Dog doing my head in, new baby on way and no room

[Lll898]

Hi It might just be me it might not I really don't know, I am an animal lover I want to add always had pets in my life.

Me and my partner had a baby boy born May 2021, complete accident but when we got our heads around it baby no. Two is due in may 2022

My hormones have been raging in this pregnancy and will openly admit, one day I can be happy and click of my fingers and I'm upset for no reason.

The issue stems from his dog at most at moment, it's a shar pei 7 years old as a breed they are known for being aloof and when not brought up around children not the best. We were evicted (non fault eviction in November 2021) our landlord passed away. So along with applying for private rentals we contacted housing association etc and we were lucky enough to be given a 2 bed flat first floor in a small block, it's not ideal but it's become home already.
The dog has no outside access unless we take her down on a lead and although the not most active breed she has so much energy pent up, she is becoming a nightmare in the home I can not blame her for this.
She goes down 3 or 4 times a day.
But the issue is as my partner works a rolling 4 or 5 on then off for 4 or 3, 12 hr shifts 14hr out I am pulling my hair out.

She has already totally destroyed the lounge carpet by running and digging the carpet, she is not happy I can't blame her but with baby and baby on the way I have brought up the suggestion if she does not settle down would it be best to look at rehoming her, so she has a better life with a garden etc again.

I am also due to return to work soon I'm on mat leave so left to her devices god knows what I am gonna return to.

I can't blame the dog, but as he does not see it when he is home she actually behaves a lot better than does for me, he sees it as me causing issues.

When baby born in May 2021 as she was no longer centre of attention she showed some real jealous behaviour to the point he did have to call in a behaviourist as I said the breed are known for being a bit odd a times. With the behaviour now and being in a flat I am already pulling my hair out as twice a day just to take her out for her business I walk her about a mile each time. I do mutilple trips up and down the stairs. Pram down baby down strapped in back up for dog and then the same in reverse. When second one here and before that I am bigger it's going to become harder.

He is replacing the carpet which has only been down 6 weeks not that I see much point at the moment.

But just the suggestion look I think it's actually better for the dog to be rehomed than staying here it's like I am the biggest witch known the man for suggesting it.

But what else can I do, an I being unreasonable or is he just seeing it as dog is family which I agree. But in my head watching her she is not happy 7 years having outside space and now trapped in really it's gonna drive her insane to a degree. And so my reasoning is surely she deserves better and when two babies so young she will really get no attention. He had her for two years before I met him and I moved into his house the rental we moved from in Nov 2021.

And no the answer is not move we do both work and although I will be back at work and then mat leave, private rental prices locally are through the roof and with two needing childcare it is a virtually impossible situation.

Thanks in advance

@Strokethefurrywall

Are you also going to rehome DC1 when DC2 arrives? Your first kid may also be jealous of its sibling and bored with less of your attention and so act out? Kids need exercise and stimulation as much as dogs do. I don’t see the difference tbh?

Yes yes, it’s exactly the same isn’t it. Human babies you give birth to v dogs you have. 🙄Psycho.

😆😆. It gets more and more nuts 😆😆

OP, I know you've said moving isn't an option, but I presume with 4 of you, you'll be looking to get somewhere bigger at some point?

I think it might be worth trying to incorporate some of the advice people have suggested before rehoming her. That way, at the very least, you'll know you tried your best, and it was a last resort. And, at best, you might even get her to the point where she's completely manageable. Put the onus on your partner; after all, she's his dog and if he wants to keep her, he needs to be responsible for taking care of her so she is okay to live with a mother and 2 babies.
Just another suggestion: you can get 10 or 20 metre training leads pretty cheaply on Amazon. When your partner walks her he might want to use one of these in open spaces so she can still have a bit of freedom (and stimulation, which means she'll be more tired at home) but he still has control over her if another dog is near.

Good luck with it all.

