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Original poster

Dog doing my head in, new baby on way and no room

227 replies

Lll898 · 19/01/2022 14:04

Hi It might just be me it might not I really don't know, I am an animal lover I want to add always had pets in my life.

Me and my partner had a baby boy born May 2021, complete accident but when we got our heads around it baby no. Two is due in may 2022

My hormones have been raging in this pregnancy and will openly admit, one day I can be happy and click of my fingers and I'm upset for no reason.

The issue stems from his dog at most at moment, it's a shar pei 7 years old as a breed they are known for being aloof and when not brought up around children not the best. We were evicted (non fault eviction in November 2021) our landlord passed away. So along with applying for private rentals we contacted housing association etc and we were lucky enough to be given a 2 bed flat first floor in a small block, it's not ideal but it's become home already.
The dog has no outside access unless we take her down on a lead and although the not most active breed she has so much energy pent up, she is becoming a nightmare in the home I can not blame her for this.
She goes down 3 or 4 times a day.
But the issue is as my partner works a rolling 4 or 5 on then off for 4 or 3, 12 hr shifts 14hr out I am pulling my hair out.

She has already totally destroyed the lounge carpet by running and digging the carpet, she is not happy I can't blame her but with baby and baby on the way I have brought up the suggestion if she does not settle down would it be best to look at rehoming her, so she has a better life with a garden etc again.

I am also due to return to work soon I'm on mat leave so left to her devices god knows what I am gonna return to.

I can't blame the dog, but as he does not see it when he is home she actually behaves a lot better than does for me, he sees it as me causing issues.

When baby born in May 2021 as she was no longer centre of attention she showed some real jealous behaviour to the point he did have to call in a behaviourist as I said the breed are known for being a bit odd a times. With the behaviour now and being in a flat I am already pulling my hair out as twice a day just to take her out for her business I walk her about a mile each time. I do mutilple trips up and down the stairs. Pram down baby down strapped in back up for dog and then the same in reverse. When second one here and before that I am bigger it's going to become harder.

He is replacing the carpet which has only been down 6 weeks not that I see much point at the moment.

But just the suggestion look I think it's actually better for the dog to be rehomed than staying here it's like I am the biggest witch known the man for suggesting it.

But what else can I do, an I being unreasonable or is he just seeing it as dog is family which I agree. But in my head watching her she is not happy 7 years having outside space and now trapped in really it's gonna drive her insane to a degree. And so my reasoning is surely she deserves better and when two babies so young she will really get no attention. He had her for two years before I met him and I moved into his house the rental we moved from in Nov 2021.

And no the answer is not move we do both work and although I will be back at work and then mat leave, private rental prices locally are through the roof and with two needing childcare it is a virtually impossible situation.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Original poster
Lll898 · 19/01/2022 15:40

@rooarsome

I moved into the house when the dog was 3 years old so 2017, I met him when dog was 2.

The dog was taken care of by him he did a different job then, not so long hours and in the day his mother would go in On days he worked she lived literally the street behind. His mother passed away in April 2020.

So options are limited,
doggy daycare is not an option one for the breed which we can not help, and the closest one is not accessible for me I would need the car which he needs for work he starts and finishes to early and late. ( And no he can't get in on public transport)

A dog walker we will be looking into.

OP posts:
Wotagain · 19/01/2022 15:40

@Stinkywizzleteets

You’re never going to get sympathy on mN when it comes to rehoming animals but they’re all living in utopia with butterflies and birds tweeting and it’s sunny all the time, with countless Money growing on trees for behaviourists, daycare and multiple dog walkers a a day, or something.

The kindest thing to do is to rehome the dog. Give it the life and the happiness it deserves. We get pets with the best of intentions but things can and do change beyond our control (like eviction).

Choosing to rehome isn’t being taken lightly here but OP will have two babies under 18m in a flat on only one earning with all the struggles of a newborn and a toddler and an anxious upset dog. Kindness wouldn’t hurt

This, and only this.
Strokethefurrywall · 19/01/2022 15:41

Are you also going to rehome DC1 when DC2 arrives? Your first kid may also be jealous of its sibling and bored with less of your attention and so act out? Kids need exercise and stimulation as much as dogs do. I don’t see the difference tbh?

Yes yes, it’s exactly the same isn’t it. Human babies you give birth to v dogs you have. 🙄Psycho.

Candyss · 19/01/2022 15:43

your partner is being really irresponsible OP and you are shouldering the majority of these issues when it should be him.

you have enough on your plate with a young baby and being pregnant. he should be the one thinking of solutions, not burying his head in the sand and leaving the majority of the dogs care up to you. I'm not surprised you are starting to feel resentful towards the dog, even if it is misplaced and should be directed to your partner.

