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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you, or have you ever lived alone?

256 replies

velvet24 · 19/01/2022 20:12

I have not, home, uni, then home briefty and moved in with then bf now dh. I sometimes think how I would have liked to have my own apartment at some point and lived by myself, not get settled down at 21. Now it probably wont happen of course, just one of those things....i watch these dramas and feel a tiny ping of envy seeing someone going back to their own apartment, pouring their wine and just doing what they like! Of course wouldn't change my house of teens and pets and comings and goings but the thought of my 20's in my own apartment, would have been nice......

OP posts:
CatRamsey · 20/01/2022 09:19

It doesn't feel as blissful as it sounds when you write it. I bought my house at 20 with my ex and then we split after about 2 years living there. I bought him out and have been there almost 6 years myself now. I am lonely and bored and sad and usually go to my parents every evening as they only live 5 mins away.
I do have cats though, and they are very precious 💕

Oblomov22 · 20/01/2022 09:34

You did at Uni presumably?
Yes I lived alone through uni and after, till I met Dh.

SequinnedShawl · 20/01/2022 09:37

I lived alone for 6 months. Absolutely loved it. Things were as I left them, and ultimate peace. Fabulous.

longwayoff · 20/01/2022 09:38

I've lived alone for many years and am thankful that I'm not in the same place as two of my friends, both women used to living alone. Each of them has a pregnant adult child with partner who has recently moved back to Mum's to share her home for the foreseeable future. I hope it works out for them but am so glad I won't have to do this. Sharing my living space with anyone is the last thing I want to. I do what I want, when I want and have got very used to that. Good luck to anyone in a similar place to them. Both of these couples have professional jobs with accordant salaries and find themselves priced out of housing in London.

Iflyaway · 20/01/2022 09:40

I live alone and have done for about 30 years now i.e. without a live-in partner. Had relationships of course.. Was a single mum and DS is now adult.

It's blissful living alone. Do what I want, when I want, how I want, if I want. Also the silence is also blissful.

Leslienope · 20/01/2022 09:41

I've never lived alone and I'm jealous of those who have!

middleager · 20/01/2022 09:43

Yes, when I was 20 to 23
Then 26 to 31.
I loved it!!

emmathedilemma · 20/01/2022 09:44

For the last 15 years, it's great!!

MRSAHILL · 20/01/2022 09:44

I've never lived alone and never want to. Was brought up in a big, noisy family. Had brief 1st marriage then returned home to mum and dad. Married 2nd time and moved onto same street as them. Brother and sister both emigrated. Dad died, we had our son and mum moved in with us. For various reasons neice also lived with us throughout her childhood. Got a gorgeous dog and didn't realise how happy and lucky I was. Dm died suddenly and tragically, neice emigrated to live with her mum, son moved far away and hardly ever see him. Dh in early stages of dementia (mid fifties) so moved from forever home to tiny, more manageable house and darling dog now has cancer with not long to live. I don't work due to caring for dh and I'm dreading losing ddog then eventually dh going into a home or dying first. I will be all alone for the first time ever and I am absolutely dreading it. I can't believe my life's ended up like this. Apologies, you can tell I'm feeling sorry for myself today.

TedMullins · 20/01/2022 09:46

Yes, since 2019 and I love it. I’ve got a dog though. I bought a tiny flat in south London with no help, which is a very proud achievement for me and it’s my little sanctuary, decorated exactly how I want. I was in various house shares for about 7 years beforehand and can’t imagine having a flatmate again let alone living with a partner. I’ve lived with a partner in the past and I found it suffocating always having someone else there - I like to have alone time and physical space. The only way I can see myself living with a partner again is if we had separate bedrooms that we could both retreat to when we needed space and a big enough house that we didn’t always have to be in the same room!

Even through covid I didn’t feel lonely. I get bored sometimes of course, but I’m in pretty active WhatsApp groups with friends and we chat daily, I go out and socialise at least twice a week and having a dog ensures there are always other dog walkers to chat to in the park.

Like everything though it depends on a lot of factors - if I wasn’t in the fortunate position of having good friends and affording a flat I like and I was socially isolated in a basic bedsit I’m sure I’d feel very different. House sharing was definitely the better option for me through my 20s.

MenopauseSucks · 20/01/2022 09:56

I live alone now & have done for the past 3 years - my partner moved out a couple of weeks before the first lockdown.

This is the first time I've lived alone - from home to uni halls to flat shares.
I do love it although all the lockdowns & 2 Xmases alone have been at times hard work.
(This past Xmas, Covid was rife amongst my relatives so they were isolating & the plans went out the window).

The house & I are getting along ok.
There was a potential life/house changing disaster only narrowly averted so I'm still regaining my trust in the fabric of the house.
(This is difficult to describe but you think the house is ticking along nicely then the discovery that it isn't is a shock.
The fact that nobody would've realised what was about to happen has helped, it wasn't me being negligent & I managed to mostly save the day under pressure has given me a little more confidence in my abilities to cope alone).