Whereas, I feel sorry for your dog, I have firs-hand experience: I had a dog for 13years when my DD was born. It was a bit nightmarish to walk him when I had a baby, as we lived in a house with v tiny garden and my DDog was a cocker spaniel- they do need lots of walks.
Get rid of the dog or demand your DP looks after it, as you can't.
P.s., my DDog passed away when my DD turned 2- but it was very very hard 2 years for me. And I loved them both! 💔

I was using the power of anology to show the flaws in OPs position FGS! The comprehension skills on this site can really be poor. Many people manage a dog and kids but any expansion of the family means dynamics will need managing with a dog as much as it will need managing with a new sibling. Witches of MN desist!

@WiddlinDiddlin I love your post! Any chance you could point me in the direction of a good link to explain backpack walks please? I just googled and all it gave me was backpacks to put dogs in, for walking, or with dogs on! I've not heard of it and I'd like to try it whatever it is.

Rehome asap - someone out there will be waiting for a dog just like yours.

@LampLighter414

Rehome

It is literally the best for everyone involved

No need to feel guilt, she will be well looked after

This seems like the most common sense response on here. People's lives change. OP didn't get a puppy on a whim and tire of it after a month. Cut her some slack for goodness sake.

@candycane222

Wow dog people are indeed nuts!! You are trying to do ghe bestvghing for your dog, your family, and your flat and getting a load of ridiculous abuse for it. Youll just have to ignore some of the replies on here, they probably won't be happy till you give up your bed, job and babies in order to serve the dog....maybe move to a tent in the park eh - better for the dog 😅

It does sound as though at the very least a regular walker if not doggy day care are necessary for everyone s needs. But if course you may not be able to afford that. Which kind of means that now you have kids, you can't afford to look after the dog as well. That's not your fault - tbh it's mostly the fault of the ridiculous housing market. And whatever the dog people think, it actually is more realistic to rehome the dog than re-home the children.

I agree with this. And I own a doggie day care and dog boarding facility!

Circumstances change. You have recognised that the dog could be in a better environment if rehomed, which is very brave of you. Ignore all the haters, it is, quite frankly, ridiculous.

Not everyone can afford doggie daycare - if you placed her with me, you would be talking £400 per month and up. And you would still have problems when she wasn't at daycare.

You also have the risk factor of having a large dog with babies, which isn't the best.

Our own dog was a re-home, and we gave her the BEST life until she died. As long as you rehome in a safe way, that is fine!

MN is a weird place sometimes. I'd imagine if you had posted that you had become paralysed from head to toe overnight, and had no money for a dog walker or dog day care, you would be met with a chorus of "well you should have thought about that possibility before getting a dog, you are the spawn of the devil"

@Phrenologistsfinger

I was using the power of anology to show the flaws in OPs position FGS! The comprehension skills on this site can really be poor. Many people manage a dog and kids but any expansion of the family means dynamics will need managing with a dog as much as it will need managing with a new sibling. Witches of MN desist!

Yeah well, it was a terrible analogy

I think rehoming her is the kindest and most sensible option, given the circumstances.
Probably the sooner the better.

I can't understand why you are getting such a hard time OP. You're not planning to sell her on Gumtree or the like, or dump on the streets. I think a rescue centre would understand and you being able to give her a background character ref. would help them find her a more suitable place.

Yes of course you should re-home the dog.

The dog will be a lot happier and so will you and your babies a lot safer.

Re-homing a dog isn't a criminal offence!

I've re-homed/rescued 2 cats and 2 dogs (not all at the same time!) over my adulthood and they all had/are having a happy life with me and no issues.

Do what's best for the dog and your family.

@candycane222

Wow dog people are indeed nuts!! You are trying to do ghe bestvghing for your dog, your family, and your flat and getting a load of ridiculous abuse for it. Youll just have to ignore some of the replies on here, they probably won't be happy till you give up your bed, job and babies in order to serve the dog....maybe move to a tent in the park eh - better for the dog 😅

It does sound as though at the very least a regular walker if not doggy day care are necessary for everyone s needs. But if course you may not be able to afford that. Which kind of means that now you have kids, you can't afford to look after the dog as well. That's not your fault - tbh it's mostly the fault of the ridiculous housing market. And whatever the dog people think, it actually is more realistic to rehome the dog than re-home the children.

