Dog doing my head in, new baby on way and no room

[Lll898]

Hi It might just be me it might not I really don't know, I am an animal lover I want to add always had pets in my life.

Me and my partner had a baby boy born May 2021, complete accident but when we got our heads around it baby no. Two is due in may 2022

My hormones have been raging in this pregnancy and will openly admit, one day I can be happy and click of my fingers and I'm upset for no reason.

The issue stems from his dog at most at moment, it's a shar pei 7 years old as a breed they are known for being aloof and when not brought up around children not the best. We were evicted (non fault eviction in November 2021) our landlord passed away. So along with applying for private rentals we contacted housing association etc and we were lucky enough to be given a 2 bed flat first floor in a small block, it's not ideal but it's become home already.
The dog has no outside access unless we take her down on a lead and although the not most active breed she has so much energy pent up, she is becoming a nightmare in the home I can not blame her for this.
She goes down 3 or 4 times a day.
But the issue is as my partner works a rolling 4 or 5 on then off for 4 or 3, 12 hr shifts 14hr out I am pulling my hair out.

She has already totally destroyed the lounge carpet by running and digging the carpet, she is not happy I can't blame her but with baby and baby on the way I have brought up the suggestion if she does not settle down would it be best to look at rehoming her, so she has a better life with a garden etc again.

I am also due to return to work soon I'm on mat leave so left to her devices god knows what I am gonna return to.

I can't blame the dog, but as he does not see it when he is home she actually behaves a lot better than does for me, he sees it as me causing issues.

When baby born in May 2021 as she was no longer centre of attention she showed some real jealous behaviour to the point he did have to call in a behaviourist as I said the breed are known for being a bit odd a times. With the behaviour now and being in a flat I am already pulling my hair out as twice a day just to take her out for her business I walk her about a mile each time. I do mutilple trips up and down the stairs. Pram down baby down strapped in back up for dog and then the same in reverse. When second one here and before that I am bigger it's going to become harder.

He is replacing the carpet which has only been down 6 weeks not that I see much point at the moment.

But just the suggestion look I think it's actually better for the dog to be rehomed than staying here it's like I am the biggest witch known the man for suggesting it.

But what else can I do, an I being unreasonable or is he just seeing it as dog is family which I agree. But in my head watching her she is not happy 7 years having outside space and now trapped in really it's gonna drive her insane to a degree. And so my reasoning is surely she deserves better and when two babies so young she will really get no attention. He had her for two years before I met him and I moved into his house the rental we moved from in Nov 2021.

And no the answer is not move we do both work and although I will be back at work and then mat leave, private rental prices locally are through the roof and with two needing childcare it is a virtually impossible situation.

Thanks in advance

Rehome your dog for its sake and for your own sake. It sounds very unhappy

@curlymom

You should rehome the dog to a family who will love it. I have no sympathy for you. You took a dog on knowing you would later start a family and now the poor animal is not wanted.

this is ridiculous. OPs circumstances changed through no fault of her own. she is also entitled to have children.

Hi all shocked at the amount of responses and read through them all, some good ideas and some what I was expecting telling me how wrong we are.

The over riding factor in this for me is not my needs or the baby needs or his needs, the dog is unhappy, I can not help the fact my landlord passed away so we were evicted we had no intentions of moving prior to his passing away we were very happy and the house suited our needs and was closer to both of our places or work. I'm sure the landlords family which much rather still have there loved one too. But things like this happen, I will not blame me or my partner for our current living situation, I am incredibly grateful for being given a 2 bed flat to live in which is affordable, it is not ideal. But we had hoped taking dog for a walk mutilple times a day and she does get stimulation when baby is asleep or in his junperoo she is never just left rotting so to speak, her needs are met in my mind to the best of my current ability no she can't have access to a garden but I take her out as much as I can not the same route but realistically going out 4 times a day there are only so many routes you can do. We were hoping for a happy transition from house to flat but it has not happened she has been to the vet for a health check recently just in case something else was causing issues, as one or two posters have said who are knowledgeable of the breed they are not the healthiest and she always has been a regular visitor at the vets, on a vet fed diet for regular skin issues, her eyes have been tacked twice invasive surgery for ear infections, which even with the canals re routed she still gets but not as severe. Although now it has become virtually impossible she has always had everything she needs without fail, unfortunately as a breed they are known not to like other dogs and she is one of them, and where we live we don't just have access to an open field we can rent.
We had discussed a dog walker in principle for when I got bigger as it would become more tricky should we say, but in my mind I spend so much time with her she is not the same dog she was, she is stressed and down, but going from having her own territory should we say and we did not have a small garden to always being in it's a shock and that's why I say I can't blame her.

