shoes but hopefully you get my point!)

We had uniform pants at private primary and yes, this was enforced! Blush