You are being ridiculous. Quite a large number of people have pets and when they family they make it work for all.

@WiddlinDiddlin

Dog trainer/behaviour consultant here..

Walks is not enough - what do those walks look like, a route march round the same route every time? Is whoever walks her interacting, altering the route, training as you go, playing games etc?

Is she reactive, is she yelling at everything she sees - if so it is likely the walks are increasing stress rather than decreasing it.

Not all walks are equal unfortunately - a trundle round the same route so the dog has a shit is not the same as spending time engaging with the dog, training, playing, varying routes and scenery and stuff to sniff.

Then at home, you still need to do stuff - someone has already suggested on the first page some good activities. I would add, things like the Backpack Walk (not actually a walk, a way of letting your dog interact with you and a bunch of stuff in a way that is calming and satisfying), lots of scent based hunting stuff out with her nose, calming massage... training sessions.

I do not see how you have time to do these things with one baby, never mind two. Then when both are toddling you are likely to hit another problem - many dogs can handle a relatively immobile baby.

A toddler, who wobbles and grabs and hits and kicks and throws and falls down in any direction, and shoves things in their mouth and cannot read dog body language even if the dog is crystal clear (and pei's are NOT)... is honestly a TERRIFYING experience for a large proportion of dogs. THIS is when bites happen, and because of the relative height of dogs face to childs face, they tend to be pretty dramatic and upsetting for all.

I would strongly advise you to rehome responsibly via breed rescue, if you were my client.

A great post, and a reminder of the work that actually goes into dog ownership.

Personally speaking, and through a negative experience, I think the availability you need to own a dog is still undersold.

I would venture you need to be able to walk it twice a day, at length, and not leave it alone for more than an hour .

Yeah, there are loads of dog daycare /walkers/ sitters around..but is that really ' owning' a dog?.

Don't you walk your dog? They need a couple of hours a day at least if there's no garden. Once you go back to work you and your husband will have to coordinate for the early mornings and evenings and get a dog walker for lunchtime.
Going out is great for babies as well.

@RoseSays

Yes of course you should re-home the dog.

The dog will be a lot happier and so will you and your babies a lot safer.

Re-homing a dog isn't a criminal offence!

I've re-homed/rescued 2 cats and 2 dogs (not all at the same time!) over my adulthood and they all had/are having a happy life with me and no issues.

Do what's best for the dog and your family.

That is to say I've taken in 2 dogs and 2 cats over my adulthood, not relinquished them.

@Notcontent

I quick google shows this is a breed that needs lots of exercise and lots of attention and training. If your partner works what was he thinking getting this type of dog? Or any dog really?

Who will look after the dog during the day when you go back to work? You can’t just leave a dog at home all day alone - if you do, your home will be destroyed and your neighbours will hate you. And what about toilet breaks for the dog?

A 7 year old Shar Pei does NOT need loads of exercise. Quite the opposite. It is in it's dotage. This is an old dog, whose life expectancy is 9-11 years.

The Op is still correct to re-home though.

@Phrenologistsfinger

I was using the power of anology to show the flaws in OPs position FGS! The comprehension skills on this site can really be poor. Many people manage a dog and kids but any expansion of the family means dynamics will need managing with a dog as much as it will need managing with a new sibling. Witches of MN desist!

'Anology'

i think its worth trying a dog walker, and reducing walks to less/longer .

However, if that doesn't work, then absolutely, rehome.

Sometimes, being a responsible dog owner is knowing when you can't meet a dogs needs, and that finding them a better home is the best option for everyone.

Better a rehomed dog, than a depressed/upset/destructive/aggressive one.