I will agree after reading some of the replies he does need to do more and I will say he does a lot around the home when he is off work.

But in my mind as she is so down I know right now probably still not a shock to system is it fairer on her to be rehomed to a family with a garden and knowledge of the breed. We don't have family who would take her on and I will ask some friends we know who don't have pets.

At no time in his ownership of the dog as he ever thought of just on a whim or throw it away, I did not think I would have ever come to conclusion it maybe for the best. But seeing her and knowing I do not have a magic wand to change life in next few weeks I seriously have started to believe it is in her interests not ours to be with a family who have everything she needs.

@Daenerys77

I think your partner is being unreasonable. A dog may be loved but it is not 'family', they are a completely different species! Your children are your priority and they ought to be his priority as well.

Wow how lovely. I have animals, i certainly consider them part of MY FAMILY.

Oh and i’m not a ‘dog person’.

Did you plan baby number 2 You seem very surprised to be in this situation.

@ju

15:29Lll898

Baby one planned

I did post second post to confirm contraception started at 6 week check this failed, so suprise is baby no2 which finding out when you have a 3-4 month old is a shock when precautions in place that is what we had to get our heads around

WOW some of these comments are so unjust. So many perfect people on here !!!!. It is clear that OP has not just decided she doesn't want the dog, and clearly wants whats best for her. I am a massive dog lover, and have never re homed a dog, but reading her post, it is clear the dog needs more than she can currently give. OP I wish you well, and I would look at a breed specific re homing charity who will find your dog the home you want for her/him.

Dog has to go.

Dog is not in a suitable environment for its temperament & needs & does not have enough time outside for exercise etc. it is cruel to keep an animal restricted like this.

Dog is not used to children & does not have a suitable temperament to live with children. Again, cruel to house them with children.

Make determined effort to have the dog rehomed (e.g. The Dogs Trust) with new owners who can provide them with a more suitable home.

OP don’t feel the need to explain your personal life to people. Things happen and I would rather see someone do something proactive to try and give the dog a happy life then keep it (and all concerned miserable) for the sake of keeping up appearances. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.

[quote Lll898]@rooarsome

I moved into the house when the dog was 3 years old so 2017, I met him when dog was 2.

The dog was taken care of by him he did a different job then, not so long hours and in the day his mother would go in On days he worked she lived literally the street behind. His mother passed away in April 2020.

So options are limited,
doggy daycare is not an option one for the breed which we can not help, and the closest one is not accessible for me I would need the car which he needs for work he starts and finishes to early and late. ( And no he can't get in on public transport)

A dog walker we will be looking into.[/quote]
So basically he’s never looked after the dog full time, he’s always found a woman to pick up the lack. Oh what a surprise. I would be so unimpressed with him, clearly the best option is to rehome if he can’t step up. Have you explained to him how unfair it is for him to put this stress on you when you are pregnant and with a young baby? Totally selfish.

Yes, should rehome for the sake of the poor dog.

The poor poor dog has been badly let down by two people who don't give a toss about it.

A neglected, untrained, destructive, older shar pei isn't going to find it easy to be rehomed.

So sick of these posts. Just rehome the dog you don't want it anyway.

Jesus christ, dog people are BARMY

Yep they really are

OP no need to feel guilt, even if you were putting your needs first.

It’s ok to prioritise yourself and your two babies.

Agree I think you’re getting an unnecessarily hard time.

Dog needs more intense exercise and stimulation. A mile walk takes, what, 20 minutes? She’s just getting warmed up at that stage. And if you’re doing the same route each time then she’ll be bored senseless. She’s going out plenty, but not for long enough periods to get tired and therefore behave quietly when back inside.

I would commit to a month where she gets an hour’s walk in the morning before her breakfast, an hour at lunch/early afternoon, and a short evening walk/toilet break. Different route each time - with a mixture of paces (brisk walk vs steady sniffing) and basic obedience training throughout (make her sit at road crossings, walk to heel etc.).

3x week (so on days your partner isn’t working) she should be taken to an enclosed space to let off steam off-lead for an hour, in addition to regular walks. I don’t believe that you can’t find somewhere for her to be off lead - pay someone with a large garden if needed.

It shouldn’t take all that much more time than you’re spending now, but I think you’ll have a different dog. If it doesn’t work, I agree she needs to be returned to her breeder - or if he bought her from a puppy farm/Gumtree etc. then a breed rescue.

