For not wanting to work full time?

[Wazza89]

DH and I are both shockingly bad at money management.

We both work and receive UC. I work 2 hours a week cleaning and DH works full time. I get around £700 a month (UC and child benefit is paid into my bank account) and DH earns just over £1400. He pays rent (£595), BT, and TV license. I (somehow) pay water rates, food, council tax, gas & electricity - on top of personal bills.

Between the both of us, we are in so much debt! I inherited a car a few months ago and DH has a finance car on hire purchase (costs £118 a month) but he never wanted to put me on the insurance. He’s now able to return his car so I told him I would make him a registered keeper on my car and the main insurer as it would be cheaper for both of us. He agreed then changed his mind because he said he’s worked too hard for his car. He also has Adobe Photoshop on subscription, a PC on finance, and buys food at work every day. (I tried making him sandwiches but then he wanted to give up bread so I told him to sort himself out as I’m not buying gluten free bread for someone who isn’t a diagnosed celiac.) Our family had to step in and lend him cash for his MOT a few months ago. And he’s completely in his 2k overdraft.

Saying that, I’m not much better nowadays. I don’t have many friends with kids DS’s age so I take him to soft play sometimes twice a week. Obviously there’s an entry fee and I normally end up buying myself a coffee on top of that. Although I drive to my mum’s and to the supermarket, I get ridiculously anxious about driving new places (or places that are really busy) so I pay for public transport even though I have fuel in my car. I also give DH fuel money on weekends as he’s a crap passenger.

I tell myself I’m going to be more organised and bring snacks for DS when we go places, but I’m scatty and end up buying food out half the time. Our TV broke and instead of keeping a smaller screen until we were in a better financial situation, I replaced it. I also bought an air fryer with the last of my savings (which, in hindsight, I didn’t need). I dye my hair regularly and if I see an item of clothing I like, I buy it then regret it later as my wardrobe desperately needs sorting.

DH thinks I should work more hours on evenings and weekends (neither of us can afford childcare), but the thought really stresses me out (and I know that sounds pathetic). The last time I worked weekends (16 hours a week), I wasn’t significantly better off as all my debt repayments increased and I was STILL doing everything around the house. A messy house really stresses me out as I have OCD (and potentially ADHD which is why I find organisation difficult). I don’t want to work full time until DS is in reception. Also, DS is displaying ASD traits and is socially a bit delayed. I want to give him my full attention.

AIBU for not wanting to return to work?

Either stop spending or work more. Its not rocket science. You have proven you can't work little and spend a lot. Pick one, you can't have both.

no one is asking op to work full time but you could even do 4 hours extra at the weekends for a start

@Norgie I take your point. The impression I got from the post was that the op was trying to get advice on how to manage her money better? The reason she listed her earning was to be honest so the advice would be relevant. For me I'd be looking for money saving tips, ways to earning around children, ways to budget/keep track of finances, job ideas.I'm not sure that people repeating she's lazy and needs to get a job will help much.

[quote qualitygirl]@autienotnaughty plenty of ppl own their phones outright!! I own everything outright...no debt whatsoever. Granted I know most ppl don't own their homes outright but it's not impossible to own a car and phones outright!!![/quote]
Of course I was just asking the question some people don't realise that a mortgage and phone contract class as debt.

[quote autienotnaughty]@Norgie I take your point. The impression I got from the post was that the op was trying to get advice on how to manage her money better? The reason she listed her earning was to be honest so the advice would be relevant. For me I'd be looking for money saving tips, ways to earning around children, ways to budget/keep track of finances, job ideas.I'm not sure that people repeating she's lazy and needs to get a job will help much. [/quote]
Problem is she knows how to. But neither her nor her partner are willing. They know they shouldn't be buying food out of the house so much, but keep doing it. She knew they couldn't afford a new TV, when they had a working one, but bought one anyway. Her partner knows they can't afford his car on finance, but refuses to give it up.

There's bugger all we can do when they know what they should be doing, but are interested in it. They need to either work more or spend less. Since they won't spend less, work more is the only option. Got to suck it up one way or another.

@Marmarind

I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I had 6 hours a day child free!

I can't speak for dressed, but I am married to a man who earns enough that I can be a SAHM.

I read books (multiple chapters at a time), go for a bike ride at the park, I ice-skate, go the gym, do DIY, clean the house, do the gardening, there is a fuck-tonne of stuff in the house I'm currently trying to sort and get rid, I look after the dog, do yoga, swim, play games on the Xbox, bake, cook, do the shopping, laundry, admin, I study things just for the sake of it (I enjoy videos and texts about sociology, philosophy, and psychology the most, although I recently enjoyed learning about audiology!), or binge-watch TV shows, watch a film, I started learning French.