I was in a similar position with my partners dog a few years ago. partner worked full time and the dog was used to being in a house full of people (partner lived with his brother and a friend and they all worked different hours so dog was never alone). for many different reasons they all moved on and it ended up being just me, my partner and the dog in a tiny one bedroom flat. me and my partner worked the same hours. unsurprisingly, the dog did not take to the change well and became a nightmare, destroying things, breaking windows to try and escape, put a hole in our front door, the lot. I then found out I was expecting and I have to say the stress of being pregnant and the dog caused a real resentment. I hated the dog and I hated my partner for putting me in that position. it sounds horrible writing that down but it wasnt what I signed up for, it wasnt my dog, my partner would take no responsibility for the situation. the tipping point for me was when I came home one day, my partner had left our bedroom door open which was always normally locked so anything of value was in there away from dog and the dog had gotten my memory bear for the baby I had lost a few months previously. I had a breakdown and told my partner something had to give. it wasnt fair on me or the dog and he deserved to have a home where he had an owner who had the time to look after him properly.

he was rehomed to a lovely owner who had a farm and another dog. he was so much happier, he thrived and his behaviour changed seemingly overnight. I felt immense guilt initially but it was the correct decision.

you're situation is going to get much harder when baby number 2 arrives and it sounds like your partner is not helping whatsoever. rehoming is not always cruel or irresponsible, sometimes it truly is the best option.

user33323 · 19/01/2022 15:43

I think you are falling over yourself trying to justify it, but this isn't a case of had a baby and then want to re-home a dog, it's your housing situation that is the problem. There is a lot of stigma around rehoming a pet because people buy them on a whim, but this is not the case for you. It is perfectly reasonable to re-home the dog in your situation. The dog would probably be much happier in a child free home with a garden. Lose the guilt. It is totally unreasonable to expect you to take the dog outside several times a day from a flat when you will have a newborn and a toddler.

Notcontent · 19/01/2022 15:44

I quick google shows this is a breed that needs lots of exercise and lots of attention and training. If your partner works what was he thinking getting this type of dog? Or any dog really?

Who will look after the dog during the day when you go back to work? You can’t just leave a dog at home all day alone - if you do, your home will be destroyed and your neighbours will hate you. And what about toilet breaks for the dog?

girlmom21 · 19/01/2022 15:45

@Notcontent

I quick google shows this is a breed that needs lots of exercise and lots of attention and training. If your partner works what was he thinking getting this type of dog? Or any dog really?

Who will look after the dog during the day when you go back to work? You can’t just leave a dog at home all day alone - if you do, your home will be destroyed and your neighbours will hate you. And what about toilet breaks for the dog?

If you read OP's updates his circumstances were very different when he got the dog
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 19/01/2022 15:47

A dog walker we will be looking into.

I think she'll really benefit from going out with a dog walker, even if she goes on her own. She can be taken to lots of new places and she can be out for a lot longer than what you can manage being pregnant and with a small child.

If the walker uses a van, you'll probably found that although the walk is only an hour, she'll be out for longer once you include transport time. I take a dog out at midday and while his walk is only an hour, by the time I've picked him up, driven him to destination, walked him, dried him off and brought him home, he's out for at least 90 minutes.

Dragonfly3 · 19/01/2022 15:47

Have you looked at joining Borrow My Doggy? I joined after my old dog died a couple of years ago. I really missed him but didn't feel ready for another dog so I 'borrowed' other people's dogs to walk and have at home for company (I work from home). It's not expensive to join and lets you build up a network of people you can call on for help if needed. A dog walker or doggy day care would be good too but will cost a fair bit more. Best wishes to you.

theleafandnotthetree · 19/01/2022 15:47

@Phrenologistsfinger

Are you also going to rehome DC1 when DC2 arrives? Your first kid may also be jealous of its sibling and bored with less of your attention and so act out? Kids need exercise and stimulation as much as dogs do. I don’t see the difference tbh?
I don't think I can find words to describe how batshit this is or to understand how someone can't see the difference between a dog and a person's own human baby. OP, you may feel free to discount many of the barmier replies, this one first and foresmost
Witchinthedales · 19/01/2022 15:48

I often wonder on these threads, do people actually read the full post before replying?

Kuachui · 19/01/2022 15:49

if you do rehome then please use a rescue, they will be the best chance for the dog to get a good home x

ive had to do it and i understand that its hard but sometimes for the best

LettertoHermoine · 19/01/2022 15:50

@Stinkywizzleteets

You’re never going to get sympathy on mN when it comes to rehoming animals but they’re all living in utopia with butterflies and birds tweeting and it’s sunny all the time, with countless Money growing on trees for behaviourists, daycare and multiple dog walkers a a day, or something.

The kindest thing to do is to rehome the dog. Give it the life and the happiness it deserves. We get pets with the best of intentions but things can and do change beyond our control (like eviction).

Choosing to rehome isn’t being taken lightly here but OP will have two babies under 18m in a flat on only one earning with all the struggles of a newborn and a toddler and an anxious upset dog. Kindness wouldn’t hurt

Bang on. Some of the replies are completely nuts!
Flocon · 19/01/2022 15:50

It's your partners dog let him sort it out

PopcornAndWine · 19/01/2022 15:51

@Phrenologistsfinger

Are you also going to rehome DC1 when DC2 arrives? Your first kid may also be jealous of its sibling and bored with less of your attention and so act out? Kids need exercise and stimulation as much as dogs do. I don’t see the difference tbh?
Ok, if you really need it explained to you, here goes: 1) Dogs are not the same as human children 2) Children are more important 3) Dogs are much more dangerous to babies than jealous toddlers.

