Dog doing my head in, new baby on way and no room

[Lll898]

Hi It might just be me it might not I really don't know, I am an animal lover I want to add always had pets in my life.

Me and my partner had a baby boy born May 2021, complete accident but when we got our heads around it baby no. Two is due in may 2022

My hormones have been raging in this pregnancy and will openly admit, one day I can be happy and click of my fingers and I'm upset for no reason.

The issue stems from his dog at most at moment, it's a shar pei 7 years old as a breed they are known for being aloof and when not brought up around children not the best. We were evicted (non fault eviction in November 2021) our landlord passed away. So along with applying for private rentals we contacted housing association etc and we were lucky enough to be given a 2 bed flat first floor in a small block, it's not ideal but it's become home already.
The dog has no outside access unless we take her down on a lead and although the not most active breed she has so much energy pent up, she is becoming a nightmare in the home I can not blame her for this.
She goes down 3 or 4 times a day.
But the issue is as my partner works a rolling 4 or 5 on then off for 4 or 3, 12 hr shifts 14hr out I am pulling my hair out.

She has already totally destroyed the lounge carpet by running and digging the carpet, she is not happy I can't blame her but with baby and baby on the way I have brought up the suggestion if she does not settle down would it be best to look at rehoming her, so she has a better life with a garden etc again.

I am also due to return to work soon I'm on mat leave so left to her devices god knows what I am gonna return to.

I can't blame the dog, but as he does not see it when he is home she actually behaves a lot better than does for me, he sees it as me causing issues.

When baby born in May 2021 as she was no longer centre of attention she showed some real jealous behaviour to the point he did have to call in a behaviourist as I said the breed are known for being a bit odd a times. With the behaviour now and being in a flat I am already pulling my hair out as twice a day just to take her out for her business I walk her about a mile each time. I do mutilple trips up and down the stairs. Pram down baby down strapped in back up for dog and then the same in reverse. When second one here and before that I am bigger it's going to become harder.

He is replacing the carpet which has only been down 6 weeks not that I see much point at the moment.

But just the suggestion look I think it's actually better for the dog to be rehomed than staying here it's like I am the biggest witch known the man for suggesting it.

But what else can I do, an I being unreasonable or is he just seeing it as dog is family which I agree. But in my head watching her she is not happy 7 years having outside space and now trapped in really it's gonna drive her insane to a degree. And so my reasoning is surely she deserves better and when two babies so young she will really get no attention. He had her for two years before I met him and I moved into his house the rental we moved from in Nov 2021.

And no the answer is not move we do both work and although I will be back at work and then mat leave, private rental prices locally are through the roof and with two needing childcare it is a virtually impossible situation.

Thanks in advance

@cereallover

Poor dog. Maybe you should both be a bit more careful in future to prevent pregnancy.

Good god. It never ceases to amaze me how on a parenting website, so many people elevate the importance of dogs above children and call people like OP monsters for even considering rehoming in circumstances like these. Obviously it's not ideal but her children have to be her priority, end of story.

@cereallover

Poor dog. Maybe you should both be a bit more careful in future to prevent pregnancy.

And dog ownership.

Shar peis are a breed that seemed to be on the brink of becoming popular a few years back (about the time this one was a puppy) but never 'took off' and I suspect that has much to do with them not being the eaisiest of breeds so cute wrinkly puppies soon became problem teenagers and put new owners off.

Whilst every single dog deserves a permanent and stable home that provides everything it needs to be happy, healthy and safe - where this is not possible the least worst option may be to rehome responsibly. If things are not going to get better for her then it's right to give her a chance at a better life with someone else.

I'd suggest looking at breed-specific rescues (e.g. www.sharpeirescue.me.uk)

Whatever you do, do not just sell her on or give her away to strangers.

You need to define the dog for her own sake. No point debating the rights and wrongs of your decisions now.

She’s clearly not getting the exercise she needs. The suggestions made by pps for keeping her might work such as:

“get a dog Walker

• send dog to doggy daycare a few days a week
• use snuffle boxes which are mentally stimulating and you can make them from anything.
• have partner take dog for a long walk morning and evening before work.”

But I don’t think these things are going to happen - especially as your partner doesn’t sound on board.

You need to do something about the situation before being “a bit funny” around babies turns into a tragedy.

I think you will run into issues trying to rehome. So many people are giving up/wanting rehome lockdown dogs that most shelters have long waiting lists

Jesus christ, dog people are BARMY.

Your circumstances have changed, and I agree that rehoming the dog is best for all involved. That makes you a responsible owner, not a bad one. You are acknowledging that the current set up isnt working.

The dog deserves a better home.

I would definitely try and rehome , the dog is bored and when baby no. 2 arrives you will have even less time for it , it's not fair.

How much exercise does she get?
What's her diet like?
What training and mental stimulation does she get each day?

She's "doing your head in" because you've turned her world upside down and then completely neglected her needs. She needs a good two walks each day and plenty of company, stimulation and play.

Having a baby isn't a good excuse for neglecting your pet - why isn't she being walked?

Oh - and living in a flat isn't an excuse - millions of dogs live in flats and don't get driven insane because their owners still meet their needs. It doesn't matter whether a dog lives in a house, a flat or an apartment if they get enough exercise.