There is just so much to do to fill 6 hours in a day that I struggle to believe that people honestly wouldn't know what to do without work. There is so much you could do.

I'm not saying people can (because finances), but the idea that if you were financially able to not work, you wouldn't know what to do baffles me. There is so much I enjoy and I want to do that isn't work.

Wow, multiple chapters! Would you like a gold star?

You've got an excuse tor everything and I really resent uc topping you up. It should be for low paid people who are already working full time or the max hours they can. I appreciate you've got a young child who is only at nursery for a few hours but you could work on the evenings or at weekends whilst your partner takes care of your child. The problem is you can't sustain your lifestyle and need to go to citizens advice to get some help. There are ways to consolidate your debts and write off those you will never be able to pay. They will also be able to help with household budgets and getting you to change the way that you think. You are setting a poor example to your child and that really needs to change.

I work part time but we aren't struggling and live within our means, if we were I'd increase my hours regardless if I wanted to sometimes you have to take one for the team.

Wow, multiple chapters! Would you like a gold star?

I meant you have the time to do that, rather than slipping in one TV episode or one chapter of a book because you have no spare time. It was a comment on time restraints.

@Twinkleylight

Possibly the op doesn't want to increase her working hours because her universal credit will be cut. It's the over reliance on benefits that's adding to the problem. The op doesn't understand that it's better for her to contribute to national insurance and pension. She seems to this that uc should make up her income shortfall and not additional hours and salary.

This is a prevelant attitude amongst some people in society that the world owes them a living. It doesn't and it shouldn't, it's there to help you if you need it but not give you money because you can't be arsed earning it. I'm saying this as a child of an immigrant whose parents worked their arses off working 3 jobs.

Yes, entirely agree.

No one is saying people have to work themselves into the ground, but there has to be a balance between that and 2 hours per week. Benefits should be a safety net not effectively a lifestyle choice.

When I was young my dad worked 6 days a week (about a 55 hour week total) in the motor trade and on his one day off did car maintenance from home just to supplement his income. He was in his 50s at that time so not a young man either. Quite a few families back then had parents working several jobs, especially because childcare wasn't readily available, so one parent working in the day, another in the evening/night and on one or both days at the weekend. That was just how it was to have a bit of extra cash.

When my own children were tiny I worked nights in a supermarket for a few months while I was trying to find a FT 'day' job, and my then partner was working in the day. I have a degree and professional qualifications but it never occurred to me to claim benefits when I was able to work, even when I couldn't find a job that covered my childcare costs - hence working evenings instead when partner could have the children.

On the no debt point - I don't have any. Own my car, own my phone (and have for years, a £100 smartphone that does everything, who needs the latest iphone?!), own my house. In any event, I'd argue there is a difference between a controlled debt like a mortgage/ loan or lease on a car, and running up overdrafts every month because you can't manage your money like the OP and her partner.

I've come back to this thread today because I'm still thinking about it!

It so bloody infuriates me that this country allows people to be so unreasonable. I'd cut all her benefits until she learns to get off her arse and do some work and kerbs her spending habits.

Benefits should be there to support those who NEED it. If these spongers had less then those who need it could have more.

Sickens me

Possibly the op doesn't want to increase her working hours because her universal credit will be cut. It's the over reliance on benefits that's adding to the problem. The op doesn't understand that it's better for her to contribute to national insurance and pension.

Don't worry too much about this, OP. As long as you're claiming Universal Credit you get Class 3 National Insurance credits automatically, which count fully towards your pension.

@wishingitwasspring

I've come back to this thread today because I'm still thinking about it!

It so bloody infuriates me that this country allows people to be so unreasonable. I'd cut all her benefits until she learns to get off her arse and do some work and kerbs her spending habits.

Benefits should be there to support those who NEED it. If these spongers had less then those who need it could have more.

Sickens me

Hurrah!

You and me both.

Each time I come back to it, I'm more and more angry.

You've summed it up perfectly.

If you don’t work you will stress about money , and you need to curb unnecessary spending , or work a few more hours. You can’t have your cake and eat it

@wishingitwasspring

I've come back to this thread today because I'm still thinking about it!

It so bloody infuriates me that this country allows people to be so unreasonable. I'd cut all her benefits until she learns to get off her arse and do some work and kerbs her spending habits.