@BlondeDogLady what statistically are the chances of being fully paralysed in your 20’s/30’s and how do they compare to the chances of having a baby during the same time period? What a ridiculous equivalence.

It’s quite simple really. A dog lives anything from 12-17 years. Before you get a dog have a little think of what your life might be like in the next 1-2 decades. Do you have stable housing - if not you might need to move. How would that work with an animal? Would you like to have children - if yes you’re going to need to integrate dog and child and care for dog while caring for children. You know dog will still need to be exercised when you’ve a baby. Do you have the money for extra help with dog if needed - vet bills, dog walking, dog daycare, behaviourist. Can you afford to pay for children and dog. Do you have time to give to child and dog. And so on. You should think about all this BEFORE bringing a dog, who will get attached to you, into your home.

Not just oh I’ll dump the dog as shocker I’ve had a child during my child bearing years 🙄

So many irresponsible people who just ‘want’ a dog and get one without using their brain. I’ve wanted a dog my whole life and finally got one in my late 30’s as I have a stable home, can afford dog expenses and was finally in a position to care for one properly.

And I’m not directing this at Op as it’s her partners dog not hers but comparing being paralysed to having a child is just so stupid.

@ScribblingPixie

Do you know the website Borrowmydoggy.com? You meet people who want to spend time with a dog but can't own one for whatever reason. I use it for regular socials for my dog, who likes to be around lots of people, and a friend arranged a situation whereby her dog lives in the country for some of the month. Worth a thought.

My daughter does borrow my doggy. She’s got 2 different dogs that she walks on a regular basis. She takes one of them to the beach as well so they do get out for long periods of time. Second that you look in to that.

Op she is getting plenty of walks a DJ outside stimulation and you have done lots of her but she is reacting to the stress of being in a smaller space with the baby and also probably feeling your intense moods. When the kids are 1 and 2 and both crashing around the flat screaming I am sorry to say it is going to be worse for her and more stressful. My two dogs hide upstairs away from the toddler when they want some peace and quiet. I think the best thing to do is rehome her and don’t feel bad about it it’s best for her she is stressed out.

@strawberriesarenot

I think rehoming her is the kindest and most sensible option, given the circumstances. Probably the sooner the better.

I can't understand why you are getting such a hard time OP. You're not planning to sell her on Gumtree or the like, or dump on the streets. I think a rescue centre would understand and you being able to give her a background character ref. would help them find her a more suitable place.

Totally agree with this. I like animals but some of the comments on this site about animals are totally nuts. The Op didn’t buy a dog recklessly at the beginning of lockdown. Things in people’s lives change and she is being sensible. Seriously suggesting her getting doggy daycare - how many people can afford that.

Pregnancy doesn't happen by accident and you're lucky to have two children but glad you got your head around it 🙄. Hope you can get the dog re homed soon with people who can cope and love it.

Hahaha! A scroll through any MN posts on a daily basis would confirm that pregnancies do indeed, happen by accident.

You've got a load of shit for a problem that is not of your own making OP. Fair dues to you for the effort you're putting into a dog that isn't yours.
Suggest you strap a heavy rucksack on your partner's front this Saturday morning, bulked up so he can't see his feet, then make him go up and down the stairs fetching pram, baby and dog and go for a walk while you have a lie in. Then go for an afternoon nap and make him repeat the exercise. And again on Sunday. And if he complains about the pregnancy-rucksack, tell him he can replace it with a borrowed toddler for that full 2nd mat leave experience. He might think he is a hero doing the early morning and late night walks now but he can stride on unencumbered , at times when not many other dogs are about to wind up his dog reactive (historical fighting breed) dog.

@CoastalWave

I can't be arsed getting annoyed or wound up about you.

Your dog would be MUCH MUCH better off without you. Rehome her - properly and do it pronto.

Poor poor dog.

sadly this is a story rescues hear so many times i expect and i bet its not just dogs either