To contact the school about this tomorrow

[cornbeeflegs]

My eldest DD (13) goes swimming with one of her friends on a Wednesday evening, has done since last August, at the local leisure centre. She goes straight from school to her friend's house, has dinner, does homework, etc and then they go to the pool for 8pm, spend an hour in the open swim session, then she gets dropped back here by one of friend's parents.
She came back very subdued this evening, thought maybe she'd had a fallout with friend or something, eventually she opened up and said she'd got into trouble with one of her teachers. Asked her which lesson it was in and what had happened, then she said it was at swimming.
Apparently DD and friend had been waiting for their lift home after swim session when one of their teachers had seen them, recognised them as being from her school because they were in uniform, and then proceeded to tell them off for not wearing it as per school rules, even though they weren't at school they were still "representing the school" by wearing it. She's asked them both to see her first thing tomorrow morning.
Usually I'm supportive of school and if my children transgress the rules then they face the consequences. But surely this is too harsh?

[Pumperthepumper]

That’s ridiculous. It’s their clothes (that you paid for) they can wear them any time they like.

[Strongerthanyouthink]

I think this particular teacher is using their power inappropriately here. As a parent I would be stepping in.

[pointythings]

Wow, that's unreasonable. I'd be requesting a copy of the school's uniform and behaviour policies and reading them very thoroughly. She's on a power trip.

[Soubriquet]

Christ what a shit show.

I wouldn’t be happy with that at all and would be kicking up a fuss.

Can’t wear a uniform out of school hours my arse. Did they pay for it? No

You did. Therefore you can go what you want with it

[PinkMoon22]

@pointythings

Wow, that's unreasonable. I'd be requesting a copy of the school's uniform and behaviour policies and reading them very thoroughly. She's on a power trip.

Good tip.
I've just looked at our local high schools policy on their website as I know they are strict.
Doesn't say anywhere to not wear out of school hours.

[cornbeeflegs]

Ok, so things I'd like your opinions on because DD is really quite upset by what is seemingly such a trivial issue, and I'm just confused

• is DD unusual in staying in her uniform after school, do any of your children do same
  
• is it really unreasonable that uniform was not 'immaculate' when seen?
  
• does the teacher have a point about school image?
  
• is teacher just bullying my DD and friend or am I being too sensitive here?
  Totally not sure what to do

[NiceShrubbery]

Please give the school hell. For all the parents like me who are sick of kids being treated like this. Can the teachers not just do their jobs and stop acting like the secret police.

[cornbeeflegs]

I don't want to go in as the 'unreasonable parent' and make things worse

[SamMil]

I remember being at school and they were quite strict about uniform, representing the school, blah blah blah, so I could possibly understand a particularly pedantic teacher talking to them and reminding them to wear it properly next time.

But then I read your update about the 100 lines, which seems like total overkill and a bit of a power trip! I'd probably contact the school just to confirm she will not be completing the lines but that you're happy to read the uniform policy & make sure it is followed next time.

[Whatwouldscullydo]

What utter bullshit. What about kids who go from school to grandparents or neighbours then swimming etc r they meant to leave clothes at everyone's houses all the time. Fuck off.

I'd definitely be speaking to the head here

[PinkMoon22]

• is DD unusual in staying in her uniform after school, do any of your children do same

no she's not
- is it really unreasonable that uniform was not 'immaculate' when seen?
not at 8/9 at night no
- does the teacher have a point about school image?
they all say the school image but just getting out of the pool, hot, no one would expect it to be perfect, and again, the time of night
- is teacher just bullying my DD and friend or am I being too sensitive here?
she's being a jobsworth, I've never known anything like it

[museumum]

@cornbeeflegs

Ok, so things I'd like your opinions on because DD is really quite upset by what is seemingly such a trivial issue, and I'm just confused
- is DD unusual in staying in her uniform after school, do any of your children do same
- is it really unreasonable that uniform was not 'immaculate' when seen?
- does the teacher have a point about school image?
- is teacher just bullying my DD and friend or am I being too sensitive here?
Totally not sure what to do

When I was at school my school didn’t care about this kind of thing and we could take ties and blazers off etc but a friend went to a school with these rules. All pupils knew and understood. They all put it back on perfectly for travelling home after after-school games and training. They’d take it off as soon as possible and never hang out / go shopping in it.
It seems odd to me that you don’t seem to know if your school is like mine was or my friends…. I suggest you need to listen to this teacher and see what they say.

[WabbitsAndWeasels]

I'd absolutely involve someone else I'm the school like the form tutor. This is silly, some school age children don't have the opportunity to change or the ability in other cases. This sounds like she's nitpicking to the nth degree. I still stand by my original comment that it's not at all uncommon for children to remain in uniform for various reasons and the school shouldn't have control over that and therefore shouldn't punish just for wearing the uniform outside of school.

