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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dog doing my head in, new baby on way and no room

227 replies

Lll898 · 19/01/2022 14:04

Hi It might just be me it might not I really don't know, I am an animal lover I want to add always had pets in my life.

Me and my partner had a baby boy born May 2021, complete accident but when we got our heads around it baby no. Two is due in may 2022

My hormones have been raging in this pregnancy and will openly admit, one day I can be happy and click of my fingers and I'm upset for no reason.

The issue stems from his dog at most at moment, it's a shar pei 7 years old as a breed they are known for being aloof and when not brought up around children not the best. We were evicted (non fault eviction in November 2021) our landlord passed away. So along with applying for private rentals we contacted housing association etc and we were lucky enough to be given a 2 bed flat first floor in a small block, it's not ideal but it's become home already.
The dog has no outside access unless we take her down on a lead and although the not most active breed she has so much energy pent up, she is becoming a nightmare in the home I can not blame her for this.
She goes down 3 or 4 times a day.
But the issue is as my partner works a rolling 4 or 5 on then off for 4 or 3, 12 hr shifts 14hr out I am pulling my hair out.

She has already totally destroyed the lounge carpet by running and digging the carpet, she is not happy I can't blame her but with baby and baby on the way I have brought up the suggestion if she does not settle down would it be best to look at rehoming her, so she has a better life with a garden etc again.

I am also due to return to work soon I'm on mat leave so left to her devices god knows what I am gonna return to.

I can't blame the dog, but as he does not see it when he is home she actually behaves a lot better than does for me, he sees it as me causing issues.

When baby born in May 2021 as she was no longer centre of attention she showed some real jealous behaviour to the point he did have to call in a behaviourist as I said the breed are known for being a bit odd a times. With the behaviour now and being in a flat I am already pulling my hair out as twice a day just to take her out for her business I walk her about a mile each time. I do mutilple trips up and down the stairs. Pram down baby down strapped in back up for dog and then the same in reverse. When second one here and before that I am bigger it's going to become harder.

He is replacing the carpet which has only been down 6 weeks not that I see much point at the moment.

But just the suggestion look I think it's actually better for the dog to be rehomed than staying here it's like I am the biggest witch known the man for suggesting it.

But what else can I do, an I being unreasonable or is he just seeing it as dog is family which I agree. But in my head watching her she is not happy 7 years having outside space and now trapped in really it's gonna drive her insane to a degree. And so my reasoning is surely she deserves better and when two babies so young she will really get no attention. He had her for two years before I met him and I moved into his house the rental we moved from in Nov 2021.

And no the answer is not move we do both work and although I will be back at work and then mat leave, private rental prices locally are through the roof and with two needing childcare it is a virtually impossible situation.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
candycane222 · 19/01/2022 14:59

And that makes you a responsible dog owner, not dome kind of cartoon villain

ScribblingPixie · 19/01/2022 15:00

Do you know the website Borrowmydoggy.com? You meet people who want to spend time with a dog but can't own one for whatever reason. I use it for regular socials for my dog, who likes to be around lots of people, and a friend arranged a situation whereby her dog lives in the country for some of the month. Worth a thought.

Anotherviewtoyou · 19/01/2022 15:01

[quote elbea]@Anotherviewtoyou you can do all the preparation you like, you don’t know how your dog is going to react to the baby.[/quote]
That’s fine. As a responsible dog owner if it doesn’t go well I can just dump the dog on someone else! Biscuit

candycane222 · 19/01/2022 15:01

Oh anddog people please note it was her patners dog not hers and he isn't stepping up.

candycane222 · 19/01/2022 15:02

... because he is at work

Feelinglow27 · 19/01/2022 15:02

I am an animal lover and also think pets should be for life. But this poor dog is going to be stuck inside alone for hours on end, making its miserable life even more so. Best for all involved to rehome.

girlmom21 · 19/01/2022 15:05

She needs more exercise less often. A mile isn't long enough for a Shar Pei with no garden space and living in a flat.

He needs to get a dog walker in when you go back to work.

It does sound like you want to get rid of her though so if you do please give her to a rescue, don't just sell her to a random.

eagerlywaitingfor · 19/01/2022 15:05

Jesis christ, dog people are BARMY

I couldn't have put it better myself.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/01/2022 15:06

Yep time for the dog to be rehoused- two babies and an inappropriate space for them- it’s enough.

whatfreshheck · 19/01/2022 15:06

@Butteryflakycrust83

Jesus christ, dog people are BARMY.

Your circumstances have changed, and I agree that rehoming the dog is best for all involved. That makes you a responsible owner, not a bad one. You are acknowledging that the current set up isnt working.

I'm a dog person and agree with you completely! This poor woman is trying to do her best by this dog.
LittleMissTake · 19/01/2022 15:06

Yes best to rehome in the circumstances.
Try breed specific rescue
www.sharpeirescue.me.uk/

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 19/01/2022 15:08

@KiloWhat

That's a point. Could you get some sort of dogminder when you go back to work. Do they do nurseries for dogs?
They do - doggy daycare and walkers are both valid options. Unfortunately, Shar Peis are known to be dog reactive/aggressive which means she probably needs a dog walker who can take her out on her own rather in than in a group.
PopcornAndWine · 19/01/2022 15:10

@DizzySquirrel90 a baby arriving in a house that already has a dog is not just "an additional responsibility", the baby is the priority now. End of story.

