Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact the school about this tomorrow

405 replies

cornbeeflegs · 19/01/2022 22:02

My eldest DD (13) goes swimming with one of her friends on a Wednesday evening, has done since last August, at the local leisure centre. She goes straight from school to her friend's house, has dinner, does homework, etc and then they go to the pool for 8pm, spend an hour in the open swim session, then she gets dropped back here by one of friend's parents.
She came back very subdued this evening, thought maybe she'd had a fallout with friend or something, eventually she opened up and said she'd got into trouble with one of her teachers. Asked her which lesson it was in and what had happened, then she said it was at swimming.
Apparently DD and friend had been waiting for their lift home after swim session when one of their teachers had seen them, recognised them as being from her school because they were in uniform, and then proceeded to tell them off for not wearing it as per school rules, even though they weren't at school they were still "representing the school" by wearing it. She's asked them both to see her first thing tomorrow morning.
Usually I'm supportive of school and if my children transgress the rules then they face the consequences. But surely this is too harsh?

OP posts:
Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 21/01/2022 22:43

@catmothertes1

Anyone else find it strange that those girls have come out of school,did their h/w,had their tea,went swimming and they are still wearing their school uniform?
Why is that strange? I and my sisters never did, my DD's never have done, and several of their friends don't either. As far as my children are concerned, it's often impractical for them to do so because of after school commitments, going to childcare/friends' houses after school before I can pick them on the way back from work, or sometimes the fact that by the time they get in it's hardly worth it before bedtime. And I will admit that it creates less washing for me to do, provided that they keep the uniform clean, rather than another 2-3 sets of clothes per child as after school wear.
OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 21/01/2022 22:43

This is why I'm dreading my DD starting high school, they just seem to be all about petty rules these days. Your poor daughter. This would drive me up the wall!

UniformsSilly1 · 21/01/2022 22:46

@cornbeeflegs
Please put your concerns in writing to the school as people like this teacher need to know that their behaviour is inappropriate. It might also come in handy if in the future this same teacher behaves inappropriately again.

Sideswiped · 21/01/2022 22:47

To disagree with what @madisonbridges said, I wouldn't let it go (and as I said before, I'm a teacher).
If you can, go in and have a face to face meeting. Emails back and forth could go on and on, and sometimes meaning is misinterpreted.
A meeting would allow you to express how you feel and should provide some form of resolution. At the very least, in your place, I'd expect a clarification of when and where uniform rules apply. If the school concedes that the wearing of uniform 'correctly' is not applicable outside of school grounds, then staff need to be reminded of that.

madisonbridges · 21/01/2022 22:53

I disagree with you, @Sideswiped, and I'm a teacher too. It's not about the op understanding the rules, it's about her daughter. She now should understand them and if she doesn't, she should go back to the deputy head and clarify it.

Mosschopz · 21/01/2022 22:53

Please do not complain about this; it’s a nothing. Educate your daughter to shrug it off and concentrate on the learning the school is providing, not what she wears. Guaranteed the time it will take investigating and responding to your complaint will take some poor bugger off the job they’re supposed to be doing; ie educating through the recovery….

surreygirl1987 · 21/01/2022 22:56

Yes, I'm a teacher too and I also disagree with you @sideswiped

Sideswiped · 21/01/2022 22:58

@madisonbridges, that's what I said in my post? That OP should ask for clarification. I don't think it's appropriate for her daughter to do so - given how this teacher has behaved, I think that OP is best placed to ask for clarification. If the teacher is 'pernickety' for want of a better word, then OP's DD is likely to be perceived as just wanting to be challenging rather than seeking a resolution.

Mosschopz · 21/01/2022 22:58

And I can’t believe the number of teachers on here that think this is worth anyone’s time and energy.

Sideswiped · 21/01/2022 23:00

@surreygirl1987, feel free! 🤷🏻‍♀️
There are, sadly, some teachers who get carried away with themselves and go beyond the limit of what is reasonable and fair. I believe this is such an occasion.

PugInTheHouse · 21/01/2022 23:04

I would go in to chat about it rather than email.

surreygirl1987 · 21/01/2022 23:06

I did feel free, thanks 🤷‍♀️

.

Sideswiped · 21/01/2022 23:07

@surreygirl1987 👍

Mellowyellow222 · 21/01/2022 23:13

Or is is something more serious?

In what way?

Aderyn21 · 21/01/2022 23:17

Former teacher here and I wouldn't let it go. A pp raised the point that if you had been with your child, this teacher would never have approached you both and behaved as she did. That she felt perfectly entitled to do so when your child was not with an adult, is bullying behaviour imo.
If you don't challenge it then she will consider this to be acceptable.
Some people tend to overstep and abuse their positions and it's up to you to ensure that this doesn't happen to your child in school. Don't assume that all teachers are good, reasonable people because they aren't. I've worked with some lovely, kind, wonderful teachers but also had a lot of contact with petty and spiteful ones too.

inspiration101 · 21/01/2022 23:17

what was the outcome with the teacher?