That clear?

girlmom21 · 19/01/2022 15:51

@Flocon

It's your partners dog let him sort it out
He doesn't want to get rid and he doesn't have to deal with the dog all day.
Janeandjohnny · 19/01/2022 15:53

I'm not gonig to flame you. You are doing the right thing and recognising the dog needs other options. You are better to re-home now before her behaviour gets worse so I'd start that process now. Its very stressful having a baby and adjusting so this is a challenge.
Try and find a breed rescue that can help.

Good Luck!

AndAnotherNewOne · 19/01/2022 15:54

@Phrenologistsfinger

Are you also going to rehome DC1 when DC2 arrives? Your first kid may also be jealous of its sibling and bored with less of your attention and so act out? Kids need exercise and stimulation as much as dogs do. I don’t see the difference tbh?
If you can't see the difference between an animal and a human I can only feel deeply sorry for you. Such a sad person.
Flocon · 19/01/2022 15:54

He doesn't want to get rid and he doesn't have to deal with the dog all day. then OP needs to go out everyday and force him to quit his job to look after his dog. OP could go back to work and let DP look after the 3 of them?

Abracadabra12345 · 19/01/2022 15:56

@Stinkywizzleteets

You’re never going to get sympathy on mN when it comes to rehoming animals but they’re all living in utopia with butterflies and birds tweeting and it’s sunny all the time, with countless Money growing on trees for behaviourists, daycare and multiple dog walkers a a day, or something.

The kindest thing to do is to rehome the dog. Give it the life and the happiness it deserves. We get pets with the best of intentions but things can and do change beyond our control (like eviction).

Choosing to rehome isn’t being taken lightly here but OP will have two babies under 18m in a flat on only one earning with all the struggles of a newborn and a toddler and an anxious upset dog. Kindness wouldn’t hurt

I agree. The OP has already said her hormones are all over the place so I can imagine how the brutality of some of these responses must make her feel.

OP. Do look at the positive, practical suggestions about rehoming, , talk to the specialist rescue, then have a plan ready when you talk to your DP. If it’s hard now, it’s going to be impossible once baby no. 2 is here and you really don’t want to add to the stress and distress. It’s stressful for the dog too and won’t get better. Who are these people who can happily pay for dog walkers and doggie daycare on top of all the other bills? I agree with stinkywizzles

MrsBouquet5678 · 19/01/2022 15:56

Pregnancy doesn't happen by accident and you're lucky to have two children but glad you got your head around it 🙄. Hope you can get the dog re homed soon with people who can cope and love it.

Flocon · 19/01/2022 15:57

@MrsBouquet5678

Pregnancy doesn't happen by accident and you're lucky to have two children but glad you got your head around it 🙄. Hope you can get the dog re homed soon with people who can cope and love it.
So rude
WhyDontYouGoogleIt · 19/01/2022 15:57

The op read to me like both babies were not planned, it sounded like OP was saying just when baby one was ana cause the and just as they get their heads around the shock of being parents to first baby they find out they find out a second is on the way and I think that's why some posters are making harsh comments about that .

Op says the dog isn't like this when her partner is home, that's possibly because it's getting a better amount of mental stimulation via longer walks and play, I think he's been irresponsible to his children, his partner and his dog in not listening to the person who has to juggle all the responsibilities on her own when he is at work when he could and probably should have researched dog walkers and the cost as part of the planning for the first child because even if things went great transition wise between dog and baby and moving, there's so many other factors that mean help would be needed such as the OP needing to recover after childbirth, or developing post natal depression etc.

And now there's a second baby coming in a few months and he's still expecting the person who has already told him she is struggling to cope on their own with even more needs to meet for long hours. I think that's really shit of him as a dog owner and as a partner and as a dad. Does he/ Will he do his share with housework and the mental load of managing two small children and a home when you return to work or is he expecting you to juggle all that too?

I'd suggest you leave him at home on his own for 14 hours a day four days off the trot and see how he manages then when he can't just grab a lead and go but I know that's not practical.

I can understand him not wanting to rehome his pet but I can't understand him not at least trying a dog walker, maybe instead of spending on replacing damaged carpets you sit together and see if it's possible to budget to employ a dog walker on the days he's at work and see if that makes a difference to everyone's quality of life. (Out of curiosity, who looked after dog all day before he met you/had kids?)

Whatinthelord · 19/01/2022 15:57

@Flocon

He doesn't want to get rid and he doesn't have to deal with the dog all day. then OP needs to go out everyday and force him to quit his job to look after his dog. OP could go back to work and let DP look after the 3 of them?
Totally agree. He needs to be taking responsibility.