Obviously dogs shouldn't just be cast aside when they become a mild inconvenience but aside from all the issues OP mentioned with the flat etc, there are also safety concerns if the dog is showing signs of jealous behaviour. It sounds like OP did try and prepare the dog for baby's arrival, maybe they could have done more but that's kind of irrelevant at this point. If there is even a suggestion that the dog may be a threat to the baby, the dog needs to be rehomed.

AndAnotherNewOne · 19/01/2022 15:11

Rehome. It's best for the family and the dog. Not your fault you were evicted, OP. Feel no guilt, it's the right thing to do for the family.

Dolphin123456789 · 19/01/2022 15:12

Yes, maybe they can't afford a dog walker.

IcyPenguin101 · 19/01/2022 15:13

It is an unfortunate situation but you have to do what’s best for your family and it will probably end up being what’s best for the dog too. People chastising you for an unplanned pregnancy is ridiculous. Keyboard warriors at their finest!

Stinkywizzleteets · 19/01/2022 15:14

You’re never going to get sympathy on mN when it comes to rehoming animals but they’re all living in utopia with butterflies and birds tweeting and it’s sunny all the time, with countless Money growing on trees for behaviourists, daycare and multiple dog walkers a a day, or something.

The kindest thing to do is to rehome the dog. Give it the life and the happiness it deserves. We get pets with the best of intentions but things can and do change beyond our control (like eviction).

Choosing to rehome isn’t being taken lightly here but OP will have two babies under 18m in a flat on only one earning with all the struggles of a newborn and a toddler and an anxious upset dog. Kindness wouldn’t hurt

girlmom21 · 19/01/2022 15:14

@Dolphin123456789

Yes, maybe they can't afford a dog walker.
They could afford a dog behaviourist
PopcornAndWine · 19/01/2022 15:16

@Stinkywizzleteets

You’re never going to get sympathy on mN when it comes to rehoming animals but they’re all living in utopia with butterflies and birds tweeting and it’s sunny all the time, with countless Money growing on trees for behaviourists, daycare and multiple dog walkers a a day, or something.

The kindest thing to do is to rehome the dog. Give it the life and the happiness it deserves. We get pets with the best of intentions but things can and do change beyond our control (like eviction).

Choosing to rehome isn’t being taken lightly here but OP will have two babies under 18m in a flat on only one earning with all the struggles of a newborn and a toddler and an anxious upset dog. Kindness wouldn’t hurt

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 exactly this.
cruisecrazy · 19/01/2022 15:17

Please rehome this poor dog immediately. It is obviously distressed and with two babies it is just a disaster waiting to happen.

Opaljewel · 19/01/2022 15:20

Can you employ a dog walker?

mydogisthebest · 19/01/2022 15:21

I am totally in the "a dog is for life" camp but I do think in this case the poor thing would be much much better off away from you.

Get on to the breed rescue as they should help you.

Please don't get another dog and do something about your contraception methods. How a second baby comes as a "surprise" I really don't know

mrsmigginswiggins · 19/01/2022 15:22

I'm not going to repeat what others have about people getting rid of dogs they have made a commitment to when they have children, but rest assured I feel the same way. That's not going to help you though, and you are where you are, so I'll try and be constructive.

I have a rescue shar pei. In general they are not high energy dogs, and mine is very happy with an off lead run for 40 mins at lunchtime, and a trot round the local area in the evening, and then some beach / country walks at the weekend. However, she absolutely loves to play and have company, and we both spend additional time each day doing scentwork or feeding puzzles with her, teaching her tricks, and just sitting with her on the sofa reading or watching tv as she loves to snuggle up and have company - she will happily sleep on her own for a few hours in the day, but lives for 5pm when we finish work and can interact with her properly. They bond really, really strongly to their humans, and it sounds like the poor little pup just isn't getting what she needs from her family - it may not even be exercise, but proper attention and stimulation through play and learning as well, which presumably she's had less of since the baby came along. I imagine the lack of garden is distressing her as it's what she's used to - entirely different scenario to having one from a pup who is used to living in a flat.

Mine cannot go to any kind of daycare or group walks, as she struggles with other dogs - a lot of peis do (and yes, I've had behaviourists and trainers galore!). So that's not always the golden ticket people think it is! They have a lot of lovely traits, but also a lot of not so lovely ones, and they really need owners who understand them and can give them what they need

It sounds, really sadly, that as a family with soon to be 2 young children, and no garden, that you're unable to meet her needs. A frustrated and unhappy pei is not one I would want around young children, tbh. I also recommend Shar Pei Rescue on FB, they do great work. She has more chance of being rehomed now, than later down the line with a potential bite history if she continues to be unhappy. Poor little pei.

SometimesRavenSometimesParrot · 19/01/2022 15:22

Dogs are for life

Suzanne999 · 19/01/2022 15:26

I’m a dog lover too. There’s no way your dog, two babies and two adults are going to be happy in your flat. Outside access is a must and you can’t leave two babies to take a dog outside for a wee.
Your dog’s destruction of the carpet sounds like stress to me.
Look online for a Shar Pei rescue. They are the breed experts and will only rehome with owners they’ve checked out.
If this isn’t possible try your vet, Dogs Trust, Battersea if you’re in London / Home Counties.
There’s no reason your dog won’t be re-homed happily and your life will be easier.