I have a cat which helps & is a source of great comfort to me. She's quite the conversationalist so it's an interaction with another living creature!

3scape · 20/01/2022 10:05

Wow. A lot of people were big spenders at uni. I was in a house share as cheap as I could find. I lived on my own after university though. Small flat, didn't know anyone in the town when I moved in. It was exciting but it lead to being quite vulnerable when I became very ill suddenly. I'd rather be near people i know. But to have my own space again. Unfortunately my line of work teaches me that noone comes looking for you if you are forced to disengage. Friends all vanish eventually.

LegsMiserables · 20/01/2022 10:07

The only bad thing I found was when I was unwell. You could feel really lonely then. Otherwise I just loved the 6 years I had between uni and getting married.

Lockdown would probably be terrible too.

astorsback · 20/01/2022 10:07

Yes, I've lived on my own since I was 30 - I'm 55 now, so 25 years.It's bliss.

I'm a raging introvert though and very happy not seeing people for weeks on end. The work from home/ Covid restrictions made little difference to me, apart from the lack of travel opportunities as I used to travel abroad at least twice a year and have several UK breaks.

I bubbled with my sister which was perfect.

Nobody in our family or friends group has children (and none of us are extroverts) so there arent the usual weddings, christenings, parties etc.. which other people tend to do frequently.

Ive had a number of live-in relationships back in my twenties and they were enough to put me off living with someone for life. Couldnt stand all the pub visits, people popping in all the time, overnight guests, Christmas chaos, parties, dinners, lunches etc.. Exhausting for me. Plus the emotional and mental load, plus wife-work and life admin. was draining. Lack of privacy is a real mental-health killer for me. I find cats much easier to live with!

I am a high earner though so this makes a huge difference. If I didnt have a good income, I couldnt afford the luxury of a nice house, big garden, lots of day trips, holidays and weekends away. I know I'm very lucky.

I must admit, it was frightening being alone at first but Freedom and quiet are so rare and valuable, I intend making the most of them while I can.

BiddyPop · 20/01/2022 10:14

No.

I have lived in situations away from family. At uni and while working. But never alone.

Have lived with DH for well over 20 years now (and teen dd).

I do have dreams of a boat large enough to live on and do long trips - but small enough to single hand as DH is only ok on the water and I would get some peace.

shumway · 20/01/2022 10:18

Need to go back to living alone again next week and it's making me feel frightened about being painfully lonely again. Hate it.

sociallydistained · 20/01/2022 10:24

I've lived alone for 11 years now in my own flat. It is bliss and I can't imagine things being different... however, they are about to be. I am due a baby next week! My partner still doesn't live with me there is not enough room here and when we were looking I felt so sad and stressed that we decided I would stay and reconsider a bit further down the line. Either way I won't be living alone as I'll have my baby and my partner will be here a LOT more. But living alone is always the dream for me I think even if I live with dp for however many years going forward I'll prob return to living alone in the future.

Runnerduck34 · 20/01/2022 10:34

Never lived alone, I like my own space and having the house to myself but no sure if I would really like living by myself but what I would like (and have never had) is a room of my own!
Lived at home and shared with sister, moved out to live with BF now now DH so never even had my own bedroom. I just dream about having my very own cosy lounge I can escape too that no one else is allowed to trash!

MrWhippyBloon · 20/01/2022 10:42

I lived alone for two years in my mid 20s. I had a very busy social life so didn't actually spend much time at home so I didn't get chance to feel lonely, but I absolutely LOVED getting home to an immaculately tidy house where everything was just how I left it. It felt like my sanctuary.

theleafandnotthetree · 20/01/2022 11:45

Maybe I'm doing the pet ownership wrong. I love my dog and it's nice to have another living creature in the house but in no way is it any kind of replacement or subsitute for a human relationship and interaction like some on here present it.

Toddlerteaplease · 20/01/2022 11:50

Yep, just me and my cats. I would have loved to meet someone. But it's just not happened. I enjoy living on my own most of the time though. But it can be very lonely.

TedMullins · 20/01/2022 11:50

@theleafandnotthetree

Maybe I'm doing the pet ownership wrong. I love my dog and it's nice to have another living creature in the house but in no way is it any kind of replacement or subsitute for a human relationship and interaction like some on here present it.
No, you're right, it isn't a replacement for a human relationship... but that's the point, I don't want another human in the house 24/7!
rambleonplease · 20/01/2022 13:08

Yes for 3 years, a while ago now but I loved it. All my own space!

safclass · 20/01/2022 13:29

Shared a bedroom with sisters, then lived at home (pregnant at 17)and shared room with my son (went to local uni). Met husband got a house, share a room with him now! 😂
I had never slept in a room on my own until my husband went on a school residential. I was about 28!

NumberTheory · 20/01/2022 15:41

@Oblomov22

You did at Uni presumably? Yes I lived alone through uni and after, till I met Dh.
Wow. I don’t know a single Uni student who lived alone except for a couple of well-off mature students. Everyone was in halls, lodgings or shared flats/houses.