God this dog could do better by having an owner who cares. She deserves so much better than you.
Contact Shar-Pei rescue in the first instance.

@PopcornAndWine it's not 'the importance of dogs above children'

It is the importance of responsibility, when you take on a pet, you take on the responsibility, that responsibility is the same when a baby comes along, but there is an additional responsibility.

Does the housing association allow dogs?
What is your DP's plan for the dog when you are back to work? Do that?

@Butteryflakycrust83

Jesus christ, dog people are BARMY.

Your circumstances have changed, and I agree that rehoming the dog is best for all involved. That makes you a responsible owner, not a bad one. You are acknowledging that the current set up isnt working.

Actually @Butteryflakycrust83 a responsible owner would take steps to help the dog adjust not just toss it out like old rubbish. I can think of about ten things off the top of my head that could be done to improve the situation but of course @Lll898 is an irresponsible owner who can’t be bothered.

Rehoming should be a last resort.

Tbh you are going to struggle with two wee ones and a dog. What is he planning on doing about his dog?

For the dog's sake, you should get it responsibly rehomed ( by a dog rehoming charity).

Rehome - also dog can’t be left at home all day when you go back to work - very cruel - would need a garden

Hi to confirm

She gets 4 walks a day
5 Am when he gets ready for work

11 am when me and baby are up ready

3/4 pm afternoon

8:30/9 pm evening

Each walk is approx one Mile long, on his rota days off she does go for a extended walk, she is not a runner and can never be let of a lead, her prey drive is very high bigger dogs she is fine with smaller ones she is not again a breed trait, and prior to me meeting him and the dog he had been to puppy classes etc.

She has always had everything she has ever needed and prior to baby one arriving we followed online advice playing baby cries gates in place to get her used to not being able to be In our bedroom anymore we done a lot before baby arrival to attempt a smooth transition.

There was a post to say the dogs are suitable for apartment living we are fully aware of this hence when offered the flat done some research, she has kongs and toys etc, but for 7 years she has had the run of a house and garden and with lockdowns and furlough and maternity leave she has had a length of time where she has had run of garden whenever she wanted. So apartment / flat living complete shock and I have included I don't blame her for this behaviour.

And I will add we may have caused this yes precautions for pregnancy my god I did not think I needed to include every detail we well I had started on contraception at my 6 week check this obviously failed we did plan baby one and baby two is a complete suprise.

www.sharpierescue.me.uk/

Get on to these people now and get the dog a better home. You are not meeting her needs and this is only going to get worse when the second baby arrives.

Paint a stone to resemble a dog's face and stick with that until you are able to look after a real one.

It sounds a very difficult situation. Your circumstances have changed, you acknowledge you can't give her the home she needs and that you want for her, and there are potential owners out there who would absolutely love the chance to help make her remaining years happy ones for her.

No point in all the predictable finger pointing and mudslinging from some on here - focus on moving forward in the most positive way you possibly can. The Shar-Pei rescue will be able to advise, I'm sure.

I think your partner is being unreasonable. A dog may be loved but it is not 'family', they are a completely different species! Your children are your priority and they ought to be his priority as well.

It sounds very much like now you have your babies, you're fed up with the dog. I think that's an awful attitude. You made a commitment to house and care for the dog when you bought her. I appreciate the needs of your bd y come first, but many many other people successfully balance pets and babies/families, because they choose to and make it work despite the difficulties.

Why can't you walk her and the baby at the same time, wrap up warm get the buggy out abs go out to the park? It will help Allie dye some of the dogs boredom. I'm also guessing that your focus in the home is solely on your baby and that playtime/training activities with the dog have been curtailed? You need to take fine time to interact with the dog, how would you feel if you were suddenly being ignored?

If you can't/won't walk the dog, please get a dog walker at least she'll be getting some attention and meaningful exercise. On days you work then you'll need to consider doggy daycare, just as you'll need to consider childcare. Yep, it might cost you a bit but that is part and parcel of dog ownership.

Each walk is approx one Mile long

I suspect it would be better if you did fewer, longer walks. A mile isn't very much in one go and won't do much to tire most dogs out. I would look to swap your 11am walk for a lunchtime walk with a dog walker who can take her out for a good hour or more.

Another thing - do you have any enclosed fields near you? You can hire them by the hour (privately) and you could then let her off the lead without worrying about other dogs or her recall.

Wow dog people are indeed nuts!! You are trying to do ghe bestvghing for your dog, your family, and your flat and getting a load of ridiculous abuse for it. Youll just have to ignore some of the replies on here, they probably won't be happy till you give up your bed, job and babies in order to serve the dog....maybe move to a tent in the park eh - better for the dog 😅

It does sound as though at the very least a regular walker if not doggy day care are necessary for everyone s needs. But if course you may not be able to afford that. Which kind of means that now you have kids, you can't afford to look after the dog as well. That's not your fault - tbh it's mostly the fault of the ridiculous housing market. And whatever the dog people think, it actually is more realistic to rehome the dog than re-home the children.

That's a point. Could you get some sort of dogminder when you go back to work. Do they do nurseries for dogs?

@Anotherviewtoyou you can do all the preparation you like, you don’t know how your dog is going to react to the baby.