Benefits should be there to support those who NEED it. If these spongers had less then those who need it could have more.

Sickens me

I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt like this, I thought I was BU.

If your in debt, cut your spending and get a job, it's not the governments place to fund you with UC. The original post was full of excuses as to why the OP only works 2 hours a week.

Get off your arse and work like the rest of us.

Retail at weekends? Evening pub job? There are lots of options op. I have adhd. My eldest has asd and adhd snd my daughter has Tourette's. When they were little I was a self employed copywriter and worked when they went to bed as I was a single parent. You could also do evening office cleaning when dh gets home.

It's possible but as with everything when you have adhd, breaking it down into small manageable chunks and tackling each area like that is what has worked for me.

I now work full time in a very demanding job and have learned to work with my adhd to ensure I manage.

But you need to spend less and earn more. There is no magic wand.

I wouldn't no what I would do if I didn't work while.my.kids are at school and.my child has disabilities too no excuse unless they need 24.7 care ! . Being a parent is more than staying home show your child you earn for what you want. And are you living together?? If so you shouldn't be claiming u/c

I used to work 10-3 daytime 4 days then 2 evening shifts 6pm 12 midnight and have to do housework and get up work school run and work the next day is no excuse lazy and want to sponge takes the piss

I feel a bit sorry for you OP. You worked and saved for a wedding because it was something to look forward to. Now you dont want to work to pay debt because you aren't getting a physical reward, which you seem to need as motivation.

Dont know what to say really except I hope you can find something to motivate you inside yourself because life is sometimes a bit of a slog without much reward and your example epitomised why debt is so.much easier to get into than out of x

She’s looking after a child under 5 and she’s responsible for managing the house. On other threads women are crying out that “THIS COUNTS AS WORK! (Why don’t the men understand?!)”

Her UC top up doesn’t affect any of you in any way. If she phoned up and cancelled their claim tomorrow, none of you would get a percentage of a penny off your tax bill. On other threads women are reassuring each other to “MAKE SURE YOU'RE GETTING ALL THE BENEFITS YOU'RE ENTITLED TO!”

Massive eye-roll to all of you trying to make a woman feel like the scum of the country.

@FabriqueBelgique

She’s looking after a child under 5 and she’s responsible for managing the house. On other threads women are crying out that “THIS COUNTS AS WORK! (Why don’t the men understand?!)”

Her UC top up doesn’t affect any of you in any way. If she phoned up and cancelled their claim tomorrow, none of you would get a percentage of a penny off your tax bill. On other threads women are reassuring each other to “MAKE SURE YOU'RE GETTING ALL THE BENEFITS YOU'RE ENTITLED TO!”

Massive eye-roll to all of you trying to make a woman feel like the scum of the country.

And a massive eye roll to those who think having no conscience and no moral fibre is fine.

@FabriqueBelgique many of us would rather stay at home, only work 2 hours a week and have time with our DC/to leisurely do housework. The reason OP is drawing such ire is because she is cheating the system. She is perfectly capable of working the weekly hours her DC is in childcare but is choosing not to in favour of receiving more money from the state (not sure how she's wrangled that and where the rest of us can sign up), which she is then wasting on frivolities that some people who actually work can't afford. To be honest the TV thing is such a cliché it makes me think the post must be fake.

No one is saying people have to work themselves into the ground, but there has to be a balance between that and 2 hours per week. Benefits should be a safety net not effectively a lifestyle choice.

This.

Yes, I notice that if a woman is a SAHP with a well off husband she is a saint, probably works harder than he does, being a SAHP is work.

When a woman mentions she is a SAHP and they get UC as a family, she's LAZY, needs to "get off her arse" and get a job.

Being a SAHP is either hard work or it isn't. Essentially some people on this thread are saying SAHPs are lazy.

[quote PattyPan]@FabriqueBelgique many of us would rather stay at home, only work 2 hours a week and have time with our DC/to leisurely do housework. The reason OP is drawing such ire is because she is cheating the system. She is perfectly capable of working the weekly hours her DC is in childcare but is choosing not to in favour of receiving more money from the state (not sure how she's wrangled that and where the rest of us can sign up), which she is then wasting on frivolities that some people who actually work can't afford. To be honest the TV thing is such a cliché it makes me think the post must be fake.[/quote]
She isn't cheating the system in any way. As long as either parent is working more than 24 hours a week, they can claim UC. That is the rule set by the government. Whether you agree with it or not, she's completely above board.

Please just get a job like everyone else. I assure you I don't want to work either but here we are.