Sideswiped · 21/01/2022 23:19

@Aderyn21, exactly how I feel about this too - a teacher on a power trip.
It's not on.

AKASammyScrounge · 21/01/2022 23:20

@Mosschopz

And I can’t believe the number of teachers on here that think this is worth anyone’s time and energy.
Some people think it's quite in order to waste our time dealing with trivia.
cabingirl · 21/01/2022 23:21

@madisonbridges

I disagree with you, *@Sideswiped*, and I'm a teacher too. It's not about the op understanding the rules, it's about her daughter. She now should understand them and if she doesn't, she should go back to the deputy head and clarify it.
Apart from the next time the OP's daughter is swimming and still in her uniform and is caught by this teacher again then she has been told the punishment will be more severe.

I'd want to get some clarity on exactly what the issue was, and what the actual school rules are, and why as the OP has mentioned there are plenty of other school uniform rules which are not getting picked up or picked on so severely.

In the OPs position I'd be happy for poor behaviour while identifiable in school uniform to be addressed by the teacher but not small uniform infractions while outside of school hours.

Sideswiped · 21/01/2022 23:23

@AKASammyScrounge and clearly some teachers think it's ok to over-stretch themselves in terms of powers, unless I've read your post wrongly? I'm happy to be corrected, but that is certainly the way your post is coming across.

Aderyn21 · 21/01/2022 23:28

That some teachers consider bullying a child to be trivial, is a big part of the problem

Kabakofte · 21/01/2022 23:50

I would go into school. It is much easier to have the discussion that is needed. The comment from the teacher 'I hope this is the end of the matter' sounds like she wants to close it down and I'm not surprised, if she's got anything about her she'll have realised how she's overstepped the mark and want it shut down. Go in and say your piece, you sound very measured. I would just recommend writing a few things down that you are clear that you want to discuss and what outcome you are looking for. I know it's only a small part of the whole picture but no decent Head teacher would think writing lines is an appropriate sanction, even their response to that will be telling. Good luck, not that you should need it, what you are doing is totally proportionate. Forget the 'rules are rules', whilst this may the baseline from which to start for digressions in school ( note in school, not out!) I cannot imagine giving lines is a sanction for breaking rules. I seem a bit hung up on the lines but that kind of punishment is archaic and breeds resentment and disdain!

elkiedee · 21/01/2022 23:57

I think you should take up with the head/governors:

  1. Your DD, her friend and you would like clarification about the policy so you can work out how to deal with it.
  1. I understand that she already has lots of stuff to carry around but is it possible as it's just one day after school to find some solution. Does she have a locker at school that shand e can keep a change of clothes during the day, then take it with her on swimming night to change into? Otherwise, does school have a sensible suggestion for a solution that would meet their requirements and not to be too hard on your daughter?
  1. Ticking off clashed with lesson time and she was being asked to write a lot of pointless lines at a time when she had homework which presumably fitted with learning purposes and perhaps exam or assessment preparation. Your daughter had already tried to see the teacher in question during her break.

Either the discussion should only happen at a time which doesn't concide with lessons, or if there is a reason that you don't know about that made it too urgent/important to wait, then the teacher needs to let other staff know. She shouldn't be punished for the uniform infraction then punished for missing lessons for no fault of her own, but she also shouldn't be missing what she's at school for, which is education.

  1. What are the school's policies on disciplinary sanctions normally.? I don't think she deserves one but if the policies say that there will be a sanction over uniforms, there should be some sense of a system and how it worked. I very much doubt 100 lines would fit in any modern day discipline policy, and just because it was what happened in a teacher or parent's day doesn't mean it's ok now.
Sideswiped · 22/01/2022 00:03

Well, I'm off to bed now, but realised that I forgot to post:
Who on earth gives lines these days to students? IME, most schools give students the task of copying out the school rules, or doing something else related to their misdemeanour.

elkiedee · 22/01/2022 00:04

@Mosschopz It's not a nothing. Just the telling off would be one thing, but OP's dd and friend missed 15 minutes of a lesson and were further punished for that, and asked to do something rather than doing set homework. So that's 2 instances of this teacher prioritising sanctions with no clear learning or improved understanding on either side over education, at a secondary school. This is at the really critical age when students need to be preparing to gain qualifications and learn other useful things. And the girls are understandably upset, which doesn't suggest that they're bad or rebellious.

All this is not a nothing, and it's the teacher who's taking the students away from their learning and detracting from their education as well as intervening in their out of school time.