Blimey, what a pile on of unpleasant and judgey posts. Barmy dog people indeed! Anyone would think OP was planning to dump the dog on the motorway rather than try and find her a nice new home .

DP had the dog before he even met OP - clearly he should have stayed single and focussed entirely on the dog, never mind daring to produce children. Probably he should just give up his job - in fact it think OP and her DP should both give up their jobs, and probably give away their DCs too, just so they can look after the doggo. Jeez!

Dogs can be very happily rehomed, it's a very upsetting thing to do, but it does seem the best option for everyone in this case. There's really no need to be so fucking weird about someone who hasn't come up to the extremely high standards demanded by the dog fanatics here.

Rehome.
Don’t have a dog around your baby. Not ever. Dogs and babies living in the same rooms have the potential for disaster at the best of times. Let alone when you are on your own with 2 babies and a jealous dog.
You just won’t be able to keep an eye on a crawling 1 year old and a new baby 24 hours a day and be 100% certain that the dog won’t attack.
No way in hells chance would I be risking this with my babies.

OP ignore the absolute nutters on here. my nan has openly said she would save her dog over any of her grandchildren so some of these replies I slot them in with people like my nan.

you dont sound horrible or neglectful, you sound like you've tried your best in challenging circumstances and that you are considering what's best for the dog.

Not RTFT but from the first post yes - rehome the dog as it deserves a lot better than you! Just because you have children they shouldn’t be turfed out. Feel for the dog so much.

Please don't feel you need to keep defending yourself in here , OP . There are plenty of MNers who agree with you [64%] , the ones giving you a pasting are just more vociferous.

[quote Lll898]@ju

15:29Lll898

Baby one planned

I did post second post to confirm contraception started at 6 week check this failed, so suprise is baby no2 which finding out when you have a 3-4 month old is a shock when precautions in place that is what we had to get our heads around[/quote]
You don't have to justify having another baby to posters here. The point is you are having another baby, two young children is going to keep you very busy, you can't dedicate the time the dog needs to looking after it. Life happens, we don't all have a crystal ball. It would be better if couples didn't get dogs before having children as a sort of substitute baby (not saying that's what happened in your case just in general) because you can't know how much work children are or how you will cope with that until you have them. And it's only then that you realise you're overwhelmed and something has to give and it's obviously not going to be your child. But you don't realise this before a baby comes along so it'll keep happening. Tale as old as time.

Frustrates me when people have dogs (or any pet for that matter) then have kids and just throw the poor animal under the bus so to speak.
You are that dogs entire world and you'd discard her because it'd be easier for you!

Why is the OP getting so much shit? She says in the OP its her DPs dog. He has just assumed that while you are on maternity leave you can deal with the dog, without considering that doesn't fit in well with looking after the baby.

He needs a plan of how to deal with the dog that doesn't include you. So on his work days, he sorts doggy day care - even half day would give enough stimulation to make the rest of the time less hideous. Or rehome if that's not financially viable. But with 2 preschoolers, in a flat, and the OP being clear she doesn't want to deal with the dog, he needs to make a plan. Id rehome.

I feel sorry for the signal, its another example of a humans inability to project forward to accommodate for any changes that might mean a dog could be challenging. Yes another situation where the dog becomes expendable when a baby comes along. Your dog is probably behaving badly because it doesn't get enough attention and exercise. I'm sorry buy when my son came along I managed him and a Collie and we got through. Humans can be shit to animals.

@chaosrabbitland animals do have feelings as well just in case you didnt know…

We’ll color me shocked! 🙄 Of course I know animals have feelings, that’s why I don’t eat them.

But when I see a person struggling with circumstances outside their control who has been evicted, had to downside to an apartment and trying to raise two small children in less than ideal circumstances, I’m on her side 100%.

The cruel thing would be to keep this dog in the environment it’s currently in.
Posters can shout at her to pay a walker (may be too expensive), get her husband to do it (now in a different job than the one he had when he got the dog!) and bash her from behind a keyboard, to declare that dogs are apparently “for life” but they’re failing to actually see the point.

She is doing the best she can for the dog. Rehoming is not the worse thing that can happen to an animal; in fact being kept in a less than ideal environment like it is now, is far crueler and I question the reasonable thought of anyone who can’t appreciate that not all situations are because the dog owner “can’t be bothered”. 🙄

Seems like a very sensible idea to re-home her. A difficult decision but it's in her best interests. Shar Pei rescue would be a good start. Hope you find a good home for her.