[oviraptor21]

How bizarre. My DC have always kept their uniform on after school as they often went straight to after school clubs.
In fact thinking back to some of the music centres they were pretty much all in school uniform up to about 6pm and then about half and half from then on.
Yes .... an utter jobsworth. What kind of level is she - Head of year or similar?

[FruitMelange]

Most kids I know are out of their school uniform as soon as they get home. Mine were. Saves it getting more mucky, and keeps it tidy for the next day. Mind you, I suppose things are of more washable materials nowadays than 20 years ago. I know my blazer had to be dry cleaned, and those of my children so no wearing it at unnecessary times

[lesenfantsdelesperance]

@Ikeptgoing

That teacher is being ridiculous. If DD was behaving anti socially-shouting smoking or drinking -in uniform fair enough but waiting quietly for a lift inside a leisure centre foyer not doing up a tie at 9pm when you are damp from swimming lesson? Na-ah

She has no business being draconian nor thinking it's ok to approach the girls so late at night entirely outside of school to 'tell them off' . A quick hi girls, would have been fine, but not a talking to.

I'd tell DD she doesn't have to attend this meeting with this teacher. And if teacher approaches her, she's to hand over the letter below.

"Thurs 20/1
Dear teacher,
DD said you approached her at 9pm last night as she was waiting for lift home by her friends dad from her swimming lesson. And that you asked her to meet with you today. This has raised concerns for both parents.

It would be helpful if you can contact me today to explain purpose of this or any meeting, arising from your approaching my daughter late at night outside school hours.

I would appreciate you arranging with me to arrange a time I can attend this meeting with my DD to hear this discussion, as it must be terribly important for you to have approached them outside school . Thankyou"

Now THIS is ridiculous. Really stupid.
A teacher approaching a pupil in uniform? Whatever next.
The parent wasn't there, the teacher was. Therefore the pupils obey the teacher and go and see her, and the parents get involved depending on what is said. Everybody who has said teachers are busy etc, well yes. That's why they should go rather than wasting any more time.

[Suzanne999]

Now there’s a teacher with too much time on her hands!!
Utterly ridiculous. Had the two girls been smashing windows, hurling abuse at passers by, or starting fires fair enough but standing waiting for their lift? This teacher needs to get a life.

[llanfair11]

In a public place telling off children, not as part of a school event. How would I as a passer by have any idea the person concerned was a teacher?

Following up on this in the school the following day, reasonable to me.

[Pythonesque]

Having a policy on when/where/how uniform may or may not be worn out of school is reasonable. Enforcing such a policy is only appropriate if the policy is clearly communicated to both students and parents!!

[cornbeeflegs]

@oviraptor21

How bizarre. My DC have always kept their uniform on after school as they often went straight to after school clubs.
In fact thinking back to some of the music centres they were pretty much all in school uniform up to about 6pm and then about half and half from then on.
Yes .... an utter jobsworth. What kind of level is she - Head of year or similar?

I'm guessing this was primary age? And were they all tidily dressed or scruffy like dd appears to be?!

She's an assistant head i/c student support whatever that is. I lose track tbh, I know the ones who teach her but that's about it

[Ohmycron]

It does sound odd, and one thing I’ve learnt over the years is that this means there is normally a big part of the story missing

[Summersdreaming]

Ridiculous. My dd wouldn't be doing the lines. I remember leaving school and immediately taking my tie off and untucking my shirt, the school don't own the students or the uniform and once they are off school property they can dress however they like.

[cabingirl]

I would talk to the teacher ask if the girls were doing anything inappropriate while in their school uniform - yelling, messing about etc.

If not, then tell the teacher that your child will not be doing the lines, and will not be doing any detentions for wearing the school uniform (that you've paid for) out of school hours if necessary.

If there is more to the story about their behaviour then adjust what you do/say

[Threeboysandadog]

I’d make an appointment to see the teacher for her side of the story. Unless there is more than you are being told I would be really unhappy with this. Since Covid ds showers and changes (often into pj’s) as soon as he gets in but he didn’t previously and if he goes into town or to a club he would still be in uniform. Our uniform is trousers and school hoodies though. Much more sensible!

[NiceShrubbery]

@cornbeeflegs

I don't want to go in as the 'unreasonable parent' and make things worse

Not you that's unreasonable at all, it's totally them. They're out of bounds and need telling, otherwise this uniform tyranny will just keep going.

I can understand why you don't like making a fuss but your dd was upset just because her teacher is a sad little dictator who spends her time thinking about this kind of thing. The kind of rule she was trying to enforce belongs in the police or the armed forces, not in a school.